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(Fox 40 Sacramento)   Now that gay marriage is legal in California, the state's Health Department thought it was necessary to print a "how to have gay sex" manual   (fox40.com) divider line 48
    More: Amusing, health department, sex life, c-words, live better, sex positions  
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10376 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2012 at 2:48 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-02-10 01:08:15 PM
11 votes:
How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex
2012-02-10 04:35:19 PM
5 votes:

Witty_Retort: knightofargh: Brytanica1: But if you have hardwood or laminate floors, and spill it, it becomes EXTREMELY hazardous due to its slipperiness and unlike water based doesn't dry up with a sticky residue.

/found this out the hard way.

Yakety Sax or sad trombone hazardous?

It's more likely to get spilled on the dog than anything else.

wat?


There will be trouble when the oil hits the canis.
2012-02-10 02:07:34 PM
3 votes:
You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

1. Have a sense of humor. You know how Christian's argue that homosexuality is an affront to nature? Well gay sex is an affront of bodily functions and physics. Your bodies were not designed for this.

2. Upon deciding to have anal sex, you have agreed to live your life as a member of a group of people who have multiple definitions of the word "shower." Sometimes called the 'gay' shower or the 'bottom' shower, you will find yourself showering more surface area of skin than you knew existed.

3. While yes, Virginia, there are bottoms and tops, there are many more "versatile" or "switch-hitting" gay man. This is what you should aspired to be. Who tops and who bottoms isn't determined by sexual desire so much as who had what for lunch. Don't feel like bottoming? Indian buffet. Congrats: you top tonight.

4. You need good lube, not the shiat they sell straight people at WalMart. Go to the adult book store and get something really nice, like Gun Oil. Not all lubes are condom friendly depending on whether or not you are fluid bonded w/someone.

5. It's best for the bottom to start "on top" by lowering himself onto his partner. Once a level of comfort is achieved, other positions can be tried.

6. Sex in public is a lot easier since you're both supposed to be in the same restroom, but the consequences are usually worse if you are caught in the car.

7. Santorum is real. It's not as prevalent a problem as the Internet might let you believe, but it happens. Upon finishing, you need to clean up -- though nearly 99% of the time, you have absolutely nothing to worry about as long as you are taking a proper gay shower.

8. You do not need to cuddle afterwards. You can seriously go straight back to playing X-Box until you want to fark some more. Anal sex is probably the least intimate thing gay men do together.

9. Never be afraid to abort the mission (for a host of reasons). You're already having 5x the sex a straight man does so it's okay to take a night off because the shower didn't go well or you really want Indian for lunch.

Congrats!

You're a buttfarker!

TL;DR: You're not ready for buttsecksing.
2012-02-10 01:03:16 PM
3 votes:
Did they include how to have sex with a turtle?

That information will be needed soon enough.
2012-02-11 01:21:39 AM
2 votes:
media.trb.com
media.trb.com
media.trb.com
media.trb.com
media.trb.com


California FTW!
2012-02-10 03:56:50 PM
2 votes:

Contrabulous Flabtraption: is it gay if my wife sticks things up my ass?


if its her boyfriends johnson, then yeh.
2012-02-10 03:20:18 PM
2 votes:
2012-02-10 03:05:45 PM
2 votes:

miss diminutive: ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex

You some kind of masochist? You forgot the lube step.

/great, now I'm singing the tune to Love Shack using the words 'lube step'
//lube step, baby lube step


Bang, bang, bang- his back door, baby
2012-02-10 02:00:20 PM
2 votes:

ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex


You some kind of masochist? You forgot the lube step.

/great, now I'm singing the tune to Love Shack using the words 'lube step'
//lube step, baby lube step
2012-02-10 01:53:00 PM
2 votes:

Chariset: Oh, thank heavens. Since Obama's second term is going to turn us all gay with his Pinkification Waves, that's information we all need to know.


Pinkification waves?

i6.photobucket.com
2012-02-10 01:28:45 PM
2 votes:

SphericalTime: Penis in vagina while smiling?


I think you need to read the manual.
2012-02-10 01:23:40 PM
2 votes:
"The language used: they're usingthe F-word, you know? And male sex organs using the C-word and the D-word," the man said

Golly gee!
2012-02-10 01:06:06 PM
2 votes:
Aw man, they blurred all the good parts!

I mean, umm... gross...
2012-02-11 07:38:23 AM
1 votes:

RelativeEase: [media.trb.com image 540x614]
[media.trb.com image 540x432]
[media.trb.com image 540x541]
[media.trb.com image 540x238]
[media.trb.com image 468x750]


California FTW!


789chan.org
2012-02-10 06:29:46 PM
1 votes:

letrole: Bushmen don't have any more interest in female breasts than they do in elbows.


It's simply amazing that the bushmen have not died out as infants, trying to latch on to elbows to suckle, and such.
2012-02-10 06:15:09 PM
1 votes:

MilesTeg: I have no problem with homosexuals. It's the gay sex stuff they do that is disgusting and repulsive.


I feel the same about communion. Performing mock cannibalism upon the zombie body of Christ is creepy and repulsive. I mean, they never tell you exactly what part of him you are about to accept.
2012-02-10 06:12:05 PM
1 votes:
don't forget to lube your ass, folks!

i276.photobucket.com
2012-02-10 05:01:43 PM
1 votes:
Quick Question...
One would think that a decision on marriage would primarily affect those that have been in a relationship for some time. I just don't see many folks saying to themselves, "now that I can marry, I think I'll give gay a try." So, why would a pamphlet like this be produced with relation to a marriage arrangement?
2012-02-10 04:58:30 PM
1 votes:
Just remember, it takes a real man to take man love, because man love hurts.
2012-02-10 04:46:13 PM
1 votes:

That coward David Lopan: BFletch651: Almost every favorite I have is posting in this thread.

And I'm here too...

Uh-oh....

What color am I?


i105.photobucket.com
2012-02-10 04:39:40 PM
1 votes:

letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.


A lot of guys learn it in the Navy for from their college roommate. Which was it for you?
2012-02-10 04:25:49 PM
1 votes:

Brytanica1: But if you have hardwood or laminate floors, and spill it, it becomes EXTREMELY hazardous due to its slipperiness and unlike water based doesn't dry up with a sticky residue.

/found this out the hard way.


Yakety Sax or sad trombone hazardous?

It's more likely to get spilled on the dog than anything else.
2012-02-10 03:59:58 PM
1 votes:

itsfullofstars: revo-emag.com


Given the attraction to basements by many teens and their friends, radon may in fact be a very significant health hazard.

Save a teen. Tell them to get out of their parents' basement right now!
2012-02-10 03:56:52 PM
1 votes:

knightofargh: DirkTheDaring: While Farva's shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

Precisely. Did you miss the burlesque and lacy underthing threads from yesterday? I didn't see you adding flair.


I were busy. Besides, burlesque dancers are the Tab Cola of the adult entertainment world.
2012-02-10 03:53:36 PM
1 votes:
is it gay if my wife sticks things up my ass?
2012-02-10 03:51:50 PM
1 votes:
Penis goes where there and there! ?
2012-02-10 03:43:33 PM
1 votes:

Kazrath: Pocket Ninja: "It's almost like a how to manual to have gay sex," he says.

It's been my general experience in life that when people insert the word "almost" into a comparison between two objects, the basic take-away should be that the two objects are actually not at all similar in any way.

"He looks almost like you." Is generally followed by: But his hair is black, he is shorter, skinner, and is Asian instead of white. Oh and he is missing three fingers on his right hand. Yeah that sounds just like me.



"He looks almost like you, but his hair is black, he is shorter, skinnier, and he is Asian instead of white" is generally followed by: "But I swear, honey, he's your son."
2012-02-10 03:36:41 PM
1 votes:
I get the C-word with reference to male sex organs, but what is the D-word? Dingle-Danglies?
2012-02-10 03:36:09 PM
1 votes:

knightofargh: DirkTheDaring: knightofargh: Why did you do that?

I didn't get a Friday Boobies thread. So now I'm up to hi-jinks and what-not.

The term is shenanigans Dirk. And yours are technically comical and endearing.


While Farva's shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
2012-02-10 03:35:39 PM
1 votes:
If that manual doesn't start with the words, "Get two girls..." I ain't reading it.


/NTTAWWT
2012-02-10 03:32:36 PM
1 votes:

Marcus Aurelius: "The language used: they're usingthe F-word, you know? And male sex organs using the C-word and the D-word," the man said

Golly gee!


NOT THE C-WORD AND THE D-WORD! MY GOD!
2012-02-10 03:28:12 PM
1 votes:
What are "anatomically correct stick figures"?

pics.blameitonthevoices.com
2012-02-10 03:27:22 PM
1 votes:

lennavan: ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex

What if you are a gay female?


Not an issue because of Lesbian Bed Death. When I first heard the term I thought it was some kind of Lesbian hospice organization. Now I know it's not only a cool name for a band, but a tragic unsexing of the Lesbian couple, once all moved in, cats purchased, power-tools divided up, etc.
2012-02-10 03:26:56 PM
1 votes:
Dear State of California,

Please send me one of them there gay sex manuals.

Love,
Rick Santorum
2012-02-10 03:23:22 PM
1 votes:
I got me a man, he's as big as a bear, and we're headin' on down
To the Lube Step
I got me some oil, it lubes about 20,
So come on and bring your bathhouse money!

The Lube Step is a little old place where we can pump each other,
Lube Step baby, Lube Step bay-bee.
2012-02-10 02:58:47 PM
1 votes:
I can in here solely to look for the "but now that they're getting married they'll be having LESS sex" jokes and was surprised and saddened that lo, there were none.
2012-02-10 02:55:51 PM
1 votes:
i40.tinypic.com
2012-02-10 02:55:04 PM
1 votes:
...then they eat da poo poo.
2012-02-10 02:52:28 PM
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Did they include how to have sex with a turtle?

That information will be needed soon enough.


www.blogcdn.com
2012-02-10 02:31:30 PM
1 votes:

Marcus Aurelius: "The language used: they're usingthe F-word, you know? And male sex organs using the C-word and the D-word," the man said

Golly gee!


"When frenulating your partner's columne virile, don't forget the diasporatum."

/Jesus had a penis
2012-02-10 02:29:55 PM
1 votes:

thismomentinblackhistory: Diogenes: thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

You really hurt our recruitment efforts when you demystify our habits like that.

Look at all I left out, though...


LOL. Um...yeah. *blushes*
2012-02-10 02:13:57 PM
1 votes:

thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory


You really hurt our recruitment efforts when you demystify our habits like that.
2012-02-10 02:03:46 PM
1 votes:

FloydA: He asked FOX40 to conceal his identity for fear of losing his job.

But FOX40 can reveal that he lives in Canada, FOX40 met him at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know him.


So he's a Fox-40 whistle blower?

/Some will know.
2012-02-10 01:52:24 PM
1 votes:

Car_Ramrod: James!: Some rando working at the printer called fox in on this? Sure.

Not just some rando, The Amazing Rando!!!


"Behold! Watch as I pull this red herring out of my ass!"
2012-02-10 01:42:46 PM
1 votes:
Oh, thank heavens. Since Obama's second term is going to turn us all gay with his Pinkification Waves, that's information we all need to know.
2012-02-10 01:29:53 PM
1 votes:
This sounds suspiciously like that pamphlet Ricky Gervais talked about in his stand up. "Why not cum out the window?"
2012-02-10 01:22:04 PM
1 votes:
What? Farkers need instructions on manual sex?

Perhaps I misread that.
2012-02-10 01:13:37 PM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: "It's almost like a how to manual to have gay sex," he says.

It's been my general experience in life that when people insert the word "almost" into a comparison between two objects, the basic take-away should be that the two objects are actually not at all similar in any way.


That's almost exactly what I was thinking
 
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