Good date idea? "Tell her you want to take a polaroid camera[...]

Go on...

CPAC Wants To Help You Get A Hot Conservative Date

Why would I want to have sex with a woman who'll only have it in one position and will hate every second of it?

Bill Hicks covered this in detail already (nsfw)

I don't recall if it was the 2008 conventions or the 2004 conventions but there was an article about how prostitutes made out well during conventions of all kinds.

Best conventions according to the ladies? Anything to do with computers/technology. Lots of lonely techy types.

These types only are good at screwing over a whole nation....

I Said: "What's that?"
"Oh, just a list of abortion doctors I plan to kill"
"But some of the names are crossed off"
"I know"
sex ensues

Mac?

Pocket Ninja: Walk into a shower stall and tap your feet. How hard is that?

oh please, everybody knows that the public bathrooms nearest to the back of the building are the hot spot this year

/I mean.....that's what I heard from...uh... from someone

Obviously having a widestance in the men's bathroom will score you all sorts of political tail.

Additionally, if Stephen Glass had just waited a few years he never would have needed to make up his crazy news articles about this sort of shenanigans.

hehe... I gotta look more closely at my GIS results.
I hadn't noticed that she was pro-Hitler.

"should you see a hot girl in a bar do not approach - instead befriend a less attractive group and then recruit them to help you seduce her. "

lolz

Most of the people at CPAC are already wearing white sheets, so they just need to find an unoccupied bed. Easy as pie.

Blues_X: "We're here to get American to return to solid family values... and get some pussy on the side."

Just wrap your head around that.

It hurts. It hurts!

hey girls! you look like squirrels!
how would you like a nut?

try that pick-up line, maybe it'll work for you.
it didn't work for me...

There needs to be some disclaimers and amendments regarding sex at CPAC.

For starters, there will be no Dominican boys there, so Rush Limbaugh, you can stop reading.

Toe-tapping in bathroom stalls is so 2008. All the cool kids are wearing American Flag lapel pins to signal their desire for gay sex.

If you have herpes, Newt Gingrich wants you to know that he's okay with it since he's had it for years.

Safewords are always a challenge, and this year's recommended words and phrases are, as always, things you'd never say in normal conversation: integrity; tax the wealthy; love your neighbor.

If you have drug-resistant gonorrhea, Newt Gingrich would like you to know he's okay with that too.

Speaking of pickup lines that don't work, I've never had any luck with "Hey Baby, why don't we go back to my place and you can ooze your cooze around my pepperoni"

I didn't see anything in the FA about airport restroom stalls, wide stances or the correct foot-tapping procedure. This is something that needs to be in every conservative's bag or tricks. Also lacking is the correct verbiage to use in your statement to the press about how you are resigning to spend more time with your family.

Be white?

Or, if you're into getting laid more discreetly in a peen-to-peen way, there's always Craigslist.

10 Conservatives Cruising Craigslist for Gay Sex at CPAC

(Sorry for the self-promotion, but it's goodtimes nonetheless.)

This guy doesn't know what he's talking about. The tried and true way for a young, conservative male to get some tail is to invite her back to your boat and show her your jar of condoms.

She's not gonna say no.

/Because of the implication...

Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher: All the cool kids are wearing American Flag lapel pins to signal their desire for gay sex.

This would make a great sitcom setup.

Wendy's Chili: Good date idea? "Tell her you want to take a polaroid camera[...]

Go on..

... back to thirty years ago, when Reagan was alive and president and Polaroid cameras weren't an utterly obsolete farkin' technology yet.

Then masturbate while thinking about how much better you think everything was back then.

abominare:
...if Stephen Glass had just waited a few years he never would have needed to make up his crazy news articles about this sort of shenanigans.

Came for the Stephen Glass reference, left satisfied.

/ Check out this site, if interested in this highly-obscure reference. CPAC story begins in paragraph three.

First, you have to Demonstrate your value.

I thought this was the party of Family Values_TM?

Shouldn't all the women be at home, already married, barefoot and preggers?

First time I hung out with my girlfriend I told her that I had no intentions of being her friend. Direct and no game playing. They like it. Well, at least she does. We've been together for almost two years and now we are best friends, but lovers first.

Blues_X: "We're here to get American to return to solid family values... and get some pussy on the side."

Just wrap your head around that.

Newt? Is that you?

How to get a hot date at CPAC?



Same as it ever was at any political convention, or as hookers call conventions, walking ATMs ...

Wanna teabag?



/works every time.

Wide stance.

/Doesn't that work anymore?

Hershey Highway Patrol: "Hey baby, I'm not just a wizard, I'm a Grand Imperial Wizard"

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

I dunno, they look kinda awkward for most types of sex acts...



/hot?

Prof. Ann Marion: I dunno, they look kinda awkward for most types of sex acts...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x375]

/hot?



/conservative
//wears a CPAP
///image also hotlinked
////slashies