Um, if your workplace is denying you a lunch break, then you should probably file a complaint.

Honestly, people in this country farking died for labor rights that people just piss away. No wonder we're turning into a third world nation with a second rate economy.

fred_chan: I was expecting something a little more imaginative than "bring a hot plate to your enclosed office at work and cook a quick meal pretty much exactly as you normally would at home."

I took our skylite and a dremel tool and converted it into a fresnel lens. Then around 12pm or so, I set up another lens as a collimator as the sun passes overhead. It gets pretty hot under there, I've measured 320 C at the center of the ray, but it is pretty narrowly focused, so I stole an old pen plotter from our basement, and repurposed it to be able to drag a small plate across a flat bed scanner I have, with that and a little bit of perl, I can trace the ray across a raw hamburger, a salmon, chicken, or a steak (but thin.)

I usually only get about five minutes of cooking, but that's usually plenty.

Oh, and if your office has a door, you're too high ranking for anybody to say shiat to you about cooking in your office. Guerilla my ass.

sgtbarthel: Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.

Depends. Are you warming up a Halibut/Cod dish you cooked last night, which I'm sure tastes fine but smells absolutely godawful and stinks up the office about about half an hour afterward?

/sits next to the microwave
//attached a "No Fish" post-it note for future offenders

Fish / Garlicky Itialian Reheater is a mediocre foe in comparison to the nemesis of every in-office kitchen: Serial Popcorn Burner.

//They have a fight, Burner wins...

Jerkwater:

I keep a large-ish tupperware container in our office fridge. Every Monday I go...pound...meat and...go into the tupperware... with my mayo...and...a couple of cans of soda...go in my bottom...


Dude?

Jesus, someone got paid to write that?

I keep a large-ish tupperware container in our office fridge. Every Monday I go to the store and get a pound of deli meat and cheese, a loaf of bread, a bag of chips, bag of apples, and a 12-pack of diet coke. The meat and cheese go into the tupperware, along with my mayo/mustard, and I keep a couple of cans of soda in there as well. The bread and chips go in my bottom drawer. 12-pack on the floor. Apples look nice in a bowl on my desk.

Total cost is about $20 a week.

/small office, plenty of fridge space, no food thievery. YMMV

Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.

This. Especially how much effort this person seems to put into preparing all of these things at home to basically heat up at work...sounds like the same thing except he is using a hot plate instead of a microwave.

Lsherm: Absolutely none of what he suggested will fly if you work at a cubicle. Or if your company has an HR department. Or if your boss is an asshole. Or if anyone in your company is "sensitive" to whatever the hell they feel like biatching about on a given day.

/once got chewed out for microwaving raw bacon in the kitchen
//didn't have anything else to eat

Neither would not allowing your employees a lunch break.

I like the idea of the campstove.... but please keep the windows closed so you no longer have to worry about sneaking in a campstove to cook on. And BREATHE DEEPLY so the fumes really get to you quick.

Difficult to masturbate to.

Yes, Professor -

I caught that myself, but had hit "Add Comment" before doing so, and there is no "Edit Your Post, Idiot" button.

I stand corrected.

Instead of a nickname like "Garlic Breath", I'd give 'em a new one: "Whistling Boogers".

So Prof (and others) - weigh in on the cooking in the workplace thing. Do you think I am out of line for being sooo vehemently opposed to food smells in the workplace?

COOKING in the office, as mentioned in the Slate article, is just so very wrong. I'm even opposed to a microwave in the breakroom. I'd rather smell a cheap cigar butt burning in the bottom of a birdcage than people cooking food - any food - in a place of work.

lisarenee3505:

Internet tough guy is tough

I'm still the guy you'd want to walk you to your car after dark, dear lisarenee3505.

Almost lost that job over a small incident involving stuffing a short fat little farker into an empty barrel because of the way he was treating and stalking a secretary on the jobsite.

Every place of employment needs a guy like me around.

Signed, the Garlic Nazi

I place people who cook at work right up there with the Muslims who (ritualistically) wash their genitals in the lunchroom sink.

(Yes - it happened at a place I worked)

I do NOT want to smell your food, and I don't care if it's a microwave reheat from Wendy's or Burger King.

You are at work, for chrissakes. Bring a sammich, and there had best be no goddamn garlic, onions, or rotten-smelling chese on it. A carton of milk or a Coke, you should be good to go.

Put anything with curry, fish or the like in the microwave, and I will snip the air valves off you car tires and feed them to you for dessert.

BREATH on me smelling like that sheeit and I will make sure you are a mouth breather until they unwire your broken jaw.

If you really MUST "cook at work", just set your habatchi up in the parking lot and cook whatever you can wing with a slingshot, like the rest of the immigrants.

Pidgen English spoken with Pidgeon Breath.

Just bring a frigging sandwich like the rest of the real world, you smelly creep.

There are also plenty of microwave cookbooks out there. You can make some pretty impressive meals that can be prepped the night before, put in a microwave safe dish, and then taken to work with you. At lunch pop it in the microwave and have yourself a meal made right on the spot. Sure, most microwave cooking is not as good as using a real stove, but it is certainly better than most frozen meals.

IN most states your employer is required to give you two fifteen minute breaks for an eight hour period, and an unpaid 30 minute lunch in an eight hour period.

Thank unions for that.

LemSkroob: The fact that you are following someone who just heated up a six day old piece of chicken, or that asian guy who insists that his daily serving fish-head stew needs to be boiled and steamed up. Then you come along with your food and its impossible for it not to soak in those other flavors.

Your parents really did a number on you didn't they?

Why is everyone terrified of other people's food smells? I've never encountered a microwave so 'contaminated' that it would alter the taste of my food. I'm willing to bet you haven't either but your social awkwardness and clean phobia is convincing you of a taste that isn't there.

Fark seems populated by either card carrying drunk lunatics or pants-wetting crybabys who can't stand the presence of other human beings.

Egoy3k: beezeltown: Sounds like my co-worker who fries onions and eggs on a hot plate in the break area. Every morning. Ten feet away from my desk. Then he takes his breakfast back to his desk on the other side of the office, leaving the stink for me to enjoy.
Jackass...

Are eggs and onions really that much of a stink now? I mean i can understand that they could have a strong aroma but why is it unpleasant? I'd rather smell eggs and onions than an egg and onion hot-pocket.

When it's not your smell and you're annoyed? It's a stink. Regardless of what it smells like. :)

The person that makes the smell loves the smell, the person not making the smell 9 times out of 10 hates the smell and resents that other person for making it. Regardless of the smell.

hailin: The only thing that is outlawed is cooking popcorn because being IT people we get distracted easily and it is gross when it burns.

Two. Two building evacuations stemming from microwave popcorn. Why they keep stocking the stuff, I do not know.

Cup Noodle + the hot water spout on the coffee maker = fastest warm lunch possible.

If you don't have time to take a lunch break, you don't have time to cook. Hotplates are a fire hazard and will get your ass in trouble when the fire inspector does their thing every year.

Put me down in the "why the hell can't I just reheat the leftover food in the tupperware that I cooked last night?" category. You have to be selective about what you eat (lightly braised veggies turn to mush when you freeze and reheat them, for instance) but most stuff is fine. (I'm not sold on freezing pasta dishes, but they reheat fine if refrigerated.)

Stupid article. farking foodies are why we can't have nice things.

I can see maybe having a mini crock pot at my desk, but I don't think any other cooking appliances would be allowed in my cubicle. Not even a coffee pot. I'm lucky enough to walk to work, though, so I just walk home at lunch and make whatever I want.

Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.

Depends. Are you warming up a Halibut/Cod dish you cooked last night, which I'm sure tastes fine but smells absolutely godawful and stinks up the office about about half an hour afterward?

/sits next to the microwave
//attached a "No Fish" post-it note for future offenders

Or you could just bring a bagged lunch... you know, with a sandwich fruit and some other stuff. It'll also save you a decent amount of money over the year if you eat out frequently for lunch. This whole "guerilla cooking" seems like a stupid waste of time when you could spend just 5 minutes in the evening getting your lunch ready.

Sounds like my co-worker who fries onions and eggs on a hot plate in the break area. Every morning. Ten feet away from my desk. Then he takes his breakfast back to his desk on the other side of the office, leaving the stink for me to enjoy.
Jackass...

halfof33: No shiat, I always smoke WAY too much meat over the weekend, and the whole next week drive the office crazy with my reheated smoked pork goodness.

Farkied as "Smokes a lot of meat on the weekends (NTTAWWT)"

Sheesh some of you work in a really uptight office. We have a microwave and toaster oven in our main room. The only thing that is outlawed is cooking popcorn because being IT people we get distracted easily and it is gross when it burns. Other then that, fair game. I like to microwave scrambled eggs with crumbled sausage in the morning (sausage is pre-cooked and thrown in a sandwich baggie, then I whisk together the eggs and milk in a tupperware the night before. Add sausage the next morning at work, microwave for two minutes, and viola). Lunch is usually heated up leftovers, but I've made pizza bagels before in the toaster oven.

I would love to get a mini crockpot for my office (well shared office). I have about 6 hours between the time I start work and lunch. That should be plenty of time needed to cook up various tasty meals i could prepare at home the night before.Then again my officemate might not be as for it as I am. As far as cooking outside on a camp stove...that would be a big no from me. Seems like a lot of time and effort.

Sometimes where people work there is not a convenient place nearby to get a meal. Even in the Denver area it could take you more than the 1 hour you are allowed to go somewhere, get seated, get food, eat and get back.... But this guy is just heating stuff he made at home... Some people cal lthat left overs... some call it preparing ahead... You can easily and with less worry from HR just make your meal the night before, undercook slightly, everything... Put it in a plastic container and steam it the next day for lunch.. Was this a suprise to anyone??

Now if he could only cook french fries and make them crispy I would be all about eating lunches at the office..

/ always cooks a breakfast burritto at the office. including sausage, bacon, eggs, potatoes, green chili and cheese
//mircowaves are your friends...

Two things:

Nobody wants to smell your shiat at their desk.

Most office cubicles can't handle a cold woman's space heater, much less a hot plate.

This is why you sneak in foods that don't go bad when stored warm. English muffins, cheese, crackers, soda, preserved meats, nuts, etc.. Store them neatly in your desk drawer. If I get snacky, then there's food. And nobody else gets stuck with odd smells and vapors.

The author sounds like a coont.

OhioUGrad: Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.

This. Especially how much effort this person seems to put into preparing all of these things at home to basically heat up at work...sounds like the same thing except he is using a hot plate instead of a microwave.

Exactly. I make a lot of vegetable stews and bean stews (my 3 bean chili is famous). It's basically the real life version of:



/eating out costs around $10 where I work
//save a fortune

Benjimin_Dover: Nothing worth eating has ever come out of an office kitchen.

Spoken by somebody who has never seen Judy from Payroll strolling out of the kitchenette on the 3rd floor.

And actually, half of the other chicks that work in payroll. There's a reason they are behind a locked door and it isn't because they have cash in there.

Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.

No shiat, I always smoke WAY too much meat over the weekend, and the whole next week drive the office crazy with my reheated smoked pork goodness.

smoked pulled pork and a green salad today. The guy on the other end of the hall called me an asshole for not bringing him some.

Nothing worth eating has ever come out of an office kitchen.

Spoken by somebody who has never seen Judy from Payroll strolling out of the kitchenette on the 3rd floor.

I was expecting something a little more imaginative than "bring a hot plate to your enclosed office at work and cook a quick meal pretty much exactly as you normally would at home."

That is one sad, sad article. It's not "convenient" to go out and get something, but you can sneak in a hot plate, fondue pot, airplane sized bottles of spices and oils, and probably cloth napkins and candlesticks?

/didn't finish the article
//too depressing
///might be useful for cheapo road trip cooking, but I just used a teapot and ramen noodles.