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(Some Guy)   Woman receives Facebook friend request from the man who raped her when she was 14 years old. She gets the hero tag for how she handled it   (moxiebird.com) divider line 1264
    More: Hero, rape victims, Facebook, electronic publishing, friend request  
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66116 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2012 at 10:49 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-05 05:00:27 PM

retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.


The ultimate question is, was it good?
 
2012-02-05 05:00:47 PM

huskerdu: retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.

HA HA you banged a fat chick.


Yup. That was precisely the reaction of my housemates.
 
2012-02-05 05:00:57 PM

The more you eat the more you fart: So: girl gets drunk and does drugs = not responsible for her actions...right?


Not responsible for the rapists actions.

There is a subtle difference.

Actually it's nite that subtle.
 
2012-02-05 05:02:58 PM
bhcompy:I should be able to leave my front door unlocked as well. Saying that doesn't mean I'm agreeing with the guy. It means that I have no reason to believe the girl over the guy without real tangible evidence.

Someone entering your house without your permission is not the same as being raped. I can't believe that's even the tack you took.

Far more people (women AND men) are raped, than ever go to the cops. Far more people who report being raped are actually raped, than are lying. And yet every single farking time, we doubt the victim, or hear someone encouraging us to do so. EVEN WHEN THE RAPIST CONFESSES.

Why attempt to push public opinion counter to the odds like that, except to hold up an unnatural system? What do you personally have to gain by that? It doesn't make you look impartial and fair. It makes you look stubbornly immune to facts and probability, as well as massively lacking in human feeling.

Not to mention, in many places, you CAN leave your door unlocked. I'm sorry for you that you can't--and that you and your neighbors haven't manned up and taken action about that yet.

This isn't a rant against men. Half of the rape victims I know have been straight guys. I just can't believe this thread is full of people that have concluded that, since a rape victim can be civil to her rapist, and accept an apology, that must mean her rape was "less real" on some imaginary spectrum than the few victims that scratch and claw and never forgive--EVEN THOUGH THE GUY CONFESSED.

You are morally warped. Are you voting for Ron Paul?

"If it's an honest rape," Paul replied, "that individual should go immediately to the emergency room, I would give them a shot of estrogen." He claimed, however, that if a woman is "seven months pregnant" and says that she was raped, "It's a little bit of a different story."

Fark that noise.
 
2012-02-05 05:03:08 PM
Did anyone else find this thread much more palatable after they had put Troublesome Strumpet on ignore and then refreshed their browser?
 
2012-02-05 05:04:08 PM

retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.


You're not a rape victim. You're doing a disservice to actual victims of rape.
 
2012-02-05 05:05:47 PM

huskerdu: retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.

HA HA you banged a fat chick.



HA HA, a fat chick made you bang her.
 
2012-02-05 05:06:38 PM

Molavian: someahole: I'm not defending the guy you mention, but it's possible to slip into the wrong hole and not notice a difference by touch alone. That's doubly true if there is a condom involved. Again, not saying that what he did was an accident, just that it's not automatically BS (and I'm not commenting on the rape-y-ness, this is strictly off-topic.)

I've accidently the whole thing in the wife's pooper, too. She doesn't enjoy it at all, and I mean at all, but she hasn't thrown me in jail for "raping" her.


I wasn't commenting on the rape aspect, I'm staying out of that one. Talking about rape on the internet is straight-up tic-tac-toe.

I was just saying: for some women it might not be obvious how it would be possible for a guy to mistake their starfish for their hooha. Given that she's going to have such a viscerally different experience, some women assume that he is too. That's not the case, and it's not an automatic lie for him to say he didn't notice.
 
2012-02-05 05:07:04 PM

tblax: bhcompy: Valarius: Ladies of Fark

[images.blogstream.com image 455x400]


I'm sorry for the trauma you've endured. On behalf of the men who don't suck, I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

Only girls can be raped? I'm a male. By the textbook definition, I was raped by a female(and she stole my virginity). I said no, she said yes, then she sat on it. I told her to stop and she didn't.

Clearly something about that aroused you or it wouldn't have been possible.
Not rape
Troll or fool, cannot tell


Clearly a troll yourself, but for the sake of anyone else: Rape is not about arousal. It is about consent. No matter how horny you are, if you say "No," it's still rape if they continue, regardless of anyone's gender.

So, imagine this. A guy and a girl, in a committed relationship, getting hot and heavy. He's aroused, she's aroused, but she just doesn't want to have sex, so she says "No" to that. And he sticks it in anyway. Guess what that is! Here's a hint - it starts with an R and ends in an "ape," and it's not "reshape." Switch the genders around - still rape! Both men? Also rape. Both women? Again, rape. Transitioning MTF and a biologically intersex person who identifies as a straight male? Doesn't matter, still rape.

Anyone who is a male, or who knows anything about males, knows that sometimes boners happen for no reason. An erection is not a 100% reliable indicator of arousal, or of much of anything except "There is more blood in my penis." (And, just to hammer it home - even if it were, arousal =/= consent.)

Any kind of rape or abuse is utter bullshiat, no matter what shape someone's genitals are, and my condolences are with anyone who's experienced it.

/female, not that it matters.
 
2012-02-05 05:07:59 PM

Julie Cochrane: mgshamster: namatad: the horrific part of this is that the one "proven" method of treating PTSD is by reliving the memory in therapy and safely processing the event.

It's also been proven that therapy sessions can implant false memories.

/Or rather, that false memories can be implanted, and there have been several court cases where therapists implanted false memories.

Getting a false memory from therapy via "recovered memories" and hypnosis is a lot more complicated than going to a therapist for treatment for PTSD, talking about your traumatic experiences, and processing your feelings about the trauma and how it has affected you.

You're making it sound like just walking in the door of a therapist's office for treatment makes everything ever after that you "think" you remember suspect.

It doesn't work that way.


Getting false memories is easier than you think. The majority of the memories you have in your head are false. Every time you recall a piece of information in a memory at least one aspect is forgotten, or accidentally re-written. All the treasured memories you have (the ones you think about the most) are nowhere near what it was like when they actually happened

Apply this to something traumatizing. Think about how often a rape victim must think about what has happened to them. It probably becomes impossible to remember it all clearly
 
2012-02-05 05:09:26 PM
I'm sorry, but this situation is not what I think of when I hear the word "rape". Not saying that something wrong didn't happen, and I'm not saying it's not farked up, but this guy is not entirely to blame. She got farked up at 14 years of age, and decided to meet 3 guys at a warehouse. Personally, I think that she's making herself out to be more of a victim than she really is.

Still... if it bothered her that much, I hope she's found closure.

/Yes, I am female
//And I've experienced something similar, so don't think I'm responding without knowing.
 
2012-02-05 05:11:14 PM
Speaking as a guy who actually stopped when his date said "no," you'd be surprised how little a difference it makes in the stories she tells the next day.
 
2012-02-05 05:13:33 PM

MoronLessOff: The ultimate question is, was it good?


I am embarrassed to say ... yes ... it was.
 
2012-02-05 05:13:50 PM

gulogulo: RoyBatty: My IssueI agree I tacked that on to you and it wasn't necessarily applicable to you. For that I apologize.


Thank you.

Yet, that was stated in this thread, but it hasn't been the 'agenda' in my posts. I just have a problem with it.You and others insist that this is comparable to other women ruining other people's lives with false accusations. In the very Boobiess people were calling it 'regret' sex implying that she was lying. A.) we have no proof that she is lying or not. B.) No one's life is being ruined.

There's a couple of things here:

1. Is rape as bad, more bad, or less bad than a false accusation of rape?

2. Assuming it were true, Is a 10% rate of false accusations so low as to be ignorable?

Regarding 1) I can't tell you what rape feels like, I was never raped. But I have been falsely accused, and it's resulted in a) loss of my children, b) loss of friends, c) loss of career, d) loss of community, e) incredible feelings of shame and self-doubt and suicidal tendencies. And since these accusations were only made to a court psychologist and the judge of a divorce, I've never actually had a chance to clear my name, anywhere.

Oddly, my former sister-in-law(s) stick with me, because they know who their sister is.

Many people do think that a false accusation is as bad, or even worse than a rape.

How do you feel about that?

Why is it so important to you that you feel that that cannot be?

What would be the impact your thoughts regarding these sorts of stories if you felt differently about the comparative horrific outcomes of rape and false accusations?

Regarding 2)

I often read on feminists blogs that all rape is horrible. And must be stopped. And rape is severely underreported. And rapists when charged, rarely go to trial. And those who go to trial rarely are convicted.

If I said, well, rape is actually pretty rare, and if we miss a percent or two, well, I mean we try, right?

How might you perceive that?

So when, as has been done throughout this thread, I read women and false accusation apologizers saying,

"It's only 10%"

How am I to perceive that?

Also consider the Blackstone ratio. Why was it said, why did we form our justice system around the notion that it is better to let 10 guilty men go free than convict one innocent man?

How does that basic societal norm comport to how demands we convict every rapist even if 10% of rape claims are false accusations?

Finally, you think that all this condemnation of one person never identified makes it alright.

So if I had a blog post about the evils that one woman did, similar to the evils all women do, maybe she boiled my bunny because she didn't like my wife, and then I called her up on twitter and she said #lol #winning, because she is evil, because women are evil, you'd be okay with that, because no one is really being harmed. So what if it's yet another unchallengeable story about how all women are biatches and coonts, no one is being taken to court, no one's life is ruined, so why should anyone challenge it?
 
2012-02-05 05:14:50 PM
It seems like so many people are ignoring her age. She was 14! If she says "OMG yes, I want to do all of you!" It is rape. If she says 'No!" it is even worse. She said no.
 
2012-02-05 05:15:53 PM

retrograde: MoronLessOff: The ultimate question is, was it good?

I am embarrassed to say ... yes ... it was.


Because of the heavy, or the coercion? Coercion, I understand. Heavy? So. I've known a few gals that fit the description. A little meaty but smoking hot in the face. And I wouldn't have minded a chance at any of them. To bad I was so emo back then.
 
2012-02-05 05:16:44 PM

tblax: Apply this to something traumatizing. Think about how often a rape victim must think about what has happened to them. It probably becomes impossible to remember it all clearly


Wait, so thinking about something a lot means you're LESS likely to remember it right?

Hope you never wasted much time studying, then.

In this story, we have a traumatized person who tried for a decade to accurately piece together what happened, dealing as well as they could with the self-doubt that our society implants in victims' heads, via people like those in this thread. Then she confronted her rapist, who validated every detail.

And you're still not so sure she remembered it right--just because she happened to try therapy?

You can learn about how the mind works from books, you know. Try it.
 
2012-02-05 05:16:48 PM

retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.


I guess it depends on how you felt about her threat. Did you feel like it was a credible threat and have sex with her so she wouldn't scream?

That's what it sounds like, in which case yeah, that's rape.

Or did you figure her threat was a hassle you could deal with and have sex with her because you wanted to do her? I mean, if your bros were going to come in and say yeah, right and then just give you shiat and tease you and you weren't really going to have bad things happen, then that would be different from if her screaming would convince people you were a total scumbag and had the potential to ruin your life (which I see as much more likely, but I don't know that, and you do).

If her threat was credible and would have harmed you and you had sex with her to keep her from harming you, when you otherwise wouldn't have sex with her, yep, rape.

Rape has varying degrees of aggravating factors that the rapist does or doesn't do in addition to the bare fact of the act, and there are varying degrees of damage the act and or the aggravating factors do or don't do to the victim.

I don't know what you went through, but it probably at least caused you a lot of really uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame with/around your girlfriend. Bare minimum.

And then there's seeing her and her acting like nothing even happened. At least until you figured out she was going to keep her mouth shut, that had to have tied your stomach in knots wondering what story she might make up and to who, and whether she'd come back for more.

Not to mention the anger.

So yeah, that sounds like no picnic. Some women are scum.
 
2012-02-05 05:16:59 PM

Teen Wolf Blitzer: You're not a rape victim. You're doing a disservice to actual victims of rape.


There seems to be a difference of opinion on this. I was not traumatized and I actually enjoyed the sex once I had resigned myself to it so maybe you are right.
 
2012-02-05 05:17:26 PM

KiplingKat872: And there's the mysoginst's Gowin's law....


She ADMITTED that she deliberately put herself in dangerous situations because she liked the sexual attention it got her.

But no saying "I was raped" is a lot easier way to justify your bad life decisions than admitting that you were an attention whore who sucked cock for drugs.
 
2012-02-05 05:17:51 PM

Trystera: tblax: bhcompy: Valarius: Ladies of Fark

[images.blogstream.com image 455x400]


I'm sorry for the trauma you've endured. On behalf of the men who don't suck, I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

Only girls can be raped? I'm a male. By the textbook definition, I was raped by a female(and she stole my virginity). I said no, she said yes, then she sat on it. I told her to stop and she didn't.

Clearly something about that aroused you or it wouldn't have been possible.
Not rape
Troll or fool, cannot tell

Clearly a troll yourself, but for the sake of anyone else: Rape is not about arousal. It is about consent. No matter how horny you are, if you say "No," it's still rape if they continue, regardless of anyone's gender.

So, imagine this. A guy and a girl, in a committed relationship, getting hot and heavy. He's aroused, she's aroused, but she just doesn't want to have sex, so she says "No" to that. And he sticks it in anyway. Guess what that is! Here's a hint - it starts with an R and ends in an "ape," and it's not "reshape." Switch the genders around - still rape! Both men? Also rape. Both women? Again, rape. Transitioning MTF and a biologically intersex person who identifies as a straight male? Doesn't matter, still rape.

Anyone who is a male, or who knows anything about males, knows that sometimes boners happen for no reason. An erection is not a 100% reliable indicator of arousal, or of much of anything except "There is more blood in my penis." (And, just to hammer it home - even if it were, arousal =/= consent.)

Any kind of rape or abuse is utter bullshiat, no matter what shape someone's genitals are, and my condolences are with anyone who's experienced it.

/female, not that it matters.


I can agree that arousal does not equal consent. But I'd say that it probably implies interest.
Also, random boners are a middle-school sort of thing. I'd like to think that all my boners have purpose
 
2012-02-05 05:19:35 PM

supageil: Women and men should be able to walk anywhere they want, in any state of intoxication, wearing anything or nothing--AND NOT BE RAPED.

Anyone who shrugs their shoulders at the disparity between that fact and our lived reality is a rape-apologist farkwit, and a HUGE part of the problem.


No people who confuse ideals with reality are a huge part of the problem. What we should be able to do doesnt excuse our poor decisions in light of reality. This doesnt mean that bad things deserve to happen to bad decision makers. It means that reality isnt as idealistic as we think it ought to be and we should act accordingly. I should be able to carry bricks of gold by hand through south central LA in the middle of night wearing flashing lights and a white robe without fear of being robed, ideally. But just because we should be able to doesnt mean its a good idea. Your argument seems, to me, to remove personal responsibily and is apologetic to bad decision makers.

/giving you credit that you are not trolling. But perhaps your intellect is blinded by emotion, or you really are that dumb.
 
2012-02-05 05:19:43 PM

retrograde: Teen Wolf Blitzer: You're not a rape victim. You're doing a disservice to actual victims of rape.

There seems to be a difference of opinion on this. I was not traumatized and I actually enjoyed the sex once I had resigned myself to it so maybe you are right.


I say it's still rape. But sounds like you treated it like the advantage clause. It all worked out, so you let it be.
 
2012-02-05 05:20:26 PM

DreamSnipers: It seems like so many people are ignoring her age. She was 14! If she says "OMG yes, I want to do all of you!" It is rape. If she says 'No!" it is even worse. She said no.


Where are her 'attackers' ages in TFA?
 
2012-02-05 05:21:10 PM

retrograde: Teen Wolf Blitzer: You're not a rape victim. You're doing a disservice to actual victims of rape.

There seems to be a difference of opinion on this. I was not traumatized and I actually enjoyed the sex once I had resigned myself to it so maybe you are right.


Judge: You are hereby accused of blackmailing the Miss. Molly with erroneous felony charges, you held her against the will until she complied with your sexual advances. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Defendant: Yes, your honor. It could not have been rape because she enjoyed it!
 
2012-02-05 05:22:42 PM

Julie Cochrane: mgshamster: namatad: the horrific part of this is that the one "proven" method of treating PTSD is by reliving the memory in therapy and safely processing the event.

It's also been proven that therapy sessions can implant false memories.

/Or rather, that false memories can be implanted, and there have been several court cases where therapists implanted false memories.

Getting a false memory from therapy via "recovered memories" and hypnosis is a lot more complicated than going to a therapist for treatment for PTSD, talking about your traumatic experiences, and processing your feelings about the trauma and how it has affected you.

You're making it sound like just walking in the door of a therapist's office for treatment makes everything ever after that you "think" you remember suspect.

It doesn't work that way.


Are you sure about that? Link (new window)

There's a reason eyewitness testimony is notoriously unreliable.

Memories are not retained. We don't "store" our memories and retrieve them later. We recreate our memories every time we try to remember something.

I can alter a memory of an event simply by using "the" instead of "a" in a question. If someone witnesses an accident, I can create a false memory by asking, "Did you see the broken headlight?" instead of "Did you see a broken headlight?" The second question forces the eyewitness to recall the memory of whether or not the headlight was broken; the first question tells the eyewitness that there absolutely was a broken headlight, and I'm asking if they saw it. A surprising amount of people will say yes, even if there was no broken headlight.

There is a ton of research in this area, and it all points to how unreliable our own memories are.

Here's some more links:
Creating False Memories (new window)
Therepist accused of implanting satanic memories (new window, video auto-starts)

Not all of it is intentional or malicious like that second link. For example, if I were to show you a police line-up of potential suspects, and I had an idea of who the suspect was, I could get you to choose the person who I think it is, even if you aren't sure. That possibility of a false identification is decreased significantly if I put you in the same situation but with a person who has no knowledge of the case at all.
 
2012-02-05 05:22:52 PM

supageil: In this story, we have a traumatized person who tried for a decade to accurately piece together what happened, dealing as well as they could with the self-doubt that our society implants in victims' heads, via people like those in this thread. Then she confronted her rapist, who validated every detail.


A few years ago I had hot, passionate sex in a hot tub with Mila Kunis. Then, she recently friended me on facebook, and when we spoke about the incident over the phone, she confirmed every detail (the hot tub, the daiquiris, the Hawaiian band playing in the corner).

Ergo, I DEFINITELY had sex with Mila Kunis, right? I mean, she validated every detail and everything....
 
2012-02-05 05:23:22 PM

DreamSnipers: It seems like so many people are ignoring her age. She was 14! If she says "OMG yes, I want to do all of you!" It is rape. If she says 'No!" it is even worse. She said no.


Agreed if she said no.

But if they were all 14 and all consented then I dont consider it rape. (obviously not the situation in the article.)

But if we insist than under the age of consent is rape then they all raped each other.
 
2012-02-05 05:23:52 PM
I don't know everything with this, but considering she said know and he remembers it, this is Rape. Now I have an ex who would tell me No means yes before certain encounters, yes she had issues, but it was previously arranged. That being said, I am against anything nonconsensual. It is a horrible thing.
 
2012-02-05 05:24:21 PM

DreamSnipers: It seems like so many people are ignoring her age. She was 14! If she says "OMG yes, I want to do all of you!" It is rape. If she says 'No!" it is even worse. She said no.


Citation needed
 
2012-02-05 05:24:31 PM

tblax: Trystera: tblax: bhcompy: Valarius: Ladies of Fark

[images.blogstream.com image 455x400]


I'm sorry for the trauma you've endured. On behalf of the men who don't suck, I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

Only girls can be raped? I'm a male. By the textbook definition, I was raped by a female(and she stole my virginity). I said no, she said yes, then she sat on it. I told her to stop and she didn't.

Clearly something about that aroused you or it wouldn't have been possible.
Not rape
Troll or fool, cannot tell

Clearly a troll yourself, but for the sake of anyone else: Rape is not about arousal. It is about consent. No matter how horny you are, if you say "No," it's still rape if they continue, regardless of anyone's gender.

So, imagine this. A guy and a girl, in a committed relationship, getting hot and heavy. He's aroused, she's aroused, but she just doesn't want to have sex, so she says "No" to that. And he sticks it in anyway. Guess what that is! Here's a hint - it starts with an R and ends in an "ape," and it's not "reshape." Switch the genders around - still rape! Both men? Also rape. Both women? Again, rape. Transitioning MTF and a biologically intersex person who identifies as a straight male? Doesn't matter, still rape.

Anyone who is a male, or who knows anything about males, knows that sometimes boners happen for no reason. An erection is not a 100% reliable indicator of arousal, or of much of anything except "There is more blood in my penis." (And, just to hammer it home - even if it were, arousal =/= consent.)

Any kind of rape or abuse is utter bullshiat, no matter what shape someone's genitals are, and my condolences are with anyone who's experienced it.

/female, not that it matters.

I can agree that arousal does not equal consent. But I'd say that it probably implies interest.
Also, random boners are a middle-school sort of thing. I'd like to think that all my boners have purpose


No dude. Not at all. A guy can get a boner from a stimulated prostate during a prison rape. A woman's vagina can lubricate during a gang rape. Arousal doesn't automatically guarantee mental permission or compliance.
 
2012-02-05 05:24:36 PM
This one girl I used to date was a screamer, and she would sometimes shout out NO NO NO ! during sex. Scared the crap out of me the first time it happened and I stopped immediately. She looks back and yells, 'WHY DID YOU STOP?!!'

So confusing.

The neighbors downstairs said they sometimes thought we were performing exorcisms, and that their dogs would get scared.

/not complaining
 
2012-02-05 05:26:44 PM
 
2012-02-05 05:29:21 PM

supageil: bhcompy:I should be able to leave my front door unlocked as well. Saying that doesn't mean I'm agreeing with the guy. It means that I have no reason to believe the girl over the guy without real tangible evidence.

Someone entering your house without your permission is not the same as being raped. I can't believe that's even the tack you took.

Far more people (women AND men) are raped, than ever go to the cops. Far more people who report being raped are actually raped, than are lying. And yet every single farking time, we doubt the victim, or hear someone encouraging us to do so. EVEN WHEN THE RAPIST CONFESSES.

Why attempt to push public opinion counter to the odds like that, except to hold up an unnatural system? What do you personally have to gain by that? It doesn't make you look impartial and fair. It makes you look stubbornly immune to facts and probability, as well as massively lacking in human feeling.

Not to mention, in many places, you CAN leave your door unlocked. I'm sorry for you that you can't--and that you and your neighbors haven't manned up and taken action about that yet.

This isn't a rant against men. Half of the rape victims I know have been straight guys. I just can't believe this thread is full of people that have concluded that, since a rape victim can be civil to her rapist, and accept an apology, that must mean her rape was "less real" on some imaginary spectrum than the few victims that scratch and claw and never forgive--EVEN THOUGH THE GUY CONFESSED.

You are morally warped. Are you voting for Ron Paul?

"If it's an honest rape," Paul replied, "that individual should go immediately to the emergency room, I would give them a shot of estrogen." He claimed, however, that if a woman is "seven months pregnant" and says that she was raped, "It's a little bit of a different story."

Fark that noise.


Ultimately, all you're saying is that because something is legal you should do it. That's fine. Doesn't mean you made the best decision. There is a legal concept called contributory negligence because bad decisions, even if they're legal on their own, can lead to results that wouldn't occur otherwise.
 
2012-02-05 05:29:40 PM

Julie Cochrane: I guess it depends on how you felt about her threat. Did you feel like it was a credible threat and have sex with her so she wouldn't scream?


Yes, it would have been a humiliating experience at the very least.



Rape has varying degrees of aggravating factors that the rapist does or doesn't do in addition to the bare fact of the act, and there are varying degrees of damage the act and or the aggravating factors do or don't do to the victim.

I don't know what you went through, but it probably at least caused you a lot of really uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame with/around your girlfriend. Bare minimum.

And then there's seeing her and her acting like nothing even happened. At least until you figured out she was going to keep her mouth shut, that had to have tied your stomach in knots wondering what story she might make up and to who, and whether she'd come back for more.


You pretty much summed it up. My housemates just assumed that I had sex with her and was embarrassed about it. I wouldn't have been because aside from being a little heavy she was quite pretty. I was worried that my girlfriend would get wind of it and not believe my story though. I never said anything to my housemates about this either. The girl would occasionally smile at me when I saw her on campus in a way that seemed to say "I know something about you" but she never said anything to me. I have no idea if she ever told anybody else since nothing ever got back to me.
 
2012-02-05 05:31:07 PM
I got to do the same thing 2 years after it happened to me. It was the way I said NO. I think that is the lesson here. More girls need to learn how to say NO and not just "please stop" .... Because that does not work.
 
2012-02-05 05:31:16 PM

AmorousRedDragon: Abuse of alcohol and drugs made it difficult for her to distinctly and positively confirm what she recalled.

Maybe the whole idea of getting trashed with 3 older males alone in some warehouse wasn't the best choice.


I knew a girl who would go home with a guy who was getting wasted and make out with him, then decide she wasnt going to sleep with him and ask to go home.

The first time she got raped I was angry and all that.

After the 3rd time it happened in 6 months I stopped caring.

It's a bit like going into a black neighborhood wearing a KKK robe. Should they beat the piss out of you? No. It's still a crime. But did you stop to think that anyone with half a brain could have avoided this situation?
 
2012-02-05 05:33:04 PM

RoyBatty: gulogulo: RoyBatty: My IssueI agree I tacked that on to you and it wasn't necessarily applicable to you. For that I apologize.


Thank you.

Yet, that was stated in this thread, but it hasn't been the 'agenda' in my posts. I just have a problem with it.You and others insist that this is comparable to other women ruining other people's lives with false accusations. In the very Boobiess people were calling it 'regret' sex implying that she was lying. A.) we have no proof that she is lying or not. B.) No one's life is being ruined.

There's a couple of things here:

1. Is rape as bad, more bad, or less bad than a false accusation of rape?

2. Assuming it were true, Is a 10% rate of false accusations so low as to be ignorable?

Regarding 1) I can't tell you what rape feels like, I was never raped. But I have been falsely accused, and it's resulted in a) loss of my children, b) loss of friends, c) loss of career, d) loss of community, e) incredible feelings of shame and self-doubt and suicidal tendencies. And since these accusations were only made to a court psychologist and the judge of a divorce, I've never actually had a chance to clear my name, anywhere.

Oddly, my former sister-in-law(s) stick with me, because they know who their sister is.

Many people do think that a false accusation is as bad, or even worse than a rape.

How do you feel about that?

Why is it so important to you that you feel that that cannot be?

What would be the impact your thoughts regarding these sorts of stories if you felt differently about the comparative horrific outcomes of rape and false accusations?

Regarding 2)

I often read on feminists blogs that all rape is horrible. And must be stopped. And rape is severely underreported. And rapists when charged, rarely go to trial. And those who go to trial rarely are convicted.

If I said, well, rape is actually pretty rare, and if we miss a percent or two, well, I mean we try, right?

How might you perceive that?

So when, as has been done throughout this thread, I read women and false accusation apologizers saying,

"It's only 10%"

How am I to perceive that?

Also consider the Blackstone ratio. Why was it said, why did we form our justice system around the notion that it is better to let 10 guilty men go free than convict one innocent man?

How does that basic societal norm comport to how demands we convict every rapist even if 10% of rape claims are false accusations?

Finally, you think that all this condemnation of one person never identified makes it alright.

So if I had a blog post about the evils that one woman did, similar to the evils all women do, maybe she boiled my bunny because she didn't like my wife, and then I called her up on twitter and she said #lol #winning, because she is evil, because women are evil, you'd be okay with that, because no one is really being harmed. So what if it's yet another unchallengeable story about how all women are biatches and coonts, no one is being taken to court, no one's life is ruined, so why should anyone challenge it?


Roy, I will address the one point I can speak to, which is the experience of being a rape survivor.

The hypersensitivty and unpredictable rage, the severe depression (I realized at one point I had gone six months without changing the sheets on my bed) meant I also lost my friends, a couple jobs, dropped out of school. It took me ten years to get back on track in terms of my education, but I still struggle with feelings of shame and self hatred. I still have suicidal thoughts sometimes. I also have not been able to maintain a relationship over 18 months. Ever. Sex isn't the problem, it's emotional intimacy I struggle with. I even have a difficult time forming and maintaining friendships.

Living with the aftermath of rape is like living with a giant squid that has it's tentacles wrapped into your preceptions and reactions. You can ignore it for a long time, but it is still pulling your strings. I have spent years in therapy working on putting the squid in perspective, putting it in a box, and learning to live around it. I hope one day to be able to do more than live around it, but have a full life in spite of it.

I am not comparing my experience to yours as I have not been through what you have and do not know how you have suffered. I am just saying this is my experience as a rape victim. It's an earth shattering moment, where everything you think you can count on in human nature, in others and yourself, fails you. And the repercussion of that is very severe, very twisted, and very long lasting.
 
2012-02-05 05:35:25 PM
What rape SHOULD mean: "He held me down and penetrated me while I resisted with every fiber of my being."

What rape NOW means, "I got wasted and had sex with a guy and somewhere around the 15 minute mark I may have whispered 'no'..."

Great job tards
 
2012-02-05 05:36:35 PM
sex scares the shiat out of me.

i feel that i can achieve an acceptable orgasm without adding the following risks:
1) STDs
2) unplanned pregnancy
3) unstable mental states of partners
4) marriage -> divorce -> marriage cycle

there's nothing in the world that can protect 100% against these things but, the desire to achieve orgasm through sexual intercourse vs. achieving orgasm through self stimulation isn't strong enough for me to justify even ATTEMPTING to find a partner.

/forever alone and ok with it
 
2012-02-05 05:38:10 PM

Teen Wolf Blitzer: What rape SHOULD mean: "He held me down and penetrated me while I resisted with every fiber of my being."

What rape NOW means, "I got wasted and had sex with a guy and somewhere around the 15 minute mark I may have whispered 'no'..."

Great job tards


Which is why you should always record your sexual encounters. "Sorry, I have to for legal purposes."
 
2012-02-05 05:39:49 PM

KiplingKat872: oy, I will address the one point I can speak to, which is the experience of being a rape survivor.The hypersensitivty and unpredictable rage, the severe depression (I realized at one point I had gone six months without changing the sheets on my bed) meant I also lost my friends, a couple jobs, dropped out of school. It took me ten years to get back on track in terms of my education, but I still struggle with feelings of shame and self hatred. I still have suicidal thoughts sometimes. I also have not been able to maintain a relationship over 18 months. Ever. Sex isn't the problem, it's emotional intimacy I struggle with. I even have a difficult time forming and maintaining friendships.Living with the aftermath of rape is like living with a giant squid that has it's tentacles wrapped into your preceptions and reactions. You can ignore it for a long time, but it is still pulling your strings. I have spent years in therapy working on putting the squid in perspective, putting it in a box, and learning to live around it. I hope one day to be able to do more than live around it, but have a full life in spite of it.I am not comparing my experience to yours as I have not been through what you have and do not know how you have suffered. I am just saying this is my experience as a rape victim. It's an earth shattering moment, where everything you think you can count on in human nature, in others and yourself, fails you. And the repercussion of that is very severe, very twisted, and very long lasting.


I hear ya. So, not to lessen what you have been through, and I am sorry you had to endure it at all, but I recognize each and everyone of these feelings and situations. Right down to the loss of trust and intimacy, down to the 10 year period and longer to get over it.

When I hear women dismiss the nature, and harm of false accusations or state that by bringing them up I am a rape apologist, it makes me weary, angry, and at times, it makes me just want to die. Seriously.
 
2012-02-05 05:40:35 PM

Teen Wolf Blitzer: What rape SHOULD mean: "He held me down and penetrated me while I resisted with every fiber of my being."

What rape NOW means, "I got wasted and had sex with a guy and somewhere around the 15 minute mark I may have whispered 'no'..."

Great job tards


Wow, doubling up false delima and strawman argumentative fallacies. Impressive.

/ Golf clap
 
2012-02-05 05:42:23 PM

namatad: AndreMA: namatad: huge amounts of real evidence

Really? What evidence? A screenshot without much context, that would be trivially easy to fake? A written account of a telephone conversation, based on admittedly imperfect memory and made after the fact?

Have any of her female classmates come forward and said "yeah, she warned me about those guys..."? Is there any evidence that any of the three guys were ever in serious trouble, before or after? Are there even phone records that such a conversation ever took place?

No. There are a lot of assertions and claims, which are at best poor evidence unless supported by other people or verifiable facts.

If you're ever called for jury duty, please bring a copy of your comment with you and provide it to the attorneys on both sides. You'll be out of there so fast you won't even get lunch.

LOL WHAT ??

I have huge amounts of real evidence of what happened to her.
do you know anyone with PTSD?
there are things which you literally can not fake.
it is one thing to pretend to have or claim to have a panic attack, but a real panic attack is another can of worms.

seeing the things which trigger a panic attack in an abuse victim is quite educational and frightening ...

um
why did you go to court and jury?
I am talking about reality . evidence of trauma ,....
I did not state "EVIDENCE WHICH would be allowed in court"
so .. um
slow down there and stop jumping all over the place ....

when taken in total, you can infer that the evidence is true or false ...
when 90% of the story turns out to be made up, you question the remaining 10%.
when 90% of the story turns out to be true, you have less grounds to question the remaining 10%

could the whole story of her life be made up?
of course.
100% could be fake.
but ...
given all the evidence, I would bet YOUR life on the fact that none of it was made up.
could she have FAKED the letter and package her mother mailed her? of course
could she have FAKED the letter and package her father maile ...


If you have any evidence beyond what this woman (who herself states that her memory of the traumatic events is in places unclear) has to offer in the article please present it. Otherwise it's just single-sourced anecdote.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I know a number of people with bona fide diagnoses of PTSD and/or DID, mostly from childhood sexual abuse. I am among that number (with regard to PTSD), though a result of physical abuse, and have for the past 15 years been an active participant in and/or adminstrator of a peer counseling organization set up specifically for survivors.

As a result of my own history, I know more than I care to about triggers and panic attacks. My father used to beat me with a leather belt and more than 20 years later I would have panic attacks from the smell walking through the leather goods department in a store, in one case requiring EMS response. That didn't make the store guilty of anything, though. Have you ever held someone in a psych ward who'd just been through abreactive therapy? Unless you have too, I suggest that I might have a bit more of a clue about such matters.

Rape is a criminal charge, so I applied the standards appropriate.

You (and others) keep using the word "fake" which implies deceit or deception. I don't think I've claimed that the author is conciously and deliberately lying, just that there's nothing in the way of objective evidence to support her claims. There are, however, factors which might suggest either conscious or unconscious error in her recollection. She herself admits to being under the influence and having fuzzy recollections of the events. She's a professional writer of some sort, whose bread and butter depends on the attention of strangers. Etc.
 
2012-02-05 05:42:36 PM

Teen Wolf Blitzer: What rape SHOULD mean: "He held me down and penetrated me while I resisted with every fiber of my being."

What rape NOW means, "I got wasted and had sex with a guy and somewhere around the 15 minute mark I may have whispered 'no'..."

Great job tards


This isn't surprising.
"using logic" = abuse (PDF warning)

So you're abusing, like, all the women in this thread with your posts, guy.
 
2012-02-05 05:43:50 PM

KiplingKat872: Teen Wolf Blitzer: What rape SHOULD mean: "He held me down and penetrated me while I resisted with every fiber of my being."

What rape NOW means, "I got wasted and had sex with a guy and somewhere around the 15 minute mark I may have whispered 'no'..."

Great job tards

Wow, doubling up false delima and strawman argumentative fallacies. Impressive.

/ Golf clap


You have to agree on some level that the dilution of the term "rape" does a huge disservice to the victims of actual rape, right? Or maybe we need "degrees" of rape, similar to murder charges.
 
2012-02-05 05:45:30 PM

Teen Wolf Blitzer: retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.

You're not a rape victim. You're doing a disservice to actual victims of rape.


And to guys that make stuff up.
 
2012-02-05 05:46:49 PM
 
2012-02-05 05:47:47 PM

supageil: Repeat: drunk, emotionally confused 14-year-old girls are allowed to go ANYWHERE, and their rape is still 100% the fault of the rapist. No exceptions. Argue with this and prove your moral unfitness.


A nuclear warhead facility with an easy to press red button to set off WWIII.
 
2012-02-05 05:49:58 PM
So when you ask your wife if something is bothering her and she says "no", does it always mean "no"?
 
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