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(Slate)   The high art of desktop cooking, or, how to get a decent meal when your heartless boss won't let you have a lunch break   (slate.com) divider line 108
    More: Interesting, salt and pepper, meals, paprika, cooking, art  
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14114 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2012 at 1:21 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



108 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-02-21 12:07:40 PM  
Absolutely none of what he suggested will fly if you work at a cubicle. Or if your company has an HR department. Or if your boss is an asshole. Or if anyone in your company is "sensitive" to whatever the hell they feel like biatching about on a given day.

/once got chewed out for microwaving raw bacon in the kitchen
//didn't have anything else to eat
 
2012-02-21 12:45:12 PM  
That is one sad, sad article. It's not "convenient" to go out and get something, but you can sneak in a hot plate, fondue pot, airplane sized bottles of spices and oils, and probably cloth napkins and candlesticks?

/didn't finish the article
//too depressing
///might be useful for cheapo road trip cooking, but I just used a teapot and ramen noodles.
 
2012-02-21 12:55:17 PM  
Oh, good lord, just finished the article. It got worse. I almost want to pass the hat to get this guy some delivery.
 
2012-02-21 01:25:19 PM  
Also, you can make a pretty good sangria in the terlet
 
2012-02-21 01:27:28 PM  
Difficult to masturbate to.
 
2012-02-21 01:28:09 PM  
I was expecting something a little more imaginative than "bring a hot plate to your enclosed office at work and cook a quick meal pretty much exactly as you normally would at home."
 
2012-02-21 01:29:25 PM  
I like the idea of the campstove.... but please keep the windows closed so you no longer have to worry about sneaking in a campstove to cook on. And BREATHE DEEPLY so the fumes really get to you quick.
 
2012-02-21 01:29:27 PM  

Fano: Also, you can make a pretty good sangria in the terlet


Second.
 
2012-02-21 01:30:11 PM  

Savian: Difficult to masturbate to.


Really?

boozeworthy.com
 
2012-02-21 01:30:46 PM  
Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.
 
2012-02-21 01:33:12 PM  

Lsherm: Absolutely none of what he suggested will fly if you work at a cubicle. Or if your company has an HR department. Or if your boss is an asshole. Or if anyone in your company is "sensitive" to whatever the hell they feel like biatching about on a given day.

/once got chewed out for microwaving raw bacon in the kitchen
//didn't have anything else to eat


Neither would not allowing your employees a lunch break.
 
2012-02-21 01:35:31 PM  

fred_chan: I was expecting something a little more imaginative than "bring a hot plate to your enclosed office at work and cook a quick meal pretty much exactly as you normally would at home."


I took our skylite and a dremel tool and converted it into a fresnel lens. Then around 12pm or so, I set up another lens as a collimator as the sun passes overhead. It gets pretty hot under there, I've measured 320 C at the center of the ray, but it is pretty narrowly focused, so I stole an old pen plotter from our basement, and repurposed it to be able to drag a small plate across a flat bed scanner I have, with that and a little bit of perl, I can trace the ray across a raw hamburger, a salmon, chicken, or a steak (but thin.)

I usually only get about five minutes of cooking, but that's usually plenty.
 
2012-02-21 01:35:58 PM  
Nothing worth eating has ever come out of an office kitchen.

Spoken by somebody who has never seen Judy from Payroll strolling out of the kitchenette on the 3rd floor.
 
2012-02-21 01:36:33 PM  

Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.


This. Especially how much effort this person seems to put into preparing all of these things at home to basically heat up at work...sounds like the same thing except he is using a hot plate instead of a microwave.
 
2012-02-21 01:36:52 PM  

Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.


No shiat, I always smoke WAY too much meat over the weekend, and the whole next week drive the office crazy with my reheated smoked pork goodness.

smoked pulled pork and a green salad today. The guy on the other end of the hall called me an asshole for not bringing him some.
 
2012-02-21 01:37:03 PM  

Benjimin_Dover: Nothing worth eating has ever come out of an office kitchen.

Spoken by somebody who has never seen Judy from Payroll strolling out of the kitchenette on the 3rd floor.


And actually, half of the other chicks that work in payroll. There's a reason they are behind a locked door and it isn't because they have cash in there.
 
2012-02-21 01:37:51 PM  

RoyBatty: fred_chan: I was expecting something a little more imaginative than "bring a hot plate to your enclosed office at work and cook a quick meal pretty much exactly as you normally would at home."

I took our skylite and a dremel tool and converted it into a fresnel lens. Then around 12pm or so, I set up another lens as a collimator as the sun passes overhead. It gets pretty hot under there, I've measured 320 C at the center of the ray, but it is pretty narrowly focused, so I stole an old pen plotter from our basement, and repurposed it to be able to drag a small plate across a flat bed scanner I have, with that and a little bit of perl, I can trace the ray across a raw hamburger, a salmon, chicken, or a steak (but thin.)

I usually only get about five minutes of cooking, but that's usually plenty.


You could have a good time in Vegas....
 
2012-02-21 01:39:00 PM  

RoyBatty: fred_chan: I was expecting something a little more imaginative than "bring a hot plate to your enclosed office at work and cook a quick meal pretty much exactly as you normally would at home."

I took our skylite and a dremel tool and converted it into a fresnel lens. Then around 12pm or so, I set up another lens as a collimator as the sun passes overhead. It gets pretty hot under there, I've measured 320 C at the center of the ray, but it is pretty narrowly focused, so I stole an old pen plotter from our basement, and repurposed it to be able to drag a small plate across a flat bed scanner I have, with that and a little bit of perl, I can trace the ray across a raw hamburger, a salmon, chicken, or a steak (but thin.)

I usually only get about five minutes of cooking, but that's usually plenty.


Sounds like a lot of work. I just grill hot dogs on the CPUs in the server room. The IT guys don't seem to like me doing it for some reason.
 
2012-02-21 01:40:41 PM  

OhioUGrad: Andromeda: Someone explain this to me- what's wrong with microwaving leftovers exactly? Mine taste just fine.

This. Especially how much effort this person seems to put into preparing all of these things at home to basically heat up at work...sounds like the same thing except he is using a hot plate instead of a microwave.


Exactly. I make a lot of vegetable stews and bean stews (my 3 bean chili is famous). It's basically the real life version of:

theinfosphere.org

/eating out costs around $10 where I work
//save a fortune
 
2012-02-21 01:41:14 PM  

toraque: RoyBatty: fred_chan: I was expecting something a little more imaginative than "bring a hot plate to your enclosed office at work and cook a quick meal pretty much exactly as you normally would at home."

I took our skylite and a dremel tool and converted it into a fresnel lens. Then around 12pm or so, I set up another lens as a collimator as the sun passes overhead. It gets pretty hot under there, I've measured 320 C at the center of the ray, but it is pretty narrowly focused, so I stole an old pen plotter from our basement, and repurposed it to be able to drag a small plate across a flat bed scanner I have, with that and a little bit of perl, I can trace the ray across a raw hamburger, a salmon, chicken, or a steak (but thin.)

I usually only get about five minutes of cooking, but that's usually plenty.

Sounds like a lot of work. I just grill hot dogs on the CPUs in the server room. The IT guys don't seem to like me doing it for some reason.


Because the IT guys are probably either Hindu or Muslim?
 
2012-02-21 01:41:53 PM  
Um, if your workplace is denying you a lunch break, then you should probably file a complaint.

Honestly, people in this country farking died for labor rights that people just piss away. No wonder we're turning into a third world nation with a second rate economy.
 
2012-02-21 01:42:55 PM  
Two things:

Nobody wants to smell your shiat at their desk.

Most office cubicles can't handle a cold woman's space heater, much less a hot plate.

This is why you sneak in foods that don't go bad when stored warm. English muffins, cheese, crackers, soda, preserved meats, nuts, etc.. Store them neatly in your desk drawer. If I get snacky, then there's food. And nobody else gets stuck with odd smells and vapors.

The author sounds like a coont.
 
2012-02-21 01:43:15 PM  
I was gonna call this not a bookmark to read it later... but the comments make it sound too lame to bother.
 
2012-02-21 01:46:51 PM  
I've had fair success with dashboard cooking. Park your car in the sun, toss a can of baked beans on the dashboard, and by lunchtime, they're warm. Add a little barbeque sauce and you're good to go. Works OK with other things too, thinnish soups, canned vegetables. Doesn't work at all with chef boyardee though.
 
2012-02-21 01:46:54 PM  

nocturn: English muffins, cheese, crackers, soda, preserved meats, nuts, etc.. Store them neatly in your desk drawer. If I get snacky, then there's food.


The last office I worked at allowed that until one of the principals opened up an engineer's desk drawer and found the fattest, most satisfied looking mouse you've ever seen. Didn't even have the energy to run, just sat there with an "I regret nothing" look on it's face. After that, all food was to be stored in the kitchen.
 
2012-02-21 01:46:54 PM  
DO NOT read this craptastic "article".

1. Bring leftovers or take 5 seconds to run down to the cafe/diner like everyone else.

2. If you are not "allowed" to get lunch or it's "frowned upon because we're farking busy", tell your boss to fark him/herself. You're not a child.

3. If the backtalk angers your boss - blame it on hunger and low blood sugar.

4. If he/she fires you, file a lawsuit and live the American dream....

www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-02-21 01:47:23 PM  
Sometimes where people work there is not a convenient place nearby to get a meal. Even in the Denver area it could take you more than the 1 hour you are allowed to go somewhere, get seated, get food, eat and get back.... But this guy is just heating stuff he made at home... Some people cal lthat left overs... some call it preparing ahead... You can easily and with less worry from HR just make your meal the night before, undercook slightly, everything... Put it in a plastic container and steam it the next day for lunch.. Was this a suprise to anyone??

Now if he could only cook french fries and make them crispy I would be all about eating lunches at the office..

/ always cooks a breakfast burritto at the office. including sausage, bacon, eggs, potatoes, green chili and cheese
//mircowaves are your friends...
 
2012-02-21 01:49:31 PM  

mat catastrophe: Um, if your workplace is denying you a lunch break, then you should probably file a complaint.

Honestly, people in this country farking died for labor rights that people just piss away. No wonder we're turning into a third world nation with a second rate economy.


Yeah, that is what made this country great! Filing a complaint with a bureaucrat.

You know what is wrong with this Country? asshat Chicken littles who think we are tettering on the verge of collapse because some blogger writes an article aboout cooking farking cous cous on a god damn hot plate.

Man up ya silly Nancy.
 
2012-02-21 01:49:34 PM  
Sheesh some of you work in a really uptight office. We have a microwave and toaster oven in our main room. The only thing that is outlawed is cooking popcorn because being IT people we get distracted easily and it is gross when it burns. Other then that, fair game. I like to microwave scrambled eggs with crumbled sausage in the morning (sausage is pre-cooked and thrown in a sandwich baggie, then I whisk together the eggs and milk in a tupperware the night before. Add sausage the next morning at work, microwave for two minutes, and viola). Lunch is usually heated up leftovers, but I've made pizza bagels before in the toaster oven.

I would love to get a mini crockpot for my office (well shared office). I have about 6 hours between the time I start work and lunch. That should be plenty of time needed to cook up various tasty meals i could prepare at home the night before.Then again my officemate might not be as for it as I am. As far as cooking outside on a camp stove...that would be a big no from me. Seems like a lot of time and effort.
 
2012-02-21 01:52:00 PM  
RAMEN
 
2012-02-21 01:53:43 PM  

halfof33: No shiat, I always smoke WAY too much meat over the weekend, and the whole next week drive the office crazy with my reheated smoked pork goodness.


Farkied as "Smokes a lot of meat on the weekends (NTTAWWT)"
 
2012-02-21 01:55:21 PM  
Jesus, someone got paid to write that?

I keep a large-ish tupperware container in our office fridge. Every Monday I go to the store and get a pound of deli meat and cheese, a loaf of bread, a bag of chips, bag of apples, and a 12-pack of diet coke. The meat and cheese go into the tupperware, along with my mayo/mustard, and I keep a couple of cans of soda in there as well. The bread and chips go in my bottom drawer. 12-pack on the floor. Apples look nice in a bowl on my desk.

Total cost is about $20 a week.

/small office, plenty of fridge space, no food thievery. YMMV
 
2012-02-21 01:56:59 PM  
Well I will say one thing, he IS cooking and not just re-heating food. He is sauteeing vegetables in hot oil and garlic then adding dry couscous and water to boil it for said amount of time. Nothing in that description screams at me "Oh, he is just reheating things he pre-made at home". Chopping vegetables does not equal cooking at home/reheating at office.
 
2012-02-21 01:58:06 PM  
I just make sure that my Sunday night dinner is something that makes a lot of leftovers then take those for lunches. It doesn't have to be boring casserole dishes either I make lasagna, enchiladas, shepherds pie, chilli, stew, roast chicken, fried rice, Indian curry dishes, and all kinds of nice things.

My personal favorite is Chilli since it tastes better and better as the week progresses.
 
2012-02-21 01:59:10 PM  
The general population where I work complain if they can smell your perfume/cologne 3 feet outside of your cubicle. For some reason I don't think this would fly.
 
2012-02-21 02:00:48 PM  

Jerkwater:

I keep a large-ish tupperware container in our office fridge. Every Monday I go...pound...meat and...go into the tupperware... with my mayo...and...a couple of cans of soda...go in my bottom...



Dude?
 
2012-02-21 02:01:14 PM  
If you have an hour lunch and work near a pho place, you have a perfect way to spend the lunch hour. Cheap, awesome and filling.

Now that I bus to work, I make a sandwich and eat in my cube :-(

I do keep plenty of jerky, granola and goldfish (probably my favorite junk snack ever) in my drawer.

I was thinking about bringing in leftover brussel sprouts I made but I'm sure they would stink up the joint. Also, as someone who works with many people from the "eat lots of strange fish" part of the world, don't microwave left over fish at work.

/I don't agree with that in the workplace!
 
2012-02-21 02:02:10 PM  
www.komplettblog.ie
Microwave toaster- yarly. Look at the details: "lightweight- only 2.3 lbs!" and "makes up to four pieces of toast in 30 min!"

www.everythingusb.com
USB microwave- this one seems like a legit prototype (new window)

I'm confused though, even though he says it has batteries- which, if lipo, could plausibly produce KW of heating on short demand, and the load is very small- the magnetron vacuum tube in a microwave oven CAN'T be scaled down, because the size of the features is determined by the microwave wavelength. It might use a very different form of amplifier, I don't know.
 
2012-02-21 02:02:14 PM  

nocturn: Most office cubicles can't handle a cold woman's space heater, much less a hot plate.


Came here to say this ... Author also suggests closing "the door." Um, who in this day and age gets an office? I share a massive table with 5 other people. There are these tables all over the office floor. The only walls are the ones that close in the two conference rooms. I constantly get "OMG, is there a HEATER over here?" Me: "No, it must be your imagination."

umm_Sure: Even in the Denver area it could take you more than the 1 hour you are allowed to go somewhere, get seated, get food, eat and get back....

I take it you don't work in downtown? Never had an issue getting on the trolley and hitting up Tokyo Joe's real fast.
 
2012-02-21 02:04:28 PM  
1. Go to the communal fridge
2. Grab a lunch!

Isn't that why everybody puts those lunches into the communal fridge? I mean they want us to try their food, don't they?

/J/K lunch thieves are the WORST criminals. Below needle junkies and people who talk in the theater.
 
2012-02-21 02:05:06 PM  

halfof33: mat catastrophe: Um, if your workplace is denying you a lunch break, then you should probably file a complaint.

Honestly, people in this country farking died for labor rights that people just piss away. No wonder we're turning into a third world nation with a second rate economy.

Yeah, that is what made this country great! Filing a complaint with a bureaucrat.

You know what is wrong with this Country? asshat Chicken littles who think we are tettering on the verge of collapse because some blogger writes an article aboout cooking farking cous cous on a god damn hot plate.

Man up ya silly Nancy.


Quit wasting valuable company time posting on Fark and get back to work.
 
2012-02-21 02:05:20 PM  

El Brujo: Also, as someone who works with many people from the "eat lots of strange fish" part of the world, don't microwave left over fish at work.


Our lunchroom is pretty removed from where we work so we can bring in all kinds of smelly food without issue here.
 
2012-02-21 02:06:46 PM  
You mean all offices don't cater lunch? (sarcasm)

My office caters lunch Monday-Thursday, and donuts on Friday. People are so spoiled they still complain about having the same thing twice in two weeks. If you don't like it, our office is in a building connected to a mall with a food court and several actual restaurants. We also have two fully stocked kitchens with every soft drink you can imagine and breakfast stuff, sandwich stuff, and coffee always available. We may never leave the office, but hearing people here complain about food and the fact they are getting fat really pisses me off.
 
2012-02-21 02:06:46 PM  

Kirzania:
umm_Sure: Even in the Denver area it could take you more than the 1 hour you are allowed to go somewhere, get seated, get food, eat and get back....
I take it you don't work in downtown? Never had an issue getting on the trolley and hitting up Tokyo Joe's real fast.


Downtown / 16th street mall was great... now over off of Colfax and 225.. Its a 15 minute walk to the parking garage from my desk... 2 different elevator banks even just to get to the lobby..
 
2012-02-21 02:09:16 PM  

umm_Sure: Its a 15 minute walk to the parking garage from my desk... 2 different elevator banks even just to get to the lobby..


Time for a new job!
 
2012-02-21 02:12:38 PM  

Kirzania: umm_Sure: Its a 15 minute walk to the parking garage from my desk... 2 different elevator banks even just to get to the lobby..

Time for a new job!


Nah, I only work a few days a week and get paid like its a full time job... And I don't mind preparing the night before... Just another lunch box next to the kids to make... Its all good...

I do have a door, 2 chairs, 2 Large windows and pretty much all the privacy I need... So I will not complain one bit...

I eat out on my deck and stare at the mountains when I feel down..
 
2012-02-21 02:19:11 PM  
I don't have kids and therefore have a shiat ton of money to waste out at lunch so I could care less about eating at work; it's the one good thing in my work day. Plus work won't let me drink beer at my desk and there are no hot ass bartenders to check out in my cube.
That said, this is a retarded article and concur with the other farkers that the author should be slapped around with a copy of it printed on poster board... if no one else said that yet, I think they would agree.
 
2012-02-21 02:28:30 PM  
You're so novel - what a good idea!
You can keep your lunchtime to yourself-
You don't need to brown-bag it!
You can eat whatever you want to!
EVERY DISH! Every dish in the whole world can be yours
If you'll just listen to my plan:

The Hipster Doofus' Guide to Culinary Autonomy!
 
2012-02-21 02:33:50 PM  
STFU and GBTFW. If I catch you using open flame or an electric heating element in your office again you will suddenly find that you have all the time you need to explore your food truck dream.
 
Skr
2012-02-21 02:34:20 PM  
Some men just want to watch the popcorn burn
 
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