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(All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay)   Has a Mormon posthumously baptized someone you know, love or respect? Now you can fight back by posthumously "choosing" homosexuality for one of their loved ones   (alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com) divider line 378
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14136 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2012 at 11:13 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-22 11:58:36 AM

culebra: That coward David Lopan: Aeon Rising: Serious question: If you don't believe it is real thing, why do you care? If you do believe it is real... doesn't that make them right?

Claim all my ancestors are gay, mormon egyptians with red hear... who gives a rat's ass?

Prance in a circle in your living room and claim the entire world is where god's gas meets the devil's lighter for all I care. If it makes you happy, do it.

"oh yea? well YOUR ancestor is a stupid poo poo head"
"is not!"
"is too times infinity forever"

who is the jackass? EVERONE!


HEY, EVERYBODY! COME TAKE A LOOK! THIS GUY IS BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE!

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 640x480]


Well I'm glad you found a way to feel superior to them all
 
2012-02-22 11:58:40 AM
I assume this really goes no further than my keyboard, but wouldn't be nice if it compiled a list somewhere on the internet where people could go to actually see the names of their dead relatives. Might make them re-think this whole damn mess.
 
2012-02-22 11:58:46 AM

culebra: Rashnu: well-intentioned

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.


Be that as it may, enacting a ceremony which you believe offers a non-coercive, post-death second chance at redemption hardly rises to that truism at least in my book. I kind of want them to do one for me. What's the downside? I don't have to believe in or follow their bullsh*t in this life but if there actually is an afterlife I get a pop-up message telling me to 'click here' for my own planet full of white people or whatever it is.
 
2012-02-22 11:59:15 AM

Theaetetus: culebra: The names are recorded on the rolls so hypothetically they are only done once (system needs work.) They however are not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them.

[Citation needed]

Specifically, need a citation that the names are recorded differently in the roles than the names of living Mormons.


Holy shiat, now they're retroactively mis-attributing posts as well? Will these Mormons never cease?!?!?
 
2012-02-22 12:00:07 PM

culebra: Theaetetus: culebra: The names are recorded on the rolls so hypothetically they are only done once (system needs work.) They however are not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them.

[Citation needed]

Specifically, need a citation that the names are recorded differently in the roles than the names of living Mormons.

Holy shiat, now they're retroactively mis-attributing posts as well? Will these Mormons never cease?!?!?


Sorry, you're right, it was a quote from OhLuverly.
 
2012-02-22 12:00:51 PM

Theaetetus: culebra: The names are recorded on the rolls so hypothetically they are only done once (system needs work.) They however are not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them.

[Citation needed]

Specifically, need a citation that the names are recorded differently in the roles than the names of living Mormons.


I'm not a member of the church so I will need to contact a few folks to find the appropriate documentation again, however I have no issue doing so and happily will given a little time.
 
2012-02-22 12:00:52 PM

elffster: Soo...

Tats vs. Bevets deathmatch, winner take all...loser becomes Zombie Mormon?



/makes popcorn


Zombie Mormon is actually a misnomer. Any undead raised by a Mormon gains the Deathless type, and is animated by positive energy.
 
2012-02-22 12:01:58 PM

trappedspirit: culebra: That coward David Lopan: Aeon Rising: Serious question: If you don't believe it is real thing, why do you care? If you do believe it is real... doesn't that make them right?

Claim all my ancestors are gay, mormon egyptians with red hear... who gives a rat's ass?

Prance in a circle in your living room and claim the entire world is where god's gas meets the devil's lighter for all I care. If it makes you happy, do it.

"oh yea? well YOUR ancestor is a stupid poo poo head"
"is not!"
"is too times infinity forever"

who is the jackass? EVERONE!


HEY, EVERYBODY! COME TAKE A LOOK! THIS GUY IS BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE!

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 640x480]

Well I'm glad you found a way to feel superior to them all


What are you even talking about?
 
2012-02-22 12:02:12 PM

Theaetetus: Apparently, they are not "not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them".


Sorry, link and comments funny enough to over-rule your logic
 
2012-02-22 12:02:32 PM
www.i4m.com

This is wonderful news for all of those lonely, neglected dead wives of dead polygamists.


/Heaven at last
 
2012-02-22 12:04:46 PM

gerrymander: And somewhere, there's an outspoken anti-gay social conservative who will now have even more evidence that allowing homosexuality was the first step in a slippery slope: "See? First it was legal gay sex, then gay marriage. Now they want to defile the dead!"

This is neither appropriate nor funny. It is only immature and intolerant. Just stop.


No it isn't. It's pointing out the offensive behaviour of a religious sect. Weird religious conservatives have never needed a reason for their hatred btw.
 
2012-02-22 12:04:59 PM
Okay I tested it on some still living morons. Hopefully this doesn't go all Death-Note on us.

"In forty seconds, Elder Winsbury will be dead...and gay!"

/he'll take a cock...and eat it.
 
2012-02-22 12:05:24 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

Fabulous!
 
2012-02-22 12:06:01 PM
Both sides.....im done with this planet. I dont want to live here anymore.
 
2012-02-22 12:06:33 PM

Rashnu: What's the downside?


There really is none. It's no more or less silly than many other religious rituals performed around the world on a daily basis, which are also mocked relentlessly.

However, were I a member of another religious creed I might find it terribly offensive. If Mormons have the right to perform this ritual, do not religious people of other creeds have the right to be offended by it, or even protest it?
 
2012-02-22 12:07:14 PM

stonelotus: yequalsy: Many Jews are pretty pissed, that's for sure.

yeah, um... isn't that kinda like their "thing" to be offended by everything?

posthumous baptism should only offend someone if they believe it works.


OK, how about saying "hey, those people who were murdered en masse for their religion, we'll make it all better by converting them to a different religion so they won't also have to suffer in the afterlife"

Can you really not see how deeply offensive this is? Are you trolling or stupid?
 
2012-02-22 12:07:19 PM

Rashnu: culebra: Rashnu: well-intentioned

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Be that as it may, enacting a ceremony which you believe offers a non-coercive, post-death second chance at redemption hardly rises to that truism at least in my book. I kind of want them to do one for me. What's the downside?


I think I'll start a religion where we can just say "So-and-so is now a member of our faith."

Then, I can walk up and say "Hey, Rashnu, guess what? 'HAMINA-HAMINA.' You're now a member of the Church of Firefly. Don't bother to thank me - just another day of saving people against their will. Oh, and you can't renounce it - it's permanent."

Now, imagine doing this to someone who is a fervent believer in whatever religion they choose.

If nothing else, it's just farking disrespectful.
 
2012-02-22 12:08:16 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: gerrymander: It is only immature and intolerant.

It's only immature when we do it as a joke, not when an entire organization of people do it for serious.


No, it's also immature and intolerant when the Mormons do it.

But feel free to think that descending to their level constitutes a win for your side.

Dr. Whoof: Is intolerance of intolerance a bad thing?


It is if your goal is more tolerance. You can't claim the high ground from the gutter.
 
2012-02-22 12:08:43 PM

OhLuverly: Theaetetus: culebra: The names are recorded on the rolls so hypothetically they are only done once (system needs work.) They however are not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them.

[Citation needed]

Specifically, need a citation that the names are recorded differently in the roles than the names of living Mormons.

I'm not a member of the church so I will need to contact a few folks to find the appropriate documentation again, however I have no issue doing so and happily will given a little time.


See the Anne Frank screenshot I linked above. You could certainly figure out that she was posthumously baptized based on the dates, but she's not explicitly marked down as "Jewish in life" or "Posthumously baptized" or "Not a real Mormon" or anything else.
 
2012-02-22 12:09:44 PM

bobbydigital20g: Both sides.....im done with this planet. I dont want to live here anymore.


Well, bye.

I suggest avoiding Kolob.
 
2012-02-22 12:10:02 PM

seadoo2006: HailRobonia: Non-evil Monkey: You know, I don't get this obsession with Mormon posthumous baptisms. True, it's an unusual practice, but it boils down to them formally acknowledging someone outside the faith is worthy of salvation. I don't see how that's somehow horribly disrespectful.

So you wouldn't have a problem with Satanists performing a ritual on your ancestor's grave to recruit them for the army of hell?

My god ... someone needs to start doing that ... why?

[cache.ohinternet.com image 618x494]


That.... BRILLIANT.

Were I not a lazy bastard I'd get right on that.
 
2012-02-22 12:10:24 PM

gerrymander: The My Little Pony Killer: gerrymander: It is only immature and intolerant.

It's only immature when we do it as a joke, not when an entire organization of people do it for serious.

No, it's also immature and intolerant when the Mormons do it.

But feel free to think that descending to their level constitutes a win for your side.

Dr. Whoof: Is intolerance of intolerance a bad thing?

It is if your goal is more tolerance. You can't claim the high ground from the gutter.


Dear FARK, if we're going to vote on posts can we have a stupid one?
 
2012-02-22 12:11:16 PM

gerrymander: But feel free to think that descending to their level constitutes a win for your side.


Joseph Smith may now be gay, but he's not gonna sleep with you, honey.
 
2012-02-22 12:11:48 PM

Theaetetus: Theaetetus:
Actually, reverse citation found.
Here's a screenshot of the record for Anne Frank (new window)
Apparently, they are not "not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them".


Ok just going off that link... if she died in 1945 and was baptized in 2012 it isn't hard to deduce she wasn't a member of the church but was done posthumously. That still does not answer the original question I know and as I said I'll actually work on getting documentation if you really want it.
 
2012-02-22 12:13:17 PM
Choose a Mormon- Nancy Mitchell

Perfect.
 
2012-02-22 12:13:26 PM
Totally hilarious. If you don't find it hilarious, you either:

(1) Don't have much of a sense of humor, or
(2) Agree that the Mormons' attempt to baptize/convert dead people is rational and/or reasonable.
 
2012-02-22 12:13:41 PM

seadoo2006: HailRobonia: Non-evil Monkey: You know, I don't get this obsession with Mormon posthumous baptisms. True, it's an unusual practice, but it boils down to them formally acknowledging someone outside the faith is worthy of salvation. I don't see how that's somehow horribly disrespectful.

So you wouldn't have a problem with Satanists performing a ritual on your ancestor's grave to recruit them for the army of hell?

My god ... someone needs to start doing that ... why?

[cache.ohinternet.com image 618x494]


Idea of the year right here kids.
 
2012-02-22 12:13:57 PM
Yes, it's an absurd but well-intentioned ritual that doesn't actually accomplish anything, and people probably shouldn't let themselves get too worked up about it.

I'm still waiting for someone to explain why that means there's something wrong with satirizing it.

It's funny. It doesn't need to have any other point.
 
2012-02-22 12:14:26 PM

croesius: This is great. A branch of my family is Mormon, and a few years back they sent a copy of their bible to everyone in the family, as well as a notice that they would baptize all of us upon our death unless we opted out. The rage that erupted made family reunions a bit awkward.

Damn cultists.


I would have mailed them back their bible, post-shredding, and asked if this was sufficient notice of opting out.
 
2012-02-22 12:15:09 PM
Anne Frank has now been posthumously converted back to gay, so it's all good.
 
2012-02-22 12:16:20 PM

iamcthulhu: Anne Frank has now been posthumously converted back to gay, so it's all good.


Anne Frank was gay?
 
2012-02-22 12:16:39 PM

iamcthulhu: Anne Frank has now been posthumously converted back to gay, so it's all good.


We need an afterlife blanker so imaginary dead people can make their own imaginary choices.

That may or may not be some sort of abomination unto the Lord or something though.
 
2012-02-22 12:16:59 PM

OhLuverly: Theaetetus: Theaetetus:
Actually, reverse citation found.
Here's a screenshot of the record for Anne Frank (new window)
Apparently, they are not "not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them".

Ok just going off that link... if she died in 1945 and was baptized in 2012 it isn't hard to deduce she wasn't a member of the church but was done posthumously. That still does not answer the original question I know and as I said I'll actually work on getting documentation if you really want it.


Furthermore, this highlights the real problem with this practice... All it takes is for those dates to be omitted, and suddenly the Mormons are claiming Anne Frank was Mormon. And, give it a hundred years or more when records may be destroyed or lost, and suddenly the Mormons are claiming that the majority of victims in the Holocaust were Mormons.

Similarly, it may cause problems for any Jews who descend from these false Mormon-converts, since, for many Orthodox or Conservative Jews, a matrilineal break means that they're not really Jewish.
 
2012-02-22 12:17:40 PM

DarwiOdrade: iamcthulhu: Anne Frank has now been posthumously converted back to gay, so it's all good.

Anne Frank was gay?


Well, she was really good at hiding in the closet.
 
2012-02-22 12:17:59 PM
Give them a break. Mormons have to do this. Can you imagine how soul-crushingly boring Mormon heaven would be if they didn't sneak in some cool people?
 
2012-02-22 12:18:58 PM
Tell me I'm not the only one that tries to get the neighborhood mormons to drink with me. I came pretty close last time
 
2012-02-22 12:19:25 PM

Loucifer: an you imagine how soul-crushingly boring Mormon heaven would be if they didn't sneak in some cool people?


You saw that episode of South Park as well, huh?
 
2012-02-22 12:20:26 PM

rufus-t-firefly: I think I'll start a religion where we can just say "So-and-so is now a member of our faith."

Then, I can walk up and say "Hey, Rashnu, guess what? 'HAMINA-HAMINA.' You're now a member of the Church of Firefly. Don't bother to thank me - just another day of saving people against their will. Oh, and you can't renounce it - it's permanent."

Now, imagine doing this to someone who is a fervent believer in whatever religion they choose.

If nothing else, it's just farking disrespectful.


See, I think it's hilarious. I'd prefer it to run-of-the-mill proselytizing. One and done, no further discussion needed. It doesn't bother me when the religious anger each other and expose their retarded insecurities. Of course dogmatics who believe in inerrant, infallible, and irreconciliable theologies are going to get offended all the time by. Enforcing and reinforcing non-violent reactions is certainly in all our interests though.

Also, some Christian theologists have Jesus "Harrowing" Hell and in the process grabbing all the Old Testament, old Jews and leading them to Heaven. There's all kinds of general Christian apologia around the question of what happens to "those who died never hearing of Jesus" (a.k.a. ignorant, primitive, animist f*ckwits) as well. Oh noes! Where's the disgust and outrage at these ghoulish (lol. Jesus) confabulations? The real problem is that Mormons aren't real Christians any more than Jews are.
 
2012-02-22 12:21:07 PM
While you guys were arguing,I signed everyone up for free trial issues of sock puppet fetish monthly.

/you're welcome.
 
2012-02-22 12:22:18 PM

octopied: While you guys were arguing,I signed everyone up for free trial issues of sock puppet fetish monthly.

/you're welcome.



h0key.net
 
2012-02-22 12:22:47 PM
Good.. good.. let the butthurt flow through you.

Never more apt.
 
2012-02-22 12:23:40 PM
Okay, this is funny. But are people really getting upset of the Mormons' posthumous baptisms? I mean, what's wrong with Anne Frank having her own planet. After being cooped in that attic for years, you'd think she's appreciate the elbow room.
 
2012-02-22 12:26:02 PM
images.icnetwork.co.uk

Lightweights. We know what it REALLY takes to make a person posthumously gay.
 
2012-02-22 12:26:12 PM
WTF is this shiat?

Seriously are they attempting to add to their rosters for the rapture in about 10 months?
 
2012-02-22 12:27:52 PM

octopied: While you guys were arguing,I signed everyone up for free trial issues of sock puppet fetish monthly.

/you're welcome.


Joke's on you, I'm the Editor-In-Chief of that fine publication.
 
2012-02-22 12:29:02 PM
I think I may have just found my first perfectly legit reason to use a like button.
 
2012-02-22 12:29:17 PM

Theaetetus: OhLuverly: Theaetetus: Theaetetus:
Actually, reverse citation found.
Here's a screenshot of the record for Anne Frank (new window)
Apparently, they are not "not recorded as being Mormon, simply that the offer was made to them".

Ok just going off that link... if she died in 1945 and was baptized in 2012 it isn't hard to deduce she wasn't a member of the church but was done posthumously. That still does not answer the original question I know and as I said I'll actually work on getting documentation if you really want it.

Furthermore, this highlights the real problem with this practice... All it takes is for those dates to be omitted, and suddenly the Mormons are claiming Anne Frank was Mormon. And, give it a hundred years or more when records may be destroyed or lost, and suddenly the Mormons are claiming that the majority of victims in the Holocaust were Mormons.

Similarly, it may cause problems for any Jews who descend from these false Mormon-converts, since, for many Orthodox or Conservative Jews, a matrilineal break means that they're not really Jewish.


I understand the controversy, and yes that is a very real and very serious issue with the system. IIRC members are recorded differently but as I said I am not a member so I do not have access to the database to actually do a comparison of member vs posthumous profiles. You are correct in the fact that simply omitting dates can totally screw the whole thing up to give a skewed view of history and that would in fact be a travesty one I hope never occurs in their records or any recorded history. That is simply an issue with recorded history in general and not exclusive to one particular group of records. The most I can offer right now is to say this is (in my opinion) not some nefarious plot to convert all the masses against their will or to make it look as such, but to simply give everyone the chance to reach the highest levels of glory available to them.
 
2012-02-22 12:29:36 PM

DarwiOdrade: iamcthulhu: Anne Frank has now been posthumously converted back to gay, so it's all good.

Anne Frank was gay?


Oops.
 
2012-02-22 12:32:31 PM

iamcthulhu: DarwiOdrade: iamcthulhu: Anne Frank has now been posthumously converted back to gay, so it's all good.

Anne Frank was gay?

Oops.


No biggie - the site says Holocaust victims are not eligible anyway.
 
2012-02-22 12:36:19 PM
So if I type in a name and hit "Convert", who gets cornholed by proxy for them? Not me, I'm not down with that.
 
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