What a farker carrying a "man bag" may look like:

Wallet
No. for a couple of reasons. I'm not carrying one because you aren't getting it. I'm not wrapping up my cards in a nice package to hand over. You want my wallet? Fine, I'll pull out the cards and you can play 52 pickup while I play stomp your thieving ass. I hope you have a knife, I have a nice collection of those from over the years.

Sunglasses

I'm tough, I squint.

Pen

Yes, Tactical

Messenger Bag

Gay, nttatwwt, I'm not.

Phone

fark off. You want to call me? Call me on my land line, at home, and if and only if I feel like talking to someone out of the blue, which, I can most assuredly tell you I am not, I might just pick up the phone. I do not have an answering machine. And if it's really important, you come over and knock on my door.

I read that on apenisconvenient.com

Messenger bag? Is it 2001 again

It pains me that someone got paid to write this.

What about pants? Should I wear pants when I leave the house?

This might be the stupidest article I have ever read, and I'm not exactly picky in what I read.

That read like copy from those websites that just have stupid shiat on them to get spidered by search engines.

FTFA: Some executives carry upscale pens, such as Cross Pens

Cross pens upscale? Bwahahahaha!

I farkin' HATE cross pens. Cheap shiat.

/I always carry a pen

Who actually writes down phone numbers anymore? I have a smart phone to do that shiat for me.

I never carry pens. I'm scared of piercing my scrotum.

Grandemadaca: I farkin' HATE cross pens

How can you HATE a brand of pen?

Also, a phone?? Why the fark would I carry a phone when I can make calls from my portable internet device? I only have so many pockets!

umad: This might be the stupidest article I have ever read, and I'm not exactly picky in what I read.

yeah, that was some sort of special. like paula deens pea's special

this explains why I can't get dates, I normally just use my semen because as a man I'm in a constant state of erection and would masturbate at any given opportunity.

Plus this way I don't have to carry around a pen.

Should carry BRAINS!!!!

Know what else is really handy for taking phone numbers? A phone.

i wonder if deep down she feels a sense of shame for spending 200k of her parents' money on her ivy league journalism degree, only to have to write dreck like this to afford her 50 m^2 in brooklyn. i guess the upside is that it couldn't have taken her more than five minutes to write the piece.

Forgot_my_password_again: this explains why I can't get dates, I normally just use my semen because as a man I'm in a constant state of erection and would masturbate at any given opportunity.

Plus this way I don't have to carry around a pen.

I prefer an chopstick and my blood but, to each his own.

SwiftFox: I read that on apenisconvenient.com

Winnar!

Wallet - I have two. One for reals, and one for my CCW with .410 derringer.
Sunglasses - Nope. Clipons look stupid and presecription sunspecs are expensive.
Pen - Well, okay. It's a very generic Skillcraft pen.
Messenger Bag - For what? I don't carry stuff, so I don't need one. If I do have to carry enough stuff, I have a generic looking backpack to hold everything.
Phone - Yeah. That's kind of a given. And in my case, a tax write off.

This "article" was derptastic failure at its most impressive. I'm with umad about it. This might be the stupidest article ever written*.

*Ever does not include articles that blatently abuse truth and reality.

Christ Almighty, is this what passes for a column on the internet these days? Did the author have to get to the gym in 26 minutes? I could have come up with more/better content in between Hero Academy turns on the toilet.

Wallet - No shiat.
Sunglasses - They live in my car for the most part, but I'll accept this one.
Pen - No shiat.
Messenger Bag - Only if you're carrying a laptop and papers with you wherever you go. Otherwise, no.
Phone - If you have a mobile and find it important to have available, sure.


Glaringly missing from any "men's pocket items" guide:

Pocket knife / multi-tool - If you don't find daily uses for these you aren't paying attention to the world around you.
Kerchief or similar cloth segment - Also frequently helpful for more than just blowing your nose.

I carry nothing but a hatchet.

It has tasted blood and likes it.

What about wearing an onion on your belt?

/I'm told it was the fashion of the day once.

Can I bring my keys?

Most Farkers did not know that. Why?

Because they have never had to write a ladie's phone number down.

/Bwahahahahaha

czei: What a farker carrying a "man bag" may look like:

[thestandupbanker.files.wordpress.com image 550x458]

thats a man purse... Every man with a revoked man card carrys them....

vudukungfu: Pen

Yes, Tactical



Good for stabbing, acquiring the DNA of annoying fashion editors.

I see a list of mostly useless shiat that effete twats need in order to carry or deal with more useless shiat.

This is what a man carries:

Headso: Grandemadaca: I farkin' HATE cross pens

How can you HATE a brand of pen?

Cross pens are for people that don't write much, they're too skinny for a man to hold comfortably. I prefer Parker for my own writing needs. (I think Cross pens was a sponsor of that piece of crap article.)

Grobbley: Who actually writes down phone numbers anymore? I have a smart phone to do that shiat for me.

Yeah, no, I'm not spending $1000 a year to write down phone numbers. The pen is mightier.

I don't use a wallet most of the time since I don't like bulky things in my pocket.

I have one but I usually leave it at home and just take out what I need. For example, I don't really need 4 insurance cards for my whole family, plus zoo and science center memberships to go over to my friend's for a few hours to drink beer and watch the hockey game.

GoBadgers: A man should also carry a comb, in order to be well groomed at all times.

/Thanks dad!

Don't forget your pomade.
And it better not be Fop!!!!

While the article was completely stupid, can anyone recommend a good (style of) wallet? I actually am in the market for a new one.

/before the seams on this one vanish completely

Diogenes: FirstNationalBastard: RexTalionis: I was carrying only a crumpled up wad of bills, 2 year old receipts, business cards and loose credit cards in my pocket before, but after reading this, I know that I should use wallet because it holds all of that stuff.

It also has the benefit of completely changing the alignment of my spine when I sit down.

Thanks, fashion editor!

You had pockets?

You must be one of them fancy metrosexuals.

All I had me was a bindle, like any self respecting hobo would.

[laurajmoss.com image 354x450]

Get with the times, dude! They make bindles with wheels now.

You mean one of these?



I mean sure, it's got more carrying capacity, but it's much harder to haul into a moving boxcar.

1. Wallet.
OK, with you there. Thanks for that gem of insight.

2. Pen
Meh, maybe. There are almost always pens around. But hey.

3. Sunglasses
Transition lenses, check.

4. A purse
Or "messenger bag". Whatever you want to call your purse. I am not carrying it around all day.

5. Phone
See response for #1.

A much better list:

1. Mini-leatherman
2. Flask
3. Business card
4. Condoms
5. Shamwow

czei: What a farker carrying a "man bag" may look like:

[thestandupbanker.files.wordpress.com image 550x458]

Horizontally stretched?

JesseL: I see a list of mostly useless shiat that effete twats need in order to carry or deal with more useless shiat.

This is what a man carries:
[i100.photobucket.com image 640x480]


Real men kill with their hands, you p*ssy.

vudukungfu: Wallet
No. for a couple of reasons. I'm not carrying one because you aren't getting it. I'm not wrapping up my cards in a nice package to hand over. You want my wallet? Fine, I'll pull out the cards and you can play 52 pickup while I play stomp your thieving ass. I hope you have a knife, I have a nice collection of those from over the years.

Sunglasses

I'm tough, I squint.

Pen

Yes, Tactical

Messenger Bag

Gay, nttatwwt, I'm not.

Phone

fark off. You want to call me? Call me on my land line, at home, and if and only if I feel like talking to someone out of the blue, which, I can most assuredly tell you I am not, I might just pick up the phone. I do not have an answering machine. And if it's really important, you come over and knock on my door.

Do you prefer matches over them fancy, dancy lighters, too?

/Something tells me no one is trying to call you.