Thorndyke Barnhard:
1. a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
Freemasonry does not address any of that. The only moral code we have is Faith, Hope and Charity. How you approach those is up to you. We only show you why they are important.

Example:
Faith. Faith being a believe in something greater than yourself.
Hope: A hope that one day you can achieve that greater ideal for yourself
Charity: To help others achieve that greater ideal for themselves
That is not a religion. It's a way of life.

2. a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion.
Again Faith, Hope and Charity. None of which are fundamentally religious. Yet when taken from a religious basis you have a basis to work from.

3. the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices: a world council of religions.
The closest thing to that would be the landmarks of Freemasonry. For a better explanation of that I recommend you find the treatsie on phoenixmasonry.com

4. the life or state of a monk, nun, etc.: to enter religion.
Not applicable.

5. the practice of religious beliefs; ritual observance of faith.
We have a non-denominational prayer at the opening and closing. It is applicable to all religions and spiritual beliefs that incorporate a single Diety.

ChaoticLimbs: I wouldn't join any elite secret society that would accept someone like me as a member.

We had a Scotsman that used to joke about putting the clan back in clandestine whenever somebody made a flub during the opening ritual. For the fellow Fark Masons, he was one of the Holy Men from the joke.

/I'm one of them too

NkThrasher: Thorndyke Barnhard: It's something like what is described in the Dictionary.com definition of the word.

You could consider it to be an abstraction of religion then, or a hierarchical step above religion seeking to highlight things common to other religions. It achieves a similar nominal end, but there are not insignificant differences in methodology and details.

I like that description. Do you mind if I steal it and make it a central point in my masonic lesson on how to talk about Masonry to the public in general?

NkThrasher: Smeggy Smurf: NkThrasher: Thorndyke Barnhard: It's something like what is described in the Dictionary.com definition of the word.

You could consider it to be an abstraction of religion then, or a hierarchical step above religion seeking to highlight things common to other religions. It achieves a similar nominal end, but there are not insignificant differences in methodology and details.

I like that description. Do you mind if I steal it and make it a central point in my masonic lesson on how to talk about Masonry to the public in general?

By all means, of course.

Thank you. When I have it finished I'll make sure to contact all the Masonic Farkers I've found so far so it can be distributed and hopefully expanded upon.

Smeggy Smurf: Thorndyke Barnhard: How do they determine who is virtuous enough to be taken into the fold? And is it strictly by invite or can one volunteer for membership in the Freemasons?

First of all you have to ask to join. The closest thing we'll ever to do recruiting is ask somebody why they haven't asked to join yet.

How we determine the character of the man is straightforward. The first thing is it is extremely rare for a dirtbag to ask to join. We also have an investigation process. Each state does it a little differently. For instance in Idaho we will not hand over a petition to join unless somebody has already had the opportunity to talk to the man. Often we invite him to our dinner before the meeting. We'll give him a chance to talk to the men. It's very common for the man asking to join is already somebody known to one or more of the Masons. We're careful to screen our petitioners.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

I belong to The Royal Order of the Honey Badger. We don't give a shiat.

glassbottomboatcaptain: I'm not quite sure how not believing in a higher power would make one act 'squirrely'.

Whenever I'm on an investigation committee we've always point blank asked if you believe in a supreme being. From the start you're admitting you're willing to lie about something we hold dear to us. That shows a powerful lack of character and integrity. If you're willing to lie about that, what else are you concealing? Other questions would be asked about your habits, associations and so forth.

You'd be invited to come meet us, have dinner, socialize and so forth. We're going to know. You might fool one or two. Maybe even five or six. But you're not going to fool 30. Somebody will figure it out. Somebody will figure out you're a liar. And you'd be denied for that very reason.

I do not believe in a higher power and I live a very moral life.
Lies and deception to gain access into a social organization isn't something a person with strong morals would do.

This plays a part in the need for a belief system and the oaths. You can lie to man but can you lie to your diety? Sure but you're not going to get away with it. Oaths taken to man are nothing compared to oaths taken to both your diety and to man.

The FSM, as the nominal head of a spiritual movement and a singular supreme being meets all of the key points for being a religion. Context is irrelevant, it is a religion if you follow it.

Would I accept somebody if he was an athiest using the FSM to mock religion? No and not just for that reason. Look at yourself. You are coming across as smug, smarmy and a jackass. The perfect qualities for Fark but not for a Freemason. You wouldn't find something like the Masonic Lodge fulfilling. Not knocking your life, it just doesn't fit. It's not meant to. That's why there are others that fill other niches.

A good way to look at it is, most Masons have the character to be electable. Some of us are the ones preaching to the sinners in Mos Eisley. It takes all kinds and that's what is so great about it. We're not discriminating against athiests. They simply aren't welcome and wouldn't be happy with us. So we oblige that to the betterment of all without judgement.