LINK DOESN'T WORK

Penalty for early withdrawal.

/Obvious.

Tags on the article are broken:

"Your search for 'wanking as a lifestyle rather than a hobby' in did not return any results. "

IT'S . . .

. . . . . . .BEAUTIFUL

Like this?

Dude looks like the wax cro-magnon in the museum.

There's a unique rhythm to police reports,...



Also has a "unique rhythm."

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?

From his mug pic it looks like he was trying to make a withdrawal.

The article's actual headline was pretty good, too.

DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP

Everyone knows you go to Starbucks for a hand job not the bank.

There's a unique rhythm to police reports, one that prizes precision and conciseness more than style. Occasionally, you find one that sheds its "just the facts" cadence and blossoms into blank verse beat poetics. Such is the case with the Madison County Sheriff's Office report on the actions of Dustin M. Kraushaar, 20, of Brighton, Illinois.

Kraushaar was using the drive through window at an undisclosed bank in Godfrey, Illinois, (presumably for a deposit) when according to the police report:


"Kraushaar exposed his penis to the teller, with the intent of arousing his sexual desires."

"Intent of arousing his sexual desires" sounds so Victorian, and I love it. Hat's off to you, unknown police report writer. Somehow Kraushaar successfully evaded the police, but eventually turned himself in. He was charged with misdemeanor public indecency, posted bond and released.

There's no indication he achieved release, however.

Snicker.

either his editor doesn't read this stuff, or they both have a good sense of humor.

offmymeds: There's a unique rhythm to police reports,...

[blogs.riverfronttimes.com image 636x476]

Also has a "unique rhythm."

It's probably curved...

Something tells me his sperm isn't going to be the big earner at the sperm bank.

He's got a Facebook (new window)

OH my work filters out the picture...dammit

FTFA: "Somehow Kraushaar successfully evaded the police, but eventually turned himself in."

I guess he thought about it and decided that it would be easier to arouse the desires of the residents of Cell block C at the county jail than a bank teller.

ihatedumbpeople: There's a unique rhythm to police reports, one that prizes precision and conciseness more than style. Occasionally, you find one that sheds its "just the facts" cadence and blossoms into blank verse beat poetics. Such is the case with the Madison County Sheriff's Office report on the actions of Dustin M. Kraushaar, 20, of Brighton, Illinois.

Kraushaar was using the drive through window at an undisclosed bank in Godfrey, Illinois, (presumably for a deposit) when according to the police report:


"Kraushaar exposed his penis to the teller, with the intent of arousing his sexual desires."

"Intent of arousing his sexual desires" sounds so Victorian, and I love it. Hat's off to you, unknown police report writer. Somehow Kraushaar successfully evaded the police, but eventually turned himself in. He was charged with misdemeanor public indecency, posted bond and released.

There's no indication he achieved release, however.

Snicker.

either his editor doesn't read this stuff, or they both have a good sense of humor.

I used to love writing up the police blotter and seeing how much of this I could get through. I was shocked at how consistently people read that part of the paper. My editor at the time said, 'Yeah, people around here already know what everyone else is doing. They just read the police blotter to see who got caught.'

"wanking as a lifestyle rather than a hobby"

This is a News Tag?

I don't live too far from where this went down.

/gross