He's coolin at the bar and he's looking for some action, but like Mick Jagger said he can't get no satisfaction.

In all sincerity, it's named after a parking valet that was dragged to his death by some crazy ass biatch, and is issued after some other crazy ass person ran down a pedestrian and drove off.

I love the references, but hate the reason this article had to be written. WTF is wrong with someone to run a person down in the street and just drive away. Go eat a shotgun and save the rest of us from having to deal with you, you inconsiderate waste of skin.

the_chief: I don't understand that song.

Over your head, eh?
It is rather complicated.

In Ohio that would be mispronounced.

/we have a town called Me-DYE-na

godofatheist: I met this girl she said "hi my name is tina"

SHEENA

This is my go-to at karaoke. As long as the crowd is old enough to remember the song.

I usually whip the crowd into a nice frenzy and everybody feels like partying. Then the next girl comes up and sings some sad song and everybody goes back to crying in their beer mode.

I will never understand why you would go to a Saturday night karaoke and sing sad songs. Nobody gives a shiat how well you do it, in fact if you're really good nobody will even know that it's you singing, they'll just assume it's the jukebox and keep talking with their friends.

Grapple: I love the references, but hate the reason this article had to be written. WTF is wrong with someone to run a person down in the street and just drive away.


Due in large part to one of our favorite cultural values: it's not wrong if you don't get caught.

jaylectricity: I will never understand why you would go to a Saturday night karaoke and sing sad songs. Nobody gives a shiat how well you do it, in fact if you're really good nobody will even know that it's you singing, they'll just assume it's the jukebox and keep talking with their friends.

My go-tos are "Black Dog" by Zep, "Rocky Racoon" by the Beatles, "Loser" by Beck and "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart.

Falsetto, white rapping and goofiness are my karaoke armor. Although sometimes I can't resist "Bring the Noise" by PE if the club has it.

the_chief: I don't understand that song.

[ VERSE 1 ]
Cold coolin at a bar, and I'm lookin for some action
I am at a local watering hole hoping to find a female to have sex with.
But like Mike Jagger said, I can't get no satisfaction
I relate my failure to find one to a line from the Rolling Stones song "Satisfaction"
The girls are all around, but none of them wanna get with me
There are plenty of women in this establishment, but none of them want to have sex with me
My threads are fresh and I'm lookin def, yo, what's up with L-o-c?
I'm dressed nicely and my appearance is splendid, so I am confused as to why they won't choose me
The girls is all jockin at the other end of the bar
All the woman here are at a different area of the bar, an area where I am not
Havin drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I'm the star
They are drinking with a fellow with no reputation and ignoring me despite my fame
So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
I stood up and walked to that end of the bar
I asked the guy, Why you so fly? he said, Funky Cold Medina
I asked the fellow what it was that made him so appealing and his response was Funky Cold Medina.

Funky Cold Medina
Which appears to be a certain kind of beverage

[ VERSE 2 ]
This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks
The gentleman explained a way for me to have more success with the ladies
Put a little Medina in your glass, and the girls'll come real quick
Putting this drink in your glass is sure to attract women
It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac
It's better than the tried and true methods of alcohol or the more dubious aphordisiac
A couple of sips of this love potion, and she'll be on your lap
By drinking Funky Cold Medina a woman is sure to want your affection
So I gave some to my dog when he began to beg
Instead of a dog treat I experimented on my dog
Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg
He consumed the entire amount, looked at me and mounted my leg in an attempt to impregnate me
He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
This Medina has turned my mean dog into a nice dog
But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina
And now he regularly entertains his doggy friends who want this Funky Cold Medina

You know what I'm sayin?
Are you understanding the words that are coming out of my mouth?
I got every dog in my neighborhood breakin down my door
Dogs...lots of dogs...all coming to my house. So many that I fear my door will come off its hinges
I got Spuds McKenzie
A famous dog used in marketing Bud Light Beer
Alex from Stroh's
Another dog another beer
They won't leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal
In other words, my dog has no time to himself anymore, friend

[ VERSE 3 ]
I went up to this girl, she said, Hi, my name is Sheena
I introduced myself to a girl who claimed her name was Sheena
I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
I was sure I could have sex with her if we drank some Funky Cold Medina together
She said, I'd like a drink, I said, Um - ok, I'll go get it
She was thirsty, and me being a gentleman and trying to win her favor, I offered to procure a drink for her
Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
After she took a couple of sips of this drink, she clearly enjoyed it and I knew I could have sex with her
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
I drove her to my house and it appeared that we were indeed going to have sex
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
But when she took off her clothes, a penis was revealed, Sheena was no girl at all!
So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
I insisted that he leave because I don't enjoy other men's penises
You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina
A word of advice, make sure you aren't giving this drink to a man

You know, ain't no plans with a man
I am not a homosexual NTTAWWT
This is the 80's, and I'm down with the ladies
This song was released in 1989 and I prefer heterosexual sex
Ya know?
Do you understand what I am saying?

Break it down
Yes...that is exactly what I am doing

[ VERSE 4 ]
Black in the saddle, lookin for a little affection
After the Sheena fiasco I am in search of another woman
I took a shot as a contestant on _The Love Connection_
I entered a TV dating show as a contestant
The audience voted, and you know they picked a winner
The audience voted for me, which should have been obvious
I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner
I took this woman to a fancy hotel to have dinner and this love potion
She had a few drinks, I'm thinkin soon what I'll be gettin
After consuming some of the Medina I started to contemplate the sexual relations we were about to have
Instead she started talkin 'bout plans for our weddin
But she was thinking about us getting married and said so out loud
I said, Wait, slow down, love, not so fast says, I'll be seein ya
I told her that the relationship was moving far too quickly for me, and I said goodbye
That's why I found you don't play around with the Funky Cold Medina
I now realize the serious nature and consequences of using Funky Cold Medina to find women to have sex with

/Couldn't find a pre-written one, so I just had to slog through it myself

doubled99: It never ceases to amaze me the work people will put in on the internet for free.
I appreciate the effort, my man.

The internet has given me so much more than just reading material. Somebody sent me some "little blue pills" just because I was curious as to what it really did. Somebody else is mailing me an old keyboard because he had it lying around and I needed one with the old serial connection and didn't want to have to pay for it. Others have set up websites on their company's servers for me. All because we fool around and make dick jokes together on the internet.

So to sit here and type out the meaning of a song that I've loved since I was in middle school is really my pleasure.

Kyoki: Ex-Wife is a DPD officer. They couldn't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight. So they'd pull over someone random, beat, tase and shoot them, and then (poorly) attempt to cover it up.

Oh god that sucks you were married to someone in the DPD. I have yet to meet one who didn't seem like a stereotypical jackboot egotistical thug.

/Only cop I've ever met that respected the law was in Ft. Collins

jaylectricity: the_chief: I don't understand that song.

Thanks for making my day! You ROCK!

You must be sure the alert is pure.

So, the police are sending texts to drivers in an effort to find someone who likely killed someone while driving and texting??

Burr: Pants full of macaroni!!: In Ohio that would be mispronounced.

/we have a town called Me-DYE-na

I know that town, it is close to W-UH-ster, where the cows go MUH

/spelled Wooster
//Ohio has three accents: Northern (sounds like east-coast), Southeastern (Southern accent), and Western (Midwestern)
///also: Beall = Bell

Austin, Texas: Koenig Lane (Kay-nig) Manchaca (Man-Chack)

SearchN: Grapple: In all sincerity, it's named after a parking valet that was dragged to his death by some crazy ass biatch, and is issued after some other crazy ass person ran down a pedestrian and drove off.

I love the references, but hate the reason this article had to be written. WTF is wrong with someone to run a person down in the street and just drive away. Go eat a shotgun and save the rest of us from having to deal with you, you inconsiderate waste of skin.

This.

I'll be keeping my eyes open for this vehicle. Seriously, if you run someone over do the same thing the rest of us do here in CO. Drag the corpse into the trunk, drive it about 40 miles back into the mountains and dump it off a cliff. It will be years before someone finds... Hang on, someones knocking on the door.

Please don't say that. I live up in Estes Park. Last year we had a few front range dumped bodies around here... it's bad enough with all the suicides, so don't go givin' people ideas.

w00dreaux: hahaha Mine's "The Humpty Dance."

That's another great one.