Why did the cops bring pictures?

FTFA: Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

I larfed.

FTA:
Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

wat?

The affidavit did not state why Searchwell's husband and his "female visitor" wanted to use the bed.

To make a pillow fort. Duh.

The Love Doctor is IN!

/with apologies to Geena Davis

Githerax: FTFA: Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

I larfed.

They forgot farking.

Um... green?

/Kermit weeps

FTA: In any case, the affidavit did not state whether Searchwell's husband and his "female visitor" were afforded use of the bed. Nor did the affidavit state whether the bed was a twin, full, queen, king, bunk, Murphy or a rollaway.

/Cops need to do a better job of getting all the facts

Ironic shat happens. Jim Fixx's death didn't stop running.

I first read the headline as "enormous encounter with your mistress"

they couldn't go out to hertz rent-a-bed?

She looks like Michael Jackson in Thriller.

Githerax: FTFA: Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

I larfed.

That is some funny shiat right there.

Githerax: FTFA: Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

I larfed.

Also: Searchwell's account of the apparent domestic donnybrook

My day is made. Funny stuff.

Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

I imagine the writers at that rag all went out and got hammered last night after sliding that one past the editor.

The problem is the husband asking her to leave. He's not doing it right.

Win.

Married for five months? Damn! That's bold.

Parts of that article just had to be a dare (both the reported actions and the whimsical reporting).

Article author has got the funny in a major way. I loled.

+1 for using "donnybrook" in the story.

But Newt said this is okay.

I am surpised he didn't order a sammich before kicking her out of the room.

Will Greenlee is watching you

I guess the wife getting toted off to jail cleared the way...

cousins?

Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

Side effects may include but are not limited to: drowsiness, shortsheetedness, inability to operate heavy machinery, snoring, night terrors and getting strangled by the neck

madgonad: Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

I imagine the writers at that rag all went out and got hammered last night after sliding that one past the editor.

This is my local paper. This type thing is encouraged with Greenlee. Read some of his other links. I've gotten a few greenlights from his stuff. I'm guessing he lurks on here to see if he gets linked.

Reminds me of an ex's biological dad. Claimed to be oh-so-religious, but kept bringing home girlfriends and then wondering why his wife would get mad.

Real catch, this dude in the article.

The final two paragraphs in that article are what make it full of awesome.

FTA:
They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline

They also can be employed by adults if you're trying to knock the bottom of it...

"The 56-year-old woman said she was in the master bedroom when her husband appeared, asking that she leave "in order for him and his female visitor to use the bed."


Get the fark out of here, he's got some nerve.

Wife tells husband: ♪ This is a maaaAAaAan's world... ♪

I'll never understand why spouses cheat. It breaks trust in the relationship. Better to have an understanding or arrangement than cheat. There is respect and trust in a relationship I guess I value more than anything else. Don't $41~ where you sleep is my rule. Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home.

madgonad: Typical uses for beds include sleeping, napping, slumbering, dozing, snoozing, getting 40 winks or some shuteye. They also can be employed by children as a make-shift trampoline, or modified with the addition of wheels for use in a so-called bed race.

I imagine the writers at that rag all went out and got hammered last night after sliding that one past the editor.

I am stunned that Subby did not highlight this remarkable feature of TFA.

yagottabefarkinkiddinme: I'll never understand why spouses cheat. It breaks trust in the relationship. Better to have an understanding or arrangement than cheat. There is respect and trust in a relationship I guess I value more than anything else. Don't $41~ where you sleep is my rule. Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home.

Does it count as "cheating" if you bring the girl to your bedroom, tell your wife to get out of bed and GTFO for an hour or two, and create a musical house-filling soundtrack? Cheating generally involves sneaking.

If I ever get arrested for something fark worthy, I want this dude to write the article. This is some serious funz. I guffawed at my desk.

Igor Jakovsky: his is my local paper. This type thing is encouraged with Greenlee. Read some of his other links. I've gotten a few greenlights from his stuff. I'm guessing he lurks on here to see if he gets linked.

I do not!

I mean, um, I'm certain that a journalist of the stature and repute of the esteemed Mr. Greenlee would have enough self-confidence to not need to hang around on Fark to make sure he gets greenlighted.

\..I assure you I am not Mr. Greenlee. That's my dad's name. HIS! That's HIS dad's name!

In any case, the affidavit did not state whether Searchwell's husband and his "female visitor" were afforded use of the bed. Nor did the affidavit state whether the bed was a twin, full, queen, king, bunk, Murphy or a rollaway.

How did he write this with a straight face??

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped her head.
Papa called the Doctor and the Doctor said,
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

One little monkey jumping on the bed,
He fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the Doctor and the Doctor said,
"Put those monkeys straight to bed!"

i seriously did a double-take while reading that article - laughing, unsure why i was reading it or what joke i had been looking for.

Just spent some time reading more of Greenlee's articles. This is from an article about a woman accused of throwing a sandwich at a cop:

"The records didn't state whether the sandwich was hot or cold or whether it was a Reuben, BLT, Dagwood, grilled cheese, Monte Cristo, sloppy Joe, tuna melt, French dip, panini, club, grinder, Vegemite, peanut butter and jelly or some other sandwich entirely.

Sandwiches typically are not used as weapons."

Hope he joins Fark.