Sarah Palins Mom?

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

Follow-up story: 85-year-old woman savaged by flying squirrel

That Natasha has always been a hard ass...

She beat her husband to death with a shovel?!

"You're not killing my husband! I put up with his crap for 30 years! If anyone's killing him, it's me!!!" *CLONK*

Wait until PETA hears about this atrocity.

/Came for the mons pubis, leaving disappointed

HotIgneous Intruder: Wait until PETA hears about this atrocity.

/Came for the mons pubis, leaving disappointed

PETA won't come to Alaska, not enough Starbucks there.

Don't mess with a Sourdough granny.

Things truly are Tougher in Alaska...even the old ladies.

Inigo: Follow-up story: 85-year-old woman savaged by flying squirrel

Clever. +1

Monty Python, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Sarah Palin, Fawlty Towers...

I see all the best moose jokes are taken.

She better have one hell of a moose sammich for him by the time he wakes up.

Ain't that Ill?

Moose-Gooser?

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Monty Python, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Sarah Palin, Fawlty Towers...

I see all the best moose jokes are taken.

MOOSE IN SPAAAACE!

This has the potential to be a very amoosing thread.

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Monty Python, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Sarah Palin, Fawlty Towers...

I see all the best moose jokes are taken.

There's still Marty Moose...

hope i'm still a bush pilot when i'm his age.

I was eating a late night dinner at a Waffle House in upstate New York last year when a moose crashed through the plate glass window. New York has one of the largest moose populations in the United States, but even with their commonality, my fellow diners were terrified. Luckily, I have a concealed carry permit and I always pack my Smith and Wesson 500 caliber Magnum revolver, nicknamed Happy Humphrey. With no time to think, I pulled Happy from the front of my sweatpants and started firing in the direction of the moose. The first shot passed through a waitress, the cook, the restaurant wall, and finally came to rest in the skull of a passing bus driver, who then lost control of the bus and crashed it into an oncoming cement mixer, killing all thirty aboard. I stood up from the floor and fired the second shot, which shattered the moose's right antler, causing him much distress. In his anger, he charged me, his long legs looking to trample me. I steeled myself, took careful aim, and shot the moose full in the face. It was enough to kill him, but his momentum carried his charging corpse on top of me. With his crushing weight squeezing out my labored breath, I fired two more rounds through his chest, which caused a large enough hole that I could crawl through him to freedom. The full color photograph printed in the paper shows me covered in moose innards, though smiling.

I'm sure a lot of anti-gun, liberal wing-nuts will decry any use of force against a perpetrator, but had I not been armed and prepared, the causalities may have far exceeded the modest count of thirty or so that lost their life that day. Does that make me a hero? I think so.

Look! In the sky! It's the PETA symbol!

:D

George Murphy, 82, and his wife, Dorothea Taylor, 85.....

She's a cougar and his ride or die chick.

Totally bad ass.

This happened four miles down the road from me, meaning I had two days to submit it with a better headline before the news spread to Fairbanks.

Willow's had an incredible amount of snow this year, and the moose are not happy. It's becoming ridiculous. They're staying on the roads or dog trails for easier walking, and they refuse to move this year. And I think we got most of Cantwell and Denali's moose coming down this year too. Moose get hit on the roads daily and nightly. Moose are everywhere on my dog trails. Any dog musher hooking up without artillery in the sled or under the parka is seriously gambling. I see them every time I take a dog team out, and they're all angry. Many of my friends have been charged by moose while driving dogs, some have been knocked off their sleds before they could get a shot off. It's the moose-ocalypse for real.

\welcome to Alaska
\\don't forget your gun

SelenaDori: Sarah Palins Mom?

No, her mom would have quit saving her husband way before grabbing the shovel.

spentmiles: New York has one of the largest moose populations in the United States

Really?

If you had worked Obama in there, it would have been perfect.

Angry Moose, huh?

85-year-old woman beats off moose. Eeewwwwww.

spickus: spentmiles: New York has one of the largest moose populations in the United States

Really?

If you had worked Obama in there, it would have been perfect.

Actually, we do have quite a few moose up in the Adirondacks and surrounding areas. It's not unusual to see them up there, but there aren't quite enough to where DEC is comfortable setting up a hunting season yet. I hope they increase in numbers enough that I get a chance before I get too old to do it.

Looks like a job for these guys

dittybopper: Actually, we do have quite a few moose up in the Adirondacks and surrounding areas. It's not unusual to see them up there, but there aren't quite enough to where DEC is comfortable setting up a hunting season yet. I hope they increase in numbers enough that I get a chance before I get too old to do it.

Sure but the OP was implying that NY has one of the largest moose populations in the US. If I remember correctly growing up in the late 70s early 80s in NY, moose were quite rare.

From your link "Moose entered the state on a continuous basis in the 1980s, having been absent since the 1860s."

I don't they've gone from nearly non-existent to prolific that quickly.

When I was a kid I saw my mother beat a Coral Snake to death with a chicken.

spentmiles: I was eating a late night dinner at a Waffle House in upstate New York last year when a moose crashed through the plate glass window. New York has one of the largest moose populations in the United States, but even with their commonality, my fellow diners were terrified. Luckily, I have a concealed carry permit and I always pack my Smith and Wesson 500 caliber Magnum revolver, nicknamed Happy Humphrey. With no time to think, I pulled Happy from the front of my sweatpants and started firing in the direction of the moose. The first shot passed through a waitress, the cook, the restaurant wall, and finally came to rest in the skull of a passing bus driver, who then lost control of the bus and crashed it into an oncoming cement mixer, killing all thirty aboard. I stood up from the floor and fired the second shot, which shattered the moose's right antler, causing him much distress. In his anger, he charged me, his long legs looking to trample me. I steeled myself, took careful aim, and shot the moose full in the face. It was enough to kill him, but his momentum carried his charging corpse on top of me. With his crushing weight squeezing out my labored breath, I fired two more rounds through his chest, which caused a large enough hole that I could crawl through him to freedom. The full color photograph printed in the paper shows me covered in moose innards, though smiling.

I'm sure a lot of anti-gun, liberal wing-nuts will decry any use of force against a perpetrator, but had I not been armed and prepared, the causalities may have far exceeded the modest count of thirty or so that lost their life that day. Does that make me a hero? I think so.

Do not listen to this man!
While his story does contain elements of fact, things did not transpire as he described.
He and I both work for the same cement company; I am an assistant comptroller and he is a cement truck driver. On that fateful morning we were having breakfast together at the Waffle House. You know how pregnant women say that they're "eating for two"? Well, it could be (and has been) said that he's eating for five. In fact, his weight prevents him from filling up the cement truck as much as a normal driver would, due to health and safety laws. We were sitting at our special corner table since no other seating place in the restaurant can accommodate him. Also having breakfast was the 3rd grade class of the local elementary school. Now, you know how kids can be, they were savagely taunting and throwing food at him, despite the protests of Mrs. Malrpl, their teacher. It broke my heart to see him there with scrambled egg bits in his hair and a bacon strip on top of his head that he had to shake off on account of not being able to reach it, his arms being even bigger than my legs. He was on the verge of tears when he slowly got up and wheedled and wheezed his way out the front door. Now, we've had some moose problems in our area lately and wouldn't you know it - there was a moose going through the restaurant's garbage right then and this moose spotted a slow-moving orb-like organic object moving out of the corner of its eye. He tried to get to his cement truck as fast as he could but that (as you can imagine) was not very fast. To the moose he must have smelt like a big lump of decaying vegetable matter, The moose charged. Inside the diner we watched the gruesome yet comical spectacle with horror and mirth. The moose hit him. He did not go down. The moose did, and fell right on top of him - now he was trapped under a dead moose! As we rushed out to help him we could see some sort of movement under the moose and heard strange, wet smacking sounds. He wasn't pushing the moose off of him; he was eating his way through the moose! It didn't take long before we saw the moose's hide bulge, then split and his smiling entrail-covered head popped through! He quickly made a meal of much of the rest of the moose then we hosed him down, all of us smiling and laughing. I believe the kids gained newfound respect for him that day. I told him I'd pick up the tab for breakfast and he thanked me. As he waddled back to his truck he turned to me with a grin and said "Best moose I ever had".

wombatsrus: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Monty Python, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Sarah Palin, Fawlty Towers...

I see all the best moose jokes are taken.

There's still Marty Moose...

I said *best* jokes.

spickus: dittybopper: Actually, we do have quite a few moose up in the Adirondacks and surrounding areas. It's not unusual to see them up there, but there aren't quite enough to where DEC is comfortable setting up a hunting season yet. I hope they increase in numbers enough that I get a chance before I get too old to do it.

Sure but the OP was implying that NY has one of the largest moose populations in the US. If I remember correctly growing up in the late 70s early 80s in NY, moose were quite rare.

From your link "Moose entered the state on a continuous basis in the 1980s, having been absent since the 1860s."

I don't they've gone from nearly non-existent to prolific that quickly.

Something like 500 to 800 animals according to my link, but I think it's actually more, as they don't really have an agreed upon, scientific way to survey them yet. We've had them come down into the cities, and they aren't an unusual sight when hiking in moose-type habitat in the 'dacks.

Read the headline as mouse.
\Shovel seems like overkill in that case
\\Moose makes more sense.

unchellmatt: Burr: Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

ROFLMAO! Oooooh....where the fark did I see this?! You're gonna have me rackin my brain!

Should have used the knuckle.

She comes from a long line of lawmen

Das_Squeakers: unchellmatt: Burr: Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

ROFLMAO! Oooooh....where the fark did I see this?! You're gonna have me rackin my brain!

If you're serious all I can say is that your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.

Lansydyr: Das_Squeakers: unchellmatt: Burr: Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

ROFLMAO! Oooooh....where the fark did I see this?! You're gonna have me rackin my brain!

If you're serious all I can say is that your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.

But do you fart in his general direction?

dittybopper: I hope they increase in numbers enough that I get a chance before I get too old to do it.

Hunting moose isn't really that much fun, they are dumb as hell and like swampy areas. On the up side though moose is much tastier than deer.

spentmiles: New York has one of the largest moose populations in the United States

Damn. You can't have a story about anything without a New Yorker coming in and yapping about how things are so much bigger/better in New York.

Why does the headline read like she used the shovel on the husband, who was attacking a moose?

Lansydyr: Das_Squeakers: unchellmatt: Burr: Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

ROFLMAO! Oooooh....where the fark did I see this?! You're gonna have me rackin my brain!

If you're serious all I can say is that your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.

Thanks! Knew it was Monty Python....but my sleepy brain refused to bring forth the info.

/one more cup o' joe for me
//3 cups total...need caffeine