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(Some Guy)   Woman receives Facebook friend request from the man who raped her when she was 14 years old. She gets the hero tag for how she handled it   (moxiebird.com ) divider line
    More: Hero, rape victims, Facebook, electronic publishing, friend request  
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66148 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2012 at 10:49 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-05 04:25:40 PM  

tblax: Boner= you're into it


Experienced torturers were adept at causing erection to their victims as a mark of shame. They didn't get off on it, they were victims.
 
2012-02-05 04:25:46 PM  

RoyBatty: Both men and women get aroused when they are being raped. Men get erect. Women get wet.


It doesn't mean they weren't raped.

FTFM
 
2012-02-05 04:25:53 PM  

s2s2s2: Bathia_Mapes: She said, "No, let's stop" at least once. That's all that's necessary. It doesn't matter if she was drunk/stoned/whatever, she said NO!


NO MEANS NO!!!

That is 100% correct. And at that point, the man bears responsibility for what happens. Who bears what % of the responsibility for what happens leading up to that point requires full disclosure of all details.


It's far from "100% correct"
 
2012-02-05 04:25:54 PM  
I find myself wondering sometimes how many of the guys in these threads would spontaneously combust if every sex offender/abuser went up in flames at the same time.
 
2012-02-05 04:25:57 PM  

Rich Cream: jtfx: One thing that I always baffled me about rape, is how does the guy get it in? Dry vagina seems like that would be impossible? Does it get wet even when the owner doesn't want any parts of what is happening?


A little spit can do wonders.

/remember that for when you start dating women who are older.


Ha! Partially answers another one of my questions, does the Vagina not self lubricate at all after menopause, or just less, or???

If it doesn't get wet, how will i know it's time to put it in???
 
2012-02-05 04:27:03 PM  

theurbanpagan: serial_crusher: serial_crusher: I wonder how often it happens to men also?

ftfm

I don't know. I know my husband hasn't had anything like this happen to him. Nor my brother. I'll ask my friends the next time I see them. I'd be interested to know.


....why do you think he would tell you?
 
2012-02-05 04:27:58 PM  

RoyBatty: Why are YOU being an apologizer for these gross violations of human decency?


Because that's not what this article is about! Why do you YOU keep on making it about something that it is not? I'm in no lynch mob. I'm in no "men evil, women great" club. I'm just puzzled why people keep bringing up the personal responsibility angle when it was NEVER contested in the first place. Not even by the author!

You aren't able to see the forest for the trees. There's no agenda in my posts other than to puzzle about the agenda in yours. I understand you've been blinded by your own experience with your ex, and yes, she was a biatch but it doesn't mean you should wear the same tinted glasses when examining all stories about women involving men. This story is not yours. It is not even remotely close to being yours. There are no dragons here, Don.
 
2012-02-05 04:28:14 PM  

RoyBatty: sheilanagig: RoyBatty: People's lives are ruined all of the time by false accusations of rape, sexual violence and domestic abuse.

There. FTFY

I thank you for admitting that you're an "apologizer."


What are you smoking, son?
 
2012-02-05 04:28:58 PM  

jtfx: Rich Cream: jtfx: One thing that I always baffled me about rape, is how does the guy get it in? Dry vagina seems like that would be impossible? Does it get wet even when the owner doesn't want any parts of what is happening?


A little spit can do wonders.

/remember that for when you start dating women who are older.

Ha! Partially answers another one of my questions, does the Vagina not self lubricate at all after menopause, or just less, or???

If it doesn't get wet, how will i know it's time to put it in???


When she applies the artificial lubricant.
 
2012-02-05 04:30:20 PM  

sheilanagig: I find myself wondering sometimes how many of the guys in these threads would spontaneously combust if every sex offender/abuser went up in flames at the same time.


You would too, given my experience with women
 
2012-02-05 04:30:28 PM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: danvon: ChimbleySweep: How do you figure?

I was taken aback by that statement myself. I think Mona Lisa Vito's statement about deer hunting could be altered to fit that kind of position.

Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water... BAM! A farkin bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a fark what kind of pants the son of a biatch who shot you was wearing?

As in, who gives a fark how old the guy was.

If it was a bunch of kids hanging out with one another, and they were all drunk together, that's a different kettle of fish from some chick who got drunk with someone 20 years older than her who could better handle his liquor. Hanging out with kids one's own age who are also drunk is 'lesser' than hanging out with some older dude who's supposed to know better.

And those two are both different from true stranger rape where someone was abducted and forced, not this 'regretting drunken sex' crap. Yeah, she was underage, and that works in her favor, because it's all legally rape if you're underage, but how often was she getting blackout drunk in the first place?

/not reading the article


Uh, yeah maybe you should make an exception this time and RTFA!
 
2012-02-05 04:31:34 PM  

KiplingKat872: And you lack awareness period to realize that the weight of evidence at the moment is with the writer of the article.



Apparently you have no idea what the word "evidence" means.


You just have, "biatches be lyin' cuz people be e-vul" while you miss the entire point of the article in your rush to prove her a liar.


That could not possibly be construed from my post in a believable manner. Your sexism is showing.

I do not think she's lying. I also do not think she's telling the truth. You see, I take this position called "reserving my judgement". I do that when all I have is one person's say-so. Anyone can say anything. You don't just believe them or not believe them based on how emotional the story makes you. I know this is proving to be a difficult concept for you, but in life it's an entirely necessary one.


Again, for the upteenth time, just because 10% of rape accusations are false (according to the last DoJ report I read) that does not mean they all are and to create an environment that assume that rape victims are liars doesn't help anyone.


And for the umpteenth time, I never said that all rape accusations are false... nor did I imply it, allude to it, etc. etc. etc. You're making that up all on your own and reading things in to entirely legitimate reservations which simply aren't there. That's your emotional response clouding your reasoning again.

My argument is that NO ONE is to ever be believed without question about anything, and that an emotionally charged story does not change that fact.
 
2012-02-05 04:32:03 PM  

sheilanagig: I find myself wondering sometimes how many of the guys in these threads would spontaneously combust if every sex offender/abuser went up in flames at the same time.


We're all rapists. And not just us Fark members. All men. Your dad, brother, co-workers, signifcant other. Guy behind the counter at McDonald's? Rapist. Cute guy in accounting? Yep. Guy walking out of the gym? He just raped someone in the stretching area. So watch your back ladies.
 
2012-02-05 04:32:13 PM  
So were they all drunk/stoned, or did they just get her drunk/stoned to take advantage of her? Rape is such a tough subject to talk about, even more so with the stories of women making up stories or using regret and calling it rape make it more difficult in male dominated society.

/glad I don't have any kids/daughters
/won't even make-out with a female who has been drinking or smoking
 
2012-02-05 04:32:32 PM  

AbbeySomeone: shivashakti: AbbeySomeone:
You're a rapist?

HAHAHA! Whoops..that's a hell of a typo. No, no..someone who has BEEN raped.

That was most unfortunate.


It isn't that big of a deal, everyone makes typos.
 
2012-02-05 04:33:11 PM  

gulogulo: RoyBatty: Why are YOU being an apologizer for these gross violations of human decency?

Because that's not what this article is about! Why do you YOU keep on making it about something that it is not? I'm in no lynch mob. I'm in no "men evil, women great" club. I'm just puzzled why people keep bringing up the personal responsibility angle when it was NEVER contested in the first place. Not even by the author!

You aren't able to see the forest for the trees. There's no agenda in my posts other than to puzzle about the agenda in yours. I understand you've been blinded by your own experience with your ex, and yes, she was a biatch but it doesn't mean you should wear the same tinted glasses when examining all stories about women involving men. This story is not yours. It is not even remotely close to being yours. There are no dragons here, Don.


You, yourself, wrote this:

My issue here is that the evidence that 10% of rape accusations are false to act like now 100% of them are false. She didn't go to the cops. No one's life is being ruined.

Let's see if we can deconstruct that:

My Issue

IS

that 10% of rape accusations are false to act like now 100% of them are false

That's your issue, and you brought it up. You did. Not me. My response was a response. It was in reply to YOUR ISSUE.

Please don't make that my issue, or even pretend I am making anything like that my issue.
 
2012-02-05 04:33:41 PM  
When you pay for your alcohol and drugs with sex, its not exactly rape...plus what the hell is penguin head?
 
2012-02-05 04:34:07 PM  
html fail :(
 
2012-02-05 04:34:10 PM  

someahole: Julie Cochrane:
The next day when I complained, he got a "how do I get out of this one" expression and then told me that since I wasn't male and didn't have a penis I didn't know how difficult it was sometimes to know which orifice you were in.

I couldn't believe what the hell I just heard. "In?" I echoed. "Don't you mean at?"

"No, in." He insisted.

It took a bit for the emotional numbness to wear off and my bullshiat detector to finally override my denial, but I finally broke things off.

I'm not defending the guy you mention, but it's possible to slip into the wrong hole and not notice a difference by touch alone. That's doubly true if there is a condom involved. Again, not saying that what he did was an accident, just that it's not automatically BS (and I'm not commenting on the rape-y-ness, this is strictly off-topic.)

I would've called BS too, except it's evidently happened to me. My wife is into anal, but I make a point to always ask first and then I take it slow. One night after we finished up what I thought was vaginal sex, she says to me that she'd never been farked in the ass so hard before, but enjoyed it. At some point I slipped out and continued in the wrong hole without missing a beat or even noticing (obviously she didn't say anything). My response was "Anal? What?", and then she's confused, maintaining that it's not even the first time I've switched without asking. Evidently I don't always notice if I go in the out-door. And that's even without condoms, my wife and I don't even use them when it's just us.

If you don't slow down, I suppose both places feel about the same to a guy so long as there is enough residual KY or natural lube on him. The difference in texture gets lost once he's pounding away.


I've accidently the whole thing in the wife's pooper, too. She doesn't enjoy it at all, and I mean at all, but she hasn't thrown me in jail for "raping" her.
 
2012-02-05 04:34:56 PM  

PizzaJedi81: Debeo Summa Credo: PizzaJedi81: ArkAngel: Leaving the keys in the ignition of my Corvette in South Central LA doesn't mean I deserve to get my car stolen, it means I contributed to it happening by doing something unwise.

Gang raping a 14 year old girl is at least an order of magnitude greater than stealing a car, though.

Yeah, if that's what happened. Not clear from the call and the recollections that's what happened. At least not with the guy she's talking to.

Not touching on repressed memories/memory recovery, which I know is tricky and not the most reliable thing in the world, but it seemed from TFA that he all but admitted it, and, not wanting any of the blame, tried to play the "I didn't know it wasn't consensual!" card a little thick, which makes me doubt the veracity of his statements. It seemed, to me, like he was confirming her story.


Really? I don't get that at all. Here's the critical part of the conversation for me:

"D: I do want you to know that I am so farking sorry for any pain I caused you. I did like you. There was no disrespect or ... I never saw you as a piece of meat or some biatch. You were a farked up little girl and I can see that more clearly now.

Me: Well, I was...and my background contributed....I craved that sexual attention and put myself in bad situations..."

Sounds to me like two adults looking back on events that happened 14-15 years ago and analyzing them in the context of the 28-30 year olds they are today versus the 14-15 year olds they were then. I do not in any way condone or excuse the guy's behavior, but the critical part here is what the girl is saying: she craved the sexual attention and deliberately put herself in the situation. Does that mean she deserved to be raped? Absolutely not!

I'm just curious why everyone's so quick to demonize him for clearly apologizing several times for the actions he took as a child when she didn't even once directly state, "No, what happened a decade and a half ago absolutely wasn't consensual; it was rape" even when he directly asked the question. He's no hero, but at least he did apologize (no, that doesn't make it right, but at least he's made some effort here)... but speaking as a woman who's been raped, neither is she. Confrontation isn't passive-aggressively dancing around what you need to say, which is exactly what she did. How the fark is that heroic?
 
2012-02-05 04:34:57 PM  

Valarius: Ladies of Fark

[images.blogstream.com image 455x400]


I'm sorry for the trauma you've endured. On behalf of the men who don't suck, I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.


rationalmale.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-02-05 04:35:06 PM  

Blink: Anyway, the girl would never tell me the boy's name that did all this to her. I'd've killed him, if I learned -- which is probably, at least in a small part, why she kept it a secret. The more likely reason is just that she didn't want to talk/re-live it.

/rapists should be castrated. I could really care less if that sounds barbaric.


the horrific part of this is that the one "proven" method of treating PTSD is by reliving the memory in therapy and safely processing the event.
was it her fault? of course not
was she raped? of course
was the rapist ever held to account? of course not ...
by rationally reliving the event, they work the memory into a less visceral memory. one that can be lived with. hopefully she has gotten some help for this.

we know that the rapist is probably a politician or policeman by now ...
 
2012-02-05 04:35:41 PM  

kvinesknows: plus what the hell is penguin head?


Ctrl + F. You'll find it.
 
2012-02-05 04:36:07 PM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: military armrest: ExperianScaresCthulhu: KiplingKat872: This took some serious courage. I never saw the bastard who raped me again. I just wanted to run away like she said at the beginning of the article. We had been dating and he left a couple messages on my machine, pissed off that I was not returning his calls, but I never answered them and quit the place I worked at where we had met. It took me a long time to deal with what happened, and get closure on my own.

Are you one of those biatches who tells the same sob stories (different names) to the new White Knights in your life, leaving shiat out, and when your Bipolarism kicks in again, you start trying to 'recreate' history with the new White Knight who thought he was trying to help you and Be A Better Man Than The Ones Who Hurt You Before?


What the fark is wrong with you, I don't understand why you hate your fellow women so much. Do you think this will make the men on this site like you better? What did she say that has you spewing the vemon? She is relating a painful experience and how it related to the story. My question is what happened in your past to hate all woman and to act like rape never ever happens. Do you think that it can't happen to you? That if you follow the "rules" that you won't ever be attacked, cause honey I have bad news for you. I followed the rules and I still had an attempted, I got lucky and someone stopped it. But that was pure dumb luck, not all women have luck on their side.

- I hate being lied to.
- I hate when somebody tells such a lie in order to manipulate me, and manipulate others, through sympathy.
- Men want to be respected, not confronted.
- Her being lionized -- when I find her to be an unreliable narrator -- makes me spew venom.
- Emmitt Till happened, to make me distrust
- What makes you think it didn't? (It didn't.)
- I do not -- and can not allow myself -- to depend upon others to stop bad shiat for me.


So not only is the writer of the artitcle a liar, I'm a liar too? Do you have any proof that either of us are lying that justifies such a foaming at the mouth rant, when one survivor praises another for not wallowing in fear and hatred, but having the courage to confront a horrific event in her past head on?

Because I "confront" men you think in opposition to "respecting" them I deserve to be raved at thus?

I guess that answers the "do you think it will make you popular with the guys" question.

"Respect" does not equal "capitulation."

Does your cult leader know you are on the intertubes with people who live in the real world? Or did he put you on here to troll for new recruits?
 
2012-02-05 04:37:51 PM  
Since I know very little about the subject of rape having never been a raper or a rapee; and there seem to be experts on the subject in this thread, I have a question involving rape. I have been married for a number of years. Over time the sex crests and ebbs. when we are out of sync with our desires ie. I want it 4 times a week and she wants it twice a month: I have 2 choices 1. cheat. (not for me I care about my wife) 2. Hand sand the deacon. I pick #2. With kids wife and work It is tough to squeeze in a load without speed and stealth. Stealth I got but speed gets hampered by random thoughts that involve rape. I need reality in my masturbatory fantasies or I get sidetracked by the details. For example I cant punch the clown while imagining sex with Kate Bekensdale. First she would not have me, second I cant figure on a way that the two of us would be in the same room together. Even if all that can be worked out I still have the nagging issue of cheating. My fantasy must start with some reason why I am no longer married. I really dont want my wife to meet an untimely death or to run away and leave me with a filthy carnie you know small hands and smell like cabbage. So the time wasted on these "set up" details ruin the few moments I have to make a bowl of man chowder. The solution is painfully obvious. I get raped by a average looking woman. I used to go with the standard "bi-curious lesbian biker gang needs a boy toy for the evening" but it has morphed into "Lesbian Island". I am near the ocean in a warm setting, Florida perhaps. I am on the dock. Two good looking, but not too good looking, women are struggling to load the boat. I offer to help. Next thing I know I am on an island and am being explained that the island is inhabited by 30 lesbians. They want to have children. I have 3 days to impregnate all of them or they will kill me. They have no fertilization equipment so we need to use the natural method. 10 a day for three days. after a few batches of chud I come up less than able to perform but these are clever lesbian kidnappers who realize that if they put on a show with each other I could be rejuvenated. .............

The question is precisely how much can I enjoy the 30 lesbians before it becomes cheating and not rape?
 
2012-02-05 04:39:55 PM  
Women and men should be able to walk anywhere they want, in any state of intoxication, wearing anything or nothing--AND NOT BE RAPED.

Anyone who shrugs their shoulders at the disparity between that fact and our lived reality is a rape-apologist farkwit, and a HUGE part of the problem.

There is no excuse, EVER, for hearing "No, stop" out of the mouth of a 14-year-old girl, and continuing to fark her anyway. It doesn't matter how "ok" she seems to be.

People are willing to believe the horny drunk guy accurately perceived genuine "okayness" in her with what was happening to her--but they're not willing to believe the scared drunk girl, then or now, that she didn't FEEL okayness? That's a textbook case of privileging the male experience over the female one, and another huge part of the rape problem.

Repeat: drunk, emotionally confused 14-year-old girls are allowed to go ANYWHERE, and their rape is still 100% the fault of the rapist. No exceptions. Argue with this and prove your moral unfitness.
 
2012-02-05 04:40:53 PM  

gulogulo:
It doesn't offend me. Just trying to help you look less like an idiot since you're the only one using it. But, to each their own, I guess.


CRY MOAR!
 
2012-02-05 04:42:02 PM  

namatad: the horrific part of this is that the one "proven" method of treating PTSD is by reliving the memory in therapy and safely processing the event.


It's also been proven that therapy sessions can implant false memories.

/Or rather, that false memories can be implanted, and there have been several court cases where therapists implanted false memories.
 
2012-02-05 04:43:58 PM  

sarah_t_s: gulogulo:
It doesn't offend me. Just trying to help you look less like an idiot since you're the only one using it. But, to each their own, I guess.

CRY MOAR!


You're not convincing anyone.
 
2012-02-05 04:44:53 PM  
Ok, I'm honestly confused. The guy seems like he has a better understanding of the situation than he did when he was a kid. He also seems to feel regret for what happened. Maybe he doesn't believe he did rape the girl, that it was some kind of play acting.

Also, she's the one who let the exchange go on, as if she was trying to figure out the details herself.

Rape is wrong, I just don't know if he knew he was part of one when it happened.

/my head hurts.
 
2012-02-05 04:45:25 PM  

supageil: Women and men should be able to walk anywhere they want, in any state of intoxication, wearing anything or nothing--AND NOT BE RAPED.

Anyone who shrugs their shoulders at the disparity between that fact and our lived reality is a rape-apologist farkwit, and a HUGE part of the problem.

There is no excuse, EVER, for hearing "No, stop" out of the mouth of a 14-year-old girl, and continuing to fark her anyway. It doesn't matter how "ok" she seems to be.

People are willing to believe the horny drunk guy accurately perceived genuine "okayness" in her with what was happening to her--but they're not willing to believe the scared drunk girl, then or now, that she didn't FEEL okayness? That's a textbook case of privileging the male experience over the female one, and another huge part of the rape problem.

Repeat: drunk, emotionally confused 14-year-old girls are allowed to go ANYWHERE, and their rape is still 100% the fault of the rapist. No exceptions. Argue with this and prove your moral unfitness.


I should be able to leave my front door unlocked as well. Saying that doesn't mean I'm agreeing with the guy. It means that I have no reason to believe the girl over the guy without real tangible evidence.

People SHOULD be skeptical about any accusation, particularly one where the social punishment is worse than the legal punishment. You realize that many employers do social media/internet searches as part of their background checks for employee hiring(same goes for landlords and renting as well)? If my name shows up on some unsubstantiated accusation, I could be unemployable and unable to find shelter. Unless there is a preponderance of circumstantial evidence, there is no reason to believe either party.
 
2012-02-05 04:46:01 PM  
there are way too many responses to read through them all... so here is this.

remember the guy with super bowl tickets and how that ended up all fake as hell and blown out of proportion?

did you guys stop to think that maybe this story might also be blown out of proportion. maybe it happened just like she said, maybe it didn't. if she was really raped, why didn't she tell someone other than a girl she knew who then decided to tell it to everyone on the planet. maybe the guy really felt bad about everything and wanted to make amends.

also this. (FTA) "And I have these memories, but a lot of it is hazy and there are pieces that are missing and some new pieces have come back to me since I got sober. And about this incident in particular with you and M*** and C*** and a group of guys who forced me to do some things."

was she baiting him by getting him to admit something or what? because if i can't even remember a setting, i sure as hell won't remember who all was there and their names.

im gonna just say this, if you are a guy and your banging a girl, and she just up and says "NO STOP!" you stop. you can be pissed and all but ya need to stop. but reading the article twice and taking a few minutes to think about what i read, i feel like im being trolled.
 
2012-02-05 04:47:17 PM  

Aigoo: PizzaJedi81: Debeo Summa Credo: PizzaJedi81: ArkAngel: Leaving the keys in the ignition of my Corvette in South Central LA doesn't mean I deserve to get my car stolen, it means I contributed to it happening by doing something unwise.

Gang raping a 14 year old girl is at least an order of magnitude greater than stealing a car, though.

Yeah, if that's what happened. Not clear from the call and the recollections that's what happened. At least not with the guy she's talking to.

Not touching on repressed memories/memory recovery, which I know is tricky and not the most reliable thing in the world, but it seemed from TFA that he all but admitted it, and, not wanting any of the blame, tried to play the "I didn't know it wasn't consensual!" card a little thick, which makes me doubt the veracity of his statements. It seemed, to me, like he was confirming her story.

Really? I don't get that at all. Here's the critical part of the conversation for me:

"D: I do want you to know that I am so farking sorry for any pain I caused you. I did like you. There was no disrespect or ... I never saw you as a piece of meat or some biatch. You were a farked up little girl and I can see that more clearly now.

Me: Well, I was...and my background contributed....I craved that sexual attention and put myself in bad situations..."

Sounds to me like two adults looking back on events that happened 14-15 years ago and analyzing them in the context of the 28-30 year olds they are today versus the 14-15 year olds they were then. I do not in any way condone or excuse the guy's behavior, but the critical part here is what the girl is saying: she craved the sexual attention and deliberately put herself in the situation. Does that mean she deserved to be raped? Absolutely not!

I'm just curious why everyone's so quick to demonize him for clearly apologizing several times for the actions he took as a child when she didn't even once directly state, "No, what happened a decade and a half ago absolutely wasn't consensual; it was rape" even when he directly asked the question. He's no hero, but at least he did apologize (no, that doesn't make it right, but at least he's made some effort here)... but speaking as a woman who's been raped, neither is she. Confrontation isn't passive-aggressively dancing around what you need to say, which is exactly what she did. How the fark is that heroic?


The funny thing, I've been on this thread, and other than a couple "rapists need to strung up" comments in the beginning, no one is really demonizing him. In fact a number of people have pointed to the friend ("M") that set it all up as the real culprit.

Have you had the courage to talk to your rapist about what happened like that? Healing and closure are not about screaming and vengence, they are about forgiveness and letting go. It is easy to hang onto the anger. Its takes a lot of time and work to put it behind you like she did.
 
2012-02-05 04:47:26 PM  

RoyBatty: My Issue


I agree I tacked that on to you and it wasn't necessarily applicable to you. For that I apologize. Yet, that was stated in this thread, but it hasn't been the 'agenda' in my posts. I just have a problem with it.

You and others insist that this is comparable to other women ruining other people's lives with false accusations. In the very Boobiess people were calling it 'regret' sex implying that she was lying. A.) we have no proof that she is lying or not. B.) No one's life is being ruined.

I can only assume that this stems from that 10%=100% attitude that the minute a woman brings up rape it should be assumed she's lying and going to ruin someone's life. If I missapplied that logic to you, again, mea culpa.
 
2012-02-05 04:48:03 PM  

Jack Kerras: My roomie's uncle's dad did some things to him that weren't so good, sexually speaking.

Statute of limitations passes, uncle cuts dad out of his life, moves on, whatev's. Has his own kids, does his own thing, deals with rape-as-child the best that he can.

He finds out his Dad is back to his old tricks, and has done something to roomie's cousin.

Shoots his Dad through the throat with a thirty-ought-six.

Two years in prison.

Justice enough, says I. Statute of limitations is well past. Uncle figures the jail time was well worth ridding the world of his dad.


Sucks your uncle had to go to jail. One of the guys who stopped my would-be rapist got a little too punchy and spend some time in jail. I always felt bad he spend time in lockup on behalf of me but he said it was a justifiable price to pay to teach that rapist S.O.B that breaking into our home and trying to rape me had dire consequences.
 
2012-02-05 04:48:49 PM  

gulogulo: sarah_t_s: gulogulo:
It doesn't offend me. Just trying to help you look less like an idiot since you're the only one using it. But, to each their own, I guess.

CRY MOAR!

You're not convincing anyone.


Mmmmm tasty raperape.
 
2012-02-05 04:50:18 PM  

s2s2s2: RoyBatty: Me: Well, I was...and my background contributed....I craved that sexual attention and put myself in bad situations. And I didn't know how to ... I said no, but I didn't scream or bite or kick because that's not what I knew how to do. I just asked you nicely to stop.

At least Emily took some personal responsibility. Probably why she isn't seeking prosecution.


That is good. At least she is somewhat rational about it and not getting into the mindset that her actions have no consequences. But still:

Me: I remember saying no, D****.

D: At least at one point, you said, 'No, let's stop.' Maybe a couple of times. But then everything would be OK. I remember afterward you were really emotionally unresponsive, not talking. You left in a hurry. When I heard that you were in a bad place, that's the first thing I kind of thought of.


This may legally constitute rape. But it isnt rape in the sense that it was about power and violence. Rather he lacked self control. I wouldnt demonize an intoxicated teenager for making this mistake to the point of calling him a sexual predator. But the other two guys in the story maybe. Its difficult to come to a fair assessment of something that is half sided from a drug/drunken haze over 10 years ago from kids.
 
2012-02-05 04:50:19 PM  

supageil: Women and men should be able to walk anywhere they want, in any state of intoxication, wearing anything or nothing--AND NOT BE RAPED.

Anyone who shrugs their shoulders at the disparity between that fact and our lived reality is a rape-apologist farkwit, and a HUGE part of the problem.

There is no excuse, EVER, for hearing "No, stop" out of the mouth of a 14-year-old girl, and continuing to fark her anyway. It doesn't matter how "ok" she seems to be.

People are willing to believe the horny drunk guy accurately perceived genuine "okayness" in her with what was happening to her--but they're not willing to believe the scared drunk girl, then or now, that she didn't FEEL okayness? That's a textbook case of privileging the male experience over the female one, and another huge part of the rape problem.

Repeat: drunk, emotionally confused 14-year-old girls are allowed to go ANYWHERE, and their rape is still 100% the fault of the rapist. No exceptions. Argue with this and prove your moral unfitness.


This is just silly. Humans, especially adolescents, express desire and complicity in numerous ways... One of which is verbally, but there's also context,.body language, other verbal cues, etc... Not to mention the fact that if you have two drunk/high teens, one's "No stop" could easily be percieved as "Don't stop" especially if the body language indicated consent. It may sound harsh, but unless the victim is screaming "Stop raping me! Stop!" While fighting back, its not rape*.

*infants, people not able to fight back etc... Not withstanding
 
2012-02-05 04:50:46 PM  
Sure is rapey in here

/Implying you can be "asking for" something that is by definition unwanted
 
2012-02-05 04:51:16 PM  

YouSirAreAMaroon: How old was he? Perhaps she is a rapist


perhaps
your point ?

rapists dont normally put themselves into restraints during the rape, but could be her thing

He does remain a rapist - assuming what she has documented is true. Since no alternate story is being offered by anyone involved, what else is there to go on ?
 
2012-02-05 04:53:23 PM  
Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.
 
2012-02-05 04:53:43 PM  

KiplingKat872: Aigoo: PizzaJedi81: Debeo Summa Credo: PizzaJedi81: ArkAngel: Leaving the keys in the ignition of my Corvette in South Central LA doesn't mean I deserve to get my car stolen, it means I contributed to it happening by doing something unwise.

Gang raping a 14 year old girl is at least an order of magnitude greater than stealing a car, though.

Yeah, if that's what happened. Not clear from the call and the recollections that's what happened. At least not with the guy she's talking to.

Not touching on repressed memories/memory recovery, which I know is tricky and not the most reliable thing in the world, but it seemed from TFA that he all but admitted it, and, not wanting any of the blame, tried to play the "I didn't know it wasn't consensual!" card a little thick, which makes me doubt the veracity of his statements. It seemed, to me, like he was confirming her story.

Really? I don't get that at all. Here's the critical part of the conversation for me:

"D: I do want you to know that I am so farking sorry for any pain I caused you. I did like you. There was no disrespect or ... I never saw you as a piece of meat or some biatch. You were a farked up little girl and I can see that more clearly now.

Me: Well, I was...and my background contributed....I craved that sexual attention and put myself in bad situations..."

Sounds to me like two adults looking back on events that happened 14-15 years ago and analyzing them in the context of the 28-30 year olds they are today versus the 14-15 year olds they were then. I do not in any way condone or excuse the guy's behavior, but the critical part here is what the girl is saying: she craved the sexual attention and deliberately put herself in the situation. Does that mean she deserved to be raped? Absolutely not!

I'm just curious why everyone's so quick to demonize him for clearly apologizing several times for the actions he took as a child when she didn't even once directly state, "No, what happened a decade and a half ago absolutely wasn't consensual; it was rape" even when he directly asked the question. He's no hero, but at least he did apologize (no, that doesn't make it right, but at least he's made some effort here)... but speaking as a woman who's been raped, neither is she. Confrontation isn't passive-aggressively dancing around what you need to say, which is exactly what she did. How the fark is that heroic?

The funny thing, I've been on this thread, and other than a couple "rapists need to strung up" comments in the beginning, no one is really demonizing him. In fact a number of people have pointed to the friend ("M") that set it all up as the real culprit.

Have you had the courage to talk to your rapist about what happened like that? Healing and closure are not about screaming and vengence, they are about forgiveness and letting go. It is easy to hang onto the anger. Its takes a lot of time and work to put it behind you like she did.


I mean, once she said, "No, we should stop," twice (which he admits to) and he kept going, he became a rapist. There is no way around that.

And no one, least of all the writer of the article, is saying that she made bad choices.

But the real scary a-hole is the friend who set it all up. Yeah, she was drunk and stoned, but no one deserves to be exploited and voilated like that.
 
2012-02-05 04:54:41 PM  
Lots of people still characterizing this as post sex change of heart.

I suppose that is possible.

Equally possible that there are a lot of men on here who refuse to believe that forcing a "slut" to have sex with you is rape, even when she says no.

We are approaching a "it isn't rape when I do it" line, which is indicative of a greater problem.
 
2012-02-05 04:55:44 PM  

retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.


HA HA you banged a fat chick.
 
2012-02-05 04:56:33 PM  

retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.


Yup. That's rape by coercion. It's more common to see that type of rape in a boss/employee relationship; "Do this sexual act or be fired" type of thing.
 
2012-02-05 04:56:35 PM  

retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.


You are. You were threatened into having sex against your will. That's rape.

The body respinse is automatic, you were raped.
 
2012-02-05 04:57:37 PM  

mgshamster: namatad: the horrific part of this is that the one "proven" method of treating PTSD is by reliving the memory in therapy and safely processing the event.

It's also been proven that therapy sessions can implant false memories.

/Or rather, that false memories can be implanted, and there have been several court cases where therapists implanted false memories.


Getting a false memory from therapy via "recovered memories" and hypnosis is a lot more complicated than going to a therapist for treatment for PTSD, talking about your traumatic experiences, and processing your feelings about the trauma and how it has affected you.

You're making it sound like just walking in the door of a therapist's office for treatment makes everything ever after that you "think" you remember suspect.

It doesn't work that way.
 
2012-02-05 04:58:52 PM  

KiplingKat872: KiplingKat872: Aigoo: PizzaJedi81: Debeo Summa Credo: PizzaJedi81: ArkAngel: Leaving the keys in the ignition of my Corvette in South Central LA doesn't mean I deserve to get my car stolen, it means I contributed to it happening by doing something unwise.

Gang raping a 14 year old girl is at least an order of magnitude greater than stealing a car, though.

Yeah, if that's what happened. Not clear from the call and the recollections that's what happened. At least not with the guy she's talking to.

Not touching on repressed memories/memory recovery, which I know is tricky and not the most reliable thing in the world, but it seemed from TFA that he all but admitted it, and, not wanting any of the blame, tried to play the "I didn't know it wasn't consensual!" card a little thick, which makes me doubt the veracity of his statements. It seemed, to me, like he was confirming her story.

Really? I don't get that at all. Here's the critical part of the conversation for me:

"D: I do want you to know that I am so farking sorry for any pain I caused you. I did like you. There was no disrespect or ... I never saw you as a piece of meat or some biatch. You were a farked up little girl and I can see that more clearly now.

Me: Well, I was...and my background contributed....I craved that sexual attention and put myself in bad situations..."

Sounds to me like two adults looking back on events that happened 14-15 years ago and analyzing them in the context of the 28-30 year olds they are today versus the 14-15 year olds they were then. I do not in any way condone or excuse the guy's behavior, but the critical part here is what the girl is saying: she craved the sexual attention and deliberately put herself in the situation. Does that mean she deserved to be raped? Absolutely not!

I'm just curious why everyone's so quick to demonize him for clearly apologizing several times for the actions he took as a child when she didn't even once directly state, "No, what happened a decade and a half ago absolutely wasn't consensual; it was rape" even when he directly asked the question. He's no hero, but at least he did apologize (no, that doesn't make it right, but at least he's made some effort here)... but speaking as a woman who's been raped, neither is she. Confrontation isn't passive-aggressively dancing around what you need to say, which is exactly what she did. How the fark is that heroic?

The funny thing, I've been on this thread, and other than a couple "rapists need to strung up" comments in the beginning, no one is really demonizing him. In fact a number of people have pointed to the friend ("M") that set it all up as the real culprit.

Have you had the courage to talk to your rapist about what happened like that? Healing and closure are not about screaming and vengence, they are about forgiveness and letting go. It is easy to hang onto the anger. Its takes a lot of time and work to put it behind you like she did.

I mean, once she said, "No, we should stop," twice (which he admits to) and he kept going, he became a rapist. There is no way around that.

And no one, least of all the writer of the article, is saying that she made bad choices.

But the real scary a-hole is the friend who set it all up. Yeah, she was drunk and stoned, but no one deserves to be exploited and voilated like that.


...sorry. I meant "No one, least of all the writer of the article, is DENYING she made bad choices."
 
2012-02-05 04:59:03 PM  

Slartibartfaster: YouSirAreAMaroon: How old was he? Perhaps she is a rapist

perhaps
your point ?

rapists dont normally put themselves into restraints during the rape, but could be her thing

He does remain a rapist - assuming what she has documented is true. Since no alternate story is being offered by anyone involved, what else is there to go on ?


Remain a rapist to who? You? If you call him a rapist, he'll sue you for defamation and win.
 
2012-02-05 05:00:27 PM  

retrograde: Here is my CSB:

I'm male. When I was in college I shared a house with some guys and we would have frequent parties. One time at one of these parties a girl, an acquaintance, came into my room and shut the door. She was one of those girls with a gorgeous face but carrying about an extra 40 pounds or so. We talked for awhile and then she leaned over and kissed me and put her hand between my legs. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pulled away. She then proceeded to undress and tell me that unless I had sex with her that she would scream and everyone would hear. So, of course, I did. I was pissed that she had threatened me so I was less than gentle with her but this just seem to excite her even more. Afterwards she got dressed, kissed me on the forehead and left. I saw her many times after this and she never once let on that anything had ever happened between us.

So, I suppose I am a rape victim.


The ultimate question is, was it good?
 
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