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(HitFix)   Movie studio realizes that the only way a movie about Stretch Armstrong could be a worse idea was if Taylor Lautner was the lead   (hitfix.com) divider line 39
    More: Asinine, Stretch Armstrong, Taylor Lautner, movie studios, Relativity Media, Gus Van Sant, wax figures, co-president, battleships  
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2333 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 31 Jan 2012 at 6:42 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-01-31 01:11:25 AM
I figured if Taylor was going to be in any movie about stretching, it would involve a goat of some sort, see?
 
2012-01-31 06:48:23 AM
I never had one of these toys growing up (yeah, I was that deprived) but isn't the whole idea that he only stretches when pulled? He never stretches of his own free will.

So how are they going to make a movie based on that?

And to be realistic the people stretching him should be much larger than he is.
 
2012-01-31 06:52:11 AM
Sorry, guys... Still waiting on the big-screen adaptation of the video game "Pong"

Although I think there might be an interest in this Etch-A-Sketch mini-series I've worked up.
 
2012-01-31 06:55:05 AM
That's good. They shouldn't have let that bastard who shot Gabby Giffords be in a movie anyway.
 
2012-01-31 07:02:21 AM
Who?
*looks at pic in article*
...Who?
 
2012-01-31 07:12:59 AM

Honest Bender: Who?
*looks at pic in article*
...Who?


Some guy whose face is too small for his head, plays a werewolf in Twilight, I think.
 
2012-01-31 07:33:37 AM

Alphax: Honest Bender: Who?
*looks at pic in article*
...Who?

Some guy whose face is too small for his head, plays a werewolf in Twilight, I think.


And the most farked-up nose working in the entertainment industry. Seriously... use some of the that Twilight money and get that thing fixed.

/Can't even look at it.
 
2012-01-31 07:48:36 AM
He is totally going to miss out.

www.kitsune.fr
 
2012-01-31 07:53:49 AM

LonMead: Sorry, guys... Still waiting on the big-screen adaptation of the video game "Pong"

Although I think there might be an interest in this Etch-A-Sketch mini-series I've worked up.


i43.photobucket.com
 
2012-01-31 07:56:03 AM

Sybarite: He is totally going to miss out.

[www.kitsune.fr image 500x330]


Okay, THAT should never be live action..
 
2012-01-31 08:07:11 AM

GreenAdder: I figured if Taylor was going to be in any movie about stretching, it would involve a goat of some sort, see? http://se.cx/?


/That's the joke?
 
2012-01-31 08:21:38 AM
Horrible idea of a movie with a tween studboy. Oh, and middle-aged women swoon over him too. They'll see the movie just because he's in it. In the eyes of the studio, making a profit is paramount: the movie will obviously be a turd, but a slightly polished turd.
 
2012-01-31 08:29:23 AM
CSASB time: I received Stretch Armstrong as a gift for Christmas 1976. My cousin and I ignored the warning to not stretch him over four feet, and stretched him across the diagonal of my bedroom - about 8 feet. Then my cousin let go of his end and I got snapped in the face.

/wasn't cool at the time it happened
 
2012-01-31 08:35:54 AM
I had a Stretch Armstong. I did find out that you could puncture it...
 
2012-01-31 08:53:01 AM

Alphax: I had a Stretch Armstong. I did find out that you could puncture it...


I had neighbors that had one that was punctured somehow (3 boys, I'm not sure to who Mr. Armstrong belonged). They all enjoyed the taste of Stretch's gooey filling and fought over who had possession of it so they could eat it.
Swear to god.
 
2012-01-31 09:03:03 AM
15 minutes into the movie, he should tear under the arm pit, have goo drip out of him, then have a mother with a disgusted look on her face toss him in the garbage saying "Well, that was a waste of good money." THE END.
 
2012-01-31 09:03:03 AM

Krymson Tyde: Alphax: I had a Stretch Armstong. I did find out that you could puncture it...

I had neighbors that had one that was punctured somehow (3 boys, I'm not sure to who Mr. Armstrong belonged). They all enjoyed the taste of Stretch's gooey filling and fought over who had possession of it so they could eat it.
Swear to god.


I hope nobody ever bought them a Happy Fun Ball.
 
2012-01-31 09:07:04 AM
I had the Stretch Monster, but not Stretch Armstrong. The goo inside crystallized after a few years, so he eventually became Stiff Monster.

I also had Suckerman.

/the toy only suckers buy
 
2012-01-31 09:13:52 AM
I guess since they probably aren't making any more Fantastic 4 movies, the program for the stretchy guy FX must have been on sale.
 
2012-01-31 09:18:16 AM
I can't wait for the epic undersea battle scene!

www.plaidstallions.com
(hot, like Olivia)
 
2012-01-31 09:18:27 AM
Is Stretch Armstrong really one of those toys parents will say, "We're going to the theater to relive this nostalgia"? GI Joes, TMNT, Cabbage Patch dolls, I get. The were really a part of some kids childhood.

But did anyone have Stretch Armstrong sleeping bags? Or a Stretch Armstrong themed birthday party?

No, it probably can't count on the loyalty of former toy owners. So this movie only really has the plot to drive it forward. Which means it's only a movie about a stretchy guy. Who the fark cares, Mr. Producer?
 
2012-01-31 09:27:28 AM

Alphax: Honest Bender: Who?
*looks at pic in article*
...Who?

Some guy whose face is too small for his head, plays a werewolf in Twilight, I think.


I thought he was an alpaca.
 
2012-01-31 09:28:26 AM
FTFA: no less ridiculous than making a $200 million alien invasion flick based on Battleship - you know, the board game - and that thing was actually produced (it comes out in May).

Words fail me. Wow, just wow.
 
2012-01-31 09:35:06 AM

rebelyell2006: FTFA: no less ridiculous than making a $200 million alien invasion flick based on Battleship - you know, the board game - and that thing was actually produced (it comes out in May).

Words fail me. Wow, just wow.


I've seen the trailers. They're horrible.
 
2012-01-31 10:41:32 AM

TimeWaste: Is Stretch Armstrong really one of those toys parents will say, "We're going to the theater to relive this nostalgia"? GI Joes, TMNT, Cabbage Patch dolls, I get. The were really a part of some kids childhood.

But did anyone have Stretch Armstrong sleeping bags? Or a Stretch Armstrong themed birthday party?

No, it probably can't count on the loyalty of former toy owners. So this movie only really has the plot to drive it forward. Which means it's only a movie about a stretchy guy. Who the fark cares, Mr. Producer?


They'll care when he teams up with the Wacky Wall Crawlers. And Cracker Jack prizes
 
2012-01-31 10:48:12 AM
This is going to be a porn movie.
 
2012-01-31 11:00:23 AM
This guy was waaay cooler

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-01-31 01:53:46 PM

DecemberNitro: This guy was waaay cooler

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x307]


I had that guy.

The only way a Stretch Armstrong movie would work would be as a parody of toy-themed movies.
 
2012-01-31 02:45:12 PM
He's not going to be in the movie. Way to read the farking article, subby. I mean, IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE HEADLINE!
 
2012-01-31 02:56:39 PM

noazark: I had the Stretch Monster, but not Stretch Armstrong. The goo inside crystallized after a few years, so he eventually became Stiff Monster.


Which, coincidentally, is the name I gave my penis.

/if you know what I mean, and I think that you do.
 
2012-01-31 03:40:50 PM
Dumbest idea ever.

You want a movie about a guy who stretches? Tell DC to get off their asses and cast Bruce Campbell as Plastic Man.
 
2012-01-31 04:26:06 PM

Happy Hours: I never had one of these toys growing up (yeah, I was that deprived) but isn't the whole idea that he only stretches when pulled? He never stretches of his own free will.

So how are they going to make a movie based on that?

And to be realistic the people stretching him should be much larger than he is.


Wasn't there a cartoon?
 
2012-01-31 04:26:23 PM
Sounds like another Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, or Brendan Fraser movie.
 
2012-01-31 04:31:07 PM
It's a stretch to call him an actor.
 
2012-01-31 04:31:56 PM

schpanky: The only way a Stretch Armstrong movie would work would be as a parody of toy-themed movies.


Even that would be a stre--a reach.
 
2012-01-31 09:06:07 PM
I believe it's spelled 'Llautner'.
 
2012-01-31 09:27:55 PM

noazark: I had the Stretch Monster, but not Stretch Armstrong. The goo inside crystallized after a few years, so he eventually became Stiff Monster.

I also had Suckerman.

/the toy only suckers buy


www.x-entertainment.com

He's waiting his chance, working as a barista in West Hollywood

\shakes tiny, stretchable suction cup covered fist
\\hot like a welt left by an overstretched Armstrong
 
2012-01-31 11:19:01 PM
One of the guys I was in the barracks with got a Stretch Armstrong doll sent to him by his 5-year-old nephew, because he decided he needed a toy to play with. We nailed his hands to the window ledge, and tied weights to his feet to see how long he'd stretch. After three days in the Hawaiian Sun, he was (estimated) over 8 feet long. Later, we froze him with a fire extinguisher and hit him with a hammer. Made a bunch of little Stretch Armstrongs.
 
2012-01-31 11:35:36 PM
I watched my friends dad whack him in the head a few times with a Stretch Armstrong.
 
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