So where do I find Form C₁₀H₁₅N and can I claim my own dependency?

Now that's some good goddamn coffee. I suspect it has almost the same effect on my heart as Dunkin' Donuts coffee.

Putting meth in a tax business' coffee isn't normal. But on meth it is.

It may be confusing, but they get you in and out FAST

Well you see, you get all your little receipts here, and you get 'em and you put em in a box when you get 'em, doesn't matter how big the box is, can be a shoebox or one of those boxes that Amazon tends to put just about everything in, no matter if you get a single goddamn inkjet cartridge or three books and a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk, and you get 'em and you collect 'em, man, for the whole YEAR, man, and then you bring 'em in to me after you categorize 'em into categories, like food, and booze, and hotels, and hookers, whatever you got, man, and then I take all of those receipts and I make up a spreadsheet, like in Excel or in Google Docs or whatchamacallit, and I make up columns, you get me, man, columns like two or three or four or five and CAN I PLEASE GET SOME MORE COFFEE, MARY I'm dying' over here, anyway then you come in and you sit down with me, you sit down just like you're sitting right now, man, and I do a sort of interview thing, man, where I ask you about your family and how old they are and what their social security numbers are, even though what the hell does the IRS need with that, man, with all those agents looking at it it takes only one, only one, man to steal your identity, just like ZAP, and then before you know it there's stuff coming for you that you didn't order, and people looking at you from across the street, and climbing on top of your roof, and peeking in your windows, and you have to sleep with a gun, a real farking GUN man, just like this one that I keep right here in my desk, man, in case Los Federales come knockin', you know what I'm sayin', anyway I get all of that information from you and I work my magic, my mojo, my spectral forces on it so that the taxman don't come knockin', you keep rockin, we all go away happy, so what do you say, man, only $99.95 and I'll start to work this instant, man, I won't eat, won't sleep, won't blink, I'll only stop to scratch the bugs that are crawlin', crawlin' all over my skin, man, I hate it when they start crawlin', it makes me wanna take this piece out of the desk and just SHOOT 'EM, man, so what do you say, just fill out these forms and I'll get started, right after I get MORE OF THIS FARKING COFFEE!

dahmers love zombie: Well you see, you get all your little receipts here, and you get 'em and you put em in a box when you get 'em, doesn't matter how big the box is, can be a shoebox or one of those boxes that Amazon tends to put just about everything in, no matter if you get a single goddamn inkjet cartridge or three books and a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk, and you get 'em and you collect 'em, man, for the whole YEAR, man, and then you bring 'em in to me after you categorize 'em into categories, like food, and booze, and hotels, and hookers, whatever you got, man, and then I take all of those receipts and I make up a spreadsheet, like in Excel or in Google Docs or whatchamacallit, and I make up columns, you get me, man, columns like two or three or four or five and CAN I PLEASE GET SOME MORE COFFEE, MARY I'm dying' over here, anyway then you come in and you sit down with me, you sit down just like you're sitting right now, man, and I do a sort of interview thing, man, where I ask you about your family and how old they are and what their social security numbers are, even though what the hell does the IRS need with that, man, with all those agents looking at it it takes only one, only one, man to steal your identity, just like ZAP, and then before you know it there's stuff coming for you that you didn't order, and people looking at you from across the street, and climbing on top of your roof, and peeking in your windows, and you have to sleep with a gun, a real farking GUN man, just like this one that I keep right here in my desk, man, in case Los Federales come knockin', you know what I'm sayin', anyway I get all of that information from you and I work my magic, my mojo, my spectral forces on it so that the taxman don't come knockin', you keep rockin, we all go away happy, so what do you say, man, only $99.95 and I'll start to work this instant, man, I won't eat, won't sleep, won't blink, I'll only stop to scratch the bugs that are crawlin', crawlin' all over my skin, man, I hate it wh ...

golf clap

Did you actually type that after drinking your morning pot of coffee?

Lord Jubjub: Did you actually type that after drinking your morning pot of coffee?

Channeling my muse:

You get me a bigger rebate and there's more 'coffee' in it for ya.. *wink*

But all the taxes were done before noon!

studebaker hoch: Good morning ladies and gentlemen this is your brain speaking, we'll be cruising at an altitude of two hundred miles above reality at 18 times the speed of light until this stuff wears off.

Have a nice trip.

Roger, go at throttle up...............uhoh.......................

Kumana Wanalaia: can you get high by ingesting meth? I thought it was freebased.

meth brownies?

yes. smoked is more fun though.

When I read the headline I assumed it was a current employee reusing the filters which is a common practice among small time makers. If the guy just dropped some dope in the pot it was likely a small amount. Nobody would want to give away a significant amount.

I'm sure the employees will be fine...extra fine, even.

But do they advertise a speedy refund?

dahmers love zombie: Well you see, you get all your little receipts here, and you get 'em and you put em in a box when you get 'em, doesn't matter how big the box is, can be a shoebox or one of those boxes that Amazon tends to put just about everything in, no matter if you get a single goddamn inkjet cartridge or three books and a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk, and you get 'em and you collect 'em, man, for the whole YEAR, man, and then you bring 'em in to me after you categorize 'em into categories, like food, and booze, and hotels, and hookers, whatever you got, man, and then I take all of those receipts and I make up a spreadsheet, like in Excel or in Google Docs or whatchamacallit, and I make up columns, you get me, man, columns like two or three or four or five and CAN I PLEASE GET SOME MORE COFFEE, MARY I'm dying' over here, anyway then you come in and you sit down with me, you sit down just like you're sitting right now, man, and I do a sort of interview thing, man, where I ask you about your family and how old they are and what their social security numbers are, even though what the hell does the IRS need with that, man, with all those agents looking at it it takes only one, only one, man to steal your identity, just like ZAP, and then before you know it there's stuff coming for you that you didn't order, and people looking at you from across the street, and climbing on top of your roof, and peeking in your windows, and you have to sleep with a gun, a real farking GUN man, just like this one that I keep right here in my desk, man, in case Los Federales come knockin', you know what I'm sayin', anyway I get all of that information from you and I work my magic, my mojo, my spectral forces on it so that the taxman don't come knockin', you keep rockin, we all go away happy, so what do you say, man, only $99.95 and I'll start to work this instant, man, I won't eat, won't sleep, won't blink, I'll only stop to scratch the bugs that are crawlin', crawlin' all over my skin, man, I hate it wh ...

I read it out loud to my wife as fast as I could and it only added to the effect. Bravo, sir!

Gwyrddu: FTA:
"I've been here for eight years and this is my first experience with something like this," Schneeman said

Was this quote necessary? What legal establishment would have incidents like meth spiked coffee as expected occurrences?



??

morg: Someone involved was creating an excuse to test positive

He'll still get fired after he tries to tear his own heart out of his chest with his bare hands in front of a client because IT"S BEATING SO LOUD RIGHT IN MY FARKING EARS!!! SERIOUSLY CAN YOU NOT HEAR THAT MAN?!?!?! IT'S DEAFENING AND IT'S DOING IT JUST TO PISS ME OFF!!! BUT I'LL SHOW THAT FARKER!!! I'LL SHOW THAT FARKER WHAT'S UP!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOIN HUH?!?!?!? WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOUR TAXES YET AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOU AFTER I TAKE CARE OF THIS LITTLE SHIAT!!!! WHAT THE FARK IS THIS?!?!? HOW DID THIS BONY PLATE GET HERE?!??!? HEY YOU, TAKE THIS LAMP AND SWING IT SO THE BASE HITS ME RIGHT HERE WHERE I'M HOLDING THE SKIN APART!!! YEAH RIGHT HERE SO I CAN SHOW THIS LITTLE FARKER HE'S MESSING WITH THE WRONG GUY!!! BEATING IN MY EARS ALL DAY WHILE I'M AT WORK!!!! I'LL SHOW THIS LITTLE BASTARD!!!!

dahmers love zombie: Well you see, you get all your little receipts here, and you get 'em and you put em in a box when you get 'em, doesn't matter how big the box is, can be a shoebox or one of those boxes that Amazon tends to put just about everything in, no matter if you get a single goddamn inkjet cartridge or three books and a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk, and you get 'em and you collect 'em, man, for the whole YEAR, man, and then you bring 'em in to me after you categorize 'em into categories, like food, and booze, and hotels, and hookers, whatever you got, man, and then I take all of those receipts and I make up a spreadsheet, like in Excel or in Google Docs or whatchamacallit, and I make up columns, you get me, man, columns like two or three or four or five and CAN I PLEASE GET SOME MORE COFFEE, MARY I'm dying' over here, anyway then you come in and you sit down with me, you sit down just like you're sitting right now, man, and I do a sort of interview thing, man, where I ask you about your family and how old they are and what their social security numbers are, even though what the hell does the IRS need with that, man, with all those agents looking at it it takes only one, only one, man to steal your identity, just like ZAP, and then before you know it there's stuff coming for you that you didn't order, and people looking at you from across the street, and climbing on top of your roof, and peeking in your windows, and you have to sleep with a gun, a real farking GUN man, just like this one that I keep right here in my desk, man, in case Los Federales come knockin', you know what I'm sayin', anyway I get all of that information from you and I work my magic, my mojo, my spectral forces on it so that the taxman don't come knockin', you keep rockin, we all go away happy, so what do you say, man, only $99.95 and I'll start to work this instant, man, I won't eat, won't sleep, won't blink, I'll only stop to scratch the bugs that are crawlin', crawlin' all over my skin, man, I hate it wh ...

I encourage everyone to read this aloud in your best Morgan Freeman impression

I see here under personal deductions that you claimed 137 DTs as dependents. What exactly does this mean?

DT is short for delirium tremens. My tax preparer was coming down off of an Irish Minty Spring Meth Coffee high at the time and he was seeing bizarre Dr. Seuss-type floppy animals everywhere, many of them pink elephants with wings. Dr. Seuss used to draw cartoons for adults, you see, in the 1920s and 1930s. A lot of them involved the type of bizarre hallucinatory animals and people you see in his children's cartoons, but resulting from drinking bath tub gin. He called them the DTs.

So technically they're not real or people?

Well, no, but a Dr. Seuss Moose bit my sister and we had to have her shot.

You had your sister shot because a cartoon moose bit her?

No, we had the Dr. Seuss Moose shot. It had horns like the extinct Irish Elk and was really tearing up the place, as well as biting people with its big rubbery teeth. Here's the receipt from the Museum of Modern Art. It's in the Pop Art Wing.

Another info-taining story of literature, art and taxation, by Brantgoose.