I used to just put on some headphones and watch a movie, this seems like much more fun.

You record it, then play it back loudly when the neighbors have one or more sets of parents over.

Once I had a girl up in my flat
Half bear the other half cat
We farked like minks and disturbed some hipster ass
I still dream about that...

I have an apartment above the garage I rent out.

A while back the tenant got a girlfreind, a real screamer. One afternoon a caught my neighbor in my garage, listening. I completely ignored the noise, gave him a beer, and wathed him be unconfortable while I talked about something else for a while.

After a couple weeks, my wife told the tenant to put a sock in her mouth or something. They moved out instead, which was probably best for everyone.

Minute to win it?

I think it would be much more fun to see if I could drill small holes in the wall between my flat and theirs, and then run leads from the taser to something metal (bed frame/metal headboard would be ideal), then wait for them to start shagging, then let the sparks really fly.

Would probably have to use the stiff solid copper leads, so you can feed them through the hole just right.

It would take a few scouting missions into their apartment to determine the right places to drill so as not to be obvious.

/He's obviously not getting any
//And he obviously has nothing better to do.

I would drill a hole in the wall and stick Mr. Pringles through.

Wow four minutes! What a lucky girl.

Being happy for them and going about your own business not an option here?

dittybopper: Half bear the other half cat

is this code for a tranny?

I had one that was really naughty - she would leave the window open and screamed that she wanted to be hit and stuff.

Now he gets a boner whenever he looks at quarters.

ThighsofGlory: Being happy for them and going about your own business not an option here?

Well yeah, it's nice that they're getting laid and the sex sounds like it's good, but frankly it doesn't do anything for me.

4 minutes....

I've heard people go at it for 20 minutes, take a break, go at it for a half hour. Take another break...

hailin: I had a couple neighbors like that. LOUD all the time and even banged the bed against the wall. I went and talked to them one day and they both told me to buy noise cancelling headphones (they were really rude about it among other things like toss their trash off the balcony to avoid taking it to the trash can since we had a janitor service responsible for cleaning the common area and front porch). So I started noticing when he left for work and how long he was gone (he worked nights). I went over one afternoon when he had a day off and told him I hated to complain about the sound again, but I was going on four days with no sleep from all the noise after 11 (when he was at work) and if they could at least finish by 7. I also put some condom wrappers in the closest community trash by their door.

Totally worked. They had yet another screaming match and within a week she moved out and the next month he moved out. I would feel bad about breaking them up if they hadn't been such horrible people about other things.

Cool story sis

For some reasom, this reminds me of Always Sunny..

try some of tne new fibre optic cameras with a very small hole drilled thru the wall

Jake Havechek: You record it, then play it back loudly when the neighbors have one or more sets of parents over.

Put it on the internet and tag the link to them on Facebook.

well that guy just got my subscription. well played.

The people in the various condo hovels where I reside go at it all the time.

We all get along just fine.

They look great.

I certainly don't mind.

Am i creepy? Why does it need to stop? Go nuts you crazy kids!

Headso: dittybopper: Half bear the other half cat

is this code for a tranny?

No, it comes from here. I was just too lazy to completely change the lyrics, and I've never heard of a bear/tranny (and I'm not googling it).

Go with it. When they start getting hot and heavy, you pretend to be fapping and yell advice, comments, compliments to them and then finish loudly whenever you know they can hear you. As an added bonus, I suppose you could thank them loudly right afterwards or comment on their help next time you passed either of them in the hallway.

Either this or start drilling holes and installing cameras to stream on the net for $2 a minute...that would be cool too

Nothing better than trying to relax with a little Mythbuster's marathon on a weekend afternoon when the neighbor lady upstairs is hollering:"PUT IN IN MY ASS, OH YEAH, OH YEAH, OH YEAH!".

Lizardking:

Either this or start drilling holes and installing cameras to stream on the net for $2 a minute...that would be cool too

While an awesome idea, that has the potential to get you thrown in PMITA prison and labeled as a sex offender :(

Jake Havechek: 4 minutes....

I've heard people go at it for 20 minutes, take a break, go at it for a half hour. Take another break...

That's a lot of breaks

The headline works well if read in an Asian accent.

BFletch651: After a couple weeks, my wife told the tenant to put a sock in her mouth or something. They moved out instead, which was probably best for everyone.

Her suggestion was a waste of a perfectly good mouth...

There's only one thing to do.

Masturbate. Furiously.

TWX: BFletch651: After a couple weeks, my wife told the tenant to put a sock in her mouth or something. They moved out instead, which was probably best for everyone.

Her suggestion was a waste of a perfectly good mouth...

Well, our three kids were starting to ask uncomfortable questions...

"Is he hurting her?" "Are they wathching football?"

CSB Time:

My first apartment when I moved out to go to University had Kleenex for walls and the girl next door was loud and very..um..active on the weekends (I figure during the week the bf was out of town or something).

My first morning there, my father called me and asked if I had met any neighbors yet. I answered "No, but if the girl next door ever breaks up with her bf, I want to meet her!". Considering how she blushed and retreated back indoors when I saw her later, I guess my voice carried.

Interestingly enough, it didn't stop the noise.

It turns out a buddy of mine dealt with it and we still laugh about it to this day. After the bars closed one night, he asked if he could crash. I told him sure, but that the neighbor was pretty loud. When we got home, sure enough, the girl and guy were outdoing themselves. My buddy giggled like a drunk maniac (which he was) and got really close to the wall.

After a minute of listening he bangs on the wall really loud and yells:

"Knock it off in there or I'm coming in to join ya!"

We clearly heard the gasps, the mad scramble and the door slamming. I don't know where they went, but the girl moved out the following week.

I was vacationaing in Asia once and this couple must have been on their honeymoon. The woman really enjoyed herself. The whole island had to know what was going on. Didn't understand what she was saying, no need to...universal language.

Next day saw them/her....Very tiny quiet thing. You'd never guess she had that side to her.

hoho19: Lizardking:

Either this or start drilling holes and installing cameras to stream on the net for $2 a minute...that would be cool too

While an awesome idea, that has the potential to get you thrown in PMITA prison and labeled as a sex offender :(

Not to mention he could be earning as much as $8/day from the enterprise.

Olympus Mons: I was vacationaing in Asia once and this couple must have been on their honeymoon. The woman really enjoyed herself. The whole island had to know what was going on. Didn't understand what she was saying, no need to...universal language.

Next day saw them/her....Very tiny quiet thing. You'd never guess she had that side to her.

In college, we had this Japanese kid on our floor. Quiet and unassuming except for his fondness for Yngwie Malmsteen. He had this string of cute little Japanese ladies--all giggly and bashful--in and out of his room. I don't know the cultural origins like this, but I've never heard any other woman make noises like they did. It was a normal "OH" followed by a little piggie squeal "wee."

Then they'd leave, see us (the rest of the dorm loitering in the hall) and blush. It was worth the Malmsteen.

After I moved out of the dorms, I had this one apartment where apparently sound traveled through the pipes. I didn't notice it until the day my girlfriend heard a moaning coming from the radiator. I remember her saying, distinctly: "either your apartment is haunted or someone is farking downstairs."

/csb

Episode 3 (new window) of this guy's challenges had me in tears when he knocked over the lamp. Watch until the end for maximum WTF from the neighbors.

Geriatric Goodman Brown: [imgs.xkcd.com image 640x385]

Came for this.

Had a neighbor when we lived in CA, he was a college student and had quite the little harem going on.
The apartment walls let you hear the general idea of what was going on next door, one night he had a new girl over and we heard the usual grunts, groans and squeaking bed...until she shouted "NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!". She couldn't look us in the eye when she left the next morning...

He could encourage the boyfriend to marry her, once that happens, the noises should stop.

A friend used to live next to a guy we called Frankenstein. Every couple of nights around 10:30 you'd start hearing "THUMP THUMP THUMP".... but no other noises, human or otherwise, silence except for the rhythmic thumping of bed against drywall. Then, about six minutes in, you hear this moan, a deep primal baritone, "UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHH" for 15 seconds, and then stone-cold silence until the next morning.

Also shared a very thin wall with a lesbian couple when I was 21. At first their sex was unnerving, because without the warning of bed springs and headboard thudding against the wall, the shrieks seemed to come out of nowhere, unprovoked.

Gleeman: Geriatric Goodman Brown: [imgs.xkcd.com image 640x385]

Came for this.

Had a neighbor when we lived in CA, he was a college student and had quite the little harem going on.
The apartment walls let you hear the general idea of what was going on next door, one night he had a new girl over and we heard the usual grunts, groans and squeaking bed...until she shouted "NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!". She couldn't look us in the eye when she left the next morning...

Because...her eyelids were "glued" closed?

Stop being lame and get some girls (or guys, more likely the case) to bone. Loosen the bed a little so it hits the walls too.

/best was when I had the downstairs neighbors banging on the ceiling.

justanotherfarkinfarker: /best was when I had the downstairs neighbors banging on the ceiling.

Anti-gravity sex FTW!

wildstarr: ThighsofGlory: Being happy for them and going about your own business not an option here?

Unless. If you experienced this before, you know the answer would be "NO".

FTFY

hailin: I had a couple neighbors like that. LOUD all the time and even banged the bed against the wall. I went and talked to them one day and they both told me to buy noise cancelling headphones (they were really rude about it among other things like toss their trash off the balcony to avoid taking it to the trash can since we had a janitor service responsible for cleaning the common area and front porch). So I started noticing when he left for work and how long he was gone (he worked nights). I went over one afternoon when he had a day off and told him I hated to complain about the sound again, but I was going on four days with no sleep from all the noise after 11 (when he was at work) and if they could at least finish by 7. I also put some condom wrappers in the closest community trash by their door.

Totally worked. They had yet another screaming match and within a week she moved out and the next month he moved out. I would feel bad about breaking them up if they hadn't been such horrible people about other things.

That is just awesome.