Skip to the end of TFA for the shameless eHarmony plug.

Burr: BurnShrike: "Hey baby wanna see the skin on my arms?"

actually, your skin is your bodies biggest organ.

Maybe on YOU it is...

/fat counts as an organ, right?

When will people realize that online dating is no different than any other medium people use for intentionally meeting people for the purpose of starting a relationship? The problem isn't with the location or medium, it's with the intent and motivation. Whether online or in real-time, if you are targeting someone as mate potential you're immediately getting off on the wrong foot because you aren't presenting the real you. You're trying to sell yourself, which requires all sorts of assumptions about: what this person is like, what they want to hear about, what they should know about you, what you think they're interested in, and so on. You tailor your behavior to fit and they're doing the same thing. So the entire courtship turns into slowly unraveling false pretenses and facades until you get down to the real person. This usually results in a break-up when one says the other person "changed" or "isn't who they thought they were."

That's why people say, and rightfully so, that you always fall into your best relationships when you're not even looking or just being yourself. There's less work to it. I met my wife online when she responded to my profile. After I met her on the first date I didn't think it was going to go anywhere. So I really didn't try at all. I just kinda went with the flow and before I knew it, things had just sort-of stuck. In past online dates I'd read a profile and think, "That's the type of girl I want to date," and then try to act the part. Same thing in bars. It just doesn't work like that.

Well..... You have to understand the "Fooked Up'd" nature of academics too.....

Articles that are published OUTSIDE a researcher's academic field don't count toward tenure and promotion (in journals that aren't specific to the researcher's particular academic discipline). Furthermore, citing sources from other researchers who "found" something central to your own research..... OUTSIDE your own discipline.... will often lead Journal editors and blind reviewers to say "You don't have enough proof (in your own journals) to make that claim!"

I once published an article that argued that cheating on your significant other was HORRIBLE for the relationship.... But since that hadn't been published yet in journals for MY discipline? It was IMMEDIATELY accepted for publication..... LMAO.... Until I published what everyone ALREADY knew? It wasn't an accepted idea in my discipline. Talk about reinventing the wheel.

Too often people who don't know wtf they are talking about criticize researchers for their work. It's usually NOT their fault.... Usually the fault lies with journal and book editors who won't publish something that doesn't have at least 60 - 70%% cited sources in their own field.

/9 published journal articles and 2 book chapters
// Pissed off at the "politics" of academics and journal/research publications

HotIgneous Intruder: Why all the penis hate? Most of you like or full-bore love the kawk, either way, and those of you who don't love it have fake ones to take their places.

With most* women I've known, it's sort of like the engine of a car. It's very important that it works, and some get a thrill from having one with excessive size and power. But for the most part, they don't actually want to have to look at or mess with the thing.

*Emphasis on the word most, and I know everyone's mileage may vary, etc etc

Mentat: RexTalionis: You know, people have told me that I should do online dating, but I've always refused because I'm afraid that I'd attract the type of person who would stab me while I sleep and then use my carcass for some sort of avante-garde art installation.

Meh, those people are easy to pick out. They always have "I'm a girly-girl who likes to go out or just stay home and cuddle" in their profiles.

That accounts for about 2/3 of girls on dating sites, though. The other 1/3 are "not like other girls," and all their friends are guys.

This is why rape is so much more enjoyable... it cuts out the middle-man.

Peter von Nostrand: What were the other 198 pages about?

Last week's FARK thread on online dating.

WinoRhino:
That's why people say, and rightfully so, that you always fall into your best relationships when you're not even looking or just being yourself. There's less work to it. I met my wife online when she responded to my profile.After I met her on the first date I didn't think it was going to go anywhere. So I really didn't try at all. I just kinda went with the flow and before I knew it, things had just sort-of stuck.(/b> In past online dates I'd read a profile and think, "That's the type of girl I want to date," and then try to act the part. Same thing in bars. It just doesn't work like that.


That's exactly where I am right now. I've had plenty of single dates and a few second dates over the past few years but nothing ever worked out. I met a girl on OKC a few weeks ago who, I'll be honest, didn't seem like a "match" for me, so I said "fark it" and just was myself. Quite a few dates later (yes, I know it's a very small sample size and time) things are going great and we are pretty into each other.

/for some reason she likes that I am rather geeky
//don't know why, just being me
///apparently sometimes that works

Spanky3woods: No matter where you swim, the dating pool has always been severely soiled.

up here in Vermont, the "pool" is a manure pit

2 out of 3...

JustUseTheWrench: Flakeloaf: Peter von Nostrand: What were the other 198 pages about?

Penis photos.

/can't believe guys actually do that thinking it will work
//can't believe that it occasionally does

I actually just received my first penis photo from a guy I've gone on a few dates with. Nothing could have turned me off faster. Why, oh why, do some men think that the quickest way into a girl's pants is to send her unsolicited pictures of their junk? Can anyone offer any insight?

So his junk was ugly or small or both right?

JustUseTheWrench: Flakeloaf: Peter von Nostrand: What were the other 198 pages about?

Penis photos.

/can't believe guys actually do that thinking it will work
//can't believe that it occasionally does

I actually just received my first penis photo from a guy I've gone on a few dates with. Nothing could have turned me off faster. Why, oh why, do some men think that the quickest way into a girl's pants is to send her unsolicited pictures of their junk? Can anyone offer any insight?

I am not aware of any studies regarding such things online. However considerable work has been done on 'flashers' (ironically flashing you in person is a felony). Flashers have been found to normally have low self esteem, self confidence, and characterized as immature. Typically they are less violent than many other types of sex offenders. Online being what it is however it may not be accurate to equate flashers with men sending photos of their penis to you. Further from the sound of things this is common. You could go a lifetime and not be flashed. Online seems to offer the potential to meet hundreds of them. It would also I would think offer the potential to meet the exceptions to the typical flasher and find a real sociopath.
I doubt the men sending you photos of their penis are expecting it is a quick way to get into women's pants. Rather they find it thrilling and gives them a feeling of power they don't feel they normally have with women.

BurnShrike: I think I could have some great fun trolling people by asking if they wanted to "see my organ" and then sending them an ultrasound image or my liver or something. But since I don't have access to devices capable of taking such images (nor have I had open body surgery where a photo could be snapped) I have to settle with taking pictures of my external organs. "Hey baby wanna see the skin on my arms?" isn't much of a pick-up line. (Although, the skin on my arms is very soft...)

Send them a picture of a piano organ.

One date I had from online was a woman that had 3 kids. We went out a few times it was nice on the 3rd date I brought her home and made her dinner and we watched movies. After that she pretty much wanted to pack up her family and move in. She wanted 4 more kids and her ex husband was in jail in kansas for multiple charges. And he wanted to kill her and anyone that she was dating. Yeah we didnt go out on a 4th date.

hailin: BurnShrike: I think I could have some great fun trolling people by asking if they wanted to "see my organ" and then sending them an ultrasound image or my liver or something. But since I don't have access to devices capable of taking such images (nor have I had open body surgery where a photo could be snapped) I have to settle with taking pictures of my external organs. "Hey baby wanna see the skin on my arms?" isn't much of a pick-up line. (Although, the skin on my arms is very soft...)

Send them a picture of a piano organ.

That's not a bad idea, but that's "an organ", not "my organ".

RexTalionis: BurnShrike: hailin: BurnShrike: I think I could have some great fun trolling people by asking if they wanted to "see my organ" and then sending them an ultrasound image or my liver or something. But since I don't have access to devices capable of taking such images (nor have I had open body surgery where a photo could be snapped) I have to settle with taking pictures of my external organs. "Hey baby wanna see the skin on my arms?" isn't much of a pick-up line. (Although, the skin on my arms is very soft...)

Send them a picture of a piano organ.

That's not a bad idea, but that's "an organ", not "my organ".

So buy an organ.

That seems like a very expensive way just to be a smartass. I'm dedicated to my art, but that's pushing it.

enforcerpsu: KatjaMouse: My sister has been meeting guys both online and in real life settings and has struck out every time. Two weeks ago she met a pro-athlete in a bar who spent a week wooing her until my sister found out he was married. From his wife. A month before she met a decent guy online who was charming and attractive and then found out he was married. From his... you know... his wife. She wonders if she has 'Mistress Material' tattooed to her forehead that can only be seen by jerks and assholes.

I don't think that's the case because I pointed out to her that this is no different from the typical jerks and assholes she meets that are single.

The only common denominator in that system is her.

She ends up with jerks and assholes because she is attracted to jerks and assholes.

That was sort of my point.

URAPNIS: Your sister sounds hot.

Picture season 1 Christina Hendricks and glue Louise Brooks' face on that body. Despite a touch of acne, yeah. She tends to have no problems attracting men. It's the caliber of men in addition with her poor judgement. I blame romantic comedies myself.

Of all the unlikely sites to meet someone, I met my husband on Plenty of Fish. Of course after weeding thru the knee deep requests for naked pics and people just looking to hook up.

At the time I was a single mom with a full time job and it was hard for me to actually get out and meet people.

FTFA: "Where else can you go in a matter of 20 minutes, look at 200 women who are single and want to go on dates?"


And now you can date all of them in 20 minutes.

GuyFawkes: That's exactly where I am right now. I've had plenty of single dates and a few second dates over the past few years but nothing ever worked out. I met a girl on OKC a few weeks ago who, I'll be honest, didn't seem like a "match" for me, so I said "fark it" and just was myself. Quite a few dates later (yes, I know it's a very small sample size and time) things are going great and we are pretty into each other.

The whole match or "type" thing is kind-of funny, too. Everyone thinks they have a specific type that they're looking for but eventually end up finding better luck with someone who doesn't fit their standard target. At least, that's what I have seen happen to just about everyone I know, including myself. I always went for shorter women and my wife is very tall. Most recently a friend of mine (a conservative professional) has been head-over-heels for a woman who is equally interested in him. He used to go strictly for women who were blonde, rail thin, and super-intellectual (doctor, lawyer, etc). This new love of his life is brunette, high school educated, tatted up with curves. He's never been happier and they make a great couple. I think people just eventually stop ruling out silly qualifiers like hair color and height and by virtue of widening their selection field end up with better luck.

Tax Boy: RexTalionis: but Asian dudes do terribly when it comes to online dating

They just need to upgrade their profiles to a "Type-R"

This made me raff out roud.

My divorce will be final this summer, so I thought I'd test the waters online. I just opened an account at POF last week. I'm struck by the number of profiles with huge lists of do not wants and filled with bitterness.


A vary large number of the women on the site look as though they eat from a trough and the decent or better looking ones seem are probably inundated with emails every day.

TBH It makes me wonder if these sites are valuable at all.

Those of you it worked for, how much trouble was it to find someone worth dating? Not necessarily the love of your life, just the ones worth putting some effort into to see if it could go long term.

On the 17th of this month my wife and I will be celebrating 5 years of online dating failure.

LouDobbsAwaaaay: I'm in a hard-science field

Perhaps you would find your job easier if you came indoors.

I haven't tried online dating, but my buddy met his wife on one of them. I don't know how many girls he had to go through to find her, but she's pretty cool.

Thankfully my parents never do the "When are you getting married" thing. Maybe because they have both been divorced before. The closest my mom came was offering to buy both my and my sister memberships to some site for Christmas a couple of years back. Neither of us took her up on that.

NotSubby: My divorce will be final this summer, so I thought I'd test the waters online. I just opened an account at POF last week. I'm struck by the number of profiles with huge lists of do not wants and filled with bitterness.


A vary large number of the women on the site look as though they eat from a trough and the decent or better looking ones seem are probably inundated with emails every day.

TBH It makes me wonder if these sites are valuable at all.

Those of you it worked for, how much trouble was it to find someone worth dating? Not necessarily the love of your life, just the ones worth putting some effort into to see if it could go long term.

I used POF and met my husband. The thing that really blew me away on that site is, that a lot of people actually get mad if you don't respont to their requests to meet. Say, for example, you are not attracted, so you fiqure it's just best not to reply and they blow up your in-box wanting to know why you didn't reply. Then you get the chance to tell them it's because they are fat/ugly for being a piehole.

Tax Boy: RexTalionis: but Asian dudes do terribly when it comes to online dating

They just need to upgrade their profiles to a "Type-R"

Flakeloaf: Peter von Nostrand: What were the other 198 pages about?

Penis photos.

/can't believe guys actually do that thinking it will work
//can't believe that it occasionally does

It doesn't really. If we've already decided that you're acceptable otherwise, we're willing to put those pictures in our trash bin, send you a flattering response and try to move on from there.

Penises are functional, not attractive, guys. They are interesting if they are present, welcome, and about to service us. Remote, random images of penises are ugly and boring. It's hard for men to understand because they love seeing images of boobs. However, boobs are pretty and soft. Penises are veiny and gross. I'd much rather get a picture of boobs than one of a penis and I'm heterosexual.

Side note: Getting married this year to a guy I met on Match.com 4 years ago. However, the only other online relationship that turned serious that I know of is ending in divorce this year as well so...about the same odds as anything else.

tiamet4: Penises are functional, not attractive, guys. They are interesting if they are present, welcome, and about to service us. Remote, random images of penises are ugly and boring. It's hard for men to understand because they love seeing images of boobs. However, boobs are pretty and soft. Penises are veiny and gross. I'd much rather get a picture of boobs than one of a penis and I'm heterosexual.

You'll also notice that VIE is not a thing. Well, it might be a thing, but not a really popular thing.

I've met everyone I've dated in the last 17 years online.

Met my wife online, so for me, it's gone pretty damned well.

Met some crazies too, but you can meet crazies at the bookstore.

Burr: BurnShrike: "Hey baby wanna see the skin on my arms?"

actually, your skin is your bodies biggest organ.

I thought epidermis meant your hair...

HotIgneous Intruder: LouDobbsAwaaaay: I'm in a hard-science field
Perhaps you would find your job easier if you came indoors.

See, that's where you're wrong, because he's

One of the problems I see is the ability to search using so many filters. I want a guy of a certain height, education level, age, etc. And you know what? I can set all those filters and get a whole list of men, but maybe the one who is really perfect for me just missed one of my cut-offs.

Michael Scott: A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

Lou Brown: That accounts for about 2/3 of girls on dating sites, though. The other 1/3 are "not like other girls," and all their friends are guys.

When I was online dating, I wrote a profile about how you were probably just going to look at my pics and decide whether or not to send me a message, so I'd save you some time and not write a bunch of lies about myself.