Herb Utsmelz: Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: is there an upper limit on the number of people you can put on your ignore list?

If there is a limit, it's higher than 216.

I hope there isn't. You'd think people would want to keep on having others read their posts. But if you post disgusting, unfunny stuff repeatedly, you will be ignored.

Occam's Nailfile: morgantx: My rapist tried to friend me on Facebook. I just ignored & blocked.

I ran into him about 3 years after the incident at a ballet class. I was TERRIFIED! He just said, "Are you still mad about what happened a few years ago? That wasn't any big thing." And that was it. That was the closest to an apology that I ever got.

Look, I'm not saying that what this guy did was right. It wasn't. But the fact is that he does actually seem remorseful about it, and he's apologizing about it, and that's more than most of us will ever get.

Why do you women have rapists out there ("my rapist") who are still capable of contacting you? Why the hell don't you have them arrested?

I can only speak for myself, but what happened to me was over 22 years ago, before the term "date rape" had come into use. We had been dating a few weeks and I was in his apartment by choice. Who would believe that I did not want to have my head held to the floor while I was forcibly soddomized, even though I said, at least twice, "Stop! It hurts! Please stop."

And judging from some of the remarks on this thread, there are people even now who would not classify that as "real rape."

But the thing is rape is a world shattering event, a majority of rapes result in a form of PTSD called Rape Related PTSD. Rape victim often just want to put the event behind them, get as far away from it as possible. Pretend it never happened. And for some reason, many rape victims do blame themselves first. I think (and I am not a shrink, this is just opinion) because it is such a initimate violation over something you usually have complete control over, you feel you must have been responsible for it in some way.

I did. For years I wavered between blaming myself that the Universe had punished me in some way, and getting angry at god. It took a long time to put the blame where it belonged: On a controlling egotistical bug of a creature.

blondski: All of these comments from women make me wonder if any woman makes it through life with out some sort of creepy ass touching them with out consent.

Not many. Here is a website with rape statistics: http://www.rwu.edu/campus-life/health-counseling/counseling-center/sex ual-assault/rape-myths-and-fac

One in four college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
84 percent of the women who are raped knew their assailants.
57 percent of the rapes occurred on a date.
Women, ages 16-24, have four times higher risk of being raped than any other population group.
One in 12 male students surveyed had committed acts that met the legal definition of rape.
16 percent of male students who had committed rape took part in episodes with more than one attacker's gang rape.
75 percent of male students and 55 percent of female students involved in date rape had been drunk or using drugs.
33 percent of males surveyed said that they would commit rape if they could escape detection.
25 percent of men surveyed believed that rape was acceptable if the woman asks the man out, the man pays for the date or the woman goes back to the man's room after the date.

S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: ...and why is she recording this phone call with the guy? Is it to inspire and empower women to face their attackers? Or an utterly captivating grandstanding story of good vs. evil to generate blog hits?

This wasn't taken from a recording. It's simply what she says was the conversation. Taken together with her own admitted drug & alcohol abuse & "hazy" memory I think a lot of people are not being nearly skeptical enough. People have made up more horrific stories for attention before. So I don't think we should assume anything about this story yet, one way or another... but it seems fishy.

Troublesome Strumpet:Care to point out where she changed her mind? Because as quoted, she said "No, let's stop." That's pretty clearly a no answer. But I don't see anywhere that she changed her mind.

Absolutely: At least at one point, you said, 'No, let's stop.' Maybe a couple of times. But then everything would be OK.

One cannot, from this quote alone, tell if the "everything would be OK" refers to "I didn't stop and you appeared to be ok with it" or "I stopped when you said 'let's stop,' but later things would be ok and I started again." It could be just as validly interpreted either way.

I remember when Fark was about a squirrel with unusually large gonads.

I'm not siding with rape apologists in any way, but before you all defiantly spout off how many people you've put on your ignore list for not sharing the exact same viewpoint as you, please consider the source of this article.

It's one person's perspective. There's a reason that courts of law get testimony from the plaintiff, the defendant, and as many witnesses as possible. Any single person's recollection of a distant event, even from a sober adult, is bound to be riddled with inaccuracies. Online conversations can be edited to be intentionally misleading. Repressed memories are notoriously inaccurate.

In short, don't be judge, jury, and executioner after reading a single blog post.

shivashakti: Wow. As someone who has raped, that really hit home with me. I admire her bravery in confronting him.

I know you didn't mean to type this, and I saw your responses after, but this has to be the worst typo OF ALL TIME

MarkEC: blondski: I would have never called that guy up to talk. A guy just forced a kiss on me before I kicked him the groin and ran away and even thinking about him makes feel sick to my stomach.

I got chased, tackled and kissed by a girl on a regular basis in grade school. It was scary at the time cause at that age, girls had cooties. A few years later she was my girlfriend, and the first girl I ever saw naked.
It left no emotional scars, but it may explain why I''m a bit submissive and get turned on when a woman takes charge of sex.

Hummm well I was 16 and the guy I'm talking about was my over 30 year old boss that had 2 little girls that I had baby sat and a wife at home.

RaceBoatDriver: FanotherFA written by the same author:
I didnt talk about rape at all back then, because I didn't have the vocabulary. Each time that it happened to me, I felt that extenuating circumstances kept it from truly being rape. He was my boyfriend, I was drunk, I got in the car. I never believed that I had fought hard enough.

eyebrow

/link?
// there's a reason

I'm sure this has been covered, but the "no let's stop" seems to only happen after the b&d, group portion of the events. Was she complicit in being bound? That is consistent with being into it. There is no mention of coercion until she is alone with D.

For Fark's Sake.... is there a woman alive today that doesn't claim to have been raped at one point?

I'm not condoning the actions of forcing someone to do anything against their will. However, the fact that it almost seems to be a collective female normalcy to have been raped or at the very least sexually abused, appears to be borderline ridiculous, and makes me wonder why there aren't roving gangs of neo-amazon women out there castrating men by the scores. Of course to cast doubt on any one of these poor, sweet, little victims immediately makes me a pro-rape individual right? No.

Seriously, if 3/4 men took it in the pooper against their will, there would be nuclear war. That would even account for the many males that would never admit to it happening. So why don't females do the same thing? Oh, right because that chick over there that said she was raped that night decided to get drunk and flirt with another drunk until they had sex on a Sunday which made little baby jesus cry, and the only way to absolve herself is to say play the victim and say the big scary man forced his most sensitive body part into her and somehow it is still attached.

TFA = Farked up, won't deny it, but society is so biased to women when it comes to rape that obvious farking facts get thrown right out the window.

/not-so-CSB time: My good friend was accused and even charged with sexual assault. He had sex with a girl (17 when he was 19) at a party where they were both drunk and possibly high on pain meds. The girl passed out at the party (asleep not blacked out), and the next morning her parents were looking for her worried because she missed her 1:00 curfew. When she got home after doing the walk of shame, her family was there, being very conservative Christians, they immediately began to verbally assault her and tell her how much of a whore she was. For a believer, burning in hell for eternity can be a very real fear. She was a virgin technically (though she said she had sex once before). Finally, she broke down and said that she was forced against her will. There was an immediate man-hunt and my friend was pulled right out of school (College). Close to 25,000 dollars was spent to prove his innocence in a court of law, and thanks to the media and a small town mentality his life, and the life of his parents and brothers were ruined. He needed months of counseling to get over the trauma of constant death threats and verbal abuse. Because of the rape allegation he was still charged with some petty crimes, which are now on his permanent record.

weiner dog: [fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net image 472x541]

Haven't seen that before. Really like it.

There's "held down in a tunnel while screaming for your life and trying to scratch the guy's eyes out" rape, and "whispering 'no' while having sex" rape. This sounds closer to the latter.

Tumunga: Fake. Kind of reminds me of that Damascus lezbo, with better writing.

Oh, that biatch/dude?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/outrage-in-damasc u s-at-fake-lesbian-blogger-2297072.html

Syria's already embattled gay community has reacted with dismay that a popular blog supposedly written by a lesbian from Damascus was, in fact, dreamt up by a US academic living in Scotland.

Tom MacMaster, 40, a PhD student from Edinburgh, has apologised for Gay Girl in Damascus, which purported to describe life in the Syrian capital for Amina Abdallah, an openly lesbian 25-year-old.

The student defended his creation, saying that although the account was fictionalised, it described accurately the atmosphere inside Syria both for the gay community and pro-democracy activists.

ms_lara_croft: Wow, more than the usual number of jerkwad rape apologists out here than usual.

No means no. And she said no. Several times. Stop victim-blaming.

I agree with you, in this scenario, however, I do have a question...

Do women feel that they have any responsibility at all to avoid encouraging situations that could lead to them being assaulted? I mean, when you leave the house on a Saturday night, knowing that things like date rape happen all the time, do you at any point think to yourself, "I'm not going to get shiatfaced drunk with some guy who is also shiatfaced drunk, go back to his place after flirting with him all night, and right when he's all worked up and we are about to have sex, put on the brakes and see what happens."

I mean, seriously, don't you feel that a woman has a responsibility to treat herself and other men with more dignity than that? Or can women do whatever the fark they want, and men are the only ones who are expected to act responsibly?

Honest Bender: Troublesome Strumpet: Except HE HEARD HER SAY NO. There was no "honestly believing it was consensual" about it. He's lying to himself.

The article is really fuzzy on this point.

the opposite of charity is justice: Guy: lets fark
Girl: i dont wanna
Guy: oh come on baby
Girl: ok

It could have just as easily gone down like that. That, to me, lends credence to the guy's claim that he honestly believed it was consensual.

No, no it's not. THE SCUMBAG HIMSELF SAID HE HEARD HER SAY IT.

Seriously assholes, what part of OUTNUMBERED, RESTRAINED AND SCARED DO YOU NOT farkING GET?!

serial_crusher: Troublesome Strumpet: Care to point out where she changed her mind? Because as quoted, she said "No, let's stop." That's pretty clearly a no answer. But I don't see anywhere that she changed her mind.

Not to mention she was BOUND and understandably fearing for her life. If I missed her changing her mind, by all means show me where she did.

Yeah, scroll up a few lines in the post you were replying to. "At least at one point, you said, 'No, let's stop.' Maybe a couple of times. But then everything would be OK". I unno, being raped doesn't really fit into my definition of "everything OK".

/ then again, being gangbanged in a warehouse while drugged and tied up also doesn't fit into my definition of "everything OK", even if it was consensual. So it's a little unclear what this guy actually means when he says "ok".

FTFA: D: At least at one point, you said, 'No, let's stop.' Maybe a couple of times. But then everything would be OK.

HE said "but then everything would be OK." She probably gave up when he didn't stop, just like in my situation where I begged several times for the guy to stop, but he didn't, so I shut down. He went on to say:

I remember afterward you were really emotionally unresponsive, not talking. You left in a hurry.

There was no changing of minds. She was scared out of her mind, outmatched and unable to fight back. I HAVE BEEN THERE. After a while you shut down to try to protect yourself until they're done. Sometimes for years afterwards.

S.A.S.Q.U.A.T.C.H.: A teen girl is always 100% too immature to recognize her surroundings and situations to be held accountable, but the double standard states that it's 100% the responsibility of 15 year old boys to have the maturity of 45 year old adults and be held 100% accountable in their decisions regarding themselves and others. No wonder in other cultures they just cut off a guy's dick and bury the girl under a pile of rocks. Nobody wants to listen to this shiat.

Of all the things I have read related to this article & thread, this is the one I feel provides the most appropriate summary.

First, rape is not something I condone. Look at the big picture, she admits, she was a "farked up girl", and craved sexual attention, so, she has experience. She agrees to go into an abandoned warehouse with 3 guys, to get "farked up". They can be judged wrong, I see that, but SHE has some responsibility in this too. Even at 14, she knew there would be no ice cream and clowns at this party, and she would be the "bouncy house" they all wanted to play in. 14 may seem a child to some, but a lot of cultures consider this marrying age and consider her able to bear children. She must accept some responsibility for her actions, and it seems she has because she has not pressed charges, and this guy seem genuinely sorry for what he did, but whispering "no", while wearing a dog collar and a leash, and voluntarily getting high, well, it seems to me a little more resistance would be needed to make it believable. Sorry for the long post.

hicksfa2: The guy is a douche, and the girl sounds like a complete biatch, willing to blame anybody but herself for making piss poor decisions that have sure dire consequences.

Indeed.

God DAMN that woman to hell for blaming the people who raped her rather than herself.

Dafatone: Christ this thread is filled with assholes.

Amen to that.

Honest Bender: Troublesome Strumpet: Not to mention she was BOUND and understandably fearing for her life.

It's unclear whether she was bound or not. She has a vague recollection that handcuffs may have been involved. He seems pretty certain they weren't. Also, there's no indication given that she was "fearing for her life."

If I missed her changing her mind, by all means show me where she did.

At least at one point, you said, 'No, let's stop.' Maybe a couple of times. But then everything would be OK

Does that mean she changed her mind? Maybe. I don't know.

FTFA: D: I don't remember handcuffs. I remember a collar and a leash.

Seems pretty damn clear to me. And once again: the "but then everything would be OK" portion came from HIM. And if she had shut down at that point, no, she's not gonna say much. If after she told him no and then said nothing he kept going anyway, he's a scumbag.

As for fear of her life: If someone has you in a device that can easily strangle you to death and has blatantly shown they have no regard for you and your comfort, I'd say it's pretty reasonable to be afraid of them killing you.

Note to those that have brought up male rape / sexual assualt victims. I have seen no one on this thread denying they exist. They certainly do and we are just starting to get a look at the real numbers because of the social pressures that make it difficult for them to admit what happened, come forward, and process it. It is the same violation, but the cultural ideas that, "real men are not victimized that way" and "if you are gay, you must have been asking for it" make it more difficult for men to come to grips with it.

For more info, I suggest googling, "1 in 6 org" (on mobile, can't link).

However that reality does negate the reality of this article. This woman was chemically and physically restrained, out numbered at the hands of a controlling bastard, and she still said "no." A number of times.

She was raped.

Sloth_DC: Troublesome Strumpet:Care to point out where she changed her mind? Because as quoted, she said "No, let's stop." That's pretty clearly a no answer. But I don't see anywhere that she changed her mind.

Absolutely: At least at one point, you said, 'No, let's stop.' Maybe a couple of times. But then everything would be OK.

One cannot, from this quote alone, tell if the "everything would be OK" refers to "I didn't stop and you appeared to be ok with it" or "I stopped when you said 'let's stop,' but later things would be ok and I started again." It could be just as validly interpreted either way.

For the last time people:

This is NOT a quote!

This is Emily's description of the conversation after the effect. He could have said something completely different for all we know. He could have not said anything at all.

The only thing we do know is that we are only getting one side of the story.

morgantx: Frankly, we need to educate men and boys that NO ALWAYS MEANS NO. But - and this is a note to the ladies - we ladies need to be absolutely consistent in enforcing that. And that means that we need to quit playing all these stupid little games. We need to quit "playing hard to get" and just be honest about what we want. And THAT means that we need to stop shaming sexually active women as "sluts" and "whores" just because they openly admit what they want instead of playing these stupid little games in order to get laid.

And once I realized that, I've always made it my policy to address my sexuality openly and encourage others to do the same. So if I see a guy in a bar that I want to fark, I have no qualms about approaching him and saying, "You want to go have a one-night stand?" (Most guys are THRILLED at the openness.) But likewise, when I tell a guy, "No, I'm not interested," I don't sit there are keep flirting with him and making him think he still has a chance. I'm nice. I'm polite. But I'm HONEST about what I want and what I don't want. And if every woman was as open and honest, then we could make it MUCH easier for men to tell the difference between a woman who's truly saying no and a woman who's "playing hard to get".

But men? Err on the side of caution. If you want women who will openly address their sexual desires with you, you have to stop rewarding women for playing these stupid little games. So if she says, "No," and you're 99% sure that she's just playing hard to get, walk away. Boycott manipulative women, and train women to be open about their sexual desires. Then maybe in our children's generation, we won't have this problem, because "no" will REALLY mean "no" 100% of the time, and there will be no confusion about what a woman wants, and then everybody can get laid happily, consensually, and frequently!

BRAVO, GIRL!!! WELL SAID!!!

You know what's standing in the way of having a world where your attitude to life mentioned above is widespread, and people have a healthy attitude towards sex?

Those sexually repressive religions that turn every honest sexual desire into a guilt laden neurosis.

Here's the emotional pattern with these rapists:

Sexual thought, believing that sex is evil, guilt, guilt, guilt, confession to a person who thinks sex is evil, blame, filling your mind full of rationalisations about "your" beliefs that someone has brainwashed you into, a sexual incident that leaves you with obsessive remorse and more guilt, and finally completely losing control of yourself by raping, then blaming the victim because after all it is an evil world out there, and if you think a woman honestly wants it she has to be taught a lesson, doesn't she?

Everyone, EVERYONE on this site deserves to find a person who can give them a sense of intense love and belonging that gives both people a strong sense of self-worth. But twisted, dark-minded people like the ones you and I have described above can never really know what it means to experience real love.

Before these people become rapists they need to be somehow identified so they can get some serious psychological help- afterwards, they need to be given some serious jail time so their victims can gain at least some much deserved peace and healing.

I wish all the women who have identified as rape victims on this thread the very best, and hope that they all have an experience of wholesome healing love that uplifts them and makes them truly happy on each and every single remaining day of their lives.

2 stories.

In high school I had a party at the house when the parents were out of town. One of my friends was a good looking guy that never had a problem getting women. He was also pretty damn stupid, at one point we thought he might be borderline retarded. Anyway, a bunch of us start hearing "no" several times coming from my bedroom. I open the door and this poor girl is on the bed and he's on top of her (all still fully clothed). We yanked him off her, slapped him around several times, and told her to get the hell outta there. He had no idea what he was doing was wrong and was pissed that we were "beating the shiat out of him". Since he had always been successful with the ladies and he was an idiot I truly believe he thought what he was doing was ok. On top of that one of the girl's girlfriends said afterwards that he had asked her if she wanted to go into the bedroom and "fark" (yeah he was that smooth) and she said "sure". Doesn't make anything right, of course, but it was still weird and at seventeen I wasn't sure who was right or wrong (this was before the big "no means no" campaign.

Second story,
When I was single I had a rule when dating. Anything above weed in the drug category was an instant breakup for me. I had too many problems with drugs in past relationships and with family that I just didn't want to deal with it in a situation I could control (my dating life).

A girl I had been dating for about a year and I were having some relationship troubles. I was ready to break it off, but she kept talking me out of it. She went with one of her girlfriends to have a few drinks. I didn't hear from her for a few days. Couldn't reach her by phone or at her house. I finally got a hold of her girlfriend and she told me the story. The owner of the little bar they were at offered my girlfriend some cocaine. She agreed and followed him into a back room where he proceeded to rape her. She hadn't called because she didn't know how I would handle the rape, but more importantly she thought I would break up over the cocaine if I found out. We broke up anyway because I had no idea how to deal with any of it and the relationship had been on the rocks for awhile.

The funny thing is I called a rape crisis hotline to first try and see what she needed to do to get help and second to see if they could give me any tips on how to not go over to this guy's bar and beat him with a lead pipe. The person on the phone treated me like I was the rapist myself and implied that I had no business calling them.

Don't know the point of these stories other than rape does not always appear to people as a totally black and white thing.

lohphat

Are there any scenarios where being a 14 year old girl, accompanied by three guys, alone in a warehouse, while intoxicated, is a good idea?

Where were the parents?

The helicopter was in for scheduled maintenance?

Nick Nostril

DNRTFA, but I hope it involved a .357

I was expecting, at the least, a surprise prosecutin', and so am disappoint.

A de-escalatin' instead of an escalatin'? That was a surprise.

EvilAvatar:
/not-so-CSB time: My good friend was accused and even charged with sexual assault. He had sex with a girl (17 when he was 19) at a party where they were both drunk and possibly high on pain meds. The girl passed out at the party (asleep not blacked out), and the next morning her parents were looking for her worried because she missed her 1:00 curfew. When she got home after doing the walk of shame, her family was there, being very conservative Christians, they immediately began to verbally assault her and tell her how much of a whore she was. For a believer, burning in hell for eternity can be a very real fear. She was a virgin technically (though she said she had sex once before). Finally, she broke down and said that she was forced against her will. There was an immediate man-hunt and my friend was pulled right out of school (College). Close to 25,000 dollars was spent to prove his innocence in a court of law, and thanks to the media and a small town mentality his life, and the life of his parents and brothers were ruined. He needed months of counseling to get over the trauma of constant death threats and verbal abuse. Because of the rape allegation he was still charged with some petty crimes, which are now on his permanent record.

Biatches ain't got shiat to say about that story.

Heist: I'm not siding with rape apologists in any way, but before you all defiantly spout off how many people you've put on your ignore list for not sharing the exact same viewpoint as you, please consider the source of this article.

It's one person's perspective. There's a reason that courts of law get testimony from the plaintiff, the defendant, and as many witnesses as possible. Any single person's recollection of a distant event, even from a sober adult, is bound to be riddled with inaccuracies. Online conversations can be edited to be intentionally misleading. Repressed memories are notoriously inaccurate.

In short, don't be judge, jury, and executioner after reading a single blog post.

Except when the rapist confirms her story

Before lecturing people, you should RTFA.

The story should be considered fake until names are released.

Question:

Why is a mind befuddled with alcohol and drugs a mitigating factor for the female but not for the male?

Don't read more into the question than what is there; I'm curious b/c this thread is awash with people saying that the woman bears zero responsibility for showing up in a warehouse with a bunch of guys while drunk and on drugs but at the same time, the man bears complete responsibility even though he was also drunk and on drugs.

I'm wondering why the disconnect and hoping someone can explain it cogently and without hyperbole.

Julie Cochrane: She said no. That's real rape.

Also, rape isn't about what the victim did or didn't do that was "unwise."

Making it about what the victim did or didn't do, among other things, really farks with the head of those of us who "did everything right" and were in a situation where we should have been completely safe and---weren't safe.

I've been raped twice.

Both in relationships.

The first time, it was in a really farked up abusive dating relationship in high school that both my own and the guy's undiagnosed or insufficiently diagnosed and insufficiently treated mental illnesses contributed to.

Psycho boyfriend and I were in a relationship where he usually had a yes. A fairly kinky relationship. He, unbeknownst to me, "wanted to know what it felt like to rape somebody." So he waited until we were at my house and my mom was due to drive up any minute and walk right in the door, when he knew I would tell him no and absolutely not want to have sex with him, and he raped me. For him, it was just one more sexual thrill to explore. It didn't even figure in his mental or emotional radar that his "thrill" would hurt me.

I "forgave" him afterwards---see above on "crazy and untreated"---and stayed in the relationship through high school, at the end primarily because I was afraid for my life if I left. Then went away to college out of state and broke it off a few months in when I felt safe. He stalked me for two years whenever I went home to visit my parents.

A few months ago, he did try to friend me on facebook. The only way I stopped him from stalking before (it was physical and phone) was to move and to give absolutely no contact--hang my parents' phone up without saying anything at all to him. No "reward" for the behavior. So I didn't respond to his friend request. Just denied it and blocked him. A couple of years before he tried to email me.

The hazard of being a public figure. It makes you findable.


The second time was the time I did everything right. I was in a place and situation that should have been completely safe with a partner who should have been completely safe and I had said in advance, "You absolutely cannot put that appendage in that orifice that way. (dry)" He did it anyway---penetrated. It hurt like bloody hell. He pulled out when I cried out to stop. But I had told him "no" in no uncertain terms and he did it anyway. He shouldn't have been there in the first place.

I "forgave"---you don't know until you're in a traumatic situation how you'll react to it. People react to trauma in all kinds of ways that don't make sense, and immediately going on as if it didn't happen (shock, denial) is one of the more common ones.

Sure, he was stronger than me and easily could have done worse stuff--like kept going instead of pulling out. That doesn't get him off the hook for hurting me when I'd specifically and clearly told him, "No. Absolutely do not do this to my body this way."

(And before you start making rationalizations if you're tempted, this was enough to give me PTSD, because I absolutely should have been safe--I did everything right and had every reason to believe I was absolutely safe---and it turned out I wasn't safe. So that one act did a huge amount of damage. And if you want to point to my pre-existing bipolar, the guy was aware of the pre-existing condition, too. So it's a little like if you know a guy has just one kidney and you kidney punch him in a fight, or you know he has a heart condition and you slug him hard right in the sternum. You can't say, "Oh, he was already sick, it's not my fault," if you knew that when you decided to hit him anyway.)


This 14 year old girl not screaming and crying and fighting, her being drunk and doped, does not get "D" off the hook for ignoring "No."

Choosing to ignore "No" is rape rape----as soon as you penetrate. Anything beyond that is further aggravating circumstances of the base deed.

Ok on the first case maybe or he could have thought you were into thrilling sexual experiences too, I have had girls that gave BJs when we may get caught and even had a girl ride me in a movie theater with 30-40 people in it. So some women are weird like that.

But on the second one, seriously? Trying to fark a dry pussy is now rape? Farking really? Sounds like at worse he was just insensitive to your needs but that doesn't make it rape.

In the words of Jim Jeffries, "I did my job by getting my dick hard, your job is to get your pussy wet"

Jim Jeffries is farking funny.

Animatronik: If thats the case, its not likely to be rape.

Re-reading my comment and your response several times, I'm inclined to believe you misinterpreted by ambiguous remark. The "and/or" was meant to indicate that the rapist might believe the victim was enjoying it, not that the victim actually WAS enjoying it.

ExperianScaresCthulhu: EvilAvatar:
/not-so-CSB time: My good friend was accused and even charged with sexual assault. He had sex with a girl (17 when he was 19) at a party where they were both drunk and possibly high on pain meds. The girl passed out at the party (asleep not blacked out), and the next morning her parents were looking for her worried because she missed her 1:00 curfew. When she got home after doing the walk of shame, her family was there, being very conservative Christians, they immediately began to verbally assault her and tell her how much of a whore she was. For a believer, burning in hell for eternity can be a very real fear. She was a virgin technically (though she said she had sex once before). Finally, she broke down and said that she was forced against her will. There was an immediate man-hunt and my friend was pulled right out of school (College). Close to 25,000 dollars was spent to prove his innocence in a court of law, and thanks to the media and a small town mentality his life, and the life of his parents and brothers were ruined. He needed months of counseling to get over the trauma of constant death threats and verbal abuse. Because of the rape allegation he was still charged with some petty crimes, which are now on his permanent record.

Biatches ain't got shiat to say about that story.

I do. I'm sorry that happened to your friend. But THAT'S NOT THE NORM.

And now you're going on my ignore list as a rape apologist. Go fark yourself.

susler: Question:

Why is a mind befuddled with alcohol and drugs a mitigating factor for the female but not for the male?

Don't read more into the question than what is there; I'm curious b/c this thread is awash with people saying that the woman bears zero responsibility for showing up in a warehouse with a bunch of guys while drunk and on drugs but at the same time, the man bears complete responsibility even though he was also drunk and on drugs.

I'm wondering why the disconnect and hoping someone can explain it cogently and without hyperbole.

Because being under the influence isn't an excuse to rape, or commit any other type of crime.

Troublesome Strumpet: Honest Bender: serial_crusher: I've been trying to figure out what he meant when he said "At least at one point, you said, 'No, let's stop.' Maybe a couple of times. But then everything would be OK". Like maybe she would tell him to stop and then change her mind and want to keep going?

This is kind of the point I've been trying to make. But every time I suggest that maybe they BOTH decided to keep going and she merely regretted it after, I get bombarded with comments about how I'm an asshole and NO MEANS NO!

Well, does no still mean no if she then says yes? And, again, I feel like I need to point out that I'm also against rape. I just have separate categories for the rapist that violently forces himself on a woman and the "rapist" who has sex with a woman who isn't sure she actually wants to have sex. It's kind of like the difference between murder and manslaughter.

READ. THE. farkING. ARTICLE.

He ADMITTED she said no, but kept going anyway. And she was BOUND and couldn't easily fight and get away.

Look, even as a rape victim, I know the difference between making a drunk mistake and being taken advantage of while intoxicated. But you're still trying to stand up for the rapist WHO ADMITTED HE HEARD HER SAY NO AND KEPT GOING ANYWAY.

You're looking like the biggest asshole in the world right now.

It's cool, he pointed out that he's anti-rape. And has a black friend, so he's not racist either.

LadySusan: Well, then it's consensual (assuming you're also consenting) and everything is great. Assuming consent, maybe waiting a day or two will build tension and make the sex just that much hotter. Is it wrong to want to go to my bunk now?

How do we know that didn't happen? She said he said (see what i did there) "then every was OK". The few facts present in the article indicate that might have been the case.

But she still said "no". No always mean no. RIght? So even after doing what you said, he's still a rapist.

susler: Question:

Why is a mind befuddled with alcohol and drugs a mitigating factor for the female but not for the male?

Don't read more into the question than what is there; I'm curious b/c this thread is awash with people saying that the woman bears zero responsibility for showing up in a warehouse with a bunch of guys while drunk and on drugs but at the same time, the man bears complete responsibility even though he was also drunk and on drugs.

I'm wondering why the disconnect and hoping someone can explain it cogently and without hyperbole.

Wanting to be equals in power, but not in responsibility for self.

JesusJuice: Dafatone: Christ this thread is filled with assholes.

No means no.

Unless it means "convince me".

Then it still means no, because she's a crazy biatch and what is rule #1? Rule #1 is "don't stick it in the crazy."

steamingpile: Julie Cochrane: She said no. That's real rape.

Also, rape isn't about what the victim did or didn't do that was "unwise."

Making it about what the victim did or didn't do, among other things, really farks with the head of those of us who "did everything right" and were in a situation where we should have been completely safe and---weren't safe.

I've been raped twice.

Both in relationships.

The first time, it was in a really farked up abusive dating relationship in high school that both my own and the guy's undiagnosed or insufficiently diagnosed and insufficiently treated mental illnesses contributed to.

Psycho boyfriend and I were in a relationship where he usually had a yes. A fairly kinky relationship. He, unbeknownst to me, "wanted to know what it felt like to rape somebody." So he waited until we were at my house and my mom was due to drive up any minute and walk right in the door, when he knew I would tell him no and absolutely not want to have sex with him, and he raped me. For him, it was just one more sexual thrill to explore. It didn't even figure in his mental or emotional radar that his "thrill" would hurt me.

I "forgave" him afterwards---see above on "crazy and untreated"---and stayed in the relationship through high school, at the end primarily because I was afraid for my life if I left. Then went away to college out of state and broke it off a few months in when I felt safe. He stalked me for two years whenever I went home to visit my parents.

A few months ago, he did try to friend me on facebook. The only way I stopped him from stalking before (it was physical and phone) was to move and to give absolutely no contact--hang my parents' phone up without saying anything at all to him. No "reward" for the behavior. So I didn't respond to his friend request. Just denied it and blocked him. A couple of years before he tried to email me.

The hazard of being a public figure. It makes you findable.


The second time was the time I did everything right ...

Are you illiterate? In both situations she told the guys no and they ignored her. When that happens, IT'S RAPE.

mongbiohazard:
Reads headline:


Reads TFA:
Fast-forward to 2011, and Emily has struggled to make sense of what was a hazy memory of that day. Abuse of alcohol and drugs made it difficult for her to distinctly and positively confirm what she recalled. Self-doubt complicated her healing process, but she was eventually able to refer to what happened as rape. Still, she had questions about what happened to her.



 


Bears Repeating