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(io9) Video How "Return of the Jedi" should have ended   (io9.com) divider line 120
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14118 clicks; posted to Video » on 23 Jan 2012 at 9:25 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-01-23 08:02:16 PM
"You killed all of us as children" LOL
 
2012-01-23 08:08:59 PM
Sigh.
 
2012-01-23 08:09:41 PM
Won't someone think of the younglings?
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-01-23 08:17:02 PM
You know, playing SWTOR makes me reallllly want to watch Episodes 1-6. YES I KNOW 1-3 SUCK, but still...I love me some lightsaber fights.
 
2012-01-23 08:22:35 PM
MBK: You know, playing SWTOR makes me reallllly want to watch Episodes 1-6. YES I KNOW 1-3 SUCK, but still...I love me some lightsaber fights.

With lots of English choirs singing unintelligible words dramatically.
 
2012-01-23 08:28:01 PM
Been watching ALL of the movies with my kid, it has been a few years since I watched them, and there are a couple things that occurred to me this time around.

With Vader his whole story is about redemption, so yeah he killed the younglings and literally billions of other people, but in the end he killed the emperor and restored balace to the force as was prophesied.

Why didn't the emperor establish a Sith training academy to have a more capable force against the rebels or other internal threats?
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-01-23 08:32:09 PM
NowhereMon: Why didn't the emperor establish a Sith training academy to have a more capable force against the rebels or other internal threats?

I'm not the most informed in terms of Star Wars lore, but...if you were the Emperor, why would you train a bunch of young upstarts that want your throne? The main idea of a Sith is "Power leads to victory", so if he had a bunch of young Sith guys, what better way than to challenge the power of the Emperor.
 
2012-01-23 08:34:00 PM
MBK: NowhereMon: Why didn't the emperor establish a Sith training academy to have a more capable force against the rebels or other internal threats?

I'm not the most informed in terms of Star Wars lore, but...if you were the Emperor, why would you train a bunch of young upstarts that want your throne? The main idea of a Sith is "Power leads to victory", so if he had a bunch of young Sith guys, what better way than to challenge the power of the Emperor.


I don't want to get roped into all this but there's a "rule of two" with the Sith. If there are any more than 2 Sith Lords at one time, 2 of them will gang up on the third. So there can be only 2.
 
2012-01-23 08:41:54 PM
MBK: The main idea of a Sith is "Power leads to victory", so if he had a bunch of young Sith guys, what better way than to challenge the power of the Emperor.

I know, but keep your enemies closer as they say.

Mugato: I don't want to get roped into all this but there's a "rule of two" with the Sith. If there are any more than 2 Sith Lords at one time, 2 of them will gang up on the third. So there can be only 2.
Me neither, but I always thought the Sith mirrored the Jedi, with the master/apprentice arrangement. They say in the movies that the Sith were defeated soundly in some previous battle, so it sounded like there were more of them than just two, but who knows.

All I can say is that for all the defense spending by the empire, they sucked at asymmetrical warfare. Vader was the most postent weapon, a couple more like hime and the problem would have been gone.
 
2012-01-23 08:45:38 PM
NowhereMon: They say in the movies that the Sith were defeated soundly in some previous battle, so it sounded like there were more of them than just two, but who knows.

Yeah, that was like thousands of years "ago" when the video games take place.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-01-23 08:50:39 PM
NowhereMon: All I can say is that for all the defense spending by the empire, they sucked at asymmetrical warfare. Vader was the most postent weapon, a couple more like hime and the problem would have been gone.

Have you ever seen that episode of Futurama with the desert planet and Fry becomes emperor because he drank the last one?

That is how the Sith are. They kill to move up in the ranks.
 
2012-01-23 08:52:24 PM
MBK: That is how the Sith are. They kill to move up in the ranks.

Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-01-23 09:19:31 PM
NowhereMon: Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?

Because he wasn't a perfect Sith. He still had some good in him.
 
2012-01-23 09:31:53 PM
In Episode 3, it appears to me that Mace Windu would have defeated / killed Palpatine but for Anikin's interference. Did anyone else come away with that - that Windu defeated the Sith Lord but Ani farked it up.
 
2012-01-23 09:32:13 PM
NowhereMon: Me neither, but I always thought the Sith mirrored the Jedi, with the master/apprentice arrangement. They say in the movies that the Sith were defeated soundly in some previous battle, so it sounded like there were more of them than just two, but who knows.

Darth Bane killed off the rest of the Sith so he could be the one Sith lord. He created the "rule of two" so he could have ultimate power.
 
2012-01-23 09:33:27 PM
MBK: NowhereMon: Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?

Because he wasn't a perfect Sith. He still had some good in him.


farkin' SINO!
 
2012-01-23 09:33:38 PM
NowhereMon: MBK: That is how the Sith are. They kill to move up in the ranks.

Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?


Vader makes sense if you think of him as the prototypical "battered wife".
 
2012-01-23 09:35:45 PM
MBA Whore: In Episode 3, it appears to me that Mace Windu would have defeated / killed Palpatine but for Anikin's interference. Did anyone else come away with that - that Windu defeated the Sith Lord but Ani farked it up.

Yup that's about right.
 
2012-01-23 09:35:47 PM
Mugato: I don't want to get roped into all this but there's a "rule of two" with the Sith.

That's retconned crap invented for the prequels to try and make sense of something that didn't need to make sense.

While I'm ranting on stupid retconning: no Skywalker build C-3P0, R2 and Obi-Wan had never met before the OT occurred (and R2 was farking lying, which is what the OT originally implied), and nobody else used the prefix "Darth" aside from Darth Vader. Darth is not some farking Sith title. It was the name that he made up. Also: "Sidious"? "Greivous"? Take away the farking thesaurus. Those names are stupid.

NowhereMon: Vader was the most postent weapon, a couple more like hime and the problem would have been gone.

Not really. Vader was pretty much a chump. Oh, sure, he could handle one guy with a blaster, or one guy with a light saber (one guy that wasn't nearly his equal in fighting prowess). He had some impressive parlor tricks, but if we look at the original trilogy only, he wasn't anything like supremely powerful. He had menace and an aura of cool, but an army of Vaders wouldn't have gotten very far.
 
2012-01-23 09:36:58 PM
MBA Whore: In Episode 3, it appears to me that Mace Windu would have defeated / killed Palpatine but for Anikin's interference. Did anyone else come away with that - that Windu defeated the Sith Lord but Ani farked it up.

It's certainly what Anakin was meant to conclude, yes. Would Windu have been winning so handily had Anakin not been there? Possibly, but there's room for doubt.
 
2012-01-23 09:38:42 PM
What the fark is wrong with you people? The video was hysterical!

Good find, subby.
 
2012-01-23 09:40:11 PM
Darth vader wasted most of that crew. It was awkward way before the children showed up.
 
2012-01-23 09:40:18 PM
So there can be only 2.

not according to the Highlander
 
2012-01-23 09:40:55 PM
I thought that short film was great!

/anyone else actually watch it?
 
2012-01-23 09:43:35 PM
t3knomanser: Not really. Vader was pretty much a chump.

Anakin's saber style involved a great deal of mobility, acrobatics, and grip switches. Vader's style was almost entirely static and one-handed. He was never once seen to run or jump. Ergo, it's reasonable to conclude, at least tentatively, that Vader's range of motion was impaired by the life support suit, possibly greatly.
 
2012-01-23 09:45:31 PM
if it doesn't have the Ewok song, i don't want to know about it.
 
2012-01-23 09:46:11 PM
I thought it was pretty funny.

There were a lot of things about the prequels that made no sense to me, but the over-riding thing that sticks out is why Padme would even fall in love with Anakin in the first place. I know love is blind and all that, but he was basically a creepy, whiny, petulant, emotionally clingy douche who confessed to killing women and children and yet she still falls for him. The only reason I can think of is that the plot needed for her to love him, so it happened.
 
2012-01-23 09:48:58 PM
MBK: NowhereMon: Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?

Because he wasn't a perfect Sith. He still had some good in him.


Before the prequels (in which Anakin does blurt out to Padme he thinks he can take on Palpatine and become the Sith master), Vader's reasoning for not moving against the Emperor was ...

A. Afraid of the Emperor's personal power. Obi-Wan gave another gift to Palpatine, as the much younger Vader is practically a cripple getting around on the force and technology. Force lightning blasts might not be good on someone requiring life support.

B. Thought Father Time would do the job (which I did read in a novelization). Too bad he didn't know about the whole cloning operations of the Empire.

When Luke Skywalker is revealed to him, well, cripple boy realizes he's got another option.
 
2012-01-23 09:49:49 PM
miss diminutive: There were a lot of things about the prequels that made no sense to me, but the over-riding thing that sticks out is why Padme would even fall in love with Anakin in the first place. I know love is blind and all that, but he was basically a creepy, whiny, petulant, emotionally clingy douche who confessed to killing women and children and yet she still falls for him. The only reason I can think of is that the plot needed for her to love him, so it happened.

Twilight, anyone?
 
2012-01-23 09:51:17 PM
NowhereMon: MBK: That is how the Sith are. They kill to move up in the ranks.

Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?


Vader was making his move, as soon as he found out who Luke was. He needed an apprentice in order to defeat the Emperor, because the Emperor was that powerful. After all, he held off Yoda and killed off Mace Windu

MooseUpNorth: MBA Whore: In Episode 3, it appears to me that Mace Windu would have defeated / killed Palpatine but for Anikin's interference. Did anyone else come away with that - that Windu defeated the Sith Lord but Ani farked it up.

It's certainly what Anakin was meant to conclude, yes. Would Windu have been winning so handily had Anakin not been there? Possibly, but there's room for doubt.


I read the scene this way. Palpatine played a risky game of chance. He knew that Anakin would show up via his force powers (He speaks several times of forseeing things) He fought Mace to the point of anger and fear, then played weak. So when Anakin arrives, and sees Palpatine being tortured and about to be ruthlessly killed by Mace, he gives up on his belief in the Jedi way and betrays them.
 
2012-01-23 09:52:20 PM
NowhereMon: MBK: That is how the Sith are. They kill to move up in the ranks.

Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?



Badass as he was, Vader was a Gimp. His injuries cost him a great deal. He couldn't move like he could as Anakin Skywalker, and had to change his fighting style with the lightsaber to compensate. He couldn't project force lightning and had to rely on his life support gear just to stay alive (another reason for the change in fighting style).

Kenobi rendered him a shadow of the Jedi he once was, and Palpatine just tried to make the best of the situation. All the same, Vader was vulnerable because of all that gear and indeed, Palpatine wound up killing him by blowing out his life support with force lightning.

Palpatine had a solution in the works though. He would recruit Luke to replace the gimpy Vader (and have Luke kill Vader in the process), getting the apprentice he actually wanted from the start before Kenobi went and screwed everything up at the last minute for him.
 
2012-01-23 09:52:26 PM
MooseUpNorth: t3knomanser: Not really. Vader was pretty much a chump.

Anakin's saber style involved a great deal of mobility, acrobatics, and grip switches. Vader's style was almost entirely static and one-handed. He was never once seen to run or jump. Ergo, it's reasonable to conclude, at least tentatively, that Vader's range of motion was impaired by the life support suit, possibly greatly.


I'm honestly confused by these kinds of arguments. Good on you for having fun theorizing on that kind of thing, but my first and last explanation for that kind of thing usually runs along the the lines of "that movie was made 30 years ago, so of course the sword fighting isn't gong to be as dramatic." I have a hard time suspending disbelief.
 
2012-01-23 09:53:40 PM
t3knomanser: That's retconned crap invented for the prequels to try and make sense of something that didn't need to make sense.

While I'm ranting on stupid retconning...


The history of the Star Wars story and scripts is actually... hilarious.

It boils down to this: George Lucas, good imagination, good execution, hell, maybe even good director.
Universally agreed: shiatty writer.

And that's fine, he's obviously found a niche that manages to bypass that, and he hired writers and stuff to rework his work so it was palatable and picked up some tricks. He's a fantastically inventive guy. Just. a really shiatty writer. And people can sit down and pick apart Star Wars all farking day - the point is, it's a fun piece of fiction.
 
2012-01-23 09:55:23 PM
NowhereMon: MBK: The main idea of a Sith is "Power leads to victory", so if he had a bunch of young Sith guys, what better way than to challenge the power of the Emperor.

I know, but keep your enemies closer as they say.

Mugato: I don't want to get roped into all this but there's a "rule of two" with the Sith. If there are any more than 2 Sith Lords at one time, 2 of them will gang up on the third. So there can be only 2.
Me neither, but I always thought the Sith mirrored the Jedi, with the master/apprentice arrangement. They say in the movies that the Sith were defeated soundly in some previous battle, so it sounded like there were more of them than just two, but who knows.

All I can say is that for all the defense spending by the empire, they sucked at asymmetrical warfare. Vader was the most postent weapon, a couple more like hime and the problem would have been gone.


It took quite a bit to keep Vader in line... and even he rebelled in the end. Imagine allowing the guy from Force Unleashed to live.

Anyway, the Emperor's predicting abilities were clearly being stretched to the limit trying to get Luke to join. I think endless hordes of stormtroopers were for the better. Plus all the folks in the Order of the Emperor from TIE Fighter.
 
2012-01-23 09:57:11 PM
miss diminutive: I thought it was pretty funny.

There were a lot of things about the prequels that made no sense to me, but the over-riding thing that sticks out is why Padme would even fall in love with Anakin in the first place. I know love is blind and all that, but he was basically a creepy, whiny, petulant, emotionally clingy douche who confessed to killing women and children and yet she still falls for him. The only reason I can think of is that the plot needed for her to love him, so it happened.



This is how nerds think. Chicks dig a bad boy. Anakin goes all William Calley on a sand people village and as soon as he tells Padme she isn't repulsed, she doesn't snitch him out to the rest of the Jedi she basically says "Genocide gets me hot TAKE ME NOW"

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away genocide is the ultimate panty remover. Seriously, Padme was even more farked up than Anakin
 
2012-01-23 09:57:25 PM
MooseUpNorth: t3knomanser: Not really. Vader was pretty much a chump.

Anakin's saber style involved a great deal of mobility, acrobatics, and grip switches. Vader's style was almost entirely static and one-handed. He was never once seen to run or jump. Ergo, it's reasonable to conclude, at least tentatively, that Vader's range of motion was impaired by the life support suit, possibly greatly.


He still was able to kick the shiat out of Darth Maul.
 
2012-01-23 10:03:01 PM
t3knomanser: That's retconned crap invented for the prequels to try and make sense of something that didn't need to make sense.

They came up with that long before the prequels.
 
2012-01-23 10:03:50 PM
You can certainly understand why Lucas said "I've had it with the nerd rage".
 
2012-01-23 10:10:10 PM
miss diminutive: I thought it was pretty funny.

There were a lot of things about the prequels that made no sense to me, but the over-riding thing that sticks out is why Padme would even fall in love with Anakin in the first place. I know love is blind and all that, but he was basically a creepy, whiny, petulant, emotionally clingy douche who confessed to killing women and children and yet she still falls for him. The only reason I can think of is that the plot needed for her to love him, so it happened.



I tend to view Padme a bit like I view Debra LaFave or Mary Kay Letourneau -- basically, she's a middle school teacher banging some underdeveloped, scrawny teenage boy. The shiat doesn't make sense, but it happens. The only real bummer to this theory is it really rains on my Natalie Portman narrative. Ah hell, at least there's still Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Alba.
 
2012-01-23 10:26:15 PM
One Bad Apple: miss diminutive: I thought it was pretty funny.

There were a lot of things about the prequels that made no sense to me, but the over-riding thing that sticks out is why Padme would even fall in love with Anakin in the first place. I know love is blind and all that, but he was basically a creepy, whiny, petulant, emotionally clingy douche who confessed to killing women and children and yet she still falls for him. The only reason I can think of is that the plot needed for her to love him, so it happened.

This is how nerds think. Chicks dig a bad boy. Anakin goes all William Calley on a sand people village and as soon as he tells Padme she isn't repulsed, she doesn't snitch him out to the rest of the Jedi she basically says "Genocide gets me hot TAKE ME NOW"


Yeah, but he wasn't really a bad boy. Bad boys don't whine and biatch all the time about their masters. They don't make awkward, creepy comments about her being beautiful and that his unrequited love for her makes him want to burst (or whatever he blabbed on about). They don't get all pissy when someone else tells them what to do.

Han Solo was a bad boy. He did what he wanted, was nonchalant about it and wasn't afraid to call Leia on her BS. If Anakin were a bad boy he would have basically said "Yeah, I'm a powerful Jedi who's going to run the galaxy one day; so you can either come along for the ride or not, either way this dick isn't going to suck itself".
 
2012-01-23 10:30:23 PM
miss diminutive: I know love is blind and all that, but he was basically a creepy, whiny, petulant, emotionally clingy douche who confessed to killing women and children and yet she still falls for him.

So, you've never met Callista then I take it?
 
2012-01-23 10:31:23 PM
NowhereMon: MBK: That is how the Sith are. They kill to move up in the ranks.

Why didn't Vader make his move earlier then?


According to the various other 'works' - some that may be canon - others not so much - he did. Several times.
 
2012-01-23 10:33:52 PM
Mugato: Sigh.

I know, right? Only George Lucas is allowed to make a mockery of the Star Wars franchise.
 
2012-01-23 10:36:39 PM
NowhereMon: MBK: The main idea of a Sith is "Power leads to victory", so if he had a bunch of young Sith guys, what better way than to challenge the power of the Emperor.

I know, but keep your enemies closer as they say.

Mugato: I don't want to get roped into all this but there's a "rule of two" with the Sith. If there are any more than 2 Sith Lords at one time, 2 of them will gang up on the third. So there can be only 2.
Me neither, but I always thought the Sith mirrored the Jedi, with the master/apprentice arrangement. They say in the movies that the Sith were defeated soundly in some previous battle, so it sounded like there were more of them than just two, but who knows.

All I can say is that for all the defense spending by the empire, they sucked at asymmetrical warfare. Vader was the most postent weapon, a couple more like hime and the problem would have been gone.


a long time ago (before battle of Yavin) there were many sith at once. the in-fighting helped the jedi kick their asses. so the Rule of Two was established.

or something like that.
 
2012-01-23 10:39:24 PM
Shaggy_C: Darth Bane

What? You're kidding, right? Darth Bane? Who the hell is naming these people, nine-year-olds?
 
2012-01-23 10:41:29 PM
I suppose wondering what happened to Anakin's apprentice Ahsoka, and how that fits into the damn ending is just too damn much?

Course, it also fits into the sad fact that Lucas is just making it up as he goes along. Don't get me wrong: I like the Clone Wars episodes, and they go a long way to fill in some backstory, make the Universe a bit fuller and illustrate exactly how messy the Clone Wars were, between the movies and how many adventures that Obi Wan and Anakin had, but damn. Anakin has a frippin' apprentice, and she doesn't show up to pat her master on the back? Or did she wind up being some crazy Force Witch, hiding out with the Wookies as their red faced Medicine Woman?

Lucas needed to just hand the reins over to someone else, and instead we got three "prequels" that were continuity nightmares, and by a guy who had a gottverdammt Bible written for anyone who thought about approaching his franchise, and then tossed it out himself.

Jesu Christo, he made the damn thing a mess. Vader turns emo. Padme is severely damaged goods who gives in to a guy she barely saw during the Clone Wars, except on leave, and who admits fairly early in their relationship that he murdered a lot of women and children, and the goes on to murder dozens upon dozens MOAR children, and still that doesn't break her heart, but him finally getting put down by his Master, that pushes her over the limit and just sucks the life from her? Gee, I'm going to see the little blonde kid from Tatooine that helped us get off that rock before Qui Gon got killed, so I guess I'll wear that leather half bustier, because that will calm down the teenaged apprentice that's here to protect me?

No wonder Leia had so many issues. Acting the ice princess, but then slutting it up on the sail barge? Who didn't see that one coming?

WTF Lucas? WTF?
 
2012-01-23 10:42:05 PM
t3knomanser: That's retconned crap invented for the prequels to try and make sense of something that didn't need to make sense.

While I'm ranting on stupid retconning: no Skywalker build C-3P0, R2 and Obi-Wan had never met before the OT occurred (and R2 was farking lying, which is what the OT originally implied), and nobody else used the prefix "Darth" aside from Darth Vader. Darth is not some farking Sith title. It was the name that he made up. Also: "Sidious"? "Greivous"? Take away the farking thesaurus. Those names are stupid.


If you're gonna biatch about retconning... Luke and Leia being siblings and Vader being Luke's father were both retcons. Stop acting like the OT is some sacred thing that the prequels "ruined".
 
2012-01-23 10:46:36 PM
MooseUpNorth
2012-01-23 09:43:35 PM
t3knomanser: Not really. Vader was pretty much a chump.

Anakin's saber style involved a great deal of mobility, acrobatics, and grip switches. Vader's style was almost entirely static and one-handed. He was never once seen to run or jump. Ergo, it's reasonable to conclude, at least tentatively, that Vader's range of motion was impaired by the life support suit, possibly greatly.


I always got more of the feeling that Vader's lightsaber and force skills had progressed to the point where he didn't need to jump around like a monkey. He did "defeat" Obi Won in a duel, and if Vader was such an invalid, I don't think Obi Won would have sacrificed himself.
 
2012-01-23 10:47:39 PM
Kazan: a long time ago (before battle of Yavin) there were many sith at once. the in-fighting helped the jedi kick their asses. so the Rule of Two was established.

or something like that.


So a bunch of Lawful-Evils couldn't keep order in their ranks? Sounds like a leadership problem to me. Better that they should cripple themselves by keeping their numbers low rather than get leaders who can get the job done. And the whole "kill to move up" thing is beyond stupid. It's the kind of idea an idiot who couldn't write his way out of a wet paper bag would come up with.
 
2012-01-23 10:49:27 PM
moonsofiego.thepensieve.net

"Remember how we thought it was weird that we had the same birthday? Well it turns out we're the twin children of Darth Vader."

"Oh my goodness!"

"But here's the thing, since you're also the child of Anakin Skywalker, you're probably pretty awesome in the Force, too. So I was thinking we could put this half-assed plan we have going here on hold and then the ghost of Obi Wan Kenobi could start training us both together. For like a year at least. Then the two of us might actually stand a chance against our father. Because let's be honest, I have no farking clue what I'm doing. I've had about six weeks of actual Jedi training. I'm completely out of my depth."
 
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