While Constance added the rider in jest, this is what Rick Santorum really believes.

AverageAmericanGuy: While Constance added the rider in jest, this is what Rick Santorum really believes.

Rick Santorum f*cks his vacuum cleaner.

Uh, I'm not sure that would slow them down one bit.

These bills would not only criminalize abortion in all circumstances, they would also outlaw common forms of contraception, as well as in vitro fertilization.

Didn't I hear something a while back about how the government shouldn't intrude into the doctor-patient relationship?

(D)iddle... tee-hee!

No more cream pies for Constance.

If Republican lawmakers are willing to declare every cluster of cells with the potential to become a fetus a person, why stop at fertilized eggs? Why not sperm as well?

Why not also include unfertilized eggs? Remember ladies, every time you have your period, you're depriving the U.S.A. of a rightous god-fearing soldier who will protect our great and exceptional nation from the heathen hordes of red chinese who threaten to drown us out in human wave. Having a period means that you didn't have a child that month and are therefore threatening national security. Off to Guantanamo, you terrorist sympathizing scum.<sup>*

*</sup>Imprisonment also offered to unmarried women who have sex and get knocked up. Single mother households suck at the teat of government welfare and drag down our fine upstanding Christian nation.

/Republican campaign strategy in 2016 after Rick loses and they decide he wasn't conservative enough.

Karac: If Republican lawmakers are willing to declare every cluster of cells with the potential to become a fetus a person, why stop at fertilized eggs? Why not sperm as well?

Why not also include unfertilized eggs? Remember ladies, every time you have your period, you're depriving the U.S.A. of a rightous god-fearing soldier who will protect our great and exceptional nation from the heathen hordes of red chinese who threaten to drown us out in human wave. Having a period means that you didn't have a child that month and are therefore threatening national security. Off to Guantanamo, you terrorist sympathizing scum.*

*Imprisonment also offered to unmarried women who have sex and get knocked up. Single mother households suck at the teat of government welfare and drag down our fine upstanding Christian nation.

/Republican campaign strategy in 2016 after Rick loses and they decide he wasn't conservative enough.

Might as well nominate the Time Cube guy. He's even racist, so he'd be a perfect fit!

From Timecube.com
"University of Michigan is a racist and
anti-white institution - offering 20 points
for registration, if you are not white. It is
already evil in that they suppress student
free speech for discussing and debating
Nature's Harmonic Time Cube Principle.
Integration equates unnatural racial slop.
Does black mentality need the 20 points to
equate the mentality of the white race, or
is it an evil ploy to subdue the white race?
What anti-white force is behind this evil?
I will not receive one educator reaction, as
their power is in ignoring ineffable Truth.
How can such an evil school exist in USA. "

Let them eat graham crackers

I just flushed a paper towel full of unborn babies. I'm a mass murderer.

MISCARRIAGES ARE MANSLAUGHTER!

/PROSECUTE NOW!

433: One of the funniest things I've seen in South Louisiana was a feed & seed store called "Onan's Seed Shop."

That is farking hilarious, please tell me you got a pic of that!

AverageAmericanGuy: While Constance added the rider in jest, this is what Rick Santorum really believes.

Bullshiat. If that were true, Frothy wouldn't have aborted his pickle jar son.

Plus, how else is he supposed to "research" the evils of ghey porn?

Pregnant women should not be allowed to exert themselves in any manner whatsoever lest they endanger the child they carry. They should be kept on bed rest and have a strictly regulated diet so that no harm come to the unborn child.

The_Time_Master: MISCARRIAGES ARE MANSLAUGHTER!

/PROSECUTE NOW!

Don't be ridiculous - that's the most stupid thing I've ever heard!

Obviously this has to be decided by a jury. If a woman took unreasonable risks that increased chances of her miscarriage (walking on high heels and then falling, having a sip of wine, etc), that would indicate premeditation, warranting a murder charge, not mere manslaughter.

Among other things, Johnson's amendment would essentially outlaw oral sex, anal sex, and masturbation.


If masturbation is wrong.....I don't want to be right.

Based on the articles greenlit on the non-total-farkers page, I officially declare today:

Stupid Thursday.

Hereafter it shall be the second last Thursday before Lent in the modern Christian calendar, because, hey, that would be stupid.

I killed millions of innocent Americans last night.

And the night before that

And the night before that

Good old libs

starsrift: The_Time_Master: MISCARRIAGES ARE MANSLAUGHTER!

/PROSECUTE NOW!

Don't be ridiculous - that's the most stupid thing I've ever heard!

Obviously this has to be decided by a jury. If a woman took unreasonable risks that increased chances of her miscarriage (walking on high heels and then falling, having a sip of wine, etc), that would indicate premeditation, warranting a murder charge, not mere manslaughter.

Don't even joke about stuff like that. You'll only give them ideas.

You know there are plenty of people out there who are actually crazy enough to think that way.

FlashHarry

starsrift: Obviously this has to be decided by a jury. If a woman took unreasonable risks that increased chances of her miscarriage (walking on high heels and then falling, having a sip of wine, etc), that would indicate premeditation, warranting a murder charge, not mere manslaughter.

clearly her being a woman increases her chances, too. as a man, it's virtually impossible for me to miscarry. but as a woman, she's already at much greater risk. perhaps we should outlaw women as a precaution. you know, for the children.


I don't think we can go that far, but you are definitely on to something.....what if we just outlaw their absurd mood swings....or their dangerous trap-questions?

Do I look fat in this? This question would result in a written citation.

Would you still love me if I had small breasts? This question would end with some hard prison time (which would be video taped for future viewings) and breast augmentation (which would be video taped for future viewings).

"Despite being rebuffed"...

teehee

I like this lady. A quick look at her bio on the Oklahoma Senate website (which look likes a geocities page, but this being Oklahoma that doesn't surprise me) revealed some good press releases such as...

Johnson reintroduces legislation to eliminate life without parole sentencing for nonviolent crimes
Veteran legislator files bill to allow use of medical marijuana with doctor's recommendation

robmilmel: AverageAmericanGuy: While Constance added the rider in jest, this is what Rick Santorum really believes.

...and Romney.

You spelled Romoney wrong

Karac: Why not also include unfertilized eggs?

Why stop at reproductive cells? You pancreas and tonsils are clumps of living cells. Why are we arresting anyone that has them aborted?

You know... The shiat kickers down there just might pass this. Morons have trouble with satire. See: Colbert, Steven

Nemo's Brother: Good old libs

Good old troglodyte

Karac: These bills would not only criminalize abortion in all circumstances, they would also outlaw common forms of contraception, as well as in vitro fertilization.

Didn't I hear something a while back about how the government shouldn't intrude into the doctor-patient relationship?

It gets better when you realize that the same reason these bills consider the pill (both morning-after and standard forms) the moral equivalent to an abortion is that they have been linked to a decreased likelihood of blastocyst implanting in the uterine lining. You know, something that also applies to women taking antibiotics and other medication and all sorts of other health and personal decisions they make determines how likely they are to get to the point of even realising they are pregnant after the egg is fertilized. Do we ban women from having high stress lest they "miscarry" a couple hours into a pregnancy without realizing it?

Waxing_Chewbacca: You know... The shiat kickers down there just might pass this. Morons have trouble with satire. See: Colbert, Steven

And the dude that thought the Onion was a true news reporting organization (new window)

AverageAmericanGuy: While Constance added the rider in jest, this is what Rick Santorum really believes.

I don't think Santorum believes in cells, though; too sciencey sounding.

Lernaeus: AverageAmericanGuy: While Constance added the rider in jest, this is what Rick Santorum really believes.

I don't think Santorum believes in cells, though; too sciencey sounding.

Well, those scientists all call it cellular "theory"

433: One of the funniest things I've seen in South Louisiana was a feed & seed store called "Onan's Seed Shop."

I tried shopping there when I set up my garden, but every time I had an order delivered, the guy spilled it on the ground.

"Indiana wants me, but I can't go back there..."

/grew up in Indiana

Lernaeus: AverageAmericanGuy: While Constance added the rider in jest, this is what Rick Santorum really believes.

I don't think Santorum believes in cells, though; too sciencey sounding.

Sure he does. That's where he wants to put all those baby murderers.