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(NYPost)   IPhone thief demands oral sex from his male victim for the iPhone back, then refuses to return it once the deed was done. That's not nice... going back on a promise and all   (nypost.com) divider line 135
    More: Sick, iPhone, petty larcenies, Barnes-Jewish Hospital, Bellevue Hospital, male victims, Jerry Lodvill  
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19158 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2012 at 3:15 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



135 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-02-16 05:11:11 PM  
Hey, it's just a phone. Let it go.
 
2012-02-16 05:17:08 PM  
If you're giving a thief a bj for your phone back you must really like teh dick
 
2012-02-16 05:19:09 PM  
And the fellating of Apple products continue.

This could make a good commercial though.

"The iPhone 4S. You'd suck dick for one."
 
2012-02-16 05:23:48 PM  
Painfully obvious that the guy must have something on his iPhone that'd send him to PMITA prison if he'd go that far to get it back.
 
2012-02-16 05:28:17 PM  
They really need a fleshlight app and attachment.
 
2012-02-16 06:36:13 PM  

Diogenes: They really need a fleshlight app and attachment.


Here ya go: Link (NSFW)
 
2012-02-16 07:26:54 PM  

Backwards Cornfield Races: If you're giving a thief a bj for your phone back you must really like teh dick


It says he was gay in the article and coming home from a gay bar, so yeah, he probably does
 
2012-02-16 09:33:37 PM  
Isn't this what teeth are for?
 
2012-02-16 09:40:34 PM  

propasaurus: Diogenes: They really need a fleshlight app and attachment.

Here ya go: Link (NSFW)


I need to get this at for a guy at work who's a ifanboy.
/not going to ask how you know about this... not there's any.....
 
2012-02-16 09:49:43 PM  

AlwaysRightBoy: propasaurus: Diogenes: They really need a fleshlight app and attachment.

Here ya go: Link (NSFW)

I need to get this at for a guy at work who's a ifanboy.
/not going to ask how you know about this... not there's any.....


'a guy at work'... Riiight

/like everything else, I probably saw this on Fark first.
 
2012-02-16 11:01:59 PM  
The article should have pics of the victim, at least.
 
2012-02-16 11:28:28 PM  
No one's heard of a shank?
 
2012-02-16 11:56:47 PM  
At least he got a DNA sample, unless he swallowed
 
2012-02-17 12:00:22 AM  
This is the kind of thing that happens to people who own iPhones. It's part of that whole Apple mystique - getting your device stolen and then being forced into sex for its return. They''ll even do this for you at the Genius Bar.
 
2012-02-17 03:23:53 AM  
I've never been too sure how wise it is to let my victims suck my dick.
 
2012-02-17 03:26:38 AM  
Looks like someone at the post needs the "Those are farking magazines not clips!!" lecture.
 
2012-02-17 03:26:57 AM  
I don't care if it's my sexually preferred gender or whatever, I would not perform oral on a stranger for a phone. And if you're so poor that an iPhone means that much to you, then perhaps you shouldn't be buying an iPhone to begin with.
 
2012-02-17 03:27:19 AM  

RoyBatty: I've never been too sure how wise it is to let my victims suck my dick.


I've always considered anyone who sucked my dick to be a victim.
 
2012-02-17 03:28:45 AM  
FTA: "A skeevy fiend was arrested for harassing and robbing a female friend in Bath Beach, authorities said."

Really?
 
2012-02-17 03:30:06 AM  

AlwaysRightBoy: /not going to ask how you know about this... not there's any.....


Was posted on the Geek tab a week or so ago. That was a good thread, IIRC....

Wouldn't that be a form of prostitution though? I mean, it's not cash money, but it's clearly an exchange of a product for sex. Though, in this case, I wonder if the cops would refer to both of them as "Johns"?

I'm thinking about this too hard.
 
2012-02-17 03:31:29 AM  
You'd think that be a good opening to do a literal "get em by the balls", rip em off even and rummage his pockets for your phone, his wallet w/e you'd like.
 
2012-02-17 03:34:26 AM  
He didn't get his phone back? Well that just sucks. =(
 
2012-02-17 03:34:35 AM  
edibleapple.com

Gay


/Never sucked d!ck for weed either
 
2012-02-17 03:34:57 AM  

Scruffinator: AlwaysRightBoy: /not going to ask how you know about this... not there's any.....

Was posted on the Geek tab a week or so ago. That was a good thread, IIRC....

Wouldn't that be a form of prostitution though? I mean, it's not cash money, but it's clearly an exchange of a product for sex. Though, in this case, I wonder if the cops would refer to both of them as "Johns"?

I'm thinking about this too hard.


Maybe a nice cold shower?
 
2012-02-17 03:47:19 AM  
Victim probably figured What the hell, it's what I went out to do anyway.

/just use lotsa mouthwash later.
 
2012-02-17 03:54:30 AM  
What are the ethics of reneging if the blowjob is worse than your wife's?
 
2012-02-17 03:55:05 AM  
If the the thief grabbed the phone and noticed it was an Android, he would fark you up the butt for making him waste his time stealing a crap phone.
 
2012-02-17 03:55:45 AM  
I think I've seen this porn flick.
 
2012-02-17 03:59:05 AM  
Bite down hard, hold out your hand for the phone back. If it is not forthcoming, have a long pig sausage for dinner.
 
2012-02-17 04:00:11 AM  

MoeSzyslak: Looks like someone at the post needs the "Those are farking magazines not clips!!" lecture.


When ever the military has been interchangably referring to those as clips and magazines since the semi-auto was invented, you're on the losing side of this one. Gun clubs standardized on a terminology, good for them, that doesn't mean everyone else has to use it.
 
2012-02-17 04:02:27 AM  
The victim, a gay twenty-something from Chelsea,

the article should have mentioned that the "victim" besides being a gay 20-something from Chelsea; was most likely; a flirty power bottom cruising the area for power tops, big brawny, and rough power tops.
 
2012-02-17 04:08:13 AM  
www.iphonesavior.com
 
2012-02-17 04:13:08 AM  
Good thing he didn't actually take a good phone he may of had to take it in the ass and cuddle. He got him off easy.
 
2012-02-17 04:14:25 AM  

Backwards Cornfield Races: If you're giving a thief a bj for your phone back you must really like teh dick


THIS. He just wanted an excuse...

some_beer_drinker: [www.iphonesavior.com image 300x325]


...and this. Though, to be fair, I'm not sure which is worse...

/DNRTFA
 
2012-02-17 04:17:46 AM  

illannoyin: [edibleapple.com image 300x333]

Gay

/Never sucked d!ck for weed either


Jealous and sad?
 
2012-02-17 04:20:33 AM  
I like how apple haters just call apple gay to hide their own insecurities.

What worthwhile thing have you done in your own life.

/pretty sure nothing
 
2012-02-17 04:22:04 AM  
www.fightlinker.com
 
2012-02-17 04:28:11 AM  

ani23: I like how apple haters just call apple gay to hide their own insecurities.

What worthwhile thing have you done in your own life.

/pretty sure nothing



ani23i.imgur.com
 
2012-02-17 04:29:43 AM  
That sucks.
 
2012-02-17 04:30:44 AM  
Steve Job's vision comes to fulfillment: Literally having oral sex with someone for an iPhone.
 
2012-02-17 04:31:38 AM  

ani23: I like how apple haters just call apple gay to hide their own insecurities.

What worthwhile thing have you done in your own life.

/pretty sure nothing


You mean besides buy a phone?
THIS is what you judge to be 'worthwhile'?

Seek your own identity.
 
2012-02-17 04:34:19 AM  
I'm going to call shenanigans on this one.
 
2012-02-17 04:35:22 AM  

skinink: If the the thief grabbed the phone and noticed it was an Android, he would fark you up the butt for making him waste his time stealing a crap phone.


Oh boy. You bought the phone.
It doesn't make you smart, funny or in any way superior.
Find something else to be proud of.
 
2012-02-17 04:38:19 AM  

RoyBatty: What are the ethics of reneging if the blowjob is worse than your wife's?


While I haven't done any research, I would imagine that gay men give better blowjobs.

But don't tell my wife I said that...
 
2012-02-17 04:44:42 AM  
Your momma is so ugly she steals iPhones for sexual attention.
 
2012-02-17 04:53:01 AM  
No reach-around?
 
2012-02-17 05:04:29 AM  
So that gaytest jpeg was right
 
Skr
2012-02-17 05:17:52 AM  
Heh I wonder if the guy has the GPS app on his IPHONE. Maybe giving head under duress played into his fantasies.

Echoing above posters. A man's junk is vulnerable. If you have your hands and teeth on the junk, you have the power. Grab. Twist. Yank.

Something seems queer about this story.
 
2012-02-17 05:25:10 AM  

Without Fail: skinink: If the the thief grabbed the phone and noticed it was an Android, he would fark you up the butt for making him waste his time stealing a crap phone.

Oh boy. You bought the phone.
It doesn't make you smart, funny or in any way superior.
Find something else to be proud of.


Yes well as long as you can't text a whale on Android it will continue to fail.

i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-02-17 05:37:38 AM  
He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters.

Sounds a little suspicious. Maybe went to the woods with the guy and the guy ripped him off?
 
2012-02-17 06:01:54 AM  
"Claus is a moron who believes everything he reads in the New York Post."
 
2012-02-17 06:08:40 AM  
Hell, I could have told you that all Apple customers are closet homosexuals...
 
2012-02-17 06:22:23 AM  

scottydoesntknow: And the fellating of Apple products continue.

This could make a good commercial though.

"The iPhone 4S. You'd suck dick for one."


The iPhone 4s: you pretty much have to
 
2012-02-17 06:32:38 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: Hell, I could have told you that all Apple customers are closet homosexuals...


And here I thought I bought it because it was the cheapest option. I should inform the girlfriend her services are no longer required.
 
2012-02-17 06:41:17 AM  
- Stealing other people's stuff
- Bargaining with rightful owner over cost of returning property
- Soliciting gay men


...Say, was the the perp a republican?
 
2012-02-17 06:54:15 AM  
images.indyposted.com

Come and get it!
 
2012-02-17 07:11:18 AM  
Suck the iDick. Suck it!
 
2012-02-17 07:18:19 AM  

crzytxn: He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters.

Sounds a little suspicious. Maybe went to the woods with the guy and the guy ripped him off?


The more likely story. The Kevin Spacey scenario.
 
2012-02-17 07:23:43 AM  

Without Fail: ani23: I like how apple haters just call apple gay to hide their own insecurities.

What worthwhile thing have you done in your own life.

/pretty sure nothing

You mean besides buy a phone?
THIS is what you judge to be 'worthwhile'?

Seek your own identity.


I think you and the other idiot above you explains your dumb mindset.

I meant compared to apple which has built a world class, best selling phone what have you done with your own sorry life other than let out your own insecurities by calling it gay.
 
2012-02-17 07:29:40 AM  

crzytxn: He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters.

Sounds a little suspicious. Maybe went to the woods with the guy and the guy ripped him off?


THIS.

jingks: Satanic_Hamster: Hell, I could have told you that all Apple customers are closet homosexuals...

And here I thought I bought it because it was the cheapest option. I should inform the girlfriend her services are no longer required.


Give her your fark handle, let her read about how you call her 'the girlfriend' and keep her for 'her services'. That'll take care of getting rid of her.
 
2012-02-17 07:40:50 AM  
The article fails to mention this is the third time this week he has had his iPhone stolen and held hostage for oral sex.
 
2012-02-17 07:47:52 AM  
My, what a lovely tea party
 
2012-02-17 07:52:36 AM  
iSuck

nice.
 
2012-02-17 07:53:38 AM  
That's totally gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
 
2012-02-17 07:57:43 AM  
anybody who knows the NY scene who could tell us if this "wooded area near The Cloisters" could be by any chance a well-known cruising-area?
 
2012-02-17 08:00:50 AM  

scottydoesntknow: And the fellating of Apple products continue.

This could make a good commercial though.

"The iPhone 4S. You'd suck dick for one."


So good, even a bj can't make you give it up.
 
2012-02-17 08:12:37 AM  

jingks: And here I thought I bought it because it was the cheapest option. I should inform the girlfriend her services are no longer required.


If a $500 phone is the "cheapest option", wtf were the alternatives?
 
2012-02-17 08:17:36 AM  
Sucker!
 
2012-02-17 08:21:43 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

"I'll bet you're the kind of person who would force a guy to blow you for an iPhone and not give him the common courtesy of a reach-around."
 
2012-02-17 08:24:46 AM  

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: jingks: And here I thought I bought it because it was the cheapest option. I should inform the girlfriend her services are no longer required.

If a $500 phone is the "cheapest option", wtf were the alternatives?


500?!?! I paid way less for a 4s
Also there is the "find my iPhone" option. Much more reliable than the "suck-a-dick" option
 
2012-02-17 08:28:56 AM  
Dave the Crackhead: Man, can you give directions to Grimshaw, man?
Loc Dog: Fool, you better get yo crusty behind away from me!
Dave the Crackhead: Man, I'll suck yo dick, man!
Loc Dog: What did you say to me?
Dave the Crackhead: I'll suck yo... dick, man!
 
2012-02-17 08:36:58 AM  
I'd love to see how they perform the lineup at the station.

/this is a good plot, actually
 
2012-02-17 08:43:33 AM  

orange whip: 500?!?! I paid way less for a 4s


According to wiki, the MSRP starts at $650 for the non-contract version. So, he may have gotten it for substantially less with a contract and some promotional deal, but they don't give shiat away for free. He's paying for it somewhere.
 
2012-02-17 08:43:55 AM  
Aceveda?
mimg.ugo.com
 
2012-02-17 08:47:41 AM  
Dear Craigslist, I never thought this would happen to me, but....
 
2012-02-17 08:52:34 AM  

Backwards Cornfield Races: If you're giving a thief a bj for your phone back you must really like teh dick


Article said he was gay.

Implied but not stated was that he must have really low standards....
 
2012-02-17 08:54:06 AM  

ani23: I like how apple haters just call apple gay to hide their own insecurities.


the guy in the article literally sucked a dick for an iphone.

/Blackberry Torch
//Wife has a 4gs
 
2012-02-17 08:54:26 AM  
Their respective parents must be so proud.
 
HBK
2012-02-17 08:57:58 AM  

Walker: crzytxn: He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters.

Sounds a little suspicious. Maybe went to the woods with the guy and the guy ripped him off?

The more likely story. The Kevin Spacey scenario.


The blowee probably offered to give the guy his number, then ran off.
 
2012-02-17 08:57:58 AM  
Also, come back next week for the obvious follow-up story:

osxdaily.com
 
2012-02-17 09:11:06 AM  
NY Post can die in a fire for not letting me visit articles from my iPad.
 
2012-02-17 09:15:18 AM  
A skeevy fiend was arrested for harassing and robbing a female friend in Bath Beach, authorities said.

what the hell is a skeevy fiend????
 
2012-02-17 09:17:17 AM  
compareindia.in.com

you won't be tempted to suck a weener for it, because you can get a new one for 50 bucks.
 
2012-02-17 09:20:29 AM  
He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters. There, the suspect allegedly made his bizarre request, but reneged on the deal and ran off with the iPhone once the sex act was complete, the victim told cops.

This almost certainly did not happen the way the "victim" claims that it did. I wonder what his motivations were for filing the police report.
 
2012-02-17 09:25:55 AM  

crzytxn: He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters.

Sounds a little suspicious. Maybe went to the woods with the guy and the guy ripped him off?



Exactly.

Reminds me of the guy hunting.

See's a Black Bear in the woods. "BOOM!" Shoots it dead.

Brown Bear looking on, pokes him on the shoulder to gtet his attention, beats the crap out of him, bends him over a stump a rogers him without mercy. Leaves him for dead. By a miracle he is found.

Spends weeks in the hospital recovering, vowing revenge. When he's better he goes out in the woods, See's sees the Brown Bear in the woods. "BOOM!" Shoots it dead.

Grizzly Bear looking on, pokes him on the shoulder to get his attention, beats the crap out of him, bends him over a stump a rogers him without mercy. Leaves him for dead. By a miracle he is found.

Spends months in the hospital recovering, vowing revenge. When he's better he goes out in the woods, See's the Grizzly Bear in the woods. "BOOM!" Shoots it dead.

Kodiak Bear looking on, Pokes him on the shoulder to get his attention, beats the crap out of him, bends him over a stump a rogers him without mercy. Leaves him for dead. By a miracle he is found.

Spends years in the hospital recovering, vowing revenge. When he's better he goes out in the woods, and as he's looking for the Kodiak Bear he feels a poke on his shoulder, and it's a Polar Bear! Bear looks at him and says, "You're not really here for the hunting are you buddy?"
 
2012-02-17 09:27:26 AM  
iPhone: now more addictive than cocaine

thecriticalcritics.com

/Android is not a drug. I used to suck dick for iPhone
//Now that's an addiction, man. You ever suck some dick for Motorolla?
 
2012-02-17 09:28:12 AM  
Cocksucker...
 
2012-02-17 09:32:13 AM  

ani23: Without Fail: ani23: I like how apple haters just call apple gay to hide their own insecurities.

What worthwhile thing have you done in your own life.

/pretty sure nothing

You mean besides buy a phone?
THIS is what you judge to be 'worthwhile'?

Seek your own identity.

I think you and the other idiot above you explains your dumb mindset.

I meant compared to apple which has built a world class, best selling phone what have you done with your own sorry life other than let out your own insecurities by calling it gay.


That last sentence made my head hurt.
 
2012-02-17 09:36:35 AM  
I hope the victim was homosexual or that is just sick. I'd take bullet before I'd do that.
 
2012-02-17 09:39:31 AM  
Public Savant 2012-02-17 06:41:17 AM

- Stealing other people's stuff
- Bargaining with rightful owner over cost of returning property
- Soliciting gay men


...Say, was the the perp a republican?


You just described Democrats & Libs. Does your nose run & your feet smell also?
 
2012-02-17 09:41:54 AM  
Giving a blow job in the woods for a phone isn't normal,
but on iOS it is.
 
2012-02-17 09:49:00 AM  
Skeptical about this story. The Cloisters is a really beautiful park by day, but would probably be a prime place to "meet up" with other folks with similar interests and hobbies for short periods of time at night. It's very much removed from car and pedestrian traffic, so I think there was some deal gone awry...
 
2012-02-17 10:07:40 AM  

The Face Of Oblivion: He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters. There, the suspect allegedly made his bizarre request, but reneged on the deal and ran off with the iPhone once the sex act was complete, the victim told cops.

This almost certainly did not happen the way the "victim" claims that it did. I wonder what his motivations were for filing the police report.


At least Fark is consistent in victim blaming.
 
2012-02-17 10:09:13 AM  
I'm calling shenanigans as well.

The guy just finished getting blown and he ... ran away.

I can barely lift my head and mumble something incoherent when its over, let alone run away.
 
2012-02-17 10:11:18 AM  
Here's an excellent marketing campaign for iPhone (if their sales ever fall off): "I'd suck a cock for an iPhone!"
 
2012-02-17 10:20:06 AM  
Both iphones and android phones have apps that allow the user to track the location of their phones.

A recent aggravated robbery, in Chattanooga, was solved when the robbers took the phones from customers of the bar they were robbing, and one of the phones had a locator app. (new window)

I don't know about the iphone, but one of the free android apps (new window) allows the user to turn on the app and their phone's gps by sending a text to the phone. The best part is the app can be install remotely, so you can install it after you misplace your phone.

If the victim had a similar app installed on his phone the police could use it to track his phone and potentially bust the person who took his iphone.
 
2012-02-17 10:24:55 AM  
"sure buddy whip it out"

www.hydroempire.com

"now if i had a phone I could call 911, but since i don't it looks like you are going to bleed out and your body will end up in a dumpster...oh well life in the big city"
 
2012-02-17 10:28:34 AM  

AFKobel: I'm calling shenanigans as well.

The guy just finished getting blown and he ... ran away.

I can barely lift my head and mumble something incoherent when its over, let alone run away.


So you're saying you gave him back his IPhone?
 
2012-02-17 10:35:53 AM  

ArkAngel: Isn't this what teeth are for?


Yeah. Unless someone has a weapon (or you are a child), I don't see how you can be forced into providing oral sex against your will.
 
2012-02-17 10:49:31 AM  
there is something quite queer about this "story"
 
2012-02-17 10:51:32 AM  
Hasn't this poor guy suffered enough?

Having a crappy iPhone must suck. But blowing a dude to have it returned to you? Lolwhut?
 
2012-02-17 10:56:56 AM  

gaslight: Hey, it's just a phone. Let it go.


You just don't understand Mac people, dangit!

Then again... no one does.
 
2012-02-17 11:04:06 AM  

ani23: Without Fail: ani23: I like how apple haters just call apple gay to hide their own insecurities.

What worthwhile thing have you done in your own life.

/pretty sure nothing

You mean besides buy a phone?
THIS is what you judge to be 'worthwhile'?

Seek your own identity.

I think you and the other idiot above you explains your dumb mindset.

I meant compared to apple which has built a world class, best selling phone what have you done with your own sorry life other than let out your own insecurities by calling it gay.


You're just mad that you didn't get your iphone back.
 
2012-02-17 11:05:21 AM  
This is probably a more common crime, but typically goes unreported.
 
2012-02-17 11:06:48 AM  
My friend who jogs regularly around the Cloisters/Ft Tryon Park calls the dirt paths near the West Side Highway "Ass-rape trails" due to catching cruising men in the act and the confetti of used condoms in the area. There's a good chance this guy went cruising and got robbed.
 
2012-02-17 11:07:36 AM  

Badmonkey82009: AFKobel: I'm calling shenanigans as well.

The guy just finished getting blown and he ... ran away.

I can barely lift my head and mumble something incoherent when its over, let alone run away.

So you're saying you gave him back his IPhone?


Gave it back? No, he just took it from my limp hand.
 
2012-02-17 11:10:07 AM  
"The victim, a gay twenty-something from Chelsea..."

some people just like to play victim I guess

/or be used
//or be abused
///NTTAWWT
 
2012-02-17 11:11:51 AM  
[RIM joke]
 
2012-02-17 11:11:56 AM  

Theaetetus: The Face Of Oblivion: He claims he chased the suspect into a wooded area near The Cloisters. There, the suspect allegedly made his bizarre request, but reneged on the deal and ran off with the iPhone once the sex act was complete, the victim told cops.

This almost certainly did not happen the way the "victim" claims that it did. I wonder what his motivations were for filing the police report.

At least Fark is consistent in victim blaming.


This is the essence of your white knighting, isn't it?

The complete inability or unwillingness on your part to engage in critical thinking.

Outside of this story and your usual oevre of white knighting feminism, where else would we hear a self-claimed lawyer tell us that to doubt part of a journalist's report of an incident, or a cop's official police report, or a victim's statement, or a witness's statement was actually merely just victim blaming?
 
2012-02-17 11:26:33 AM  
Well that blows!
 
2012-02-17 11:36:06 AM  

DRFS Rich: Well that blows!


Yeah, sucks to be him.
 
2012-02-17 12:06:40 PM  
He's the type of guy to blow a man for his phone back, when he already has insurance.
 
2012-02-17 12:11:36 PM  

Scruffinator: AlwaysRightBoy: /not going to ask how you know about this... not there's any.....

Was posted on the Geek tab a week or so ago. That was a good thread, IIRC....

Wouldn't that be a form of prostitution though? I mean, it's not cash money, but it's clearly an exchange of a product for sex. Though, in this case, I wonder if the cops would refer to both of them as "Johns"?

I'm thinking about this too hard.


I'd call it rape, and put the thief up on rape charges as well as theft.

Personally, I think the victim should have bit down. Hard. And chewed.
 
2012-02-17 12:37:25 PM  

ciberido: Scruffinator: AlwaysRightBoy: /not going to ask how you know about this... not there's any.....

Was posted on the Geek tab a week or so ago. That was a good thread, IIRC....

Wouldn't that be a form of prostitution though? I mean, it's not cash money, but it's clearly an exchange of a product for sex. Though, in this case, I wonder if the cops would refer to both of them as "Johns"?

I'm thinking about this too hard.

I'd call it rape, and put the thief up on rape charges as well as theft.

Personally, I think the victim should have bit down. Hard. And chewed.


I think there´s an App for that?
 
2012-02-17 01:00:05 PM  

propasaurus: Diogenes: They really need a fleshlight app and attachment.

Here ya go: Link (NSFW)


Now that they sell pussy-in-a-can, remind me why we still need women?
 
2012-02-17 01:01:07 PM  
Now I'm glad I don't own an iPhone.

/not that there's anything wrong with that
 
2012-02-17 01:06:20 PM  
blowing somebody for the return of a phone, would you find that hard to swallow?
 
2012-02-17 01:12:32 PM  

beerfrog3: blowing somebody for the return of a phone, would you find that hard to swallow?


It would leave a bitter taste in your mouth thats for sure.
 
2012-02-17 01:17:30 PM  
the reception sucks out in those woods from what i hear he only got one bar....
 
2012-02-17 01:20:54 PM  

ciberido: I'd call it rape, and put the thief up on rape charges as well as theft.


And, unfortunately you'd be wrong. The victim willingly blew the guy to get his phone back. That doesn't constitute rape. Now, if he blew the guy to prevent being shot in the head or beat senseless, it would be different. All the victim had to say was "faaaark you. Keep the phone." But he didn't.
 
2012-02-17 01:32:44 PM  

beerfrog3: the reception sucks out in those woods from what i hear he only got one bar....


Well played old chap!
 
2012-02-17 02:33:41 PM  

Theaetetus: At least Fark is consistent in victim blaming.


I'm not "victim blaming". I'm suggesting no crime and indeed no sexual assault took place, not suggesting that a crime took place but that the justice system should look the other way because the victim deserved it. Whether or not any oral sex took place will remain a mystery, but the bottom line is that nobody blows a random dude to get a phone back. They may blow said random dude for other reasons, and the random dude may indeed have stolen or otherwise taken this man's phone, but that the owner of the alleged phone did not suck another dude's cock for the express purpose of having his phone returned to him.

Clear enough for you?
 
2012-02-17 03:45:34 PM  

JeffreyScott: I don't know about the iphone, but one of the free android apps (new window) allows the user to turn on the app and their phone's gps by sending a text to the phone. The best part is the app can be install remotely, so you can install it after you misplace your phone.


iPhone has this as well - it's the first thing the system prompts you to setup when you activate the phone.

That remote installation feature on the Android is pretty sweet.
 
2012-02-17 03:48:29 PM  

Iggymac: DRFS Rich: Well that blows!

Yeah, sucks to be him.


this guy sounds like a real sucker.. he blew it the moment he decided to cooperate with this criminal!

/poor sap...
//ok im done
 
2012-02-17 04:06:14 PM  
"A skeevy fiend was arrested for harassing and robbing a female friend in Bath Beach, authorities said."
 
2012-02-17 04:44:21 PM  
www.bizarrebytes.com

approves
 
2012-02-17 04:46:20 PM  

inner ted: [www.bizarrebytes.com image 480x360]

approves


dang, got beat to it.
 
2012-02-17 05:45:17 PM  
PillsHere
I don't care if it's my sexually preferred gender or whatever, I would not perform oral on a stranger for a phone. And if you're so poor that an iPhone means that much to you, then perhaps you shouldn't be buying an iPhone to begin with.


Dude, I ended my four years of lurking on here to tell you that you're a douche. Being poor has nothing to do with it. You can be filthy rich and obsessed with material things. If an iPhone means enough to you that you'd suck a strangers dick for it, well, you have a lot of problems, but how much money you have is the least of them.
 
2012-02-17 05:52:14 PM  

JackieRabbit: ciberido: I'd call it rape, and put the thief up on rape charges as well as theft.

And, unfortunately you'd be wrong. .


By "wrong" do you mean that you are actually a lawyer offering a legal opinion of whether or not it would hold up in court? Or are you just the sort of belligerent jerk who describes opinions you don't share as "wrong"?
 
2012-02-17 06:37:23 PM  
Just stole the wife's iPhone. Will report back later.
 
2012-02-17 06:39:01 PM  
I will admit that I have not read the entire thread. The thing that comes to mind is this: Can't the owner contact his cellphone provider and ask them to track it's location? Once you have that, call the cops and tell them "The guy that stole my phone is at this address." Hang out down the street, when the cop shows up, have your friend call your phone, so it's ringing when the cop is talking to the thief. If he answers, shout something like "Hey Officer, that's the guy that wants me to blow him in order to get my phone back!" loud enough that the cop can hear it over the phone.
 
2012-02-17 06:53:33 PM  
This guy has his priorities in order:

i42.photobucket.com

As to the dick-sucker in the article: I'm thinking the thief was probably kinda hot.
 
2012-02-17 08:46:26 PM  

foxyshadis: When ever the military has been interchangably referring to those as clips and magazines since the semi-auto was invented,


[Citation needed]
 
2012-02-17 09:16:26 PM  
There is always a good reason to have a few hundred in the bank if you can afford it. If someone takes your phone, let them have it. Then go to the cell store, call the police and buy a new phone at the same time. As soon as they activate the new phone, there will be a good chance that the thief is currently on their new prize (the stolen phone) chatting it up with a friend. The friend will assume the signal dropped and try to call right back...but the number will show up on the new phone...Bingo.
 
2012-02-17 10:26:46 PM  

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: jingks: And here I thought I bought it because it was the cheapest option. I should inform the girlfriend her services are no longer required.

If a $500 phone is the "cheapest option", wtf were the alternatives?


Free with switching providers. I would have preferred a motorola photon, but that was $250. This is in Tokyo.

TiiiMMMaHHH: Give her your fark handle, let her read about how you call her 'the girlfriend' and keep her for 'her services'. That'll take care of getting rid of her.


Heh. I didn't mean services in that sense. Either way, this is fark, it's not like any of us actually have a girlfriend.
 
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