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(Daily Telegraph)   If you're miles from civilization and a deadly tiger snake bites your friend on his testicle and your friend asks you to suck the venom out, would you?   (dailytelegraph.com.au) divider line 83
    More: Strange, killer, snacks, friends  
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8960 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Feb 2012 at 11:55 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-16 01:50:43 AM  
 
2012-02-16 01:51:30 AM  
Sorry, kemosabe. It looks fatal.
 
2012-02-16 01:52:40 AM  
Sucking the venom out is ineffective. http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/3027/is-setting-yourself-on-f ire-a-good-way-to-treat-snakebite
 
2012-02-16 01:58:51 AM  
Suck the venom out of their bite and into your bloodstream? That's a real good idea.
 
2012-02-16 02:03:43 AM  
TFA was candid and somewhat amusing.
 
2012-02-16 02:11:24 AM  
FTA:

A BRITISH tourist was bitten "down under" by a killer snake while answering a call of nature in the bush.

The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott's testicle as he squatted in the dark.

But when he begged best mate Roddy Andrews to suck the venom out, his pal refused, reports The Sun.



We watched his wallabies feed, mate, and tied his kangaroo down. But when he said, "suck the venom from my body, Roddy," well, we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde. And that's it a hangin' on the shed.
 
2012-02-16 02:32:41 AM  
Get double jointed real fast friend
 
2012-02-16 03:33:58 AM  
Help! I am bitten by snake!

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-02-16 08:34:48 AM  
That only works in dumbass John Wayne movies. Once the venom is in your bloodstream, you need to get anti-venom ASAP.
 
2012-02-16 08:51:30 AM  
www.museumofconceptualart.com
No way, I'm not falling for THAT old trick again!
 
2012-02-16 08:57:48 AM  
We'd have to run to town for more beer first

/a lot more beer
 
2012-02-16 09:04:30 AM  
If it had a chance of working (it doesn't) then I would do it. Golden rule and all that.
 
2012-02-16 09:09:52 AM  

Somacandra: If it had a chance of working (it doesn't) then I would do it. Golden rule and all that.


For those of you unfamiliar with the many uses of the "favorite" function, one way of applying favorites is to tie Farkers to specific comments so that you can bring them up at inopportune times.
 
2012-02-16 09:20:33 AM  
TFD is not your personal erotica site, submitter!
 
2012-02-16 09:26:02 AM  

Diogenes: TFD is not your personal erotica site, submitter!


Yeah, but, like, what if your best friend had two broken arms and was stuck in the hospital for 6 weeks and, like, asked you to, you know..."down there."
 
2012-02-16 09:28:25 AM  
So long, old friend.

P.S. Try the lemonparty, they might be able to help you.
 
2012-02-16 09:37:43 AM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Diogenes: TFD is not your personal erotica site, submitter!

Yeah, but, like, what if your best friend had two broken arms and was stuck in the hospital for 6 weeks and, like, asked you to, you know..."down there."


He needs to ask?
 
2012-02-16 09:44:50 AM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Yeah, but, like, what if your best friend had two broken arms and was stuck in the hospital for 6 weeks and, like, asked you to, you know..."down there."


What's wrong with a good old-fashioned wet dream? Everybody's so damn impatient these days.
 
2012-02-16 09:46:21 AM  
"SUCK MY BALLS! SUCK MY BALLS!"
"No"
"I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE MADE AT LEAST ONE GAY FRIEND!"
 
2012-02-16 09:47:04 AM  
Sounds like quite a ballsack conundrum.
 
2012-02-16 09:48:17 AM  
He shoulda brought a Teabagger with him.
 
2012-02-16 10:04:54 AM  
S' long, been nice knowin' ya.
 
2012-02-16 11:31:52 AM  
Define "snake".
 
2012-02-16 11:33:56 AM  
"They didn't take the mickey out of me being bitten on my wedding tackle."

Quotable quotes.
 
2012-02-16 11:36:32 AM  
As long as it would work and he gave me a blowjob while I did it.
 
2012-02-16 11:43:11 AM  

Ed Finnerty: Define "snake".


z.about.com
 
2012-02-16 11:46:44 AM  

Diogenes: Ed Finnerty: Define "snake".

[z.about.com image 134x200]


I'll have to think about this carefully.
 
2012-02-16 11:48:53 AM  

Ed Finnerty: Diogenes: Ed Finnerty: Define "snake".

[z.about.com image 134x200]

I'll have to think about this carefully.


Afraid of a little Hep C? Pussy.
 
2012-02-16 11:58:59 AM  

Javacrucian: Sounds like quite a ballsack conundrum.


I wonder if he was so very scared. So what he really needed was help... soonish.
 
2012-02-16 12:00:36 PM  
Thankfully, I know the Red Cross stopped recommending sucking the venom out of a snake bite years ago. So I'd ask him how long he's been in the closet and then I'd kick him right in the junk. It's bro-code.
 
2012-02-16 12:00:43 PM  
What'd the doctor say?

...doctor said you gonna die.
 
2012-02-16 12:01:56 PM  
(Doctor on phone to friend) "You'll have to suck the venom out."

"OK, thanks, Doc." (Hangs up)

"What did the doctor say?"

"Sorry, Jim, the doc says you're gonna die."
 
2012-02-16 12:02:32 PM  
13 seconds. A cursed number.
 
2012-02-16 12:06:39 PM  
No, but I'd promise to attend the funeral and help his widow "move on with her life"
 
2012-02-16 12:08:37 PM  
Sucks. To be you, dude, as it's not happening.

If I ever have occasion to whiz in (on?) the Outback, I'm taking a mongoose along with me.
 
2012-02-16 12:12:12 PM  
Ow my balls?
 
2012-02-16 12:12:13 PM  
That depends on if he's hot or not.. and shaved.
 
2012-02-16 12:16:43 PM  
Suck it yourself. At least it would be amusing.
 
2012-02-16 12:20:45 PM  
Probably. Immediately, sucking the venom out removes about half of the venom iirc. That could buy you enough time to get to a hospital.
 
2012-02-16 12:23:19 PM  
Damn dude. You're gonna die. I'll comfort your wife for you.
 
2012-02-16 12:23:21 PM  
You were going to SUCK ON MY ASS! You're my friend, Mitch.
 
2012-02-16 12:30:39 PM  
Sorry buddy your on your own.
 
2012-02-16 12:31:39 PM  
Another thrill-packed episode of...
codinghorror.typepad.com
 
2012-02-16 12:41:40 PM  
It wouldn't work if you did.
 
2012-02-16 12:42:05 PM  

tkirby: ...doctor said you gonna die.


I can't believe it took that long.
 
2012-02-16 12:42:49 PM  

thismomentinblackhistory: Diogenes: TFD is not your personal erotica site, submitter!

Yeah, but, like, what if your best friend had two broken arms and was stuck in the hospital for 6 weeks and, like, asked you to, you know..."down there."


My best friend? Yeah, I'd be happy to help her out.
 
2012-02-16 12:48:48 PM  
"I went into the garden at four in the morning after a night in the pub to save flushing the toilet because water is precious in the outback.

Water is precious in the outback. Tasmania is not exactly the outback.

The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott's testicle as he squatted in the dark.

Wait, what the hell was this guy doing? Was he shiatting in someone's garden?
 
2012-02-16 12:53:02 PM  
Hmm. There was a movie, "Can I do it till i need glasses?" I think it was, that had a bit with Lone Ranger and Tonto and Lone Ranger gets bit on the tip of his "pee pee" ....

Long story short, Tonto finds doctor who tells him to suck out the poison; he returns to Lone Ranger and says "Doctor say you gonna die, Kimosabe"
 
2012-02-16 12:57:02 PM  
 
2012-02-16 12:58:54 PM  
My Wife is getting sooooo tired of me getting bitten on my penis.
 
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