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(UPI) Dumbass Woman learns the hard way that pythons don't like to cuddle   (upi.com) divider line 67
More: Dumbass, Joel DeSpain, Prince Harry  
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12636 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2012 at 3:55 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



67 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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gopher321 [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 03:54:35 PM
Depends on the python. *pats crotch*
 
Klippoklondike [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 03:57:03 PM
Snakes love cuddles

img7.imageshack.us

And boobs
 
I_Am_Weasel [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 03:58:45 PM
Latch to my face and tell me that you love me...
 
Chinchillazilla [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 03:58:48 PM
In my experience, most constrictors do like to cuddle. Maybe they don't like to be petted, but they do seem to like curling up against someone warm-blooded. We're like living electric blankets to them.
 
redpanda2
2012-01-31 03:59:00 PM
That's the last time I take a flight from hawaii with samuel l jackson on board
 
neversubmit
2012-01-31 04:00:39 PM
encrypted-tbn1.google.com

Yeah, yeah, and Blade Runners are shooty.
 
theorellior [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 04:01:31 PM
Well, you could call a crushingly strong death grip around your diaphragm "cuddling", if you wanted to.
 
srhp29
2012-01-31 04:05:43 PM
So, my knowledge of snakes...

1) Anacondas don't want none unless you've got big buns
2) Pythons no cuddle

Got it. What's next?
 
Porktropolis
2012-01-31 04:06:12 PM
reminds me of this...

children and pythons don't mix (new window)
 
fat boy [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 04:09:46 PM
My Kingsnake tried to eat my finger the other night , guess he still likes pinkies
 
Time Traveling Bunnies [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 04:10:04 PM
srhp29: So, my knowledge of snakes...

1) Anacondas don't want none unless you've got big buns
2) Pythons no cuddle

Got it. What's next?

They love to hide in dashboards.
 
dutchoven69
2012-01-31 04:15:49 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com

Maybe it's true. This is the closest picture I could find with them cuddling.

DRTFA
 
LargeCanine
2012-01-31 04:15:54 PM
Define "cuddle".
 
rkiller1
2012-01-31 04:16:34 PM
Sounds like a Milton poem.
 
Pair-o-Dice
2012-01-31 04:17:00 PM
Personally, I'd rather cuddle then screw.
 
Dixie_Wrecked
2012-01-31 04:19:17 PM
Klippoklondike - Damn you. I clicked your profile hoping that pic was of you hoping to see the rest. Now I feel gay.
 
Millennium
2012-01-31 04:27:35 PM
On today's episode of Cool Story Bro: a friend of mine got a python early in college. The poor little guy got sick when it was a baby, and she needed to stick by it and keep it warm at all times. She reconciled this with her class and social needs by keeping the baby python in the only place that really made this possible: down her shirt. Eventually, snakey-poo got better, and life went on.

But from then on, even when that thing grew up, damn straight it liked to cuddle, to the point of darting down the blouse of any female visitor it could find. Most perverted reptile I've ever seen.
 
DrunkBastard
2012-01-31 04:32:34 PM
Ultimate "Dog bites Man" story?
 
Fark You Buddy
2012-01-31 04:33:35 PM
Millennium: On today's episode of Cool Story Bro: a friend of mine got a python early in college. The poor little guy got sick when it was a baby, and she needed to stick by it and keep it warm at all times. She reconciled this with her class and social needs by keeping the baby python in the only place that really made this possible: down her shirt. Eventually, snakey-poo got better, and life went on.

But from then on, even when that thing grew up, damn straight it liked to cuddle, to the point of darting down the blouse of any female visitor it could find. Most perverted reptile I've ever seen.

Pics or it didn't happen
 
Kid Lester [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 04:33:53 PM
Best. Book club meeting. Ever.

I don't know why, but the idea of being there and watching that happen has me cracking up.

Me: "Yo. Leave the snake in the cage. Seriously. I really can't deal with snakes. Don't bring it out here. I'm not even kidding around."

Her: "No, no, don't be silly! They're HARMLESS! Look, let me show you..."
 
bastian_74
2012-01-31 04:43:53 PM
www.how-to-start-a-pet-sitting-business.com
She should be introduced to a Boa, they snuggle
 
rhaver
2012-01-31 04:53:03 PM
"It was sort of a happy ending"

I laughed, I cried, this story changed me.

/from reading an article to gis of snakes and boobs.
//Link (new window)
 
Real Women Drink Akvavit
2012-01-31 04:54:45 PM
Ya know, that is soooo not what my last boyfriend told me. Now I feel like a cheap, chubby, middle aged whore. It's kinda cool.

/aren't whores supposed to get paid?
 
ganzonomy
2012-01-31 04:55:38 PM
They may not like to cuddle, but they'll want you to sit on their faces and tell them that you love them.

/was blown away
 
dude_man
2012-01-31 04:56:08 PM
Maybe she should have done the following:
class Animal:
def reply(snake):
self.type(python)
def speak(bite):
print 'Dont pick it up!'

//ok not sure if that is correct python code, but you get the idea I was going for, right?
 
VivianVivisect [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 04:58:01 PM
No cuddle. But it ended with a happy ending. Sounds like my dates
 
Buttbone McGillicutty
2012-01-31 05:00:55 PM
They don't like to be scratched behind the ears.
 
snocone [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 05:01:09 PM
Stop me if you heard this,,,
This woman was walking down the path one cold day and came upon a snake, nearly frozen in the cold.
So she gathered it up and brought it to her bosom for warmth.
When the snake recovered,,,
 
BlackArt
2012-01-31 05:02:19 PM
I blame Eric Idle.
 
The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves
2012-01-31 05:04:19 PM
They like to hug you and squeeze you and call you food...er...George.
 
martid4 [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 05:08:40 PM
She could have possibly delivered a UFIA and didn't know it which could have pissed off the snake.
 
MaudlinMutantMollusk [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 05:10:20 PM
Sure... it's all fun and cuddles until a snake eats your face
 
Pmoon
2012-01-31 05:21:39 PM
I had a five and a half foot boa once. A wonderful loving snake. Loved to cuddle and stay warm on me or in my clothes.
My girlfriend reached right into the snake's enclosure, grabbed it and got bitten good. I think it was because she was afraid of the snake.
She was scared to death of it after that.
 
Wingchild [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 05:27:03 PM
Pmoon: I had a five and a half foot boa once. A wonderful loving snake. Loved to cuddle and stay warm on me or in my clothes.
My girlfriend reached right into the snake's enclosure, grabbed it and got bitten good. I think it was because she was afraid of the snake.

Boas, pythons, and pretty much every constrictor are fond of cuddling - they dig body-heat the same way a girlfriend digs your jacket when she forgot hers on a windy night.

The big snakes tend to be a little territorial, and they have a tendency to bond with a limited number of handlers. This is pretty common with reptiles generally. They don't usually mind being handled by their owner - familiar smells - but random people reaching into the enclosure aren't going to get the same treatment.

I wonder if that lady pets every animal she sees because her relationship with her cat is entirely fabulous.
 
Keizer_Ghidorah
2012-01-31 05:49:52 PM
Like any animal, you don't just waltz up to a snake and grab it or fling it over your shoulders. They recognize individuals and are wary around strangers, and like all animals some are just jerks.

Have a 17-foot Burmese python that's the cuddliest thing ever, when I'm in his room or I let him roam the house he always tracks me down and coils every foot of his body around mine and can stay there for hours. He'll coil and cuddle others if he knows them, but I'm the only one he seeks out.

/and nothing looks sexier than someone in the coils of a big snake.
 
Lars The Canadian Viking
2012-01-31 05:53:17 PM
Best way to get a snake off is to hold it underwater. They can hold their breath for a full minute easily, but they will have to come loose eventually, and it is the most painless way for you and the snake.

If you can't get it underwater because it's on your face or something, then I hear rubbing alcohol or vinegar works.


For mine, I used to keep them between two t-shirts, both tucked in. Only problem is they don't care where they poop.
 
Mugato [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 05:54:08 PM
Why the fark would anyone have a reptile as a pet? They don't "bond" with anything. They're farking reptiles.
 
JungleBoogie
2012-01-31 05:59:17 PM
If by "cuddle" you mean "grasp their struggling prey in coils of massive muscle, crushing them till they stop breathing," then yes they like to cuddle.
 
fanbladesaresharp
2012-01-31 06:06:41 PM
Mugato: Why the fark would anyone have a reptile as a pet? They don't "bond" with anything. They're farking reptiles.

And that may be why. You don't have some yappy attention seeking drama queen ankle biter of a dog or....snotty aristcratic indiffrent fuzz ball of a cat that can't learn to flush or take itself out to go pee. In fact, they mey be what's for dinner.

/Your dog wants....err....got ate by the snake.
 
Millennium
2012-01-31 06:08:11 PM
Keizer_Ghidorah: Have a 17-foot Burmese python that's the cuddliest thing ever, when I'm in his room or I let him roam the house he always tracks me down and coils every foot of his body around mine and can stay there for hours. He'll coil and cuddle others if he knows them, but I'm the only one he seeks out.

Christ; what do you have to feed that thing? Cats?
 
Julie Cochrane [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 06:16:54 PM
Yup. Ball pythons are cuddly. As far as they're concerned, you're a warm tree. But you have to treat them with respect, and know their body language. Easiest way to get a ball python that's new to you to cuddle is let him cuddle around your arm as an extended tree branch.

Like any other animal, you should never pet it without asking permission from its handler first. This woman was a twit. Twits get bitten. I'm glad the snake wasn't hurt.
 
your average maint. man
2012-01-31 06:17:04 PM
fat boy: My Kingsnake tried to eat my finger the other night , guess he still likes pinkies

are ya sure it was your pinkie?
:)
 
Real Women Drink Akvavit
2012-01-31 06:24:09 PM
Keizer_Ghidorah: Have a 17-foot Burmese python that's the cuddliest thing ever, when I'm in his room or I let him roam the house he always tracks me down and coils every foot of his body around mine and can stay there for hours. He'll coil and cuddle others if he knows them, but I'm the only one he seeks out.

Your snake has its own room? I guess if it's that big it would have to have its own room, wouldn't it?
 
thrasherrr
2012-01-31 06:45:03 PM
Mugato: Why the fark would anyone have a reptile as a pet? They don't "bond" with anything. They're farking reptiles.

One of the most amazing things is that even extremely stupid lifeforms can learn to recognize individual humans and become domesticated.

/Domestication does not always stop instinct from making an animal do what comes naturally
 
fat boy [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 06:55:45 PM
your average maint. man: fat boy: My Kingsnake tried to eat my finger the other night , guess he still likes pinkies

are ya sure it was your pinkie?
:)

Well, to be exact it was my index finger. Thanks for playing
 
alicechaos [TotalFark]
2012-01-31 07:02:43 PM
Ball pythons have poop worse than their bite. Seriously, when we had balls, any time I handled them they would pee or poop on me.
 
Benjimin_Dover
2012-01-31 07:20:15 PM
rhaver: "It was sort of a happy ending"

I laughed, I cried, this story changed me.

/from reading an article to gis of snakes and boobs.
//Link (new window)

Anytime a snake gets latched to some chick's face, there better be a happy ending.
 
Balchinian
2012-01-31 07:20:22 PM
Lars The Canadian Viking: Best way to get a snake off is to hold it underwater. They can hold their breath for a full minute easily, but they will have to come loose eventually, and it is the most painless way for you and the snake.

Mugato: Why the fark would anyone have a reptile as a pet? They don't "bond" with anything. They're farking reptiles.


Do you know how I know neither of you know jack shiat about snakes?

/owner of both boassss and pythonssss
 
altinos
2012-01-31 07:49:49 PM
Real Women Drink Akvavit: Your snake has its own room? I guess if it's that big it would have to have its own room, wouldn't it?

Every room is the snake's room. I mean, would you tell him no?
 
altinos
2012-01-31 07:51:18 PM
Lars The Canadian Viking: If you can't get it underwater because it's on your face or something, then I hear rubbing alcohol or vinegar works.

I have heard of people having a spray bottle of alcohol just for this purpose. They also could have been lushes, it's possible.

Holding a snake underwater would take a lot of patience. Almost like trying to drown a fish.
 
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