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(Chron)   Southern Baptists consider name change. Let's hear your suggestions, voting enabled   (chron.com) divider line 251
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4187 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2012 at 9:54 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-21 10:04:22 AM
Seriously though, I think Great Commission Baptists is a pretty good name. Get people to remember that serving others is the whole point. They could lose the Baptist part. 's kind of divisive... all just one church.
 
2012-02-21 10:05:08 AM
Like Water for Chocolate People
 
2012-02-21 10:05:54 AM

elffster: I can't believe I ate the whole Jesus!


I don't think Southern Baptists do Communion. That's more of a Catholic thing. But, hey, we now have a new name for Catholics. Good job.
 
2012-02-21 10:06:12 AM
Chicken-Fried Jesus?

Our Body of Christ is finger-lickin' good!
 
2012-02-21 10:06:28 AM
Just unite it all under the Westboro logo and be done with it.
 
2012-02-21 10:06:34 AM
Could just, y'know, drop the "southern", given that they're all basically the same theologically and politically.
 
2012-02-21 10:06:35 AM
The church of the divine potluck. Only denomination I have met that even has a potluck after funerals.
 
2012-02-21 10:07:36 AM
How about "The First Church of F**K These Assholes, who Cares What They Call Themselves"?
 
2012-02-21 10:08:06 AM
Redneck Assholes
 
2012-02-21 10:08:09 AM
Change the name to anything you want it will still smell the same.
 
2012-02-21 10:08:36 AM
Southies?
 
2012-02-21 10:08:52 AM
Crackers for Jebus
 
2012-02-21 10:08:59 AM

houginator: The church of the divine potluck. Only denomination I have met that even has a potluck after funerals.


Too true.

Fire, Brimstone, and Potluck
 
2012-02-21 10:09:08 AM

mekki: elffster: I can't believe I ate the whole Jesus!

I don't think Southern Baptists do Communion. That's more of a Catholic thing. But, hey, we now have a new name for Catholics. Good job.


Ok, ok, fine..I grew up Episcopal so how would I know? Plus Im in the South so I see them all the time, and avoid them at all costs.

So, ill suggest this:

The Fundamental Church of Incest
 
2012-02-21 10:09:38 AM
Baptards
 
2012-02-21 10:09:46 AM
Judgementalists.
 
2012-02-21 10:09:54 AM
The-Holier-than-Thous
 
2012-02-21 10:10:14 AM
Science Sucks and Scientists Even More!
 
2012-02-21 10:10:19 AM
They might as well stick with Southern Baptists, since whatever they pick for their new name will gain whatever opprobrium the label "Southern Baptist" has earned within five years.
 
2012-02-21 10:10:43 AM
elffster: I can't believe I ate the whole Jesus!


mekki: I don't think Southern Baptists do Communion. That's more of a Catholic thing. But, hey, we now have a new name for Catholics. Good job.

They most certainly do Communion, just like Methodists, Presbyterians, etc. It's Christian thing.
 
2012-02-21 10:10:50 AM
So, instead of fixing what's wrong with you, you cling to it and instead change your name to help your public image? I wonder if Jesus ever condemned that kind of thinking...


"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
 
2012-02-21 10:11:09 AM
Jesus Nazis. Although they don't really follow the teachings of Christ do they?
 
2012-02-21 10:11:35 AM
National Association for Mainstream Baptist Liturgy
 
2012-02-21 10:11:55 AM
Amoeba Baptist Church.
 
2012-02-21 10:13:36 AM
So just to clarify, are we talking about the White Southern Baptists or African American Southern Baptist Church? Because if you belong to either of those, you understand that there is a difference....
 
2012-02-21 10:13:37 AM
Federation of American Purists
 
2012-02-21 10:13:57 AM

mekki: elffster: I can't believe I ate the whole Jesus!

I don't think Southern Baptists do Communion. That's more of a Catholic thing. But, hey, we now have a new name for Catholics. Good job.


All Christians do communion. A lot of Protestant denominations use little unleavened oyster-cracker things for the bread, and grape juice for the wine, and only at Christmas and Easter services, but they do communion.
 
2012-02-21 10:14:06 AM
Direct Opponents of the Actual Teachings of Christ.

/Too wordy?
 
2012-02-21 10:14:20 AM
HateChurch®, Inc.
 
2012-02-21 10:14:35 AM
White Power
 
2012-02-21 10:15:25 AM
As a former Southern Baptist I'm getting a kick out of these . . .
My former church wasn't racist, sure it had issues but racism wasn't one of them. Now the other Southern Baptist church across town told me not to come there because my wife and I were a mixed couple. (She's half arabic)

So here are my names:

Raptor Jockeys for Jesus
Church of the kick-ass BBQ
Potluck Central
 
2012-02-21 10:15:46 AM

adiabat: Don't-have-sex-with-your-neighbor-standing-up-
because-people-might-think-you're-dancing-ists


2 CSB: My highschool graduation late 70's, After the ceremony and dinner I say to mom, "I am going to the dance" , Grandmother turns to me and says" You mean you dance?"

I attended a Christmas service with my Dad, in this century. I saw the first black person I had ever seen set foot in that church, of course not a member, but the percussionist from a college band.

They do support a separate little church for brown people. Missionary work ya know...

Church of Paul Christ
 
2012-02-21 10:17:00 AM
shiate Baptists?

The Fighting Whiteys?

The Church of the Deliverance?

/Got nothin'
 
2012-02-21 10:17:18 AM
DNRTA but, how about "Occupy is waiting ... Where in the hell are the Joy buses?"
 
2012-02-21 10:17:28 AM
Goys Я Us
 
2012-02-21 10:17:29 AM
Super Terrific Smile-Time Variety Religion!
 
2012-02-21 10:17:31 AM
The He-Man Woman Haters' Club.
 
2012-02-21 10:17:39 AM
houginator
The church of the divine potluck. Only denomination I have met that even has a potluck after funerals.

Done out of love and respect for the family of the deceased, so that they have food (since they may be grieving to much to feel like preparing food) and to be with them and give support after the funeral.

/arggghhhh, why am I doing this?
//raised Southern Baptist
 
2012-02-21 10:18:43 AM
I go to a Baptist Church in New Jersey. I do not know if that makes me Baptist but it's close enough.

I'd vote for Teahadists or Racists Who Falsely Think Jesus was White and Like Us.

/Sometimes I wish Jesus would come back and bring his bull whip. Show these "christians" what he thinks of them and bankers.
//It's so hard sometimes not thinking that these bigots need a good beating sometimes. But it won't change them.
 
2012-02-21 10:19:07 AM
Church of the Sacred Cognitive Dissonance
 
2012-02-21 10:19:11 AM

xiaodown: Racist Baptist.

No, no, hear me out.

Know how the United Methodist Church is "united"? It's because, before the Civil War, they split into a Northern and Southern contingent, because of the issue of slavery. After the war (some time after), the Methodist church re-united to form the United Methodists.

The Baptists did the same thing. Northern Baptists didn't think that man should enslave other man; Southern Baptists found ways to justify their pro-slavery stance using passages from the Bible. The Southern Baptist Church has never reunited with the churches that split before the Civil War, remaining estranged over, originally, the issue of whether slavery is Biblical.

Racist Baptist Church.


AirForceVet: Confederate Baptist Church. Or Baptist Church of the Confederacy.

What xiaodown said explains it all. Mine's less flame war material.

/White, Southern, Episcopalian.


You idiots do realize that the current president of the SBC is Black, right?
 
2012-02-21 10:19:13 AM
United Church of They Should All Go To Hell Except Cave 76
 
2012-02-21 10:20:07 AM

bsimmons: So just to clarify, are we talking about the White Southern Baptists or African American Southern Baptist Church? Because if you belong to either of those, you understand that there is a difference....


Very few black Baptist churches, if any, are members of the Southern Baptist Convention. They're members of the National Baptist Convention.
 
2012-02-21 10:21:46 AM

xiaodown: Racist Baptist.

No, no, hear me out.

Know how the United Methodist Church is "united"? It's because, before the Civil War, they split into a Northern and Southern contingent, because of the issue of slavery. After the war (some time after), the Methodist church re-united to form the United Methodists.

The Baptists did the same thing. Northern Baptists didn't think that man should enslave other man; Southern Baptists found ways to justify their pro-slavery stance using passages from the Bible. The Southern Baptist Church has never reunited with the churches that split before the Civil War, remaining estranged over, originally, the issue of whether slavery is Biblical.

Racist Baptist Church.


The Black Southern Baptists make displeasing facial expressions regarding your tomfoolery
 
2012-02-21 10:21:56 AM
Secret Porn Stash Society of Dixieland
 
2012-02-21 10:24:18 AM

Felix_T_Cat: Seriously though, I think Great Commission Baptists is a pretty good name. Get people to remember that serving others is the whole point. They could lose the Baptist part. 's kind of divisive... all just one church.


Ah yes, lets get those Commies.
 
2012-02-21 10:24:26 AM

mekki: elffster: I can't believe I ate the whole Jesus!

I don't think Southern Baptists do Communion. That's more of a Catholic thing. But, hey, we now have a new name for Catholics. Good job.


They do, it is just for special events, and they are not transsubstantiationists like Catholics. It is purely ceremonial for them, a symbolic reenactment of the last supper, not intended to be literally consuming the body and blood of Christ.

The Southern Baptist church I grew up in (I got better) used plain jumbo croutons and little disposable plastic shot glasses filled with grape juice.
 
2012-02-21 10:24:57 AM
the church of the willfully ignorant
 
2012-02-21 10:25:30 AM
Why confuse people? Just go with:

Ignorant, Intolerant Baptists
 
2012-02-21 10:25:54 AM

bossuniversalAA: the church of the willfully ignorant


That would imply that their sect has the monopoly on willful ignorance.
 
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