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(Uproxx)   Chris Brown's new pickup line: "I promise I won't beat you." No, seriously, that's it   (uproxx.com) divider line 77
    More: Dumbass, pick up lines  
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4324 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 16 Feb 2012 at 1:54 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-16 01:50:17 PM  
Remember, its okay if its an open hand
 
2012-02-16 01:55:01 PM  
Counters Brown's rep: "I'd be surprised if Chris said something that stupid."

-be surprised if Chris said something that stupid."

-Chris said something that stupid."
 
2012-02-16 01:55:20 PM  
And I promise I won't shoot you in the face unless you raise a hand to me. Howzzat?
 
2012-02-16 01:56:03 PM  
lotsa disappointed chick twitterers
 
2012-02-16 01:57:46 PM  
What bothers me is that it will work.
 
2012-02-16 02:01:00 PM  
userserve-ak.last.fm
img.dailymail.co.uk
29.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-02-16 02:04:32 PM  
As big of a tool as that guy is and as disgusting as it is that people cheer and applaud for his performances, this is just some lounge chick's claim.
 
2012-02-16 02:04:43 PM  
He prefers to "transform" them. Said as much in song.
 
2012-02-16 02:08:03 PM  
Coming to a record store near you:

api.ning.com
Chris Brown's Greatest Hits Vol. 1
 
2012-02-16 02:12:32 PM  
And it will work: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys
(new window)

We're raising a nation of horrible, horrible people.

/ashamed of my generation
//we deserve everything we have coming to us
///let it burn
 
2012-02-16 02:13:12 PM  
Andy Levy's brilliant response (new window) to Chris Brown.
 
2012-02-16 02:13:25 PM  
catmacros.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-02-16 02:15:20 PM  
Fist of an angry god?
 
2012-02-16 02:23:45 PM  
Can someone out there please tell me why this human trash still has a recording contract? Why isn't he flipping burgers at McDonald's instead? Why is he even allowed near a woman?
 
2012-02-16 02:28:04 PM  

JonBuck: Can someone out there please tell me why this human trash still has a recording contract? Why isn't he flipping burgers at McDonald's instead? Why is he even allowed near a woman?


But enough about Rick Allen
 
2012-02-16 02:31:52 PM  

Hydra: And it will work: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys
(new window)

We're raising a nation of horrible, horrible people.

/ashamed of my generation
//we deserve everything we have coming to us
///let it burn


Alarming as it is, I do have to wonder how many of them really mean that, and aren't just saying it the same way guys at Fark would when an attractive woman is arrested for domestic violence in a Mugshot Roundup.

/"she can stab me any day"
 
2012-02-16 02:34:59 PM  

optional: Hydra: And it will work: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys
(new window)

We're raising a nation of horrible, horrible people.

/ashamed of my generation
//we deserve everything we have coming to us
///let it burn

Alarming as it is, I do have to wonder how many of them really mean that, and aren't just saying it the same way guys at Fark would when an attractive woman is arrested for domestic violence in a Mugshot Roundup.

/"she can stab me any day"


Don't be silly, women like abuse and often ask for it
 
2012-02-16 02:37:10 PM  
Chris Brown is so dreamy. I would totally beat him up.
 
2012-02-16 02:40:50 PM  
It's a valid question to wonder when one is approached by Chris Brown. If you were a girl wouldn't you be wondering if he was going to beat you? At least he said he wouldn't.
 
2012-02-16 02:44:03 PM  
Meh. The vast majority of women are gonna be repulsed by that, but in any large population there's always going to be a whore or two who will think they can put up with anything to sponge off a rich guy. Which is great, because when we get the inevitable, "But I never thought he would hit ME" follow up story we can all have a great big belly laugh at some terrible person's expense.
 
2012-02-16 02:46:04 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
Haha sucker. That pick up line wasn't legally binding! Haha!
 
2012-02-16 02:52:56 PM  
i22.photobucket.com


"I promise I won't hurt you."
 
2012-02-16 02:54:19 PM  
the Lasio Professional Hair Care suite Grammy gift lounge

Wait, the what now?

Anyway, She probably went back to his suite with him.
 
2012-02-16 02:54:43 PM  
After he beat Rhianna, I kept waiting for a follow up story about one of her bodyguards beating the living snot out of this punk. As far as I can tell it never happened. Why?
 
2012-02-16 02:55:06 PM  

optional: Alarming as it is, I do have to wonder how many of them really mean that, and aren't just saying it the same way guys at Fark would when an attractive woman is arrested for domestic violence in a Mugshot Roundup.

/"she can stab me any day"


To be sure, the first girl to tweet that was just making a snarky joke, but Poe's Law is definitely being invoked in all the other tweets - some might be joking, some might be honest, but it's impossible to tell.

That's because there are people patently stupid enough in this country to be sincere in saying something like this.

And because Chris Brown is 1) rich, 2) famous, and 3) good-looking, it would totally work for him.
 
2012-02-16 03:01:56 PM  

Whatthefark: After he beat Rhianna, I kept waiting for a follow up story about one of her bodyguards beating the living snot out of this punk. As far as I can tell it never happened. Why?


Doubt that's their job...they weren't there when it happened, so they can't retroactively protect her from the guy...they'd get charged just as quick as him...probably quicker since they aren't rich...
 
2012-02-16 03:02:22 PM  

JonBuck: Can someone out there please tell me why this human trash still has a recording contract?


Because he can sell music and make lots of money. He's hardly the worst person out there with a recording contract. There are people who've been convicted of attempted murder who have record deals.
 
2012-02-16 03:07:13 PM  
Well after OJ got off the first time he was back to nailing some hot chicks within a year.
 
2012-02-16 03:07:53 PM  
I don't hit people at all, but I don't particularly care if Chris Brown hits people.
 
2012-02-16 03:09:16 PM  

Hydra: And it will work: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys
(new window)

We're raising a nation of horrible, horrible people.

/ashamed of my generation
//we deserve everything we have coming to us
///let it burn


And then you have women who just can't understand why someone would stay in an abusive relationship.

Cause the stupid tramp whores are asking for it.
 
2012-02-16 03:10:59 PM  

Whatthefark: After he beat Rhianna, I kept waiting for a follow up story about one of her bodyguards beating the living snot out of this punk. As far as I can tell it never happened. Why?


And then you have the back and forth retaliation until someone who wasn't even involved in the original incident ends up getting shot.

Rhianna healed up just fine, Brown faced the judge, and now everyone is doing their thing.
 
2012-02-16 03:14:37 PM  

master_dman: Hydra: And it will work: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys
(new window)

We're raising a nation of horrible, horrible people.

/ashamed of my generation
//we deserve everything we have coming to us
///let it burn

And then you have women who just can't understand why someone would stay in an abusive relationship.

Cause the stupid tramp whores are asking for it.


27.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-02-16 03:17:02 PM  
in all fairness though, everytime that "What's My Name" song comes on, I want to smack the shiat out of Rhianna too
 
2012-02-16 03:18:29 PM  

knoxvelour: in all fairness though, everytime that "What's My Name" song comes on, I want to smack the shiat out of Rhianna too


loldailyfun.com
 
2012-02-16 03:21:59 PM  

DrewCurtisJr: Whatthefark: After he beat Rhianna, I kept waiting for a follow up story about one of her bodyguards beating the living snot out of this punk. As far as I can tell it never happened. Why?

And then you have the back and forth retaliation until someone who wasn't even involved in the original incident ends up getting shot.

Rhianna healed up just fine, Brown faced the judge, and now everyone is doing their thing.


He attended her b-day party this week where they were seen holding hands. He even tried to force party goers to sign confidentiality agreements (new window)
 
kab
2012-02-16 03:28:34 PM  

farkingismybusiness: He attended her b-day party this week where they were seen holding hands.


She's a farking moron then, but that doesn't make him any less contempt worthy.

*shrug* Pop "artists" aren't even worth discussing to begin with really.
 
2012-02-16 03:28:42 PM  
I love how this is still an issue in a culture that treats women like shiat, refuses to talk to the police, and promotes machoism.
 
2012-02-16 03:29:59 PM  

farkingismybusiness: He attended her b-day party this week where they were seen holding hands.


Yes, and like I said in the thread from yesterday, why should we be more angry with him than the actual victim.
 
2012-02-16 03:31:41 PM  
Reportedly,he and Ms.Fenty will be collaborating in the studio for a duet entitled Vicious Assault. Coincidence?
 
2012-02-16 03:34:08 PM  

Hydra: And it will work: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys
(new window)

We're raising a nation of horrible, horrible people.

/ashamed of my generation
//we deserve everything we have coming to us
///let it burn



Check the comments - there are people that obviously don't know how to react to a troll, they just keep asking for more
 
2012-02-16 03:35:12 PM  

Outrageous Muff: I love how this is still an issue in a culture that treats women like shiat, refuses to talk to the police, and promotes machoism.



Celebrity culture?
 
2012-02-16 03:36:27 PM  

master_dman: Hydra: And it will work: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys
(new window)

We're raising a nation of horrible, horrible people.

/ashamed of my generation
//we deserve everything we have coming to us
///let it burn

And then you have women who just can't understand why someone would stay in an abusive relationship.

Cause the stupid tramp whores are asking for it.


Back in college one of the neighbors was in an abusive relationship. She knew my roomate well and every 3 or 4 days she would be over after he beat her crying to my friend. I was nice and polite to her without asking the obvious "why dont you get away". Her sister lived within a mile of us. After my roomate switched to working nights. She would come over and cry at me. After a few times of being woken up I did ask her why she didnt leave. And she got all mad and pissy at me about how I didnt understand and how much he loved her etc. I didnt answer the door anymore after that. Needed my rest for school and work.
 
2012-02-16 03:38:18 PM  
Pfft! Why stop at "I won't beat you"?

This guy is willing to promise that he absolutely will *not* murder you! That's even more important!
 
2012-02-16 03:38:26 PM  
I hope the next girl he uses that line on is a black belt who's having a very bad day.
 
2012-02-16 03:39:09 PM  

kab: She's a farking moron then, but that doesn't make him any less contempt worthy.


He is still on probation. Maybe she is setting him up. If he touches her again he's going to jail.
 
2012-02-16 03:44:13 PM  
biatches be shoppin'.
 
2012-02-16 03:44:21 PM  

JonBuck: Can someone out there please tell me why this human trash still has a recording contract? Why isn't he flipping burgers at McDonald's instead? Why is he even allowed near a woman?


Because people like autotunes.
 
2012-02-16 03:47:12 PM  
I've heard a sack of oranges don't leave bruises.
 
2012-02-16 03:48:46 PM  

LeroyBourne: I've heard a sack of oranges don't leave bruises.


Nope, that's a sock with a grapefruit in it. A whole sack of oranges will leave her entire face black and blue.
 
2012-02-16 04:15:13 PM  
He's a
api.ning.com
 
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