Shoe polish?

This guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

Get your ass kicked by the police?

I was too lazy to RTFA, so I'm really getting a kick...

I live in Canada. Black and white people aren't that different here, except there's only a small percentage of black ones. Also, if you make friends from Jamaica, they know how to make awesome rum cake.

This guy did a pretty good job, he was even considered to be the first black President.

Be cooler than the white people around you.

/I try to be, but I haven't become black yet.

kansas city frank would say 'shhhiaat, homes. sounds like a white people problem.'

Excuse me, miss. I speak jive.

Gee, i thought that they were all saying there is "no" difference in black and white people except for the skin color. Now i need a book to tell me how to be black? Sorry, fail, can't have it both ways.

TL;DR of the article: "Work hard, be intelligent"

Really?

Say "aks" instead of "ask" and "cent" instead of "cents"?



oh, and....

Bhasayate: This guy did a pretty good job, he was even considered to be the first black President.

[www.submergingmarkets.com image 250x336]


He's only 50% whiter than Obama.

/If you believe Bill's mama

That's because How to Be Black is partially a practical guidebook
for anyone looking to befriend or work with a black person,
Don't try, just be you.

become the next black president
Be lucky and defeat Hillary in the primary.

or challenge anyone who says they speak for all black people.
We don't need another Jesse or Brother Al. Hell... we don't want those two now.

Thurston, a stand-up comedian and The Onion's digital director
I think we can take this guys stuff with a large grain of salt.

Hi. Black guy here. I already know where this thread is headed. I cringed as soon as I saw the headline. And yet...I know that I won't be able to look away.

Any other black Farkers feel the same? You know you're going to get insulted, yet you can't resist clicking on the thread anyway? Why do we do it? Am I alone in this?

It was a really interesting interview ... relevant to the watermelon, he also started this page:

jackandjillpolitics (new window)

I Browse: Am I alone in this?

No, you're not.

Oh NPR, you give me warm fuzzies that alleviate my white guilt - your celebration of diversity is the warm wind beneath my wings...

/snark

The book in TFA actually sounds kind of interesting.

I think I'll get the ebook version though ... it would be kind of super awkward for white-as-hell me, reading a book with that cover on the subway.

/Wonderbread-American

Is it available in Braille ?

I Browse: Hi. Black guy here. I already know where this thread is headed. I cringed as soon as I saw the headline. And yet...I know that I won't be able to look away.


Sorry ?

I only know it has something to do with never going back.

Drive like this

Uppity.

octopied: I live in Canada. Black and white people aren't that different here, except there's only a small percentage of black ones. Also, if you make friends from Jamaica, they know how to make awesome rum cake.

Wow, Canada sounds like a utopia! I'm a minority living in Los Angeles but I really admire the ethnic majority here and they treat me really well!

Actually picking your feet up off the floor when dancing?
/and not just waving your arms around.
//here, i'll show you
Link (new window)

I'm black y'all, and I'm black y'all, and I'm blacker than black, and I'm black y'all.

I'm blickedy black blacker than black, black I'm blacker than black, yo! Because I'm black and I'm BACK!

Yo, I'm black and I'm black, y'all, and I'm blacker than black and I'm black y'all. I'm black black black black black black black black black and I'm black, and I'm black because I'm BACK!

TheMadChaosopher: I bet the blacks feel pretty dumb for selling all their gold in the 90's! If they had waited till a few years ago they really could have cleaned up!

Doubt it.
Probably clad in .9999 pure gold.

By the way, Baratunde is a frequent guest on the "This Week in Tech" podcast hosted by Leo Laporte and I find him to be smart, funny, unpretentious and all-around awesome. And he works for the Onion which automatically elevates him to high status on Fark.

I Browse: Hi. Black guy here. I already know where this thread is headed. I cringed as soon as I saw the headline. And yet...I know that I won't be able to look away.

Any other black Farkers feel the same? You know you're going to get insulted, yet you can't resist clicking on the thread anyway? Why do we do it? Am I alone in this?

Not you specifically because you speak so well!

/sorry, it was a softball

Perhaps this can help?

Ebonics Language Lesson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oU-oLxqAtg (NSFW)

I must add that the dude in the article doesn't have enough credibility. He's not this guy:

Blacula, Blackenstein, and others are unimpressed.

I suppose one part of being black is having thick skin on account of having to live with all that racism. Oh, I know, I know - it's just some "jokes" and they should "lighten up", amirite?

LeroyBourne: Actually picking your feet up off the floor when dancing?

And not pick your feet up off the floor when walking; just scuff along.

"Having a black friend is a mark of progressive success as a white person. And the black person is usually seen as their asset."

Oh, boy. That right there gave me so much white guilt I'm gonna go break up with all my black friends now.

Cue picture of gene wilder from silver streak.

I Browse: Any other black Farkers feel the same? You know you're going to get insulted, yet you can't resist clicking on the thread anyway? Why do we do it? Am I alone in this?

No I feel the same

Porous Horace: I suppose one part of being black is having thick skin on account of having to live with all that racism. Oh, I know, I know - it's just some "jokes" and they should "lighten up", amirite?

Yeah you should lighten up. Black people are just as racist and make jokes about everyone else as well. It seems like the crying starts only when someone makes a joke about you guys.

spiro: Porous Horace: I suppose one part of being black is having thick skin on account of having to live with all that racism. Oh, I know, I know - it's just some "jokes" and they should "lighten up", amirite?

Yeah you should lighten up. Black people are just as racist and make jokes about everyone else as well. It seems like the crying starts only when someone makes a joke about you guys.

Both sides are bad.

URAPNIS: TheMadChaosopher: I bet the blacks feel pretty dumb for selling all their gold in the 90's! If they had waited till a few years ago they really could have cleaned up!

Doubt it.
Probably clad in .9999 pure gold.

That's 4 9's!

When Thurston went to school, his teachers shortened his name - which means "one who is chosen" in Nigeria - and started calling him "Barrington." They later shortened it to "Barry."

Those are some stupid teachers.

Baratunde - 9 letters
Barrington - 10 letters

And why didn't they just start with Barry?

Porous Horace: I suppose one part of being black is having thick skin on account of having to live with all that racism. Oh, I know, I know - it's just some "jokes" and they should "lighten up", amirite?

You could be like the Irish and drink until you don't remember it.

drjekel_mrhyde: I Browse: Any other black Farkers feel the same? You know you're going to get insulted, yet you can't resist clicking on the thread anyway? Why do we do it? Am I alone in this?

No I feel the same

And for some balance; how to be a cracker: