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(Daily Mail)   Problem: Newt Gingrich needs to woo women voters. Solution: RELEASE THE CALLISTAKEN   (dailymail.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Fail, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Andy Borowitz, Ann Romney, human beings, concession speech, stump speeches, escorts  
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2333 clicks; posted to Politics » on 02 Feb 2012 at 11:04 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-02 10:36:40 AM  
The demonic bird woman thing aside, isn't that kind of condescending and insulting to women voters? The thought that they can be swayed by whatever "straight talk, girlfriend" rhetoric they plan Newt's wife to spew out to them?
 
2012-02-02 10:53:26 AM  
He's going to talk about how most women worship his cock, so you should too.
 
2012-02-02 11:04:36 AM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-02-02 11:09:09 AM  
I saw his wife once. She turned me to stone.

/ I got better
 
2012-02-02 11:09:20 AM  

static.neatoshop.com

 
2012-02-02 11:09:36 AM  
That whole cheatin and lying thing does not fly with most women but I did like how the men in SC have their women trained to think that it was wrong of his mistress to come forward and air their dirty linen in public.
 
2012-02-02 11:10:45 AM  
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
 
2012-02-02 11:11:26 AM  
Newt is only good at wooing women when his wife is on her deathbed. Time to take one for the team, Callista.
 
2012-02-02 11:15:03 AM  
Ugh, that's a terrible headline! It's RELEASE the kraken, not unleash. And Callistaken? It took me 30 seconds to even parse that.
 
2012-02-02 11:15:18 AM  
Because women like men who see them all as sex objects that solely exist for sexual gratification.
 
2012-02-02 11:15:47 AM  
Last night Andy Borowitz quipped on twitter: "In his concession speech when Newt said 'It's time to move on,' Callista looked visibly alarmed".

I lolled.
 
2012-02-02 11:17:41 AM  
Women usually love "the other woman" types.... yep.. they love em.
 
2012-02-02 11:18:39 AM  
If there's anything all us women love, it's the gold-digging tart who's sleeping with your husband.
 
2012-02-02 11:19:18 AM  

Mike Chewbacca: And Callistaken? It took me 30 seconds to even parse that.


Seriously.

I just know that if Newt's campaign robocalled Mrs. Nuisance, that call would not be taken.
 
2012-02-02 11:19:43 AM  
Newt Gingrich should be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for the brave sacrifice and consummate patriotism he showed in getting blowjobs from women who were not his wife while his babysitter waited with his two young daughters.
 
2012-02-02 11:21:13 AM  

SisterMaryElephant: If there's anything all us women love, it's the gold-digging tart who's sleeping with your husband.


But what if your husband was the original gold digger that used to you pay for your PhD studies? I think that cancels it out.
 
2012-02-02 11:23:15 AM  

Jake Havechek: Because women like men who see them all as sex objects that solely exist for sexual gratification.


So this broad walks in and I'm like "Hey dame! Yeah, you with the rack! Vote for me!" Works every time.
 
2012-02-02 11:24:00 AM  
Because if anything will woo female voters its a woman botoxed a demonic expression on her face.
 
2012-02-02 11:24:38 AM  

Deucednuisance: Mike Chewbacca: And Callistaken? It took me 30 seconds to even parse that.

Seriously.

I just know that if Newt's campaign robocalled Mrs. Nuisance, that call would not be taken.


Yeah, it should be "release the Kraklista" or something.
 
2012-02-02 11:25:55 AM  
Um... most of the issues, if I'm reading things right, with Newt and women voters mostly revolve around the specifics regarding the end of his first two marriages.

Infidelity and leaving one's spouse when severe medical issues come to light generally leave the likely woman voter with a rather bitter taste in their mouths.

That's not to say there aren't plenty of gals who could give a damn, and are looking to be a home-wrecking trophy wife themselves, but they generally don't vote.
 
2012-02-02 11:27:02 AM  

Mugato: The demonic bird woman thing aside, isn't that kind of condescending and insulting to women voters? The thought that they can be swayed by whatever "straight talk, girlfriend" rhetoric they plan Newt's wife to spew out to them?


Yes it is. And it's the exact same logic that advertising companies use to market women's products (new window).
 
2012-02-02 11:29:12 AM  
 
2012-02-02 11:29:31 AM  

Cinaed: Um... most of the issues, if I'm reading things right, with Newt and women voters mostly revolve around the specifics regarding the end of his first two marriages.

Infidelity and leaving one's spouse when severe medical issues come to light generally leave the likely woman voter with a rather bitter taste in their mouths.

That's not to say there aren't plenty of gals who could give a damn, and are looking to be a home-wrecking trophy wife themselves, but they generally don't vote.


Plus he artfully parsed the "Open Marriage" thing by admitting rightfully that the term itself was never used, but he asked his 2nd wife if she would tolerate his affair and added "Callista doesn't care what I do".
 
2012-02-02 11:30:26 AM  
Yeah, because if there's one thing you ladies should respect and aspire to become, it's her.
 
2012-02-02 11:32:28 AM  

UNC_Samurai: For some reason, it's too big for Fark to post directly (new window)


Fark has a 250k or so image size limit, which makes any halfway decent animated gif a million times too large to post.

i.imgur.com
 
2012-02-02 11:35:09 AM  
I don't know if anyone else heard On Point (npr show out of Boston) yesterday, but one caller said she'd never vote for Newt, because the prospect of a former mistress as First Lady was horrifying to her. Now, I agree completely, but does anyone with more history knowledge (would not take much) know whether there's any precedent for such a thing?

Also, i'd totally hate-fark callista gingrich, if i could get it up for it.
 
2012-02-02 11:41:45 AM  

Jake Havechek: Cinaed: Um... most of the issues, if I'm reading things right, with Newt and women voters mostly revolve around the specifics regarding the end of his first two marriages.

Infidelity and leaving one's spouse when severe medical issues come to light generally leave the likely woman voter with a rather bitter taste in their mouths.

That's not to say there aren't plenty of gals who could give a damn, and are looking to be a home-wrecking trophy wife themselves, but they generally don't vote.

Plus he artfully parsed the "Open Marriage" thing by admitting rightfully that the term itself was never used, but he asked his 2nd wife if she would tolerate his affair and added "Callista doesn't care what I do".


Skip this week's trip to Tiffanies and she'll care.
 
2012-02-02 11:49:22 AM  

Mike Chewbacca: Ugh, that's a terrible headline! It's RELEASE the kraken, not unleash. And Callistaken? It took me 30 seconds to even parse that.


Totally should be Callistraken.
 
2012-02-02 11:54:32 AM  
I'm sorry but was anyone else distracted by the sidebar or was it just me?
 
2012-02-02 12:02:54 PM  

KatjaMouse: I'm sorry but was anyone else distracted by the sidebar or was it just me?


I was definitely distracted.Especially by Christina Hendricks and Ava Locklear.
 
2012-02-02 12:08:17 PM  

SisterMaryElephant: If there's anything all us women love, it's the gold-digging tart who's sleeping with your husband.


Came to say that. Why would I care what an adulterer's mistress has to say?
 
2012-02-02 12:08:26 PM  
Women like Romney better cuz at least Romney doesn't leave women, he just adds them to his harem.
 
2012-02-02 12:13:51 PM  
Having her take center stage is a brilliant idea. I'm sure the public is going to love the woman who was farking Newt Gingrich while his wife was on her death bed. People will definitely empathize with and have sympathy for her.


Is it any wonder why all of Newt's campaign people quit several months ago?
 
2012-02-02 12:15:37 PM  

Mugato: The demonic bird woman thing aside, isn't that kind of condescending and insulting to women voters? The thought that they can be swayed by whatever "straight talk, girlfriend" rhetoric they plan Newt's wife to spew out to them?


Calllista's playing the long game:
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-02-02 12:26:57 PM  
img708.imageshack.us
 
2012-02-02 12:27:51 PM  

devioustrevor: Having her take center stage is a brilliant idea. I'm sure the public is going to love the woman who was farking Newt Gingrich while his wife was on her death bed. People will definitely empathize with and have sympathy for her.


Is it any wonder why all of Newt's campaign people quit several months ago?


No, that was his 1st wife that was sick. Newt was getting his cock gobbled by Callista when he asked his 2nd wife to tolerate the affair.
 
2012-02-02 12:31:33 PM  
On behalf of voting women, I want Newt to know we have sympathy for his sufferings but we are still leaving him for a younger, more successful candidate.
 
2012-02-02 12:33:20 PM  
Any time I see anyone where I can see white between their iris and upper eyelids(*), I go running scared. That's just the creepiest look ever.

(*)other than intentionally making a bizarre expression.
 
2012-02-02 12:36:40 PM  
i1233.photobucket.com
 
2012-02-02 12:39:49 PM  

CapnBlues: I don't know if anyone else heard On Point (npr show out of Boston) yesterday, but one caller said she'd never vote for Newt, because the prospect of a former mistress as First Lady was horrifying to her. Now, I agree completely, but does anyone with more history knowledge (would not take much) know whether there's any precedent for such a thing?

Also, i'd totally hate-fark callista gingrich, if i could get it up for it.


There are accusations that McCain was already cheating on his first wife with his second, but I do not think that he has ever admitted to it. I think he has said that the first wife and he were already separated when he started dating the second. But he married the second five weeks after his divorce was granted.

Obviously, she never became first lady.
 
2012-02-02 12:45:10 PM  
Yes, because only Callista could tame the wild raging cock that was Newt Gingrich and so she'll win over the ladies. Good strategery.
 
2012-02-02 01:19:28 PM  
Newt Gingrich loves America. Like a husband loves his wife. A young healthy wife, before something better comes along. That's how much Newt loves America.
 
2012-02-02 01:21:35 PM  

Mugato: The demonic bird woman thing aside, isn't that kind of condescending and insulting to women voters? The thought that they can be swayed by whatever "straight talk, girlfriend" rhetoric they plan Newt's wife to spew out to them?


Women who would vote for a Republican aren't very smart.
 
2012-02-02 01:31:02 PM  
That anyone takes Newt seriously (including his creepy wife) is a constant reminder why so many people throughout the world get conned so easily (and obviously). He's almost a textbook narcissist and quite possibly a psychopath.
 
2012-02-02 02:03:52 PM  

Jackson Herring: UNC_Samurai: For some reason, it's too big for Fark to post directly (new window)

Fark has a 250k or so image size limit, which makes any halfway decent animated gif a million times too large to post.

[i.imgur.com image 180x103]


Someone should tell Drew that most of us got off of dial-up many years ago and whatever desk warmer he still uses to host FARK should be updated accordingly.
 
2012-02-02 02:05:38 PM  
cdn2.dailycaller.com

There is an idea of a Newt Gingrich; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there. I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Marianne, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Callista, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Callista, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Marianne, get down on your knees so Callista can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Callista, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.
 
2012-02-02 02:17:08 PM  
She's a homewrecker and looks like the bastard offspring of The Joker and the bird lady from Kids in the Hall.
 
2012-02-02 02:49:15 PM  

theknuckler_33: Any time I see anyone where I can see white between their iris and upper eyelids(*), I go running scared. That's just the creepiest look ever.

(*)other than intentionally making a bizarre expression.


Some surgeon went a little too far on her last eye lift. But the stakes are pretty high for her staying young and healthy.
 
2012-02-02 10:35:59 PM  
Newt needs to woo women? HUH? Don't the main problems with Newt mostly all stem from the problem of him wooing too many women?
 
2012-02-03 09:42:19 AM  

Jake Havechek: No, that was his 1st wife that was sick. Newt was getting his cock gobbled by Callista when he asked his 2nd wife to tolerate the affair.


Both wives were sick. Cancer and MS.
 
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