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(NJ.com)   1. Loosen shelf, knock over boxes. 2. Get under boxes. 3. Tip over cart. 4. Cry "HELP." 5. Hit self in head with batteries. 6. Drink soda, eat crackers. 7. Vomit. 8. File for worker's comp. 9. Forget about store security cameras   (nj.com) divider line 53
    More: Fail, North Bergen Target, North Bergen, Union City, Hudson County, security cameras, names of large numbers, Victoria Colon  
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11016 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2012 at 9:46 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-22 07:54:15 PM  
please release this tape. I just want to see her hit herself in the head with the batteries
 
2012-02-22 07:54:25 PM  
DAMMIT, I don;t want to work there...anymore.
 
2012-02-22 08:32:47 PM  
Captain Murphy did it better in Sealab 2021.

If there was a robot that stole her teeth, her story would be infinitely more plausible.
 
2012-02-22 09:51:30 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Captain Murphy did it better in Sealab 2021.

If there was a robot that stole her teeth, her story would be infinitely more plausible.


I cam here to post something about Obamacare or ya know, an attempt to polarize this into something...

but now all I'm doing is going:

HELLO, CONSUMER

YES, HELLO CONSUMER
 
2012-02-22 09:51:58 PM  
Stupid no fun prosecutors.

RELEASE THIS HILARITY AT ONCE!
 
2012-02-22 09:52:49 PM  
"Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?
 
2012-02-22 09:53:23 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Captain Murphy did it better in Sealab 2021.

If there was a robot that stole her teeth, her story would be infinitely more plausible.


All you need is Ben for your fix

i.cdn.turner.com
 
2012-02-22 09:54:02 PM  
The vomit was a nice touch.
 
2012-02-22 09:54:44 PM  

nytmare: "Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?


They were salted. And there were batteries. So, somehow the case must be about "a salt and batteries", but I'm not sure how exactly.
 
2012-02-22 09:54:51 PM  
her name was COLON.
i think she has suffered enough.
 
2012-02-22 09:56:03 PM  
I thought this was my cat's daily to-do list.
 
2012-02-22 09:56:21 PM  
I hate to be picky, but "forget about store security cameras" should be probably be at number 1.
 
2012-02-22 09:56:33 PM  
FTFA:

"Colon loosened, Colon loosened, Colon loosened"
 
2012-02-22 09:58:18 PM  

porterm: her name was COLON.
i think she has suffered enough.


Well, that blows
 
2012-02-22 09:58:47 PM  

Oznog: nytmare: "Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?

They were salted. And there were batteries. So, somehow the case must be about "a salt and batteries", but I'm not sure how exactly.


www.danoah.com
 
2012-02-22 09:59:46 PM  
The Aristocrats?
 
2012-02-22 10:02:38 PM  

Berz: All you need is Ben for your fix

i.cdn.turner.com


Lots of free Bebop Cola, including Mingus Dew!
 
2012-02-22 10:16:54 PM  
Where the hell is the tape? I don't have to wait until the next episode of The World's Derpiest Criminals Caught on Tape, do I?
 
2012-02-22 10:19:09 PM  
Victoria Colon? What an asshole.
 
2012-02-22 10:26:45 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Captain Murphy did it better in Sealab 2021.

If there was a robot that stole her teeth, her story would be infinitely more plausible.


What would a robot do with teeth - make a necklace out of them?
 
2012-02-22 10:27:34 PM  

whatshisname: Victoria Colon? What an asshole.


Is that what Victoria's secret is?
 
2012-02-22 10:28:20 PM  
Man, I have hated some jobs in my day, but I have never been this desperate.

/seriously, release the video
//I wanna see her banging on her own head with some Duracells
 
2012-02-22 10:31:11 PM  
Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.
 
2012-02-22 10:42:28 PM  
media.giantbomb.com

I did this at a warehouse job I had when younger and got yelled at by the boss.

Non-gamers...pfft.
 
2012-02-22 10:57:33 PM  
This has a way better plot than Career Opportunities.
 
2012-02-22 11:07:26 PM  

nytmare: "Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?


All over the accident scene apparently.
 
2012-02-22 11:17:35 PM  

Chevello: nytmare: "Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?

All over the accident scene apparently.


I think this would be an "on purpose" scene
 
SVX
2012-02-22 11:23:12 PM  
Ms. Colon will be taking it up the ass after this stunt.
 
2012-02-22 11:36:23 PM  

DeadBaby: Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.


white people problems
 
2012-02-22 11:43:26 PM  

Primum: media.giantbomb.com

I did this at a warehouse job I had when younger and got yelled at by the boss.


www.cosplayisland.co.uk

You're just lucky she didn't break all of your ribs and throw you off a bridge.
 
2012-02-22 11:48:51 PM  

SVX: Ms. Colon will be taking it up the ass after this stunt.


phew what stinks
 
2012-02-22 11:54:28 PM  
Ow, I think I have lipwash.

www.empowher.com
 
2012-02-23 12:14:22 AM  

Chevello: nytmare: "Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?

All over the accident scene apparently.


Catch and release.
 
2012-02-23 12:22:01 AM  

Oznog: nytmare: "Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?

They were salted. And there were batteries. So, somehow the case must be about "a salt and batteries", but I'm not sure how exactly.


It's not often that pun can be made well, but son, when the opportunity presents itself, you'd BEST capitalize.

Nicely done!
 
2012-02-23 12:54:33 AM  

kvinesknows: DeadBaby: Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.

white people problems


Indeed. I can't agree more.

But being addicted to painkillers and having limited mobility also sucks. I think I just need a big ol' shot of stem cells right in the spine. That'll do, pig. That'll do.
 
2012-02-23 01:05:21 AM  

DeadBaby: Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.


THIS THIS and THIS. I worked for BellSouth and took a 20' fall from a telephone pole. I made it back into the yard after dragging myself to my truck. I needed help out of the truck as I couldn't hardly walk. There were tears in my eyes and I had splinters in my forearms over 7" long from where I grabbed the pole on the way down. Of course when the WC rep interviewed me he asked "are you sure you didn't do this at home?" as well. Of course, he didn't pay attention to the barely able to drive and walk thing, that was pretty absent that morning in the yard. He also ignored the part where I had massive multiple splinters hanging out of my arm. Did he think that these wouldn't be noticable that morning? And of course if he would have driven out to the accident site it was clear to see where I departed the pole,

But it gets much better. About 2 weeks into the deal I am getting prepped for surgery to fuse the crushed vertebrae, (I ultimately ended up needing three surgeries at a cost of close to a million dollars to BellSouth so they seemed to be looking for any way to get out of it.) and I get a phone call IN THE HOSPITAL from the friendly WC rep/investigator. It seems that he went looking in my past and found out that I raced motocross and asked me in a very accusing tone about my motocross activities and was I absolutely sure that this injury wasn't caused by my racing. I told him I was fairly positive, as if it was caused by that it was history's greatest delayed injury since I hadn't been on a dirt bike since I was 17 and at that time I was 38. 21 years have passed and he is trying to get me to say that something I did at 17 caused my injury.

Well, to top off my CSB session I might as well give you the total BellSouth Farked me story. My entire family worked for BellSouth (Southern Bell, AT&T). My father (upper management), my mother, uncles, aunts, cousins etc... I had almost 9 years with them prior to my accident and each of those years I was rated "excellent" in every review and named the top service tech in my area for 5 of those 8 years. Basically I was a model employee. So, when I got hurt I was in a division called "coin" and a sub-division of that called "inmate services". We did payphones and maintained the phones in the jails that the prisoners used. I was in this division for about 2 years, with my prior experience being in Installation and Maintenance for business and residential customers (the guy that comes out to your home). Well, Coin was in the process of closing down and every tech with enough time at the company was to be folded into I&M, me included. I was at home 4 days out of my 2nd surgery and I get a call from Human Resources. The biatch on the other end of the phone told me that they had my new position at a yard in the next city. I was to report there on Monday (the call was on Friday). I explained to her that I was injured on the job, currently on WC and that my recovery time would be approx. 6 weeks. I was told that if I didn't report on Monday (remember, this is to climb poles and handle ladders etc.) the company no longer needed my services.

What a kick in the nuts ... hurt on the job, busting my arse for the company and told we don't care if you are just out of surgery, you better be there. Of course, I couldn't go, so I lost my career. In retrospect I should have shown up on Monday, fully drugged up on the morphine and using the walker I needed to get around complete with the cathader and bag, along with the giant back brace I had to wear. (And union guys, don't get me started on the union response to my situation. I don't want to turn this into a union thread, but needless to say my current views on unions are directly responsible to the (non)help they gave me in this situation.)

Okay, so long ranting post, but the whole WC thread got me thinking about it and DeadBaby got me all riled up. Thought some of you might find the story interesting. FWIW, the surgeries were a bust, I am now officially disabled and can no longer work. I am in pain every single day and take enough drugs to keep Keith Richards supplied for the rest of his life. But, I have FARK to keep me occupied!
 
2012-02-23 01:31:17 AM  

OBBN: DeadBaby: Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.

THIS THIS and THIS. I worked for BellSouth and took a 20' fall from a telephone pole. I made it back into the yard after dragging myself to my truck. I needed help out of the truck as I couldn't hardly walk. There were tears in my eyes and I had splinters in my forearms over 7" long from where I grabbed the pole on the way down. Of course when the WC rep interviewed me he asked "are you sure you didn't do this at home?" as well. Of course, he didn't pay attention to the barely able to drive and walk thing, that was pretty absent that morning in the yard. He also ignored the part where I had massive multiple splinters hanging out of my arm. Did he think that these wouldn't be noticable that morning? And of course if he would have driven out to the accident site it was clear to see where I departed the pole,

But it gets much better. About 2 weeks into the deal I am getting prepped for surgery to fuse the crushed vertebrae, (I ultimately ended up needing three surgeries at a cost of close to a million dollars to BellSouth so they seemed to be looking for any way to get out of it.) and I get a phone call IN THE HOSPITAL from the friendly WC rep/investigator. It seems that he went looking in my past and found out that I raced motocross and asked me in a very accusing tone about my motocross activities and was I absolutely sure that thi ...


guess you should have had the proper safety equipment on eh?
 
2012-02-23 01:50:56 AM  
but an a for effort
b+ for planning
c+ for execution.
 
2012-02-23 01:58:36 AM  

kvinesknows: OBBN: DeadBaby: Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.

THIS THIS and THIS. I worked for BellSouth and took a 20' fall from a telephone pole. I made it back into the yard after dragging myself to my truck. I needed help out of the truck as I couldn't hardly walk. There were tears in my eyes and I had splinters in my forearms over 7" long from where I grabbed the pole on the way down. Of course when the WC rep interviewed me he asked "are you sure you didn't do this at home?" as well. Of course, he didn't pay attention to the barely able to drive and walk thing, that was pretty absent that morning in the yard. He also ignored the part where I had massive multiple splinters hanging out of my arm. Did he think that these wouldn't be noticable that morning? And of course if he would have driven out to the accident site it was clear to see where I departed the pole,

But it gets much better. About 2 weeks into the deal I am getting prepped for surgery to fuse the crushed vertebrae, (I ultimately ended up needing three surgeries at a cost of close to a million dollars to BellSouth so they seemed to be looking for any way to get out of it.) and I get a phone call IN THE HOSPITAL from the friendly WC rep/investigator. It seems that he went looking in my past and found out that I raced motocross and asked me in a very accusing tone about my motocross activities and was I absolutely sure th ...


When you are climbing poles there really isn't any useful safety equipment. You have heavy gloves, a hardhat (that falls off your head well before you hit the earth) and a "safety strap" attached to your climbing belt. People mistakenly think that this "safety strap" will keep you from falling. I am sure many of you have seen one, it is the strap that is around the pole attached to the tech as he is working. The strap is only there so you can lean backwards once you are up to the height where you are working. It allows you to be able to use your hands, but is totally useless in keeping you from falling. The only thing it does if you fall is keep you close to the pole so you get a ton of splinters on the way down.
 
2012-02-23 02:01:45 AM  
Edit to the above comment: If you are high enough and happen to be at the height of the main cable, the big one that runs from pole to pole, you can secure the safety strap around this cable so if you "cut out" (fall) it will keep you hanging from the cable. If you are lucky you won't slip out of your harness and might be able to re-gaff into the pole.

Sorry guys, I can't sleep tonight so I will keep you all amused with my glory days stories.
 
2012-02-23 02:02:21 AM  

OBBN: kvinesknows: OBBN: DeadBaby: Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.

THIS THIS and THIS. I worked for BellSouth and took a 20' fall from a telephone pole. I made it back into the yard after dragging myself to my truck. I needed help out of the truck as I couldn't hardly walk. There were tears in my eyes and I had splinters in my forearms over 7" long from where I grabbed the pole on the way down. Of course when the WC rep interviewed me he asked "are you sure you didn't do this at home?" as well. Of course, he didn't pay attention to the barely able to drive and walk thing, that was pretty absent that morning in the yard. He also ignored the part where I had massive multiple splinters hanging out of my arm. Did he think that these wouldn't be noticable that morning? And of course if he would have driven out to the accident site it was clear to see where I departed the pole,

But it gets much better. About 2 weeks into the deal I am getting prepped for surgery to fuse the crushed vertebrae, (I ultimately ended up needing three surgeries at a cost of close to a million dollars to BellSouth so they seemed to be looking for any way to get out of it.) and I get a phone call IN THE HOSPITAL from the friendly WC rep/investigator. It seems that he went looking in my past and found out that I raced motocross and asked me in a very accusing tone about my motocross activities and was I absol ...


which is why the safety hook is used..pain in the ass? for god damn sure. save your ass? for god damn double sure.
 
2012-02-23 02:35:22 AM  

kvinesknows: OBBN: kvinesknows: OBBN: DeadBaby: Of course it goes the other way, too. When I hurt my back at work and started recieving workers comp benefits I got a call one day from the insurance rep handling the case. She told me that the manager claimed I mentioned to her (the manager) that I hurt myself at home.

This was a complete and utter fabrication as I had not even spoken with this particular manager. I was rightly incensed but the insurance rep seemed sympathetic even though I probably dropped the eff bomb a few times. I never heard anything about it again and a year later I'm still receiving benefits. Which kind of sucks because I thought I'd be fixed by now.

THIS THIS and THIS. I worked for BellSouth and took a 20' fall from a telephone pole. I made it back into the yard after dragging myself to my truck. I needed help out of the truck as I couldn't hardly walk. There were tears in my eyes and I had splinters in my forearms over 7" long from where I grabbed the pole on the way down. Of course when the WC rep interviewed me he asked "are you sure you didn't do this at home?" as well. Of course, he didn't pay attention to the barely able to drive and walk thing, that was pretty absent that morning in the yard. He also ignored the part where I had massive multiple splinters hanging out of my arm. Did he think that these wouldn't be noticable that morning? And of course if he would have driven out to the accident site it was clear to see where I departed the pole,

But it gets much better. About 2 weeks into the deal I am getting prepped for surgery to fuse the crushed vertebrae, (I ultimately ended up needing three surgeries at a cost of close to a million dollars to BellSouth so they seemed to be looking for any way to get out of it.) and I get a phone call IN THE HOSPITAL from the friendly WC rep/investigator. It seems that he went looking in my past and found out that I raced motocross and asked me in a very accusing tone about my motocross activities and was I ...


Safety Hook? Sorry, not familiar with this, please explain. The only "fallling safety devices" that I was ever made aware of were specialized collars that went around the pole that attached to your safety strap. They had a "wheel of spikes" that made contact with the pole. In the event of a fall, the device had a brake that engaged and the spikes dug into the pole. The only company that I know of that used it was a railroad corporation. Bell would not use them for two reasons: First, the device tore up the pole as the spikes moved up and down the pole. Secondly, they cost about a grand apiece. We had something like 20k techs in the company so it is cheaper to pay out WC settlements for the few, like me, who get badly hurt.

Once again, I am not familiar with a safety hook. I am not discounting your statement, I just don't know what it is. If there was such a thing, it wasn't and isn't used at BellSouth, Southern Bell or AT&T unless recently introduced. Climbing is a dangerous profession. If you do it you will eventually fall. Hopefully when that happens you won't be too high and the ground won't be too hard. When I was working, very few tech's ever climbed in the field. I would say that 95% to 98% rarely if ever put on a pair of hooks and climbed in the field. The last time most of them climbed was when they were in pole climbing school. Most used ladders and would avoid gaffing at all cost. When I was new at Bell I had one "old timer" there (about 19 or 20 years on the job) that would not under any circumstances gaff a pole. If he couldn't get a ladder up it, he would call another tech to climb for him. He was well liked and we didn't mind helping out a brother in need.

It got so bad that once our second level (area manager) had all of our ladders taken off our trucks in an effort to force us to climb poles. Suddenly everything that was up a pole was being turned back to cable repair (the guys in the bucket trucks). His master plan lasted a whole 3 days before we got the ladders back. Quite honestly gaffing telephone poles is an out-dated and dangerous practice. It isn't necessary any longer as we are able to carry ladders on our trucks. When the telephone system was first put into place many techs actually used horses to go to jobs and were unable to carry ladders. That time has long ago passed, but it is a "tradition" that won't die. The old timers have the attitude that "we did it that way, so that is the way it will be done". Since they are in the positions of power, that is the way it is done. I climbed because I came from a long line of telephone men and that was the "proper" way to do it. In retrospect a nice safe ladder was the smart move.
 
2012-02-23 02:39:21 AM  
Oh, one addition to the above. If by safety hook you are talking about the device that mounts on the top of the pole that has a cable that you attach to your harness that slows you in case of a fall I only saw those in pole climbing school. They were used the first few days as you got accustomed to climbing. Never saw one in the field.
 
2012-02-23 06:22:40 AM  
i3.ytimg.com

"Ow, my arm! It's broken!"
 
2012-02-23 07:10:39 AM  
OBBN you have my sympathies. I once met a guy with a horrible scar. He told me he got that one day when he and another worker were high up a pole that was being tensioned with a guy wire (?). The people on the ground torqued it so tight that the pole broke and they both fell down. He was the lucky one.
 
2012-02-23 08:05:03 AM  
Sealab 2021 references...good work, everyone.
 
2012-02-23 09:45:06 AM  

GGracie: Chevello: nytmare: "Prosecutors would not release the video."

But what about the crackers? Were the Goldfish crackers released?

All over the accident scene apparently.

I think this would be an "on purpose" scene


I knew I was forgetting to put quotes around a word in there
 
2012-02-23 10:07:43 AM  
you forgot to add "like a boss" after each statement
 
2012-02-23 10:55:00 AM  
I hope she gets the full ten years! It will be better than workman's comp. Free room and board and if she opts for a prison job she will get money!
 
2012-02-23 11:25:55 AM  

Primum: [media.giantbomb.com image 500x375]

I did this at a warehouse job I had when younger and got yelled at by the boss.

Non-gamers...pfft.


Well if I was your boss, I would yell at you for walking around in a Russian GRU uniform and carrying a gun while ignoring innocuous looking boxes as well.

/damn hippy box-ignoring kids.
 
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