I'm really not feeling any sympathy for this guy, but I did get a kick out of Prudence's reply.

Dear Abby,

I'm a dumbass, and I did a dumb thing and really feel dumb. Is there any way for me to feel better about myself even though I have no way of recovering from the sheer dumbassity of my dumbassedness?

Dumbass in Decatur

Dear Decatur,

Accept that you are a dumbass and make it easy on everyone around you by killing yourself in the most humorous manner possible. Have you ever heard the joke about the blueberries and the pineapple?

Abby

torch: This dumbass was in it for himself, and not considering for a moment beforehand that his wife might enjoy getting some strange too. Dumbass.

Pretty much this. He wanted a "legal" reason to cheat, and got pissed when she enjoyed it.

Next time you want to spice up the bedroom, buy a video or a book, retard.

This is a weekly column and the one from August 2011 was just greened?

Aug 4, 2011.

I'll let someone else post the jpeg.

This is why swinging's a bad idea. Also why inexperienced girlfriends are superior. They've got no basis of comparison, so your dick's the best they've ever had.

Trolling Prudence.

notice the conspicuous lack of mentioning how he did with the wife of the dude who tooled his.

torch: This dumbass was in it for himself, and not considering for a moment beforehand that his wife might enjoy getting some strange too. Dumbass.

Can you spell narcissism? I knew you could! And I'll bet that while his wife had great sex with the other fellow, this jerk couldn't be bothered to pleasure the other wife in any way. He's obviously the reason their sex life needed a bit of spice.

Given that he considers himself "well-endowed" and yet felt "outgunned" by a bald fat man, maybe his perspective is a little off.

Father_Jack: notice the conspicuous lack of mentioning how he did with the wife of the dude who tooled his.

My suspicion is that the fat guy showed up ready to rumble with viagra and a healthy dose of lidocaine.

The letter writer, on the other hand, was done in 10 minutes and ready for a sammich.

Mr. Right: torch: This dumbass was in it for himself, and not considering for a moment beforehand that his wife might enjoy getting some strange too. Dumbass.

Can you spell narcissism? I knew you could! And I'll bet that while his wife had great sex with the other fellow, this jerk couldn't be bothered to pleasure the other wife in any way. He's obviously the reason their sex life needed a bit of spice.

If the tale is true, he probably tried his best and failed to pleasure the woman, or was going to "go" after his wife and was so turned off that he left before his turn.

Has anyone else ever noticed that the really beautiful types tend to be really lame lays, and the not-so-naturally-blessed types tend to have outstanding technique? I wonder if it's an ego thing.

torch: This dumbass was in it for himself, and not considering for a moment beforehand that his wife might enjoy getting some strange too. Dumbass.

Yep. I hope he and his wife do divorce because this guy sounds like a winner to be married to. She would be better off.

I wonder how he was able to convince her to do in the first place;

HUSBAND: Come on, honey. Let's swing.
WIFE: But I don't want to. I want to keep it between us.
HUSBAND: Oh, please. I want this and you'll enjoy it.
WIFE: I don't think I would.
HUSBAND: Yes, you will. Trust me, you will.
WIFE: But I don't-
HUSBAND: YOU'LL ENJOY IT!
WIFE: ....okay...if that's what you want.
(Wife swing and enjoys it.)
HUSBAND: Oh, fark you, slut. I want a divorce but not before punching you.

Yep, a real winner.

Bald and fat has nothing to do with penis size...

Terrible Old Man: Bald and fat has nothing to do with penis size...

Or technique, apparently.

who the fark called me fat? i might be bald and hung but im in good shape

You Idiots: My suspicion is that the fat guy showed up ready to rumble with viagra and a healthy dose of lidocaine.

Yikes...would that even work?

Well isn't the whole point of swinging is that you get to bang the other guys wife which would off set some of the jealousy?

Actually what would have been the topping on this dumbass cake is if he didn't research the couple well and it was actually a gay couple where one was bi and the other only had eyes for this guys c0ck.

Terrible Old Man: Bald and fat has nothing to do with penis size...

You sure? Cuz the fatter I get, the less of my penis I see.

I like the thought that she was really paying him back for being a prick, but it's also possible that the wife, being used to "mr. well-endowed" was not really able to enjoy being 'outgunned.'

not saying I know anything about multiple partners, mind you.

nope, not me.

What an idiot.

If she was willing to do this, she would have bought a threeway with another woman.

Did he actually expect some sympathy when he wrote this? I wonder what kind of response he was looking for.....

Lexx: Mr. Right: torch: This dumbass was in it for himself, and not considering for a moment beforehand that his wife might enjoy getting some strange too. Dumbass.

Can you spell narcissism? I knew you could! And I'll bet that while his wife had great sex with the other fellow, this jerk couldn't be bothered to pleasure the other wife in any way. He's obviously the reason their sex life needed a bit of spice.

If the tale is true, he probably tried his best and failed to pleasure the woman, or was going to "go" after his wife and was so turned off that he left before his turn.

Has anyone else ever noticed that the really beautiful types tend to be really lame lays, and the not-so-naturally-blessed types tend to have outstanding technique? I wonder if it's an ego thing.

Yeah...an ambitious 5 is better than a lazy 9 in my book.

That article is a total checklist of swinging failure.

Coercing your partner: check
Being jealous of the second: check
Failing to be selective of the second: check
Being a bad lay in the first place: check

Dude also seems to be hung up on his own size a bit too much. Just learn to use what you've got well.

All this swinging and group sex shiat might be fun to watch in a porno but when things get real it's not so great.

This is why I've never done it or suggested it. I know I wouldn't be cool about it. If you can be cool about someone else banging your wife or husband, do you really love them? Should you even be married?

My woman's vagina and my penis are a matched set, sorry.

Giggity giggity, giggity goo.

BatardAmericain: All this swinging and group sex shiat might be fun to watch in a porno but when things get real it's not so great.

This is why I've never done it or suggested it. I know I wouldn't be cool about it. If you can be cool about someone else banging your wife or husband, do you really love them? Should you even be married?

My woman's vagina and my penis are a matched set, sorry.

I've often wondered if you are looking for a way out of a relationship, if you can coerce your significant other into swinging, then dump them after because you "can't handle that they were with someone else." Seems like it would be a pretty awesome way to dump someone.

So the guy needs to not put cuckolding on his list of fetishes...

Unfortunately, most lists don't include stupid, dumbass, or jealous of wife's kitty.

Lexx: This is why swinging's a bad idea. Also why inexperienced girlfriends are superior. They've got no basis of comparison, so your dick's the best they've ever had.

Haven't tried swinging (won't either). I did this wrong. My wife already had a kid, I was a virgin. It sometimes bother me somebody else had already been there. She tells me to stop it, because she never felt an orgasm before me. So, if she doesn't get hers I feel like I failed. After 10 years married I checked out karma sultra. Meh, already tried or knew everything in those books. So, I do feel comfortable knowing she may be able to find equal but not better than me.

If you're going to swing, you better be secure in the fact that your wife knows who she's coming home to. If you aren't, don't swing.

You're doing it wrong.

/swinging ten years, and counting

BatardAmericain: All this swinging and group sex shiat might be fun to watch in a porno but when things get real it's not so great.

This is why I've never done it or suggested it.

Show your work, then. If you proudly have no experience on the matter (and that's fine), from where do you claim qualification to tell the rest of us that it's a bad thing to ever do?

/not trolling, honestly asking
//i've never shot up heroin but there's a pretty overwhelming body of science that tells me it's a bad idea
///never once had a bad group sex experience though

lack of warmth: Lexx: This is why swinging's a bad idea. Also why inexperienced girlfriends are superior. They've got no basis of comparison, so your dick's the best they've ever had.

Haven't tried swinging (won't either). I did this wrong. My wife already had a kid, I was a virgin. It sometimes bother me somebody else had already been there. She tells me to stop it, because she never felt an orgasm before me. So, if she doesn't get hers I feel like I failed. After 10 years married I checked out karma sultra. Meh, already tried or knew everything in those books. So, I do feel comfortable knowing she may be able to find equal but not better than me.

You realize the Kama Sutra is a satire of period etiquette manuals, right?

Why would it possibly ever bother anyone that their partner's been with someone else? The whole possessiveness thing just feels like a leftover of 'my woman is my property'.

Size matters?

Dear Penthouse,

You won't believe this, but I swear it's true. I am an older, somewhat overweight, balding guy with an average man-organ and a hot wife. To keep her, I've learned the old lovemaking secrets of the oriental masters, and have become quite good at satisfying my woman.

Well, the other day, this douche from the mailroom suggested we do the old 'wife-swap'. I was a little hesitant at first, but my wife assured me that she enjoys my bedroom skills so much, no other man could steal her from me. Since he looked like a totally self-absorbed loser, (and has a hot wife of four years to boot! Giggity!) I said WTF, let's do it.

I gathered my Cialis and lidocaine, and my wife packed her hottest garter-belt. We met the other couple, had dinner, went to a hotel, and swapped partners. When we undressed, I noticed that I was way larger than him, even though I am only average myself. The other guy looked surprised and dismayed. For the next two hours I worked his wife into multiple fits, screams, and moans. He popped off in 10 minutes, and looked ready for a sammich.

I think I like this lifestyle, and hope to do swing again soon. It brought my wife and I closer together emotionally, and I love her more each day.

-Swingin' in Swingtown

dersk: The whole possessiveness thing just feels like a leftover of 'my woman is my property'.

I am willing to bet many women when they see another woman pursuing their boyfriend/husband are equally possessive. It is most likely part of human nature to view such individuals as rivals/threats and be hostile.

She had fits for two hours? Did he wipe his dick on the curtains?