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(Fark)   Random Question of the Day: You've just been crowned Supreme Dictator-for-Life of the Entire World. What is your first official act, your Excellency?   (fark.com) divider line 474
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4382 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jan 2012 at 8:56 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-01-21 11:22:30 AM
onion belts.. for everyone.
 
2012-01-21 11:22:56 AM
pffft! you pony boys drool. first order of business?

GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!

oh, and 2nd: kop end season tickets to see the liverpool space hamsters. yes i said space hamsters. need i remind you i am SUPREME dictator?
 
2012-01-21 11:23:29 AM
i229.photobucket.com
 
2012-01-21 11:23:39 AM
I'd build a TARDIS, find the one scumbag I hate most in this planet, and throw him into the Silence of the Library and rub one out while he's devoured by the Vashta Nerada.

Why?
 
2012-01-21 11:24:37 AM
Declare the death penalty for anyone that calls meetings at 4pm on a Friday.
 
2012-01-21 11:25:14 AM
upload.wikimedia.org
1. Remove current income tax laws and enact a percentage tax on your net income (doesn't matter the source of your income)

2. Revoke tax exempt status for all religions (unless it's Sith)

Or, I could always go with:

1. Crush my enemies

2. See them driven before me

3. Hear the lamentation of the women
 
KIA
2012-01-21 11:26:38 AM
Public elections for anything above regional school boards is abolished until qualified candidates can be produced. Effective immediately, all junior political offices are restricted to people who have:

1) An IQ of above 140
2) Passed stringent tests to demonstrate their
a) Knowledge of world history, culture and current politics
b) Knowledge of finance and economics
c) Understanding of modern warfare and strategy
3) Demonstrated good judgment and compassion
4) Proven their integrity over time as verified by extensive background check

I will then personally review the finalists, establish a fund to be sure such exemplars are fully compensated for life so they can make hard decisions without worrying about how they will be able to pay their bills after their terms are done, appoint representatives for every region who will report to me quarterly, charge them with execution of the responsibilities and send them on their way.

Immediately following that, I will establish a very small cadre of accountants and investigators who answer only to me. They will audit every representative on an ongoing basis to assure they remain honest.

The US Secret Service will be retasked to guard me and my representatives at one of the several dozen estates which I require for security purposes.

Then I will hold harem auditions. Candidates there must be

A) Intelligent
B) All-natural (but well-endowed is still okay)
C) Healthy and athletic
D) Of child-bearing age
E) Talented in sensual arts
F) An honest and good person
 
2012-01-21 11:27:36 AM

gopher321: Nuke Texas.


You're Canadian. haha.
 
2012-01-21 11:28:07 AM

KIA: Public elections for anything above regional school boards is abolished until qualified candidates can be produced. Effective immediately, all junior political offices are restricted to people who have:

1) An IQ of above 140
2) Passed stringent tests to demonstrate their
a) Knowledge of world history, culture and current politics
b) Knowledge of finance and economics
c) Understanding of modern warfare and strategy
3) Demonstrated good judgment and compassion
4) Proven their integrity over time as verified by extensive background check

I will then personally review the finalists, establish a fund to be sure such exemplars are fully compensated for life so they can make hard decisions without worrying about how they will be able to pay their bills after their terms are done, appoint representatives for every region who will report to me quarterly, charge them with execution of the responsibilities and send them on their way.

Immediately following that, I will establish a very small cadre of accountants and investigators who answer only to me. They will audit every representative on an ongoing basis to assure they remain honest.

The US Secret Service will be retasked to guard me and my representatives at one of the several dozen estates which I require for security purposes.

Then I will hold harem auditions. Candidates there must be

A) Intelligent
B) All-natural (but well-endowed is still okay)
C) Healthy and athletic
D) Of child-bearing age
E) Talented in sensual arts
F) An honest and good person


*qualifies for your harem

/and fully volunteers
 
2012-01-21 11:30:24 AM

PsyLord: 1. Crush my enemies

2. See them driven before me

3. Hear the lamentation of the women


Always.
 
2012-01-21 11:33:34 AM
I'd generally keep the world running as it is. Large changes (banning religion, randomly killing people, sterilizing 90% of the world population etc) will make sure that your "for life" appointment will be rather short. What I would do:

Remove most laws currently in effect and appoint the use of all military forces solely to my personal discretion. Make being an asshole a capital offense. Of course I won't be making the decisions about 7 billion people by myself. I'll set up an expansive "legal" system in which people can bring complaints about others. If your complaint is considered to be to idiotic, you are the asshole and you will get executed. I will review a number of cases every month and if I disagree with the rulings the people who made the rulings will be executed for being assholes. And yes, you can make complaints about the people making the judgments being assholes (Only I will be above this one law). I, and a few very trusted advisors, will personally examine those. The judges will be randomly appointed from persons of sound mind (IQ of at least 100 and no serious mental disabilities) aging 16 to 60 and will serve 1 year terms.

Corrupt? Asshole
Thief? Asshole
Making scathing remarks on the internet or in real life? Minor annoyance (unless you start systematically picking on groups of people in real life).


Just imagine how fast the world would start being reasonable (at least relatively fast. Shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 decades). When rigorously enforced, the only (criminal) law we need is "don't be an asshole". Want to do drugs? Sure, be my guest, just don't be an asshole. Want to build a house? Go ahead, but if it endangers others due to shoddy building, you are an asshole.

Tax will be set at reasonable levels, no deductions or exempt statuses will be allowed. If a household's income (after tax ) is considered to be below minimum livable levels (taking the local economy into account, with 38 hours of work a week per adult member of the household and after a review of the household's monetary policy), there will be a stipend to raise the level of income of the household to minimum levels but they will be restricted to 1 child (if currently in possession of n
And with my command over all the military might of the planet, I can reduce military expenditures and use that money for other purposes.

/women will come once you are rich and powerful, no need to order them
//Just don't be an asshole
 
2012-01-21 11:34:17 AM

KIA: Public elections for anything above regional school boards is abolished until qualified candidates can be produced. Effective immediately, all junior political offices are restricted to people who have:

1) An IQ of above 140
2) Passed stringent tests to demonstrate their
a) Knowledge of world history, culture and current politics
b) Knowledge of finance and economics
c) Understanding of modern warfare and strategy
3) Demonstrated good judgment and compassion
4) Proven their integrity over time as verified by extensive background check

I will then personally review the finalists, establish a fund to be sure such exemplars are fully compensated for life so they can make hard decisions without worrying about how they will be able to pay their bills after their terms are done, appoint representatives for every region who will report to me quarterly, charge them with execution of the responsibilities and send them on their way.

Immediately following that, I will establish a very small cadre of accountants and investigators who answer only to me. They will audit every representative on an ongoing basis to assure they remain honest.

The US Secret Service will be retasked to guard me and my representatives at one of the several dozen estates which I require for security purposes.

Then I will hold harem auditions. Candidates there must be

A) Intelligent
B) All-natural (but well-endowed is still okay)
C) Healthy and athletic
D) Of child-bearing age
E) Talented in sensual arts
F) An honest and good person


Not to be nit-picky, but you used 2 different list formats in the same post. Shouldn't "write a farking decent list" be in there somewhere?
 
2012-01-21 11:36:27 AM
Orgy.

Then take care of that Justin Bieber problem.
 
2012-01-21 11:36:50 AM
Back to the Moon in 5 years, for good this time.
upload.wikimedia.org

Then on to Mars in another 10, and terraforming Venus. We can't go out into the Galaxy if we can't even get off of our doorstep, and we're too easily eliminated all on one tiny ball of rock.
 
2012-01-21 11:37:50 AM
Make everyone dance to this.
 
2012-01-21 11:38:23 AM
Ban the position of Supreme Dictator-for-Life of the Entire World?
 
2012-01-21 11:42:11 AM
Fap.
 
2012-01-21 11:43:28 AM
Greenlight everything?
 
2012-01-21 11:43:30 AM
My first official act would be to retire from said job and let someone else harden their arteries.
 
2012-01-21 11:43:52 AM
All idiots who drive around with cell phones crammed in their ears shall be hung up by their heels and given fifty lashes across the bare butt with a stout leather strap.
 
2012-01-21 11:45:51 AM
Sit on the pot and think about it.

/obscure?
 
2012-01-21 11:46:41 AM
Get rid of the BCS.

then get rid of TV.
 
2012-01-21 11:46:56 AM
Anyone who intentionally cooks steak to "well done" will be caned.
 
2012-01-21 11:47:37 AM
Throw away the cars and the bars and the war and make sweet love to you. Or your wife, or your mom, or daughter, depending upon their placement on an attractiveness scale calibrated with Halle Berry at one end and Nichole Kidman at the other.
 
2012-01-21 11:48:18 AM

rostit: Id ban anyone with an Ipad.


I'd execute them.
 
2012-01-21 11:49:28 AM

lizardbrain: rostit: Id ban anyone with an Ipad.

I'd execute them.


I watch Peep Show and listen to Pandora on my iPad. I'm a hipster douche. lololol
 
2012-01-21 11:50:31 AM
Legalize pot.
 
2012-01-21 11:51:23 AM
REALDOLL ORGY PUDDLE. Maybe throw a few humans in the mix too.
 
2012-01-21 11:53:07 AM
Corporations can no longer be considered people, can no longer participate in or spend money towards the political process, and are now governed by a strict set of laws aimed at ensuring that the person, not the corporation, remains the deciding factor in society. As part of that decree, all religions are now considered corporations, and are now subject to the same limitations and requirements as corporations.
 
2012-01-21 11:54:06 AM
Nuke Switzerland.That'll teach them, neutral sons of biatches.
 
2012-01-21 11:57:25 AM
www.privateislandsmag.com

blogs.ocweekly.com

s3.hubimg.com

That is all.

/sorry for the large pics
//so hot
 
2012-01-21 11:57:30 AM
BAN AUTO-TUNE. PENALTY - DEATH!!!!
 
2012-01-21 11:57:58 AM
Forced labor camps for all religious people.
 
2012-01-21 12:00:13 PM
Convert massive tracts of African land to rice and wheat fields and solve world hunger.
 
2012-01-21 12:00:36 PM
And first official decree: Everyone running for a political office starts with the same amount of money for campaigning (higher offices get more money of course)...if any outside group that spends one cent over that amount, the candidate is disqualified.
 
2012-01-21 12:02:31 PM
Found the Rebellion.

Seriously, I'm uninterested in this role and feel that anyone involved in facilitating my rise to such should come to a bloody end indeed.
 
2012-01-21 12:04:38 PM
Oh, one other: No more car exhaust or ocean dumpage. From now on, we will travel in tubes!
 
2012-01-21 12:06:01 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark: Oh, one other: No more car exhaust or ocean dumpage. From now on, we will travel in tubes!


WE'LL LEAD AS TWO KINGS
 
2012-01-21 12:09:03 PM
Revoke all Asian women's drivers licenses.
 
2012-01-21 12:09:03 PM
Abolish 5-0. Execute pigs.
 
2012-01-21 12:09:25 PM

No_47: Doing your wife


President Cain?
 
2012-01-21 12:10:47 PM
Cheese for everyone! Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one.

/that can be just as much of a celebration
//if you don't like cheese
 
2012-01-21 12:12:32 PM
Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
 
2012-01-21 12:12:57 PM
I'd legalize the personal use of all psychedelic drugs, Then I'd declare Maynard James Keenan as First Prime of my Imperial Consorts.
 
2012-01-21 12:13:24 PM
are we talking total power with no boundaries? if so the first act would be to put a population cap in place. there's too damn many humans on spaceship earth. limit one child per couple. effective immediately.
 
2012-01-21 12:15:37 PM

cowsaregoodeating: - Limit child birthing to 1 per couple
- Abolish private ownership of guns, my army can have all they want
- Take half the worlds industrial military complex and change their task from killing people to desalinization and food production
- Take the other half of the worlds industrial military complex and turn them onto space travel
- All taxes go to 10% across the board
- Make drugs legal
- Only electric cars will be sold in two years.
- Only electric trucks will be sold in 4 years
- Borders? who needs 'em. I own everything, Feel free to move across the planet
- Every third Saturday of every month planes are grounded. Let's take a day to look at a clear sky.
- If the container you're selling your product in isn't bio-degradeable your product gets a 25% tax added to it.


You forgot to say how much of the population you would murder, Chairman Mao.
 
2012-01-21 12:19:54 PM

spcMike: Orgy with Scarlet Johansson, Marisa Miller, Christina Hendricks, Mila Kunis, Kiera Knightley, and Kate Beckinsale.


So, you want disappoint six women at one time....
 
2012-01-21 12:20:19 PM
This thread (mostly) makes representational democracy look like a very fine idea indeed.
 
2012-01-21 12:20:59 PM

bikerbob59: spcMike: Orgy with Scarlet Johansson, Marisa Miller, Christina Hendricks, Mila Kunis, Kiera Knightley, and Kate Beckinsale.

So, you want disappoint six women at one time....


I lol'd
 
2012-01-21 12:21:02 PM
Declare all countries debt free. Abolish all currency except new one: Frickenbuck. Anyone who complains will have even what they own taken from them and then they will be sent to an island where everyone has exactly the same thing. People with the same ideals/religion/predjustices etc will be grouped in their own provinces. The crazier the beliefs the less 'nice' the place they go. Develop the most beautiful areas (reversing the trend that these places are always the most run down and poor). Limit population within these area's to a sustainable amount. Deny all imigration or emigration unless the inhabitants reverse their stances. Even then they will be on probation... if they prostletize or cause trouble they will be returned (deported) or sent to aforementioned islands. Those in prison for violent crimes will vanish. Drug users will get their own island but must stay there. Healthcare will be free to all, but healthcare providers will be honoured and priviledged. Schools will be focused on encouraging innovation. People will be tested to find their true talents and then employed to be in service to others with different talents. People will be rewarded for service to others and kindness, and punished severely for destructive behavior. Energy will be free and generated by magnetic forces. Weather forecasts will be outlawed. Everyone will be given something to do, something to hope for, and something to love.

Day two.....
 
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