Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Scotsman)   Dachshund bites wild bear's "bearhood" to save owner   ( divider line
    More: Cool  
•       •       •

3350 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Nov 2001 at 4:10 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

30 Comments     (+0 »)
2001-11-10 04:20:23 AM  
'Like a rat on crack', eh?
2001-11-10 04:21:35 AM  
Wow. What a dilemma. You want to say "Good dog!" but you don't want him to get the wrong idea about your views on biting the balls off people.
2001-11-10 04:38:13 AM  
A weener chomping on a weener. Now I have read everything.
*cocks pistol and places barrel in mouth*
2001-11-10 04:53:13 AM  
GOD exists and He has a sense of Humor.

My family had a long hair Dachshund when I was a kid.
Dachshund = long skinny mouth with LOTS of pointy SHARP teeth with a sense of fun exceded only by border collies or a movie theater filled with kids at first viewing of "Harry Potter"
2001-11-10 04:55:30 AM  
Birk, who weighs about three kilos, came bounding out of the forest like a rat on crack.

We all know how Swedish rats love that crack.
2001-11-10 05:21:23 AM  
Pity its a joke, eh, readers?
2001-11-10 07:12:59 AM  
Dachshunds are the coolest dogs ever! (though I don't like the long-haired one as much as the short haired)

And dogs in general piss on cats :)
2001-11-10 07:48:10 AM  
A co-worker, when he was a kid, was walking with a friend and his sister's dog. The dog was larger then a teacup dog, but one of the smaller varieties. There was the neighborhood mean dog, a German Shepard, or some nasty breed, and it ran up the sidewalk after my co-worker and his friend. The big dog just ran over the small dog after the meatier, taster children. The small dog thinking he had one chance, to make the world right, took his one chance. The bigger dog let out a hideous yelp of pain and terror. My co-worker, cracking up as he was telling me this, said his sister's little dog was hanging by his teeth off the bigger dogs sack, as the bigger dog tried to run away.

The neighborhood mean dog never bothered them again.
2001-11-10 07:58:05 AM  
This one needs the Hero tag.
2001-11-10 08:45:06 AM  
My parents always had weiner dogs when i was growing up and now i have one of my own and they are extremely viscious when they think one of us is being hurt. Very protective to the point we have to lock her up when we are having sex because if she thinks I am being hurt she will bite my husband.
2001-11-10 09:23:44 AM  
"...if she thinks I am being hurt she will bite my husband."

Where exactly? :)
2001-11-10 10:53:21 AM  
"It looked like one of those dried pig's ears, I swear..."

2001-11-10 11:40:16 AM  
When will people learn that they should just give the bear their watch and wallet, and not try to fight back?
2001-11-10 01:55:09 PM  
Dachshunds may look funny, but take into consideration the following facts and you realize that they're more than capable of doing damage(these facts are all true, no satire):

1) They have 42 teeth. That's why their snout is so long. Their bite has a unique "scissor-bite" clamping motion designed to clamp down and hold onto quarry, and the teeth are shaped to facilitate this as well.

2) They were bred to hunt badgers. "Dachs-Hund" is German for "Badger Dog", and if you don't know, badgers are ferocious sumbiatches with CLAWS. Their intended purpose is to go down a badger hole, bite onto the goddamn badger, and drag its ass out of the hole. Thus they do not give up easily and will stand up to animals many times their size or strength. This also explains the 42 teeth of clamping death. Wily designers, those Germans.

3) They become very agitated if they think people are fighting. If my dachshund, Sugar, sees my dad and I horseplaying, or even him joking around pretending to smack me, she barks like crazy at us until whoever's "hurting" the other stops. My grandma's old dachshund, Dusty, was so sensitive in this regard that Dusty would become upset and bark if people hugged in front of her, apparently thinking they were grappling.

4) They have a habit of biting things on the testicles. I've heard many instances of this. The usual tactic of dachshunds against anything larger than them is to leap upwards, latch onto their target's scrotum, and HANG THERE. Yes, hang there. Also, when they bite something they usually thrash their head around and shake it to do more damage.
2001-11-10 02:39:48 PM  
That dog deserves the [image from too old to be available] tag!
2001-11-10 06:55:55 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

"Your nads are mine!"
2001-11-10 06:59:11 PM  
Certainly, this dog deserves a hero tag. Perhaps w/the Swedish flag in the background.

I used to have a Dachshund/German Shephard mix. The MOTHER was the German Shepard. The father was rather acrobatic. Too bad he got smacked by a truck (thankfully, he was already pretty old and didn't miss much more life). Anyway, my dog just looked like a big, muscular Dachshund. :)
2001-11-10 09:21:53 PM  
Talibear vs. Delta Force Dachshund.
2001-11-11 08:52:42 PM  
Nice description, Link, but my Norwegian Elkhound had a scissor bite, too. I spent about fifteen minutes annoying my dog by examining his teeth once I figured it out. Very cool.

And did anyone else think: "Wow, is that bear well hung or does he have a Dachshund hanging from his sack?"
2001-11-11 09:06:43 PM  
Yeah, it was painful, sure...but for a few glorious moments, that bear had the biggest weiner in the forest.

Woody: I got that "unique" line from a book on dachsies. I thought other dogs might have em. But...what IS a "scissor-bite"? How is it different from a regular bite?
2001-11-11 11:19:31 PM  
Occlusion: The way teeth align with each other is termed occlusion. Normal occlusion in most breeds consists of the upper (maxillary) incisors just overlapping the lower (mandibular) incisors (scissor bite). The lower canine should be located equidistant between the last (lateral) incisor and the upper canine tooth. Premolar tips of the lower jaw should point between the spaces of the upper jaw teeth. Flat faced breeds (Boxers, Shih-Tzu, and Lhasa Apso) normally do not have scissors bites.

That's out of a show-dog vet's website. (They have show-dog vets? Christ.) The thing that got me about my dog's teeth was not just the way they matched up, but that each tooth had little serrations on it, like a shark's tooth, but not as pronounced.

Can you tell I'm bored tonight?
2001-11-11 11:32:21 PM  
Thats the best damn dog on the planet IMHO. Farking a! Man's best friend and the whole nine yards! Dog oughta be fed steak for the rest of his life.
2001-11-12 12:19:54 AM  
All Your Nads Are Belong To Us !
2001-11-12 12:21:19 AM  
As much as I love cats, I gotta admit that Merlin the Barbarian (as he was known back about 7 or 8 years ago in our apartment complex) would run in the opposite direction.

I grew up with a boxer and later a miniature schnautzer - both of whom were fiercely protective of me and my sister and brother, but I never realized that dachshunds were so nasty!

Wonder if Lee is gonna make "bluge jeans" with a kevlar pouch for dachshound owners and their neighbors....
2001-11-12 12:52:56 AM  
Don't know what sort of policy the Swedes have for bears who attack humans, but that one should be easy to find - he be the one with the soprano growl!

> Foresters in the small town of Rättvig told Mr Ryman how
> the tiny dog was found by his owner's body with tufts of
> bear fur in his mouth.

"Swedish Mountain Oysters" - The latest flavour from IAMS. Your dachshound will say "Yum, yum, good!"

Interesting that this was written up in the Scotsman. I guess any culture where men wear skirts is gonna be sensitive to reports of gonad gobbling doggies. Which brings up another interesting point - Do the SAS use dogs?
2001-11-12 10:17:53 AM  
Brings a whole new meaning to weiner dog, huh?
2001-11-12 12:36:51 PM  
The Swedish newspaper, Aftonbladet, has several articles about this story - so don't doubt the power of a Dachshund.

Here's a photo of the owner recovering in the hospital - wish they had a picture of his dog.

[image from too old to be available]
2001-11-12 07:44:02 PM  
Link Hylia:
Good info. Dachshunds are also, by weight, a medium sized dog, and they have the bark of one.
They are loyal and fearless and doughty fighters.
2001-11-14 11:14:31 AM  
dog[image from too old to be available]
2001-11-14 11:14:59 AM  
[image from too old to be available]dog[image from too old to be available]
Displayed 30 of 30 comments

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.