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(Fox 40 Sacramento)   Now that gay marriage is legal in California, the state's Health Department thought it was necessary to print a "how to have gay sex" manual   (fox40.com) divider line 210
    More: Amusing, health department, sex life, c-words, live better, sex positions  
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10376 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2012 at 2:48 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-10 03:55:29 PM
Almost every favorite I have is posting in this thread.

And I'm here too...

Uh-oh....
 
2012-02-10 03:56:50 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: is it gay if my wife sticks things up my ass?


if its her boyfriends johnson, then yeh.
 
2012-02-10 03:56:52 PM

knightofargh: DirkTheDaring: While Farva's shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

Precisely. Did you miss the burlesque and lacy underthing threads from yesterday? I didn't see you adding flair.


I were busy. Besides, burlesque dancers are the Tab Cola of the adult entertainment world.
 
2012-02-10 03:56:59 PM

ArkAngel: Congratulations! You are now having gay sex


My god. I've been gay sexing my for years.
 
2012-02-10 03:58:29 PM
Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.
 
2012-02-10 03:59:58 PM

itsfullofstars: revo-emag.com


Given the attraction to basements by many teens and their friends, radon may in fact be a very significant health hazard.

Save a teen. Tell them to get out of their parents' basement right now!
 
2012-02-10 04:00:31 PM

knightofargh: thismomentinblackhistory: I highly recommend Gun Oil Silicone Personal Lubricant. It comes in a brown bottle (the blue one is water based). Gun Oil was developed by gay veterans from either Desert Storm or the Gulf War -- I'd have to look it up but I'm at work.

Thanks. We'll give it a shot (no pun). Currently finishing a bottle of garbage water based crap marketed to hetero couples. I can vouch that it sucks.

Interestingly the mass market version of what we're using is different then the non-mass market version of the same product that I used 8 years prior.


I'd say let me know how it goes but that's kind of weird I guess. You can order it online, but if you go into the store with your wife you might get a discount. Lots of ABS stores have "ladies day" or "couple's discounts" because ladies and couples bring more legit business that doesn't require two pairs of gloves, bleach, and a mop.
 
2012-02-10 04:01:07 PM

Oznog: [o.onionstatic.com image 635x345]
Dry Humping An Adequate Sex Alternative For Teens, Says Weird, Unsolicited Report From Department Of Interior (new window)


Damn Onion
 
2012-02-10 04:01:17 PM

gibbon1: ArkAngel: Congratulations! You are now having gay sex

My god. I've been gay sexing my for years.


I think you accidentally a word there.
 
2012-02-10 04:02:04 PM

letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.


That's why it is so important you don't fark up step number 2. Otherwise all of the other lessons are worthless.
 
2012-02-10 04:02:49 PM
Gay marriage isn't legal again in California... yet.
 
2012-02-10 04:03:46 PM

letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.


FAIL
 
2012-02-10 04:07:18 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: I'd say let me know how it goes but that's kind of weird I guess. You can order it online, but if you go into the store with your wife you might get a discount. Lots of ABS stores have "ladies day" or "couple's discounts" because ladies and couples bring more legit business that doesn't require two pairs of gloves, bleach, and a mop.


Not the weirdest request I've received on fark actually.

We sometimes get a discount from one of the managers at our local establishment. She recalls us as the only hetero couple she's ever encountered that owns Liberator sex furniture. And yes, there are bleach issues at most local establishments.
 
2012-02-10 04:07:38 PM
She also says procedures designed to review materials before they go to press, were "breached."


"Breached"? She's not sure of the word she's looking for, it seems. Might I suggest "penetrated" or "deflowered"? How about "farked"?
 
2012-02-10 04:09:08 PM

DeltaPunch: I got me a man, he's as big as a bear, and we're headin' on down
To the Lube Step
I got me some oil, it lubes about 20,
So come on and bring your bathhouse money!

The Lube Step is a little old place where we can pump each other,
Lube Step baby, Lube Step bay-bee.


Well, it's official. I'll never hear that song the same way again.

BFletch651: Almost every favorite I have is posting in this thread.


Scrolling through a thread and seeing countless multiple shades of green is such a great feeling.
 
2012-02-10 04:10:38 PM
makes sense. No different that the "safe sex" brochures that they hand out.

If they're not doing it already, they should print some up.
 
2012-02-10 04:10:55 PM

miss diminutive: Well, it's official. I'll never hear that song the same way again.


It took your final quote of that sub-theme in this thread to ear worm me.

Thanks a bunch.
 
2012-02-10 04:11:04 PM

letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.


This is the 5th time you've cast this exact bait.
 
2012-02-10 04:14:28 PM
How to have homosexual sex:

1. Throw out your hands!!
2. Stick out your tush!!
3. Hands on your hips.
4. Give them a push!!

You'll be surprised. You're doing the gay sex! VOILA!
 
2012-02-10 04:15:04 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

8. You do not need to cuddle afterwards. You can seriously go straight back to playing X-Box until you want to fark some more. Anal sex is probably the least intimate thing gay men do together.


This would be a refreshing change of pace.
 
2012-02-10 04:16:29 PM

letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.


Make that 127 different fark threads this gay-baiting entry has been posted in the last few years.

/quoting a Mel Brooks movie is not gay-baiting
/quoting Will and Grace might be construed as such
 
2012-02-10 04:16:40 PM

MrEricSir: letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.

FAIL


Observe le name.
 
2012-02-10 04:21:03 PM
FTFA: "The language used: they're usingthe F-word, you know? And male sex organs using the C-word and the D-word," the man said.

Wow. If you feel compelled to talk about F, C, and D words, and if you get upset when those words are spelled out... then maybe the problem isn't the pamphlet.
 
2012-02-10 04:23:26 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: knightofargh: Speaking of sex, since the Fark Gay Mafia™ is here, what's the recommended silicone lubricant these days. The water based stuff tends to absorb too rapidly into Mrs. Argh's nethers. And when us hetero types need a personal lubricant, we really need one.

I highly recommend Gun Oil Silicone Personal Lubricant. It comes in a brown bottle (the blue one is water based). Gun Oil was developed by gay veterans from either Desert Storm or the Gulf War -- I'd have to look it up but I'm at work.

A big bottle runs between $20-$30 so you should try to small bottle first to see if you like it. You'll find a little goes a long way. It's not sticky or goopy and when the deed is done, you don't find traces of it hours later.



Gun oil is good.

But if you have hardwood or laminate floors, and spill it, it becomes EXTREMELY hazardous due to its slipperiness and unlike water based doesn't dry up with a sticky residue.

/found this out the hard way.
 
2012-02-10 04:25:20 PM

kingoomieiii: letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.

This is the 5th time you've cast this exact bait.


Of course, Letrole is trolling, but it's rather apropos in this case.
After all, we are talking about a pamphlet teaching people the proper way to have gay sex.
 
2012-02-10 04:25:49 PM

Brytanica1: But if you have hardwood or laminate floors, and spill it, it becomes EXTREMELY hazardous due to its slipperiness and unlike water based doesn't dry up with a sticky residue.

/found this out the hard way.


Yakety Sax or sad trombone hazardous?

It's more likely to get spilled on the dog than anything else.
 
2012-02-10 04:26:09 PM
BOHICA (Bend Over Here It Comes Again)
 
2012-02-10 04:26:15 PM
There NEEDS to be a manual. Here's a super simplified version.

Lube and warm up, lube and warm up, lube and warm up. A condom isn't going to keep the top from receiving blood from the bottom. And you know from transfusions and needles AIDS how dangerous blood is.
 
2012-02-10 04:27:55 PM

DirkTheDaring: MrEricSir: letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.

FAIL

Observe le name.


Il est déjà en l'ignore.
 
2012-02-10 04:29:56 PM
Anatomically correct male stick figures... Batteries not included.

Hee-hee, hee-hee-hee..

/Joey, have you like Turkish baths
 
2012-02-10 04:30:15 PM

knightofargh: Brytanica1: But if you have hardwood or laminate floors, and spill it, it becomes EXTREMELY hazardous due to its slipperiness and unlike water based doesn't dry up with a sticky residue.

/found this out the hard way.

Yakety Sax or sad trombone hazardous?

It's more likely to get spilled on the dog than anything else.


wat?
 
2012-02-10 04:32:36 PM

LadyBelgara: gibbon1: ArkAngel: Congratulations! You are now having gay sex

My god. I've been gay sexing my for years.

I think you accidentally a word there.


Nah, it's like Mad Libs. We get the fun of filling it in!

Self?

Dog?

Goldfish?

Grandma?

Moss-covered three-handled family gradunza?
 
2012-02-10 04:35:12 PM

Witty_Retort: wat?


The dog lives on the floor by the wife's side of the bed (specifically by the nightstand, wherin lubricants are stored). Thus a bottle fumble results in the dog being slippery.
 
2012-02-10 04:35:19 PM

Witty_Retort: knightofargh: Brytanica1: But if you have hardwood or laminate floors, and spill it, it becomes EXTREMELY hazardous due to its slipperiness and unlike water based doesn't dry up with a sticky residue.

/found this out the hard way.

Yakety Sax or sad trombone hazardous?

It's more likely to get spilled on the dog than anything else.

wat?


There will be trouble when the oil hits the canis.
 
2012-02-10 04:36:47 PM

BFletch651: Almost every favorite I have is posting in this thread.

And I'm here too...

Uh-oh....


What color am I?
 
2012-02-10 04:37:31 PM

DirkTheDaring: There will be trouble when the oil hits the canis.


I prefer your interpretation.
 
2012-02-10 04:38:26 PM

pit and pendulum: i'm assuming it was written by sexless straight people--it'll have about as much creative passion in it as would a fix it guide for a 1973 toyota.


"Can anyone tell me the the correct steps to receive anal? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?"

/too obscure?
 
2012-02-10 04:39:40 PM

letrole: Homosexuality is a Learned Behaviour.


A lot of guys learn it in the Navy for from their college roommate. Which was it for you?
 
2012-02-10 04:42:19 PM

knightofargh: DirkTheDaring: There will be trouble when the oil hits the canis.

I prefer your interpretation.


Stolen from a headline of the year candidate.
 
2012-02-10 04:44:14 PM

Brytanica1: Gun oil is good.

But if you have hardwood or laminate floors, and spill it, it becomes EXTREMELY hazardous due to its slipperiness and unlike water based doesn't dry up with a sticky residue.

/found this out the hard way.


Oh I forgot about that, and apparently the huge bruise on my hip as a result.

The bottle should say...

WARNING: Anything created by a group of war veterans has the dual purpose of being able to be used as a weapon to kill you.
 
2012-02-10 04:46:13 PM

That coward David Lopan: BFletch651: Almost every favorite I have is posting in this thread.

And I'm here too...

Uh-oh....

What color am I?


i105.photobucket.com
 
2012-02-10 04:51:45 PM

miss diminutive: ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex

You some kind of masochist? You forgot the lube step.

/great, now I'm singing the tune to Love Shack using the words 'lube step'
//lube step, baby lube step


Damn it. Now it's stuck in my head,,,,

/ You can lube me any time
// wait what?
 
2012-02-10 04:53:56 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: is it gay if my wife sticks things up my ass?


I sure hope not.
 
2012-02-10 04:54:43 PM

miss diminutive: lube step


Sign says lube up fools
'cause goin in dry makes you a tool
at the Lube Step Baby Lube step
 
2012-02-10 04:58:30 PM
Just remember, it takes a real man to take man love, because man love hurts.
 
2012-02-10 04:58:30 PM
The opportunities for Craigslist ads are infinite:

34 yo male, 7" cut, D/D free, nonsmoker, HWP, seeks same for afternoon oral. May bottom for guy who can draw anatomically correct stick figures. Can host 2-5. Pics and stats gets same.
 
2012-02-10 05:01:43 PM
Quick Question...
One would think that a decision on marriage would primarily affect those that have been in a relationship for some time. I just don't see many folks saying to themselves, "now that I can marry, I think I'll give gay a try." So, why would a pamphlet like this be produced with relation to a marriage arrangement?
 
2012-02-10 05:02:25 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: Lots of ABS stores have "ladies day" or "couple's discounts" because ladies and couples bring more legit business that doesn't require two pairs of gloves, bleach, and a mop.


An Open Letter From Your Local Adult Store Clerk
 
2012-02-10 05:03:43 PM
I for one support our new homosexual overlords. The world will be a whole new level of color coordinated!

/girlfriend once mentioned pegging and I was like no. A finger here or there whatever. That was just too far for me and my poor bum to think of going.
 
2012-02-10 05:12:39 PM
C:###
 
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