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Dinosaurs that can't hit a chip shot, a note from Epstein's mother, and the crisp, refreshing taste of donkey semen: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 1/22 - 1/28
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-02-01 5:08:10 PM (19 comments) | Permalink

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2794 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2012 at 5:08 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Nothing to add this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-01-22 to Sat 2012-01-28:

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  LAPD detective Phillp Vanatter, who led the OJ Simpson investigation, has died at age 70 from cancer. However, cancer released a statement today denying involvement in Vanatter's death and vowing to find the real killer    
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  Mexican drug cartels are utilizing blind mules as a means to smuggle drugs into the US, plow oddly shaped farmland    
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  Man is riding his bike across the country for suicide awareness. Vows to finish the trek or kill himself trying    
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  66 cats removed from home. Damn beatniks    
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  Priest arrested after being found nude from waist down at adult book store. He is risen    
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  Woman born without arms due to Thalidomide becomes the British Paralympic team masseuse. I love happy endings    
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  Girl eats nothing but McDonald's chicken nuggets for 15 years, lives    
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  Military says "Operation Octave Fusion" was necessary because the American hostage had a "life-threatening condition". "Octave Fusion"? Is the guy who names new Gatorade flavors now moonlighting at the Pentagon?    
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  NBC considers pulling stunt from upcoming Fear Factor episode claiming it's in bad taste. Well duh, everybody knows donkey semen tastes like ass    
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  Obama proposes all states require students to stay in school until they are 18. Alabama immediately objects, fears overcrowding of 5th and 6th grades    
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  Christian leader condemns new Star Wars MMO because it allows gay relationships -- forgetting, of course, that gamers don't have sexual relationships of any kind, gay or straight    
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Sports:

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  Martina Navratilova questions Caroline Wozniacki's status as the No. 1 women's tennis player, criticizing ranking system. Navratilova then defiantly insisted she could lick Wozniacki anywhere, anytime    
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  Tim Tebow skipping Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Don't worry folks, there will still be plenty of white guys there hitting balls and screaming, "JESUS CHRIST"    
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  Irsay and Manning issue joint statement. "Everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"    
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Geek:

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  Birdwatchers flocking to see rare white blackbird before it moves to better neighborhood    
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  Researchers discover that flying dinosaurs had black feathers like ravens, believe that they still couldn't hit a 32-yard chip shot    
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  Scientists at UT Austin have perfected a working "cloaking device" in their lab. Critics say this is yet another example of Obama's lawlessness as this is a blatant violation of the Treaty of Algeron    
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Entertainment:

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  Aretha Franklin calls off wedding, says that she needs to think (think, think) about what he's trying to do to her, decides she needs her freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom), freedom, ooh freedom    
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  Dear Mister Kotter, Juan Epstein is dead. Signed, Epstein's Mother    
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  Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris, has a crush on Justin Bieber. She's becoming more like her father every day    
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Politics:

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  Gabrielle Giffords needs Congress like she needs a    
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  Paul Martin calls on Stephen Harper to admit mistake. Stephen Harper calls on Paul Martin to unify quantum physics with general relativity, balance the U.S. budget, and battle his evil double from an alternate reality to the death first    
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  After packing it in, Barney Frank decides to tie the knot    
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Business:

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  The Dong is only inflating 17%. Hey Vietnam, they have medications for that now    
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  After BJs, Costco is eager to penetrate deeper into Virginia    
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  Nokia posts profits 50% higher than analysts expected... meaning profits only fell 73%    
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· · ·

19 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-02-01 05:29:05 PM  
The hell just happened?
 
2012-02-01 05:29:46 PM  
Did everyone else suddenly get every page acting like it was a TF link?
 
2012-02-01 05:30:15 PM  

netweavr: The hell just happened?


Temporal redesign.

\You'll get over it in 14450 days
 
2012-02-01 05:30:17 PM  

netweavr: The hell just happened?


Looks like someone set system time back to 0 /1974
 
2012-02-01 05:30:23 PM  
Yes.
 
2012-02-01 05:31:07 PM  

hawcian: Did everyone else suddenly get every page acting like it was a TF link?


Yes.

Not funny, Fark.

/shakes tiny fist
 
2012-02-01 05:31:20 PM  

netweavr: The hell just happened?


yeah, that was weird, it was like everything was in the "soon to be greened to the main page" queue, even going as far back as 12am

??????

and this link was on the main page and also in the greenlit links queue???
 
2012-02-01 05:31:24 PM  
Someone needs to use a coaster.
 
2012-02-01 05:32:45 PM  
and they all laughed at the blinking chicken butt


WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!!!!!
 
2012-02-01 05:36:20 PM  
WTF was that!

Seriously, after the tenth thread where I wasn't able to make my comment I started thinking about subscribing to TF.
*shivers*
Thank FSM it's over.
 
2012-02-01 05:40:47 PM  
Man, I always miss the fun stuff.
 
2012-02-01 05:42:08 PM  

traylor: WTF was that!

Seriously, after the tenth thread where I wasn't able to make my comment I started thinking about subscribing to TF going to Something Awful.
*shivers*
Thank FSM it's over.


FTFY
 
2012-02-01 05:51:48 PM  
Dear Mr Kotter.

Juan won't be at school on account that his heart ain't beatin' no more.

Signed,

Epstein's Mother

/I just saw this!
//RIP Little Juan
 
2012-02-01 06:47:34 PM  
Sorry everybody, we're doing a massive pile of overdue code fixes and occasionally, things break for a minute until we can undo it. Also, beer, servers, etc.
 
2012-02-01 06:49:21 PM  
the crisp, refreshing taste of donkey semen

Tastes great!

Less filling!

Tastes great!

Less filling!

Tastes great!

Less filling!

Tastes great!

Less filling!

Tastes great!

Less filling!
 
2012-02-01 06:50:43 PM  

Unfreakable: Sorry everybody, we're doing a massive pile of overdue code fixes and occasionally, things break for a minute until we can undo it. Also, beer, servers, etc.


Who didn't run the test suites prior to committing?
 
2012-02-01 06:56:46 PM  

netweavr: Unfreakable: Sorry everybody, we're doing a massive pile of overdue code fixes and occasionally, things break for a minute until we can undo it. Also, beer, servers, etc.

Who didn't run the test suites prior to committing?


Your mom.
 
2012-02-01 07:19:49 PM  

netweavr: Who didn't run the test suites prior to committing?


You're asking this question to probably the only guy on this entire site who knows f*ck-all about coding or back end architecture (giggity?). My understanding is that it's a top-to-bottom code review, with the intention of taking out old broken stuff that's under years and years of virtual duct tape.

mitchcumstein1: Your mom.


Also, this.
 
2012-02-01 07:42:19 PM  
Too much work, I just re-install windows and start new.
 
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