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(Cracked)   Valentine's Day music to avoid: five music videos that suck the fun out of sex   (cracked.com) divider line 72
    More: Fail, Valentine's Day, YouTube, Requiem for a Dream, Benadryl, backup dancer, summer break, forensics, music  
•       •       •

16997 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2012 at 9:29 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-02-14 08:48:12 AM  
They included a couple wiggers in there to not seem racist.
 
2012-02-14 09:36:49 AM  
needle in the hay, by eliot smith.
 
2012-02-14 09:37:16 AM  
I read this last night. This was one of the more impressive Cracked articles in terms of it's accuracy.
 
2012-02-14 09:38:12 AM  
Hayla = That's a man, baby!
 
2012-02-14 09:38:28 AM  
If I submitted an article to Cracked "5 web designs that suck and take the fun out of browsing", a) Would they run it and b) would they make the list? Every time I click a Cracked link, I start reading and immediately think of J. Peterman screaming "MY GOD MAN, JUST TELL ME WHAT THE PRODUCT IS!"
 
2012-02-14 09:38:58 AM  
Meanwhile.... (new window)
 
2012-02-14 09:39:12 AM  

Mugato: They included a couple wiggers in there to not seem racist.


Best In The World:words
Apparently, so does Fark.
 
2012-02-14 09:42:56 AM  
Saw this yesterday as I lay on the couch trying not to die.

Actually gotta give props to Cracked for this one. Those vids are messed up. Like daughter-marrying-father messed up.
 
2012-02-14 09:43:42 AM  
Tool-Prison Sex
 
2012-02-14 09:44:54 AM  

bonefish: Tool-Prison Sex


...and I raise you "Stinkfist"
 
2012-02-14 09:46:04 AM  
I've never heard of any of those songs. Should I be proud of myself for that? I'm honestly not sure.
 
2012-02-14 09:48:37 AM  
Link (new window)
 
2012-02-14 09:50:07 AM  

genepool lifeboat: bonefish: Tool-Prison Sex

...and I raise you "Stinkfist"


Those songs actually turn me on.
 
2012-02-14 09:52:29 AM  
List also known as "5 Songs You've Never Heard Before".
 
2012-02-14 09:52:43 AM  
Lemon Incest (new window) by Serge Gainsbourg.
 
2012-02-14 09:54:13 AM  

Cythraul: genepool lifeboat: bonefish: Tool-Prison Sex

...and I raise you "Stinkfist"

Those songs actually turn me on.


Oddly enough, they have the same effect on my wife.
Probably why I'm such a Tool fan.
 
2012-02-14 09:56:22 AM  

genepool lifeboat: Cythraul: genepool lifeboat: bonefish: Tool-Prison Sex

...and I raise you "Stinkfist"

Those songs actually turn me on.

Oddly enough, they have the same effect on my wife.
Probably why I'm such a Tool fan.


This should scare all three of us (for our own separate reasons), considering what those songs are actually about.

Hint: When TOOL performs songs about sex or drugs, they're usually using it as a metaphor.
 
2012-02-14 09:56:27 AM  
 
2012-02-14 09:56:38 AM  
But, but... Cracked readers have never had sex, unless we count fist farking.
 
2012-02-14 09:57:13 AM  

genepool lifeboat: Cythraul: genepool lifeboat: bonefish: Tool-Prison Sex

...and I raise you "Stinkfist"

Those songs actually turn me on.

Oddly enough, they have the same effect on my wife.
Probably why I'm such a Tool fan.


That's what she said
/sorry
 
2012-02-14 09:58:19 AM  
oh, RAED, you are the worst artist on youtube...
 
2012-02-14 09:59:33 AM  

mithras_angel: List also known as "5 Songs You've Never Heard Before".


From five artists you've never heard of, though "Brooker T" was a close call because I thought it was that idiot on WWE who did headspins.
 
2012-02-14 10:00:31 AM  

TravisBickle62: Hayla = That's a man, baby!


Ayup. In fact, looks like all three in that pic are.
 
2012-02-14 10:00:41 AM  

Cythraul: genepool lifeboat: Cythraul: genepool lifeboat: bonefish: Tool-Prison Sex

...and I raise you "Stinkfist"

Those songs actually turn me on.

Oddly enough, they have the same effect on my wife.
Probably why I'm such a Tool fan.

This should scare all three of us (for our own separate reasons), considering what those songs are actually about.

Hint: When TOOL performs songs about sex or drugs, they're usually using it as a metaphor.


Correct sir. I think for us its the way the music flows and the way it is being sung and not so much the meaning behind it. YMMV
 
2012-02-14 10:01:20 AM  

mithras_angel: List also known as "5 Songs You've Never Heard Before".


Came here to say this.
 
2012-02-14 10:03:24 AM  

genepool lifeboat: Probably why I'm such a Tool


^Farkied!

(just kidding)
 
2012-02-14 10:04:58 AM  
 
2012-02-14 10:08:26 AM  

Pauly Math: That's what she said
/sorry


Whiskey Dickens: ^Farkied!

(just kidding)



This is why I usually lurk.
Thanks guys, I feel like family now *sniff*
 
2012-02-14 10:13:44 AM  

Twigz221: I've never heard of any of those songs. Should I be proud of myself for that? I'm honestly not sure.


If you find out please let me know, as I'm in the same boat.
 
2012-02-14 10:15:28 AM  
genepool lifeboat


Hint: When TOOL performs songs about sex or drugs, they're usually using it as a metaphor.

Correct sir. I think for us its the way the music flows and the way it is being sung and not so much the meaning behind it. YMMV


so, is there sh*t, blood, and cum on his hands or not?
 
2012-02-14 10:15:31 AM  
Well, it may not suck the fun out of sex, but I nominate "More than a woman" as the most sexist song of all time, followed closely by "Having my baby" and "I am woman, hear me roar".

You may be more than a woman*, lady, but a good cigar is still a smoke. (Shakes cigar) (Badaboom! Badabing!)

"Bolero" sucks the fun out of sex. It's impossible to hear it without thinking of Dudley Moore. As Arthur. In Arthur 2. No the funny Dudley Moore of Cook and Moore or Bedazzled. If you're really unlucky, hearing Bolero will make you think of the topless scene that Julie Andrews did and you're down for the next 48 hours.

* But still slightly less than a cowboy's horse.

Old Brantgoose Parody of "I am Woman":

I am woman, hear me roar!
As I'm busting down the door
Of this bastion of ma-le solitude.
I'm gonna rearrange your face
But first I'll redecorate this place
I find the decor repulsive and rather crude.


Another Parody of "The Sound of Music":

The hills are aliiiiiiiiiiiiive, with the sound of Julie
With songs she has sung, for a thousand years
My heart is aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive with the sound of Julie
The sound of Julie keeps ringing in my ears!

She dances, she prances, she sings a song
Oh, so mer-ri-ly
She flaunted her t*ts once, but that was wrong
So they cut it out for Tee Veeeeeeeeeeeee!

My heart is aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive with the sound of Julie
The sound of Julie keeps ringing in my ears!
 
2012-02-14 10:16:13 AM  

busy chillin': genepool lifeboat


Hint: When TOOL performs songs about sex or drugs, they're usually using it as a metaphor.

Correct sir. I think for us its the way the music flows and the way it is being sung and not so much the meaning behind it. YMMV

so, is there sh*t, blood, and cum on his hands or not?


See, there ya go gettin' me all excited again.
 
2012-02-14 10:21:26 AM  
What is a "music video"?

*reads multi-page Cracked list-article*

Oh, it's a kind of YouTube video where twentysomething hipster kids take their Flipcams and act out the story in the hipster songs they made in Garage Band.

/hipster.
 
2012-02-14 10:24:23 AM  

poot_rootbeer: What is a "music video"?

*reads multi-page Cracked list-article*

Oh, it's a kind of YouTube video where twentysomething hipster kids take their Flipcams and act out the story in the hipster songs they made in Garage Band.

/hipster.


I'm disturbed by the number of people in this thread thinking that the people in TFA are acts under some kind of serious consideration. It's article about shiatty music for us to gawk at. I'm not even sure any of those acts could be considered Hipster by even the loosest definition that Fark holds of the word .
 
2012-02-14 10:25:43 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: oh, RAED, you are the worst artist on youtube...


img29.imageshack.us

Damn you for linking this! There is so much of YouTube that I have been willfully ignorant of and would have preferred to stay that way. The "related videos" section is train-wrecky. Yikes!
 
2012-02-14 10:27:35 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: poot_rootbeer: What is a "music video"?

*reads multi-page Cracked list-article*

Oh, it's a kind of YouTube video where twentysomething hipster kids take their Flipcams and act out the story in the hipster songs they made in Garage Band.

/hipster.

I'm disturbed by the number of people in this thread thinking that the people in TFA are acts under some kind of serious consideration. It's article about shiatty music for us to gawk at. I'm not even sure any of those acts could be considered Hipster by even the loosest definition that Fark holds of the word .


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THIS
 
2012-02-14 10:30:37 AM  
While not a video, I know one song that sucks the fun out of sex.... Link (new window)

The Wedding March by Felix Mendelssohn.
 
2012-02-14 10:41:55 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: poot_rootbeer: What is a "music video"?

*reads multi-page Cracked list-article*

Oh, it's a kind of YouTube video where twentysomething hipster kids take their Flipcams and act out the story in the hipster songs they made in Garage Band.

/hipster.

I'm disturbed by the number of people in this thread thinking that the people in TFA are acts under some kind of serious consideration. It's article about shiatty music for us to gawk at. I'm not even sure any of those acts could be considered Hipster by even the loosest definition that Fark holds of the word .


Being genuinely unable to distinguish one posturing, hyphen-zed-numberthingy club "artist" from another by name and pictures alone (and being unable to watch the videos atm), I was seriously unaware of this.

/If your lyrics say "in da club", I'd better not hear it anywhere but "in da club"
//boots n cats n boots n cats ugh
///My lawn. Get off of it.
 
2012-02-14 11:06:48 AM  
Whew. Glad I'm not the only one that doesn't know these songs. Does that mean sex with me is still fun?
 
2012-02-14 11:28:16 AM  

just passing through: Whew. Glad I'm not the only one that doesn't know these songs. Does that mean sex with me is still fun?


That depends. Is a chicken kinky or perverted?
 
2012-02-14 11:30:40 AM  
is "To all the girls I've loved before" on the list?
 
2012-02-14 11:32:09 AM  
Boats & Hos.
 
2012-02-14 11:40:15 AM  

Mugato: They included a couple wiggers in there to not seem racist.


Really dude? Wiggers?
 
2012-02-14 11:42:56 AM  
How about a song about banging the Messiah? I hate it when He pontifies during a reverse cowgirl

ChristianWoman
 
2012-02-14 11:46:27 AM  

Smeggy Smurf: just passing through: Whew. Glad I'm not the only one that doesn't know these songs. Does that mean sex with me is still fun?

That depends. Is a chicken kinky or perverted?


I think the way it goes is like this.

Using a chicken feather during sex = sexy
Using a whole chicken during sex = kinky
Using a chicken FOR sex = pervert
 
2012-02-14 11:48:47 AM  
Can we talk about music that will describe our valentines day?

Link (new window)
 
2012-02-14 12:04:10 PM  
 
2012-02-14 12:24:33 PM  
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
 
2012-02-14 12:37:16 PM  
I wasn't aware any of that qualified as music.

/nor that TOOL does for that matter
 
2012-02-14 12:48:11 PM  
Did the Bloodhound Gang ever do a video for "Kiss me where it smells funny"?
 
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