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(Washington Post)   Academic experts release 200 page paper showing that online dating doesn't always go well   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 293
    More: Obvious, online dating, village elders, objectification, dating  
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8736 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2012 at 9:34 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-06 12:23:41 PM
Is Fark a good place to meet wholesome sandwich making women with a strong desire to remain barefoot, pregnant and socially oppressed?
 
2012-02-06 12:29:24 PM
Met my wife online, but yeah, Lots of losers. I don't see how this is different than any other way you meet people, though. Maybe the percentage of losers is a little higher, but so is the potential sample. Also, people don't always come off well online.

/Glad to be out of the dating pool.
 
2012-02-06 12:34:08 PM

Ashtrey: tiamet4: Penises are functional, not attractive, guys. They are interesting if they are present, welcome, and about to service us. Remote, random images of penises are ugly and boring. It's hard for men to understand because they love seeing images of boobs. However, boobs are pretty and soft. Penises are veiny and gross. I'd much rather get a picture of boobs than one of a penis and I'm heterosexual.

You'll also notice that VIE is not a thing. Well, it might be a thing, but not a really popular thing.


Uh...it is to me, damnit!
/this is why we cannot have nice things!
 
2012-02-06 12:38:38 PM

CarriePrejean: One of the problems I see is the ability to search using so many filters. I want a guy of a certain height, education level, age, etc. And you know what? I can set all those filters and get a whole list of men, but maybe the one who is really perfect for me just missed one of my cut-offs.


That speaks to the article. Now people are using the filters to create their "dream partner" despite not knowing what they actually need. Not that this hasn't been a problem in the past, but it certainly is worse. The article mentions people being reduced to two dimensions, I got that feeling on match that I was receiving an endless string of interchangable women, defined mostly by their activities. Since this article is apparently a plug for eharmony, i'm sure they tout their compatability index, which is just another souped up questionnaire. Personally, I liked the long list of wacky questions on okc, which could lead to meta results. Ie, you don't know why certain questions indicate certain things, but a pattern emerges over time.
 
2012-02-06 12:40:41 PM

markfara: It's not like meeting people in a bar and such is a whole lot different. The dating pool is the dating pool, however you go about it.


This. biatches be crazy. No way around it.
 
2012-02-06 12:41:31 PM
I did the long compatibility form for Eharmony some years ago.

With millions of people signing up, I figured it might be interesting.

They couldn't find even one match for me. I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

I tried a few fee sites -- meaning you sign up, get lots of hits and have to PAY to (1) see who it is or (2) reply. I still get notifications from some of them -- but I'm too cheap to pay.

A couple of actually free sites sent me notifications of contacts, but they always seemed to be somewhere like New York (I live in Florida) Virginia or Georgia. No one within even a 200 mile radius. Either that or the one's who responded had public images of themselves that could send a pitbull howling in fear. One looked like my grandmaw.

I did carry on some interesting email relationships with a few Japanese women for a time -- but they're in Japan. I can't just hop in the car and drive there.

There were a few sites you could view through before signing up and contacting people and they had zip code search engines. I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore so when I discovered the plethora of pretty and cute looking 20 somethings within driving distance, it steamed me up -- but did me no good. (The only way I'd get a 24 or 25 year old these days is to pay for it.)

When I set filters for within 10 years of my age -- 90% of the available women were either fat, looked like they'd been ridden hard and put away wet, or looked crazier than I am.
So, for me, the jury is still out on whether dating sites are good or bad.

One lady I met steamed me up. She sent me some nice -- fully clothed -- images. She seemed nice via e-mail. After a couple of weeks, she sent me current pictures. It seems she gained about 75 to 100 lbs. My interest level dropped real fast.

I haven't used an online dating site in quite a while.
 
2012-02-06 12:42:30 PM

tiamet4: Penises are functional, not attractive, guys.


What if it was attractive but not functional? How would that work out?

Just curious...
 
2012-02-06 12:43:43 PM

SkunkWerks: What if it was attractive but not functional? How would that work out?


It would be a woman.
 
2012-02-06 12:44:33 PM

URAPNIS: SkunkWerks: What if it was attractive but not functional? How would that work out?

It would be a woman.


But you're a penis.

So confused...
 
2012-02-06 12:44:52 PM
I met my wife online.
 
2012-02-06 12:45:34 PM

SkunkWerks: URAPNIS: SkunkWerks: What if it was attractive but not functional? How would that work out?

It would be a woman.

But you're a penis.

So confused...


No, YOU are.

I think.
 
2012-02-06 12:46:15 PM

sweetmelissa31: RexTalionis: I also don't do it because, according to some OKCupid statistics (not exactly sure if that's exactly trustworthy or not), but Asian dudes do terribly when it comes to online dating.

I've heard that black women get the lowest response rate in online dating. Maybe you should go for each other.


That's because most black women identify as black, and therefore feel the need to act black, and thus are nigresses.

My preferences really limit my choices. I don't REQUIRE them to be athletic light-skinned blacks with tamed curls, but I DO require someone who's not "OOOO you knoze wut I hurd?" And, yeah, I'll take a white girl, too. But no matter what race it seems that the majority of girls try to fit the female stereotype. Females: you're doing this to yourselves. Stop it.

/recently met a smart light-skinned black girl in her mid-20s who's getting her psychology degree
//found out this weekend that she's not shy in the bedroom
 
2012-02-06 12:47:52 PM
I met my dog online.
 
2012-02-06 12:47:57 PM

URAPNIS: SkunkWerks: URAPNIS: SkunkWerks: What if it was attractive but not functional? How would that work out?

It would be a woman.

But you're a penis.

So confused...

No, YOU are.

I think.


I am confused...

I think.

How about protracted and dysfunctional?
 
2012-02-06 12:48:23 PM

thelordofcheese: And, yeah, I'll take a white girl, too. But no matter what race it seems that the majority of girls try to fit the female stereotype. Females: you're doing this to yourselves. Stop it.


What's the "female stereotype"? Dumb?
 
2012-02-06 12:50:25 PM

CarriePrejean: thelordofcheese: And, yeah, I'll take a white girl, too. But no matter what race it seems that the majority of girls try to fit the female stereotype. Females: you're doing this to yourselves. Stop it.

What's the "female stereotype"? Dumb?


Covered in bees, I think.
 
2012-02-06 12:50:26 PM

CarriePrejean: thelordofcheese: And, yeah, I'll take a white girl, too. But no matter what race it seems that the majority of girls try to fit the female stereotype. Females: you're doing this to yourselves. Stop it.

What's the "female stereotype"? Dumb?


It's as mysterious as "feeling the need to act black", particularly if you already are, I think.
 
2012-02-06 12:56:31 PM

Porous Horace: I met my dog online.


I met a couple really great pussies online and took them home with me the next day.
 
2012-02-06 12:57:52 PM
I met my wife through such a site. Read into that what you will.
 
2012-02-06 12:59:00 PM

BurnShrike: Porous Horace: I met my dog online.

I met a couple really great pussies online and took them home with me the next day.


If the dog hadn't written such a great profile we would never have gotten together.
The lesson here is always write a good profile, or failing that, get a dog to do it.
 
2012-02-06 12:59:53 PM

SkunkWerks: tiamet4: Penises are functional, not attractive, guys.

What if it was attractive but not functional? How would that work out?

Just curious...


What if there was glitter on it???

/maybe a bow-tie
 
2012-02-06 01:01:55 PM

SkunkWerks: CarriePrejean: thelordofcheese: And, yeah, I'll take a white girl, too. But no matter what race it seems that the majority of girls try to fit the female stereotype. Females: you're doing this to yourselves. Stop it.

What's the "female stereotype"? Dumb?

It's as mysterious as "feeling the need to act black", particularly if you already are, I think.


Never been through Pittsburgh's East End to Wilkinsburgh, have ya?
 
2012-02-06 01:04:15 PM

thelordofcheese: SkunkWerks: CarriePrejean: thelordofcheese: And, yeah, I'll take a white girl, too. But no matter what race it seems that the majority of girls try to fit the female stereotype. Females: you're doing this to yourselves. Stop it.

What's the "female stereotype"? Dumb?

It's as mysterious as "feeling the need to act black", particularly if you already are, I think.

Never been through Pittsburgh's East End to Wilkinsburgh, have ya?


I haven't, in fact. Are we about to compound this conundrum by positing that a geographical location can "feel the need to act black"?

Because I love stuff like this.
 
2012-02-06 01:05:37 PM

Ashtrey: tiamet4: Penises are functional, not attractive, guys. They are interesting if they are present, welcome, and about to service us. Remote, random images of penises are ugly and boring. It's hard for men to understand because they love seeing images of boobs. However, boobs are pretty and soft. Penises are veiny and gross. I'd much rather get a picture of boobs than one of a penis and I'm heterosexual.

You'll also notice that VIE is not a thing. Well, it might be a thing, but not a really popular thing.


It's funny that you mention this, because just the other day I was talking to a friend of mine about how I didn't understand the popularity of the spread-eagle close-up crotch shots in women's naked pictures. Do straight men or gay/bi women really find that arousing?
 
2012-02-06 01:05:43 PM
 
2012-02-06 01:10:23 PM
So, what is a relationship called that starts on online and then stays online? My 30 year old brother has been in a five year "relationship" with a woman he met online but has never met in person. She lives overseas and they have yet to meet or make plans to meet. They text each other via their phones and computers several hours per day, and she sent a photo once, but she refuses to Skype with him. He has never had an in person date. He actually turns down women who are interested in him now because he says it would be cheating, that he is in a committed relationship.

I mentioned to him that it's not a real relationship if they have never met face-to-face and he accuses me of making it all about sex. When I mention to him that there are many other ways people can spend physical time together without sex he tells me that physical contact before marriage is inappropriate anyway and he doesn't want to ever get married or have kids so who cares? (He's an atheist btw, for those that think this is religiously motivated.) He's not gay, the thought has crossed my mind but he has a wandering eye for hot girls.

Can you figure this out? I'm thinking he's just depressed and lonely and this relationship is all he can handle. Maybe it's just none of my business as long as he is happy. At least he moved out of my mother's basement, although she is still supporting him as he works for her company as a freelance editor. All internet based. He still doesn't have to ever leave the house!!
 
2012-02-06 01:13:37 PM
So many things to say... from "Jane, you ignorant slut", to why is the retard originally writing the article. I see no accuracy in the article.

I want to date a good woman. I will find a good woman. If dating online helps me find her, I am all for it.

If I never meet the writer from this article? I am pretty sure I will be better off.

I don't want to assume anything of the next person in my life. I just want reasons to appreciate her.

People like this writer do not help.
 
2012-02-06 01:13:55 PM

Rik01: I did the long compatibility form for Eharmony some years ago.

With millions of people signing up, I figured it might be interesting.

They couldn't find even one match for me. I'm not sure if that's good or bad.


Well, this may have been your first problem...

eharmony-blog.com

Aside from that, it sounds like you were using some shady/obscure sites. Basically if you want a free site, try plentyoffish or okcupid. For paid sites, try match or eharmony. You're in Florida, so unless you're living in a shack in the middle of the Everglades, you should have some matches relatively close by on those sites.
 
2012-02-06 01:15:49 PM
More words of wisdom:

If they say they work from home, that usually means they do not work.

//just saying
 
2012-02-06 01:15:57 PM
Met herself on Yahoo Chat, been together 10 years last October.

We have met quite a few "friends" online, that when you meet up in real-life turn out to be total psychos though, so yeah, I could get where the paper is coming from...

Still, we're going strong after a decade, so there must be some other pretty good success stories out there. Hell, she's not even once tried to stab me to death, cut me up into pieces and use my body in the aforementioned modern-art exhibition..

/ Hoping for boobies here, EIP...
// Hoping She doesn't see this and start work on her new art project...
 
2012-02-06 01:21:33 PM

Limit Proof: Ashtrey: tiamet4: Penises are functional, not attractive, guys. They are interesting if they are present, welcome, and about to service us. Remote, random images of penises are ugly and boring. It's hard for men to understand because they love seeing images of boobs. However, boobs are pretty and soft. Penises are veiny and gross. I'd much rather get a picture of boobs than one of a penis and I'm heterosexual.

You'll also notice that VIE is not a thing. Well, it might be a thing, but not a really popular thing.

It's funny that you mention this, because just the other day I was talking to a friend of mine about how I didn't understand the popularity of the spread-eagle close-up crotch shots in women's naked pictures. Do straight men or gay/bi women really find that arousing?


No love for the gyno-shots myself. Some guys do like them though.
 
2012-02-06 01:25:53 PM
I'm was permanently turned off dating sites when I found out someone I worked with frequents these sites.
he is forever alone:
he is very dirty, smells, chews tobacco. and is woeful about being single.

This is how I envision everyone on dating sites now.

sigh...
 
2012-02-06 01:28:02 PM

my herniated disc: I'm was permanently turned off dating sites when I found out someone I worked with frequents these sites.
he is forever alone:
he is very dirty, smells, chews tobacco. and is woeful about being single.

This is how I envision everyone on dating sites now.

sigh...


Awww, c'mon. We're not all like that.

/doesn't chew tobacco
 
2012-02-06 01:29:20 PM

JustUseTheWrench: Flakeloaf: Peter von Nostrand: What were the other 198 pages about?

Penis photos.

/can't believe guys actually do that thinking it will work
//can't believe that it occasionally does

I actually just received my first penis photo from a guy I've gone on a few dates with. Nothing could have turned me off faster. Why, oh why, do some men think that the quickest way into a girl's pants is to send her unsolicited pictures of their junk? Can anyone offer any insight?


wow, thats terribly romantic.
he sounds dreamy!
 
2012-02-06 01:30:01 PM

boatbetty: More words of wisdom:

If they say they work from home, that usually means they do not work.

//just saying


And you are likely a "bonehead" at least most of the time for making these assumptions.

I spend 90% of my time work-wise on conference calls. Since these calls are 50% of the time international. I have to deal with many of those calls overnight and in my home.

Why would I drive to an office to take/make these calls?

How about you.... Do you have an excuse for your mundane life? Or are you in general just boring, and still opinionated?
 
2012-02-06 01:36:11 PM

CasperImproved: boatbetty: More words of wisdom:

If they say they work from home, that usually means they do not work.

//just saying

And you are likely a "bonehead" at least most of the time for making these assumptions.

I spend 90% of my time work-wise on conference calls. Since these calls are 50% of the time international. I have to deal with many of those calls overnight and in my home.

Why would I drive to an office to take/make these calls?

How about you.... Do you have an excuse for your mundane life? Or are you in general just boring, and still opinionated?


Touchy much?
 
2012-02-06 01:42:46 PM

cryinoutloud: I think you find about the same mix of people doing on-line dating nowadays as you'd find out roaming around looking for someone.

I don't do either one anymore. My best chance of meeting someone would be to get into one of those groups that do things together, like go hiking or do some other activity together. But I don't like groups, they make me nervous and everyone talks too much. So fark it.


HotIgneous Intruder: Why all the penis hate? Most of you like or full-bore love the kawk, either way, and those of you who don't love it have fake ones to take their places.

/What is this, a [insert favorite group of prudes here] thread?
//Too early in the day?
///Too sober?


I'm going to attempt to answer this since I was asking myself the same question when my roomate disapeared into the bathroom with my phone one time.
It wasnt that the kawk that was ugly per se, its a picture of it without the man surrounding it that was unnatractive. Its the whole man thats attractive to me, not just a pic of his bits.
 
2012-02-06 01:44:16 PM
www.redorbit.com

Or you could do like my ex wife, to to some bar, and pick out your newest husband -- who just happens to be on the Florida sex-offender-registry.
 
2012-02-06 01:45:04 PM

my herniated disc: It wasnt that the kawk that was ugly per se, its a picture of it without the man surrounding it that was unnatractive. Its the whole man thats attractive to me, not just a pic of his bits.


Thanks for the tip. Gimme 5 minutes and I'll email you. Actually, make it 10. I'm at work and have to time it so no one walks into my cube while I'm snapping the photo.
 
2012-02-06 01:47:47 PM
wicked_sprite
So, what is a relationship called that starts on online and then stays online? My 30 year old brother has been in a five year "relationship" with a woman he met online but has never met in person. .....
Can you figure this out? I'm thinking he's just depressed and lonely and this relationship is all he can handle. Maybe it's just none of my business as long as he is happy. At least he moved out of my mother's basement, although she is still supporting him as he works for her company as a freelance editor. All internet based. He still doesn't have to ever leave the house


She's married or otherwise committed (heh.) As for your brother--well, maybe that's the kind of relationship he likes. He has a "girlfriend" but none of the entanglements or responsibilities.
 
2012-02-06 01:50:31 PM
Been doing the online dating thing for about a year. Been on half a dozen dates, none terrifically successful -- conversation flows, it's pleasant, but there's no real connection. I figure it's because I don't really want to get involved with anyone yet, especially the driven, motivated, intelligent women I seem to attract. My ex is like that, and it turned out she was a control freak.

My cock is getting lonely, though. He wants to see his friend vagina again.
 
2012-02-06 01:53:52 PM

CasperImproved: boatbetty: More words of wisdom:

If they say they work from home, that usually means they do not work.

//just saying

And you are likely a "bonehead" at least most of the time for making these assumptions.

I spend 90% of my time work-wise on conference calls. Since these calls are 50% of the time international. I have to deal with many of those calls overnight and in my home.

Why would I drive to an office to take/make these calls?

How about you.... Do you have an excuse for your mundane life? Or are you in general just boring, and still opinionated?


You should try to read all the words, and not take everything so personal. If this statement does not apply to you, then it is not about you.
 
2012-02-06 01:54:13 PM

boatbetty: Then you get the chance to tell them it's because they are fat/ugly for being a piehole.


I should look at these exchanges as being a feature? I guess I'll have fun, at least. :)

Thanks for the response and congrats on making it work.
 
2012-02-06 01:54:38 PM
I've been happily married for 15 years and counting. If I ever have a stray thought about... straying... I read a thread like this.

/probably good for another 5 years now - thanks!
 
2012-02-06 01:56:52 PM

wicked_sprite: So, what is a relationship called that starts on online and then stays online? My 30 year old brother has been in a five year "relationship" with a woman he met online but has never met in person. She lives overseas and they have yet to meet or make plans to meet. They text each other via their phones and computers several hours per day, and she sent a photo once, but she refuses to Skype with him. He has never had an in person date. He actually turns down women who are interested in him now because he says it would be cheating, that he is in a committed relationship.

I mentioned to him that it's not a real relationship if they have never met face-to-face and he accuses me of making it all about sex. When I mention to him that there are many other ways people can spend physical time together without sex he tells me that physical contact before marriage is inappropriate anyway and he doesn't want to ever get married or have kids so who cares? (He's an atheist btw, for those that think this is religiously motivated.) He's not gay, the thought has crossed my mind but he has a wandering eye for hot girls.

Can you figure this out? I'm thinking he's just depressed and lonely and this relationship is all he can handle. Maybe it's just none of my business as long as he is happy. At least he moved out of my mother's basement, although she is still supporting him as he works for her company as a freelance editor. All internet based. He still doesn't have to ever leave the house!!


Wow, just wow... 5 years?

She's a dog or something... if they can't move on and meet, or at least video chats, etc. there's a serious problem.

I'm almost ashamed to state that I had a similar situation for a few (several) months during my bad years. There were many issues that I couldn't make the trip (single father) but she kept making excuses. It didn't end very well.. turns out that her divorce that was on the way had reverted and many other things.

He's got issues with meeting people (intravert) probably, and he's now in a "secure" spot where he feels safe. Fear of getting his fantasy shattered could keep him like this for a very long time, as long as she plays along.

Something needs to happen, and I'd recommend that he's not alone to deal with it, such as making the trip. An ultimatum about her using a video chat should get things moving, but odds are, he's afraid to end up a fool for the investment he has. He needs to understand that without honesty, this relationship is a fantasy, and something is seriously amiss.

......

But I did the online/phone thing for a while... most women were:

- desperate
- didn't have a clue what they actually wanted
- looking for a free meal
- wanted to see what they could get
- looking to validate themselves
- looking to hook up

Very few had been honest about themselves, both in appearance and lifestyle and many other details.

I eventually got sick of it, spent about 2 years just busy with other things, then decided to try again... I got a few responses to my add on the first day, by the end of the week I got a message from someone that had found a much older and forgotten profile I had on another site (from the 2 years prior).

We met, and now have been together and married for about 12 years now.
 
2012-02-06 02:02:27 PM

tiamet4: They are interesting if they are present, welcome, and we are about to service one.


The penis serves no one. You serve the penis.

/applicable to owner and also 3rd party
 
2012-02-06 02:06:32 PM

RexTalionis: You know, people have told me that I should do online dating, but I've always refused because I'm afraid that I'd attract the type of person who would stab me while I sleep and then use my carcass for some sort of avante-garde art installation.


You need to look at their door locks. The crazy ones have multiple, complex, hard to unlock deadbolts and stuff which slows down a potential getaway. Crazy sex is good sex but you need an escape plan.

/A certain gal in Key West comes to mind.
 
2012-02-06 02:09:21 PM

my herniated disc: I'm going to attempt to answer this since I was asking myself the same question when my roomate disapeared into the bathroom with my phone one time.
It wasnt that the kawk that was ugly per se, its a picture of it without the man surrounding it that was unnatractive. Its the whole man thats attractive to me, not just a pic of his bits.


And therein lay the difference between men and women.

While men may or may not find boobs without the rest of the body to be an optimal feature, they're nearly always grateful to receive a picture of them or have access to them (if they're not a 15 year old 4channer)

Women, however, will full out tell you that your penis is ugly. That's just harsh.
 
2012-02-06 02:11:02 PM
ima_fallenangel He's got issues with meeting people (intravert) probably, and he's now in a "secure" spot where he feels safe. Fear of getting his fantasy shattered could keep him like this for a very long time, as long as she plays along.

Yeah, did I mention he's never dated a real live person? Never been kissed. I think you are correct that he's living a fantasy.. he really can't handle relationships at all and this is safe for him. It's just sad as he's 30 years old. At some point the fact that he's so inexperienced will prevent him from entering the "real" dating world when and if he is ready. It's one thing to be a 30+ virgin, and an entire different level of fail to have never even had a first date.

Congrats on your marriage. Twelve years and going strong is quite the accomplishment!
 
2012-02-06 02:13:43 PM

Knara: Women, however, will full out tell you that your penis is ugly. That's just harsh.


I've been assured by many women that mine is acceptably not hideous. I've always assumed that was a lie to not harm my self-esteem.

However, the penis is inherently hilarious, what with the flopping and the bouncing.
 
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