I'm putting my money of overly-simplistic, fact-ignoring circle jerks over the founding fathers and blaming everything on liberals. And lots of Jesus. Lots.

/and possibly a crying eagle

Obligatory:

I think this is my favorite work of his:

jake_lex: The right has been trying to convince dumbasses that the Founding Fathers loved Jeebus as much as they do for years. It's been one of Glenn Beck's scams to fleece his fans for a while now: it's the whole point of that whole Glenn Beck University thing.

/the only "college" that sucks worse than Duke

At least Duke is accredited, I would go with Liberty university, or Valor.

"It's hard for me to imagine, but I am now 41. Amazing. It seems like yesterday my poofy mullet and parachute pants were all the rage, and Prince had a #1 hit on the radio. Now I'm married to the most beautiful woman, raising six children, and living the American dream.

Kirk, I really don't hate on you. You're a blowhard Christian but you don't seem to be trying to ram down my front door like Santorum and his crowd would. But there's one thing I have to say-

Prince is still among the baddest motherfarkers in all of pop culture. He's farking Prince. My neighbor's 11 year-old daughter worships him and has no idea who you are. Hell, I have trouble remembering who you are, and I was alive for your sitcom days. The girls in my class all had copies of Tiger Beat with you on the cover.

In 2007, when you were presumably speaking at an Liberty University fundraiser, Prince waved a giant guitar-penis silhouette in front an entire Super Bowl TV audience and even straight men squealed with glee. I guess I admire your work ethic and your convictions, and Imma let you finish, but you and Prince are not to be mentioned in the same sentence.

We can still be a "city upon a hill," but we need to work together. With God's help, we can turn this thing around. It's been said, "Footprints in history are not made sitting down," and I couldn't agree more. I hope that our children will mark this moment as the turning point when we stood up, came together, and reclaimed the true national treasure of America."

Wait a minu...WHAT THE FARK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? What are we supposed to come together for? I need specifics, man, or I'm just gonna show up at a Shoney's parking lot with a sign that says "stop the picnic apes."



What is the national treasure? What conveniently vague sort of bullsh*t am I supposed to soil my Depends for, this week? In between restoring "honor" to the White House and the "Liberty^tm" of some to piss on the rights of others, I can't keep up with whatever nebulous halcyon Americana memory you folks have baked for me.

Hots_Kebabs: and the first settlers seeking to escape religious persecution in what would become the US were likely Spanish Jews

/New Mexico
//escaping the Spanish Inquistion
///Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

I always like to ask my religious friends who exactly was persecuting Christians when they fled to America. It's rather striking that they are unaware it was Christianity.

I've seen a crocoduck...they're not as big as I thought they'd be

emotion_lotion: Where do all these crack pots get the idea that the founding fathers were all christian and wanted the USA to be a christian nation?

Why do they keep on bringing this up when time and time again they have been proven wrong?

Why can't they just come out and say, this is what we want.

We want a christian nation because we think that it is better this way.

Just be honest.

Then we can debate the merrits of having a christian nation in the 21st century.

Because they're stuck in a contradiction with their politics. They must reconcile the fact that they want to turn this country into a Christian theocracy, and the fact that they argue for "originalism" when speaking of the Constitution, with the fact that it's pretty obvious the Founding Fathers were very skeptical of religion.

The answer to this is to argue that the Founding Fathers were not, in fact, hostile to religion, and wanted this country founded on Christian principles. Which is bullshiat and totally untrue.

gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"

Golden age mythology is used by a lot of cults to try to justify their extreme views.

Remember how great it was back when? Let us decide who is good and bad, and we can recapture our glory days! Oh, did we mention that it will be even better when "God" comes and destroys the earth? Then things will be super-duper gooder!11!!

I bet the solution is awesome, mind blowing anonymous anal sex with men at a Jersey turnpike truckstop.

In Kirk Cameron's new film, Monumental, the actor retraces "the footsteps of our Founders from England to America in the hope of discovering our true "national treasure."" Obviously he's referring to the Crocoduck

Holy crap! That must have been a long, wet walk!

Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher: dickfreckle: and even straight men squealed with glee.

Speak for yourself.

You know how I know you've never played guitar and wanted to be a rock star?

iaazathot: gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"

Golden age mythology is used by a lot of cults to try to justify their extreme views.

Remember how great it was back when? Let us decide who is good and bad, and we can recapture our glory days! Oh, did we mention that it will be even better when "God" comes and destroys the earth? Then things will be super-duper gooder!11!!

The golden age always seems to be back when the speaker was four years old and there wasn't a care in the world. There was never a golden age: it was always iron.

Strongbeerrules: Didn't Ayn Rand cover this already?

I don't think even Kirk Cameron could match the derp levels of Ayn Rand.

SharkTrager: gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"

I don't like the guy, but he was saying this long before anyone even knew Obama's name.

Yeah, but I think that for these people, the fact that the President is near is the ultimate sign that this country has fallen apart.