Dinosaurs that can't hit a chip shot, a note from Epstein's mother, and the crisp, refreshing taste of donkey semen: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 1/22 - 1/28
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-02-01 5:08:10 PM (19 comments) | Permalink
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Nothing to add this week, enjoy the headlines.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-01-22 to Sat 2012-01-28:
LAPD detective Phillp Vanatter, who led the OJ Simpson investigation, has died at age 70 from cancer. However, cancer released a statement today denying involvement in Vanatter's death and vowing to find the real killer
Mexican drug cartels are utilizing blind mules as a means to smuggle drugs into the US, plow oddly shaped farmland
Man is riding his bike across the country for suicide awareness. Vows to finish the trek or kill himself trying
66 cats removed from home. Damn beatniks
Priest arrested after being found nude from waist down at adult book store. He is risen
Woman born without arms due to Thalidomide becomes the British Paralympic team masseuse. I love happy endings
Girl eats nothing but McDonald's chicken nuggets for 15 years, lives
Military says "Operation Octave Fusion" was necessary because the American hostage had a "life-threatening condition". "Octave Fusion"? Is the guy who names new Gatorade flavors now moonlighting at the Pentagon?
NBC considers pulling stunt from upcoming Fear Factor episode claiming it's in bad taste. Well duh, everybody knows donkey semen tastes like ass
Obama proposes all states require students to stay in school until they are 18. Alabama immediately objects, fears overcrowding of 5th and 6th grades
Christian leader condemns new Star Wars MMO because it allows gay relationships -- forgetting, of course, that gamers don't have sexual relationships of any kind, gay or straight
Martina Navratilova questions Caroline Wozniacki's status as the No. 1 women's tennis player, criticizing ranking system. Navratilova then defiantly insisted she could lick Wozniacki anywhere, anytime
Tim Tebow skipping Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Don't worry folks, there will still be plenty of white guys there hitting balls and screaming, "JESUS CHRIST"
Irsay and Manning issue joint statement. "Everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"
Birdwatchers flocking to see rare white blackbird before it moves to better neighborhood
Researchers discover that flying dinosaurs had black feathers like ravens, believe that they still couldn't hit a 32-yard chip shot
Scientists at UT Austin have perfected a working "cloaking device" in their lab. Critics say this is yet another example of Obama's lawlessness as this is a blatant violation of the Treaty of Algeron
Aretha Franklin calls off wedding, says that she needs to think (think, think) about what he's trying to do to her, decides she needs her freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom), freedom, ooh freedom
Dear Mister Kotter, Juan Epstein is dead. Signed, Epstein's Mother
Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris, has a crush on Justin Bieber. She's becoming more like her father every day
Gabrielle Giffords needs Congress like she needs a
Paul Martin calls on Stephen Harper to admit mistake. Stephen Harper calls on Paul Martin to unify quantum physics with general relativity, balance the U.S. budget, and battle his evil double from an alternate reality to the death first
After packing it in, Barney Frank decides to tie the knot
The Dong is only inflating 17%. Hey Vietnam, they have medications for that now
After BJs, Costco is eager to penetrate deeper into Virginia
Nokia posts profits 50% higher than analysts expected... meaning profits only fell 73%
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