If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fox 40 Sacramento)   Now that gay marriage is legal in California, the state's Health Department thought it was necessary to print a "how to have gay sex" manual   (fox40.com) divider line 210
    More: Amusing, health department, sex life, c-words, live better, sex positions  
•       •       •

10372 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2012 at 2:48 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



210 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-02-10 12:56:43 PM
"It's almost like a how to manual to have gay sex," he says.

It's been my general experience in life that when people insert the word "almost" into a comparison between two objects, the basic take-away should be that the two objects are actually not at all similar in any way.
 
2012-02-10 01:00:58 PM
Penis in vagina while smiling?

/happy sex!
 
2012-02-10 01:03:16 PM
Did they include how to have sex with a turtle?

That information will be needed soon enough.
 
2012-02-10 01:06:06 PM
Aw man, they blurred all the good parts!

I mean, umm... gross...
 
2012-02-10 01:08:15 PM
How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex
 
2012-02-10 01:11:12 PM
Some rando working at the printer called fox in on this? Sure.
 
2012-02-10 01:13:37 PM

Pocket Ninja: "It's almost like a how to manual to have gay sex," he says.

It's been my general experience in life that when people insert the word "almost" into a comparison between two objects, the basic take-away should be that the two objects are actually not at all similar in any way.


That's almost exactly what I was thinking
 
2012-02-10 01:22:04 PM
What? Farkers need instructions on manual sex?

Perhaps I misread that.
 
2012-02-10 01:23:40 PM
"The language used: they're usingthe F-word, you know? And male sex organs using the C-word and the D-word," the man said

Golly gee!
 
2012-02-10 01:28:45 PM

SphericalTime: Penis in vagina while smiling?


I think you need to read the manual.
 
2012-02-10 01:29:53 PM
This sounds suspiciously like that pamphlet Ricky Gervais talked about in his stand up. "Why not cum out the window?"
 
2012-02-10 01:42:46 PM
Oh, thank heavens. Since Obama's second term is going to turn us all gay with his Pinkification Waves, that's information we all need to know.
 
2012-02-10 01:45:26 PM

James!: Some rando working at the printer called fox in on this? Sure.


Not just some rando, The Amazing Rando!!!
 
2012-02-10 01:52:24 PM

Car_Ramrod: James!: Some rando working at the printer called fox in on this? Sure.

Not just some rando, The Amazing Rando!!!


"Behold! Watch as I pull this red herring out of my ass!"
 
2012-02-10 01:53:00 PM

Chariset: Oh, thank heavens. Since Obama's second term is going to turn us all gay with his Pinkification Waves, that's information we all need to know.


Pinkification waves?

i6.photobucket.com
 
2012-02-10 02:00:14 PM
He asked FOX40 to conceal his identity for fear of losing his job.

But FOX40 can reveal that he lives in Canada, FOX40 met him at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know him.
 
2012-02-10 02:00:20 PM

ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex


You some kind of masochist? You forgot the lube step.

/great, now I'm singing the tune to Love Shack using the words 'lube step'
//lube step, baby lube step
 
2012-02-10 02:03:46 PM

FloydA: He asked FOX40 to conceal his identity for fear of losing his job.

But FOX40 can reveal that he lives in Canada, FOX40 met him at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know him.


So he's a Fox-40 whistle blower?

/Some will know.
 
2012-02-10 02:06:07 PM

Pocket Ninja: "It's almost like a how to manual to have gay sex," he says.

It's been my general experience in life that when people insert the word "almost" into a comparison between two objects, the basic take-away should be that the two objects are actually not at all similar in any way.


It's almost like this guy is a complete moron.
 
2012-02-10 02:07:34 PM
You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

1. Have a sense of humor. You know how Christian's argue that homosexuality is an affront to nature? Well gay sex is an affront of bodily functions and physics. Your bodies were not designed for this.

2. Upon deciding to have anal sex, you have agreed to live your life as a member of a group of people who have multiple definitions of the word "shower." Sometimes called the 'gay' shower or the 'bottom' shower, you will find yourself showering more surface area of skin than you knew existed.

3. While yes, Virginia, there are bottoms and tops, there are many more "versatile" or "switch-hitting" gay man. This is what you should aspired to be. Who tops and who bottoms isn't determined by sexual desire so much as who had what for lunch. Don't feel like bottoming? Indian buffet. Congrats: you top tonight.

4. You need good lube, not the shiat they sell straight people at WalMart. Go to the adult book store and get something really nice, like Gun Oil. Not all lubes are condom friendly depending on whether or not you are fluid bonded w/someone.

5. It's best for the bottom to start "on top" by lowering himself onto his partner. Once a level of comfort is achieved, other positions can be tried.

6. Sex in public is a lot easier since you're both supposed to be in the same restroom, but the consequences are usually worse if you are caught in the car.

7. Santorum is real. It's not as prevalent a problem as the Internet might let you believe, but it happens. Upon finishing, you need to clean up -- though nearly 99% of the time, you have absolutely nothing to worry about as long as you are taking a proper gay shower.

8. You do not need to cuddle afterwards. You can seriously go straight back to playing X-Box until you want to fark some more. Anal sex is probably the least intimate thing gay men do together.

9. Never be afraid to abort the mission (for a host of reasons). You're already having 5x the sex a straight man does so it's okay to take a night off because the shower didn't go well or you really want Indian for lunch.

Congrats!

You're a buttfarker!

TL;DR: You're not ready for buttsecksing.
 
2012-02-10 02:13:57 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory


You really hurt our recruitment efforts when you demystify our habits like that.
 
2012-02-10 02:21:48 PM

Diogenes: thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

You really hurt our recruitment efforts when you demystify our habits like that.


Look at all I left out, though...
 
2012-02-10 02:29:55 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: Diogenes: thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

You really hurt our recruitment efforts when you demystify our habits like that.

Look at all I left out, though...


LOL. Um...yeah. *blushes*
 
2012-02-10 02:31:30 PM

Marcus Aurelius: "The language used: they're usingthe F-word, you know? And male sex organs using the C-word and the D-word," the man said

Golly gee!


"When frenulating your partner's columne virile, don't forget the diasporatum."

/Jesus had a penis
 
2012-02-10 02:48:42 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: You're a buttfarker!


I am thinking of having this entire post crocheted and framed so it may be gifted appropriately.

/Grandma will LOVE it!
 
2012-02-10 02:52:28 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Did they include how to have sex with a turtle?

That information will be needed soon enough.


www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-02-10 02:53:20 PM

I_Am_Weasel: FloydA: He asked FOX40 to conceal his identity for fear of losing his job.

But FOX40 can reveal that he lives in Canada, FOX40 met him at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know him.

So he's a Fox-40 whistle blower?

/Some will know.


Fox 40, the official whistle of the NHL!
 
2012-02-10 02:53:34 PM
Anita Gore, the deputy director of public affairs for the State Department of Public Health, tells FOX40 that the print job is under investigation.

Anyone wanna give her a poke?
 
2012-02-10 02:54:36 PM
Instead of Tab A, Slot B, it's now Tab A, Slot C?
 
2012-02-10 02:55:04 PM
...then they eat da poo poo.
 
2012-02-10 02:55:49 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Chariset: Oh, thank heavens. Since Obama's second term is going to turn us all gay with his Pinkification Waves, that's information we all need to know.

Pinkification waves?

[i6.photobucket.com image 220x229]


probably more along the lines of

www.matthewtoschi.com
 
2012-02-10 02:55:50 PM

Diogenes: thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

You really hurt our recruitment efforts when you demystify our habits like that.


Ahem.

We straights often like to buttsex too. We are aware of the... logistical concerns... in this regard.

You sodomites don't have a monopoly on sodomy.
 
2012-02-10 02:55:51 PM
i40.tinypic.com
 
2012-02-10 02:56:09 PM
Idaho has long been proud of it's wide standing support of gay sex in airport restrooms
 
2012-02-10 02:58:16 PM

Ennuipoet: Grandma will LOVE it!


Perhaps Grampa has wanted to fark Grandma in the pooper for a while. The nice thing about rules for bottoms is that either sex can be a bottom, so they're also useful for non-traditional heterosexuals.
 
2012-02-10 02:58:47 PM
I can in here solely to look for the "but now that they're getting married they'll be having LESS sex" jokes and was surprised and saddened that lo, there were none.
 
2012-02-10 03:01:56 PM

ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other manRepublican
Step 3: Locate useable holeairport restroom stall
Step 4: Insert penisWiden stance, tap foot

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex


FTFY
 
2012-02-10 03:01:57 PM
Sniffsniff...

Smells like a set-up.

/and literal santorum.
 
2012-02-10 03:02:01 PM
While the law was ruled unconstitutional I though the circuit court of appeals chose not to lift the injunction pending an appeal to the US supreme court. Doesn't that mean that it's still illegal in CA? Or is it in some sort of quantum state where it's legal but can't be practiced?
 
2012-02-10 03:03:36 PM

Lane83: Diogenes: thismomentinblackhistory: You, Too, Can Be a Buttfarker
by: thismomentinblackhistory

You really hurt our recruitment efforts when you demystify our habits like that.

Ahem.

We straights often like to buttsex too. We are aware of the... logistical concerns... in this regard.

You sodomites don't have a monopoly on sodomy.


You've been a catcher? You might find that advice a bit more sage if you've ever had to bite the pillow.

I'm speculating, of course.

Or possibly speculumating.
 
2012-02-10 03:04:24 PM
i'm assuming it was written by sexless straight people--it'll have about as much creative passion in it as would a fix it guide for a 1973 toyota.
 
2012-02-10 03:04:28 PM
Sure...
 
2012-02-10 03:04:51 PM

maxximillian: While the law was ruled unconstitutional I though the circuit court of appeals chose not to lift the injunction pending an appeal to the US supreme court. Doesn't that mean that it's still illegal in CA? Or is it in some sort of quantum state where it's legal but can't be practiced?


They are awaiting the plaintiffs to decide to request an en banc vs SCOTUS appeal
 
2012-02-10 03:05:20 PM
yafh.com
 
2012-02-10 03:05:26 PM
miss diminutive:
//lube step, baby lube step

Dammit, that is now stuck in my head. Where's my brain bleach?!
 
2012-02-10 03:05:45 PM

miss diminutive: ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex

You some kind of masochist? You forgot the lube step.

/great, now I'm singing the tune to Love Shack using the words 'lube step'
//lube step, baby lube step


Bang, bang, bang- his back door, baby
 
2012-02-10 03:07:00 PM
Paging Ghastly to thread 6934198.

Everything you never wanted to know about gay sex, but were afraid to not ask.
 
2012-02-10 03:07:01 PM

maxximillian: While the law was ruled unconstitutional I though the circuit court of appeals chose not to lift the injunction pending an appeal to the US supreme court. Doesn't that mean that it's still illegal in CA? Or is it in some sort of quantum state where it's legal but can't be practiced?


The latter, technically.
 
2012-02-10 03:07:20 PM
Aw gee, Wally, I don't know anyone who would print stuff like that, except for maybe Eddie Haskell
 
2012-02-10 03:09:32 PM

ArkAngel: How to have gay sex:

Step 1: Be gay
Step 2: Find other man
Step 3: Locate useable hole
Step 4: Insert penis

Congratulations! You are now having gay sex


What if you are a gay female?

Also, this:

maxximillian: I though the circuit court of appeals chose not to lift the injunction pending an appeal to the US supreme court. Doesn't that mean that it's still illegal in CA?


This is my understanding as well. That CA is still not allowing gays to marry.
 
Displayed 50 of 210 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report