Actually, it is the United States Senate.

It's comforting to know that if my career ever tanks, that I can become a propagandist for the republican party

A TotalFark headline somebody submitted a couple weeks ago that I saved on my site:

I don't want to go off on a rant here, but Dennis Miller in the Senate would make the most unstopable political force since Scipio Africanus knocked Carthage flatter than Al Sharpton at a Yonkers Bar Mitzvah

-i suppose if you have no soul...and are greedy rich...he might have been funny fifteen years ago.

in the present day...he is merely a tool of evil.

do not heed his words for he is a dark rider, one who enables the abomination.

-his fall will be great.

soze: They are having a circle jerk in the oval office. Bush, Cheney, Rumsey, and Condaleeza are stroking away and Miller is the pivot man.

"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."

Well said, Dennis.

Does anyone else remember a routine that Dennis Miller did right after Bill Clinton was elected President, when he said "finally, we have a President who get's it!"?

Miller's slogan;
A vote for me will be just as effective as a vote for Pat Paulsen ever was.

Obscure enough for ya?

Dennis Miller on Civil Rights: Tolerance is fine; just dont make me pay for it. (Feb 9)

If he makes it, I'm gettin' CSPAN

It's sure to be a landslide, but Dennis might find himself under it.

He's the most uproarious GOP comedian since John Ashcroft became AG... what, you mean Ashcroft's SERIOUS? sh*t...

2003-10-20 05:57:48 PM wldncrzy14


A TotalFark headline somebody submitted a couple weeks ago that I saved on my site:

I don't want to go off on a rant here, but Dennis Miller in the Senate would make the most unstopable political force since Scipio Africanus knocked Carthage flatter than Al Sharpton at a Yonkers Bar Mitzvah

THAT'S funny. Great stuff.

What is it about Monday Night Football that turns everyone into rabid Republican operatives?

Just when Miller's career seems to give out its last gasp, he manages to wheeze out another one...

i'm with soze.
this is ridiculous. does experience count for anything anymore? not to mention the repubs. bashing celebrities? i guess when they win, it's ok then.

off to submit my resume for ruler of the universe.

I don't want to go off on a rant here, but Dennis Miller in the Senate would make the most unstopable political force since Scipio Africanus knocked Carthage flatter than Al Sharpton at a Yonkers Bar Mitzvah


they forgot the incredibly irritating "I, uhhhhhhhh" after each punchline.

Hey why not. This whole government thing is just a big joke anyway, isn't it?

Isn't it?

"a very appealing understanding of the war on terror."?

Dennis Miller on Civil Rights: Tolerance is fine; just dont make me pay for it. (Feb 9)

Try taking that quote in context before you start trying to make any points with it, jackass.

I'll lend my vote to political inexperience. It can't be much worse than political experience.

Sorry , Dennis , but you need to have a few years of wrestling or atleast three action movies under your belt.

I did like Bordello of Blood , but only for Angie Everhart.

But I thought celebrities should keep out of politics!

...oh...wait...just those pansy anti-war liberal ones...

The conservative ones are ALL seasoned, intelligent political commentators!

heichman
Why? No one on either side seems to bother putting quotations in context. Nor do they mind stretching and distorting said out of context quotes, then claiming people said something they didn't.

i like how they referred to him being "outed" as a republican. hee hee.

maybe it should just be a new law that as a prerequisite to be in the californian government, you must have worked in the entertainmernt industry for x number of years.

who's next? heston?

oh god nooooo, not heston.

Check out this meeting of the old Mullet-headed Dennis Miller, circa
1988, versus the new "I can't believe I've gone Republican" Dennis
Miller of today.


THE MILLER'S CROSSING.
By Rick Chandler 05.29.03
Art Devin Clark


"Hey, back off the farkin' threads, Miller! Grabbing at me like some
glammed-out, Quaalude chomping slut from Plato's Retreat won't make you
any funnier now that you're older and more washed up than Nick Nolte's
character at the end of Affliction."

FADE IN:

It's 4 a.m., and comedian Dennis Miller can't sleep. After a few fitful
hours of tossing and turning, he sits upright in bed and switches on
the lamp on the night table. There, standing in the room is Dennis
Miller. But it's a younger, hipper Dennis, the Saturday Night Live
Dennis, with the Steven Tyler hair and the twinkle in the eye. He is
holding a large manila folder, stuffed with papers.

As Miller confronts his younger self, we hear the following exchange.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): What the what's going on? Who are you?

DENNIS MILLER (1988): Scrooge! When the clock strikes one, you will be
visited by three spirits! (high-pitched cackle). Just pulling your
chain, chicky babe! It's me, your younger self.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): Christ, you scared the shiat out of me. I jumped
like Don Knotts at the Chinese Lunar Festival.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): Nice, good to see I'm still down with the glib
obscure reference shtick. (Looks around the room). Love the shag
carpeting, by the way. This reminds me of Huggy Bear's crib in Starsky
and Hutch -- it's nice to see I haven't lost my innate sense of style.
The room seems to be devoid of any Oscar statuettes, however.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): Lighten up Tourqemada, I'm working on it. (Rubs
eyes). Assuming you're real and not one of those transvestite tribute
performers, what's it like back in '88?

DENNIS MILLER (1988): Well, Gorillas In the Mist just came out -- I'm
trying to decide whether to go see that tomorrow night, or hit myself
several times in the head with a circus mallet. Other than that, just
the usual -- Billy Ocean, the Bangles, trickle-down economics. It's a
yearlong party.

(Opens folder) But that's not why I'm here, Chachi. I've been going
over your -- which is to say our -- records for the past 15 years. And
I have several bones to pick with you.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): What do you mean? It's the haircut, isn't it? It
was Hanks' barber -- I just tried him once.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): The first thing I have to say is, what the fark
have you done to my body? I understand a few years have gone by, but
The Picture of Dorian Gray aged more gracefully. My hairline has fared
worse than Duval's in Godfather II. And what are these creases; my face
looks like an unmade bed. Even Keith Richards is wondering where it all
went wrong. I used to make jokes about Joan Rivers' penchant for
facelifts, but I have a lot more sympathy for her now that I see your
mug. Melissa Rivers continues to baffle me, however. And have you ever
heard of working out? Richard Thomas was more ripped during the first
season of The Waltons.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): Hey, I wasn't the one threatening Hunter S.
Thompson with the broken tequila bottle in a Bangkok nightclub at 3 in
the morning, that was you. Or me, 15 years ago. Jesus this is
confusing.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): That's all very interesting -- which is to say I
wasn't listening at all -- but there's a larger issue here, kemosabe:
namely, my career. What in the name of Ray Jay Johnson have you been
doing for the past 15 years? I'm getting sympathy cards from the cast
of Diff'rent Strokes.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): Admittedly, mistakes were made. But I'm working
on it. Did you see me last night on Hardball?

DENNIS MILLER (1988): We'll get to that. Um, not to piss in the punch
bowl here, but Monday Night Football? What the fark were you thinking?

DENNIS MILLER (2003): It was a high-profile gig.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): What do you know about football? I seem to recall
a certain touch football game at Saturday Night Live where I asked
Kevin Nealon to "hold my inhaler while I try to catch the oblong
object." Football? I thought Joe Montana was a town where you couldn't
get cable.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): It was a slight miscalculation.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): The Bay of Pigs was a slight miscalculation; this
was a career-ending gaffe. Your weekly intellectual jousts with Dan
Fouts and Leslie Vissar did not exactly remind us of the Algonquin
roundtable. You alienated two huge portions of the public in one swoop
-- sports people, and our hip fan base. Congratulations; you now have
the cache of a low-level Tom Arnold, only without a show.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): You bastard.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): Which brings us to your weekly HBO show. I just
realized that it has something in common with the great variety talk
shows of the past, in that they are all now cancelled. Perhaps in
retrospect getting career advice from Joe Piscopo was not wise.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): It's all under control, younger me. I've
reinvented myself. Fifteen years from now, you'll be very proud of
yourself.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): I have to tell you, and I say this with the
greatest warmth and affection: fark you. (Flips through pages in
folder). The Factor with Bill O'Reilly. Hardball with Chris Matthews.
Scarborough Country I'm not even sure what the fark that is, but
suddenly I feel like a pack of Cools.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): Let me explain

DENNIS MILLER (1988): Firing Line you're on cable more than hotel
porn. And it says here that you've been spewing conservative rhetoric
at a rate that would make Joe McCarthy choke on his noon hoagie. It
says here that, on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, you said: "George
Bush has allowed us to respect the presidency again." Is this my
future? Is this the promise of all those hard years at a low-level
state university? (Looks under bed) And am I still wearing white socks
with loafers?!

DENNIS MILLER (2003): Look, I just think that as I get older, it's only
natural to come around to a more conservative way of looking at things.
I just don't want to live in a world where Bill Clinton is the good guy
and Rudy Guliani is the bad guy. And I've come to love George W. After
9/11, I respect a guy who is going to go out and kick a little ass. I'm
sorry, we were attacked. Fire and sand make glass, and when we're done
with Iraq it should look like Superman's dad's apartment on Krypton.


DENNIS MILLER (1988): But as Stewart said -- you know, the guy who
still has a show -- Iraq didn't attack us. It's as if, after Pearl
Harbor, we went after Australia. Hey, they're easy to find, have a
central government, and kangaroos won't put up much of a fight if you
have enough tanks. Your simplistic, reactionary logic is more suited to
a caller on the Dr. Laura Schlessinger Show than someone of my
intelligence. Look, my appeal has always been my ability to turn to the
camera, wink and say "Are you folks buying any of this shiat?" Now
you've made me the King of Assholia, to quote myself. What have you
done to me? Jesus, your mind is growing in inverse proportion to your
prostate. You drove your career off the side of the road like Corey
Feldman on an all-night crank and sterno binge, you feel as if
Hollywood has betrayed you because Bordello of Blood wasn't on "Ebert
and Roeper's eagerly-awaited video release list," and now you're
running to the Republican teat. It's not the first time anyone's ever
crawled up Rupert Murdoch's ass in times of career difficulty, and it
won't be the last, but it will be the first time a member of the
president's fan club will have the following quote on his resume:
"George W. Bush surrounds himself with smart people the way a hole
surrounds itself with a donut."

DENNIS MILLER (2003): Oh yeah (hee hee), I remember that one. From a
couple years back.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): Look, this grumpy old man routine may look good
in the short term, but it doesn't have legs. If you don't believe me,
take it from this guy. Come on in, Dave.

DAVID SPADE (1988): Hi.

DENNIS MILLER (1988): See? A moment of wry snarkiness, a lifetime of
shameful regret.

DENNIS MILLER (2003): (Pulls covers up to neck, shudders). Make him go
away!

DENNIS MILLER (1988): We were all scared when those planes swan-dived
into the towers, OK? But what separates real Americans from the faux
variety is that real Americans don't turn in their spines to the
hatcheck lady in times of stress. People in this country today hear the
word terrorist and immediately snap into action -- which means locking
themselves in the loo, defecating on the Constitution and using the
Bill of Rights to wipe their ass. We're made of better stuff than that,
and all the shrieking Rush Limbaughs in the world are not worth one
brave man who will stand up and say, "hey, the emperor is starkers, and
besides that, he wants all of Yemen's oil." I wasn't around, but I'm
pretty sure the guys at Valley Forge weren't eating sauted rat three
times a day so that a future president could attempt a three-point
landing on an aircraft carrier moored three miles off the coast of
Catalina Island. We have to respond to terrorism, but the problem is
that we're running around like the lynch mob in The Ox-Bow Incident,
and when Hank Fonda stands up and says we got the wrong guy, Jane
Darwell whacks him on the head with a gun butt and the next thing you
know you wake up behind barbed wire at Guantanamo. All I'm saying is
that it's time to scrap the Merle Haggard diplomacy, OK? Oh, and the
reason we haven't found any weapons of mass destruction is that they're
all in a warehouse in Topeka waiting for the next right-wing militia
asshat to work his hatred of the federal government to a sufficient
boiling point due to the fact that the local TV station has once again
cancelled Dukes of Hazzard. While we're running around the world like
Barney Fife at a jaywalkers convention, it's good to know that our
schools are shiat, our economy is floundering, and they'll have
universal health care in Kabul before we have it here. The only good
thing to come out of this is that Ari Fleischer took the honorable way
out before Bush made him put on the jaunty Iraqi Minister of
Information beret and tell us the moon is made of Sonoma Dry Jack. Ah
fark it, where's my propeller beanie?

DENNIS MILLER (2003): (Sleeping soundly, snoring like The Three
Stooges).

DENNIS MILLER (1988): The attention span of Gary Busey at The Los
Angeles Times' Festival of Books. (Tucks him in). Good night, sweet
prince. See you in 15.

(Climbs out window). Where the fark did I park? Hey, Spade! Don't
change my radio stations, you asshole!

FADE OUT



More from Mr. Chandler:

DUDE, WHERE'S MY LICENSE TO DRIVE?!



*BT*

Rick Chandler is the former managing editor of Ironminds.com, and is
now a columnist for NBCSports.com. He owns many attractive ties.

Awful. Just awful.

kitten_b

Of course experience counts for something; that's why it doesn't look like Miller is running. Check out the last line of the article: it's right. While Miller hasn't made any preparations, Schwarzenegger had been planning a gubernatorial run for a while; he just bailed out early before the last regular general election because he had film projects scheduled and his sex scandals were just coming to light.

Maybe the Fark vox populi is overwhelming the fact that Dennis-baby is being courted to run for a Senate seat. It ain't his idea, and he ain't necessarily saying yes.

Come one all you tolorant people.... let the hate flow. Venom and spew, venom and spew. An older and wiser Dennis Miller is somehow not funny because he's outgrown your narrow view of the world.

Dennis Miller.....i've found some of his things to be funny, but he intentionally makes jokes 70 percent of the time that only Harvard educated bourgeoise snooty types would get. Not only this, but he is blatantly republican. That's breaking the (created on the spot) Rule of Comedian, #4: Never align yourself with a political party/organization. One thing that appeals to me about Jon Stewart is that he isn't open about his political leanings (although i'd say he is more neutral).

Wonder what his old SNL character would have said about this turn of events...

For prodigious expulsion of decorously formulated vernacular -- Optate Miller!

Miller's always been funny and still is, you libs just can't see it because you're so tolerant.

sarcasm

Hey, maybe Miller will rip off Bill Hick's political philosophy, since he's done a great job of ripping off all his jokes.

First Monday Night Football, now politics ... what a tool

If he wins, I'm moving to Europe.

Dennis Miller not only used to be funny, he also used to have meaningful things to say. I think in addition to the two towers in NY, the 9/11 hijackers also succeeded in destroying DM's one-finely-tuned bullshiat detector. Every time I see him these days (Saddam's party is called "Baath"... the French are against the war... Bath... French... that's a joke, right?), I think, in this case, the terrorists _have_ won.

>the_pgoat
It boggles the mind that the same republicans who are getting all excited about this, shun and ostracize certain liberal actors and actresses.

I think you'll find hypocrisy in every political party. Well, except for the saintly Libertarian Party, which I happen to belong to. :)

Why cant these damn Hollywood elitists stay out of politics?

Said the wingnut to to the liberal

Now, Dennis Leary for senate, THAT would be worth voting for. Dennis Miller? Jeebus, I didn't know he was still alive.

How can this be?!?!??! An Entire Dennis Miller thread without A SINGLE reference to the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers!?!?!!??!?