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(McSweeney's)   In which I fix my girlfriend's grandparents' WiFi and am hailed as a conquering hero   (mcsweeneys.net) divider line 99
    More: Hero, Wi-Fi, Bushisms, grandparents, Geek Squad, Jell-O, grey, Ethernet, Internet Explorer  
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8844 clicks; posted to Geek » on 20 Jan 2012 at 1:22 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-01-20 12:15:13 PM
Did grandma give you a gumjob?
 
2012-01-20 12:24:34 PM
funny
 
2012-01-20 01:25:28 PM
www.blogcdn.com
Approves.

/you mean THIS jug of milk?!
//Oh nicholas, you should fight crime!
 
2012-01-20 01:25:54 PM
"With a resounding click he opened Internet Explorer 6"

Seriously?
 
2012-01-20 01:27:22 PM
It is good.
 
2012-01-20 01:27:56 PM
This is why I regret ever telling the rest of my family I have dome form of an engineering degree. It ruins all holiday visits.
 
2012-01-20 01:28:18 PM
In which the TL;DR
 
2012-01-20 01:29:35 PM
I gotta admit, there was a little part of me that died when my parents and grandparents actually got good at computers and didn't have to ask me for help all the time :(
 
2012-01-20 01:29:54 PM

ha-ha-guy: This is why I regret ever telling the rest of my family I have dome form of an engineering degree. It ruins all holiday visits.


Is it geodesic? Mine is rectangular and flat
 
2012-01-20 01:31:01 PM

XMark: I gotta admit, there was a little part of me that died when my parents and grandparents actually got good at computers and didn't have to ask me for help all the time :(


Don't worry. You'll feel properly humiliated when your kids fix all of your kajiggers in the future.
 
2012-01-20 01:32:05 PM
Old ppl have way too many tool bars.
 
2012-01-20 01:35:38 PM
LeroyBourne:

Old ppl usually have way too many EVERY tool bars.

FTFY.
 
2012-01-20 01:35:43 PM
Well-done.
 
2012-01-20 01:36:20 PM

XMark: I gotta admit, there was a little part of me that died when my parents and grandparents actually got good at computers and didn't have to ask me for help all the time :(


Unfortunately, I have not reached that level of nirvana.
 
2012-01-20 01:37:10 PM
FTA: He woke up Windows XP from sleep mode and deftly defeated twelve notifications to update Norton AntiVirus. With a resounding click he opened Internet Explorer 6 and gazed deep into its depths, past the Yahoo toolbar, the MSN toolbar, the Ask.com toolbar, and the AOL toolbar. And then did he see, at long last, that The Google did load.

I lol'd a little, then was overwhelmed with despair.
 
2012-01-20 01:37:54 PM
I love mcsweeneys.
 
2012-01-20 01:46:41 PM
Yeah, when I fix my relative's simple computer problems they look at me like this.....

img.photobucket.com
 
2012-01-20 01:48:47 PM
I get paid to repair this stuff, does that disqualify me from hero status?


/CSB: lady would unplug EVERYTHING so that - in her words - the viruses couldn't get in

//don't ask me about voicemail
 
2012-01-20 01:51:51 PM
Good read, good find.
 
2012-01-20 01:54:50 PM

Im In Love With Americans: "With a resounding click he opened Internet Explorer 6"

Seriously?


While I don't know about IE6, I know that my father's (ancient Pentium 4) computer was very happy with IE7, and basically choked to death on IE8 to the point where opening a new tab took 2 minutes.

/Tore off McAfee and banished it to the depths of hell like the virus that it is, installed MSE and Chrome, and spent $80 of my own money* upgrading from 512 MB RAM to 2 GB RAM. It's not fast by any means, but it's (barely) usable.

*Not having to listen to my father swearing at the computer for 20 minutes waiting for it to boot every time he wanted to check the weather was well worth it.
 
2012-01-20 01:59:56 PM
I chuckled

It reminded of many visits to my Grandfathers computer
 
2012-01-20 02:01:24 PM

Ghost Roach: I get paid to repair this stuff, does that disqualify me from hero status?


/CSB: lady would unplug EVERYTHING so that - in her words - the viruses couldn't get in



My parents would turn the monitor to the wall every night so that nobody could hijack their computer & spy on them. When we explained to my mother-in-law that a webcam was a built-in camera, she was dismayed at the thought of lugging her new laptop around to take pictures. She thinks Facebook is the internet because we set it as her home page.

/Old people & computers are funny
//One day, common technology will outpace my ability to learn it and my kids will laugh at me, too.
 
2012-01-20 02:02:43 PM

ha-ha-guy: This is why I regret ever telling the rest of my family I have dome form of an engineering degree. It ruins all holiday visits.


Start invoicing them $1200 per diagnostic visit, and $300/hr labor. Holiday visits will get awesome again.
 
2012-01-20 02:15:03 PM
I was half-expecting him to find the computer loaded with Bonzi Buddy.

Other than that, it sounded depressingly familiar.

/Not a "computer guy, nor do I play one on TV.
//Am frequently misaken as a "computer guy" by the truly clueless
 
2012-01-20 02:15:32 PM
If you fix a relatives computer, everything that happens to it from then on is YOUR FAULT, even if it is a year later. So now I just stare at them and make shrugging gestures.
 
2012-01-20 02:20:09 PM
My wife is a saint and handles all the computer/cable/phone issues for my family. She has one skill that I don't, tolerance for my family. A couple of years ago I set my grandmother - who is in her 90's - up with a laptop, cable modem and wifi. A day after getting it going on of my uncles wants the receipt for the cable modem because it is broken. he though he could get her more bandwith by changing the settings when it didn't work he assumed it was a hardware problem. The next week when I asked her how it was going she said she couldn't read the screen any more. One of my cousins though the background was to boring so he changed it to something flashy and reduced the default font size - she's in her 90's. An aunt disconnected wifi because she couldn't connect to it - if I can't have it no one will. My solution was to kill the next SOB who made a change and put their head on a spike as a warning tho the rest but my wife tells me this isn't the best way to handle things.

/wow fark is like therapy
 
2012-01-20 02:21:12 PM
Oh, and obligatory xkcd comic:

imgs.xkcd.com
 
2012-01-20 02:22:14 PM
I LOL'd. That means Laughed out Loud.
 
2012-01-20 02:27:36 PM
But then the Hero resolved to retire from saving the Kingdom. Taking stock of his years of accumulated treasure, he bought from a master craftman an iMac hewed by dwarves from a block of aluminum, and presented such to his grateful in-laws. For such an instrument would relieve the Kingdom from such horrors as the Explorer of the Internet, Viruses, and the Dreaded Defragmentation.

And thus equipped, the Kingdom continued for many years without incident, and the Hero could relax happily, for all phone calls from his in-laws were purely social in nature and there was no need for heroics thereafter.
 
2012-01-20 02:27:38 PM
Verily, I shall write in Garamond henceforth.
 
2012-01-20 02:31:52 PM
Just remember to not look in your grandparents internet history when fixing their computer.

/I have never been the same
 
2012-01-20 02:33:52 PM

seanwlambert: Just remember to not look in your grandparents internet history when fixing their computer.

/I have never been the same


lemonparty?
 
2012-01-20 02:40:26 PM
Yeah and I am a magician. WHY-because I got their passwords and now when they want me to fix stuff. I just go in from my house and fix it. LIKE MAGIC.
 
2012-01-20 02:42:13 PM
I read everything in the voice of that cleaning lady from the D&D episode of Community.
 
2012-01-20 02:43:03 PM

seanwlambert: Just remember to not look in your grandparents internet history when fixing their computer.

/I have never been the same


I could not possibly be any more curious than I am right now.
 
2012-01-20 02:50:35 PM
The snobbery that is rampant among computer nerds who have distain for those less knowledgeable than them is moronic.

Especially considering how many of those nerds can't hammer a nail, change the oil in their cars or make a decent meal.
 
2012-01-20 02:51:44 PM
My teenage nephew was taking an on-line math course, and his mom called me because all of a sudden his computer wouldn't go to the site.

After a while I figured out that the site had been added to Windows Restricted Sites list. I removed it and all was fine for a couple of days; she called back and said it wasn't working again. I went back over, and this time the site had been added to the Privacy list of sites from which no cookies would be accepted. (Control Panel->InternetOptions-Privacy).

She wanted to know how Windows had gotten messed up like this. It was obvious that the boy had made these changes because he didn't want to do the schoolwork. I gently tried to tell her that her there was no way that this particular site, and only this site, had accidentally gotten added to the exclusion lists; somebody (meaning her little angel) had done it on purpose. It wasn't a virus. She didn't get it.

I finally said, "Someone in this house had to have made these changes."

She said, "So there's no other way this could have happened?"

Me (sarcastically): "Well, I suppose it's possible that your neighbors hacked into your computer through your wifi and made these changes."

Her: "Oh, OK, well can you disable the wifi so that they can't do that anymore?"
 
2012-01-20 02:53:50 PM
All this will end right?

I can't imagine the kids growing up with iPad's, etc. won't be able to understand the new tech that their grand children end up using.

I mean Tony Stark touching hologram buttons is far beyond anything I grew up with, yet I think I could get a handle on it.
 
2012-01-20 02:55:00 PM

Ghost Roach: I get paid to repair this stuff, does that disqualify me from hero status?


Thou would be a mercenary, performing deeds only to enrich thine own coin purse, rather than for the good of the land.
 
2012-01-20 02:59:31 PM

RTFA: My teenage nephew was taking an on-line math course, and his mom called me because all of a sudden his computer wouldn't go to the site.

After a while I figured out that the site had been added to Windows Restricted Sites list. I removed it and all was fine for a couple of days; she called back and said it wasn't working again. I went back over, and this time the site had been added to the Privacy list of sites from which no cookies would be accepted. (Control Panel->InternetOptions-Privacy).

She wanted to know how Windows had gotten messed up like this. It was obvious that the boy had made these changes because he didn't want to do the schoolwork. I gently tried to tell her that her there was no way that this particular site, and only this site, had accidentally gotten added to the exclusion lists; somebody (meaning her little angel) had done it on purpose. It wasn't a virus. She didn't get it.

I finally said, "Someone in this house had to have made these changes."

She said, "So there's no other way this could have happened?"

Me (sarcastically): "Well, I suppose it's possible that your neighbors hacked into your computer through your wifi and made these changes."

Her: "Oh, OK, well can you disable the wifi so that they can't do that anymore?"



OH freaking face palm. You need to make it so he has no administrative abilities. Because obviously he's just gonna keep doing it. "Can you disable the wifi so that does not happen"
Like with my Granparents who call all upset because they can't use the laptop in the living room. And then I finally get over there and the flippin router has been unplugged and she has plugged directly into the wall. AND I AM LIKE NEVER UNPLUG THIS. "But the guy at Comcast said" WHY did you call comcast? JUST WHY? Some dude at Comcast always screws it up worse. LOL
 
2012-01-20 02:59:37 PM
That was both smart and funny.
 
2012-01-20 03:03:03 PM

douchebag/hater: The snobbery that is rampant among computer nerds who have distain for those less knowledgeable than them is moronic.

Especially considering how many of those nerds can't hammer a nail, change the oil in their cars or make a decent meal.


It's just frustrating that I constantly get asked for help. I'm the de facto IT guy among my friends. If I don't talk to a friend for a while and he calls me up, I can tell by the tone of their voice that they need computer help.

And I always will help them, because I'm a nice guy and these are my friends. But 99% of the time, I just Google the issue and it has a list of instructions to fix the problem. Can't they do that first? It's the first step anyone should do when they're stuck. Kind of like rebooting your computer.
 
2012-01-20 03:04:25 PM

douchebag/hater: The snobbery that is rampant among computer nerds who have distain for those less knowledgeable than them is moronic.


Dude, if you need someone to come reset your router for you I'd be happy to do it sans snobbery.
 
2012-01-20 03:09:13 PM

douchebag/hater: The snobbery that is rampant among computer nerds who have distain for those less knowledgeable than them is moronic.

Especially considering how many of those nerds can't hammer a nail, change the oil in their cars or make a decent meal.


Maybe. But those nerds usually don't cut holes in their walls, drive through open fields or cook whole turkeys in the microwave.

The real problem is how computers are marketed.
 
2012-01-20 03:12:24 PM

Cup_O_Jo:

OH freaking face palm. You need to make it so he has no administrative abilities. Because obviously he's just gonna keep doing it. "Can you disable the wifi so that does not happen"
Like with my Granparents who call all upset because they can't use the laptop in the living room. And then I finally get over there and the flippin router has been unplugged and she has plugged directly into the wall. AND I AM LIKE NEVER UNPLUG THIS. "But the guy at Comcast said" WHY did you call comcast? JUST WHY? Some dude at Comcast always screws it up worse. LOL


Actually, that was my final solution, not just because of the nephew, but because "Google" kept giving her viruses. So now they have an admin account (to which they don't know the password) and a restricted user account. So far, no new viruses, and the kid is graduated now, but they get mad when they can't install a new program and have to call me for the password to the admin account (which they never write down for some reason).

I'm trying to talk them into getting a Mac for their next computer. Then I can say "I have no idea how to fix that. Take it to the Apple store"
 
2012-01-20 03:13:41 PM

douchebag/hater: The snobbery that is rampant among computer nerds who have distain for those less knowledgeable than them is moronic.

Especially considering how many of those nerds can't hammer a nail, change the oil in their cars or make a decent meal.


I know you're just trolling and all, but EVERY car nerd I know is a huge computer nerd. It's obviously required for modern cars which house PCs for the sound system and beyond, but even the guy restoring a '66 Impala is also tweaking the water cooling on his PC to get higher levels of overclocking.
 
2012-01-20 03:19:15 PM

RTFA: I'm trying to talk them into getting a Mac for their next computer. Then I can say "I have no idea how to fix that. Take it to the Apple store"


The single greatest thing about Macbooks is that I don't know how to use them, and have no desire to learn - and all my idiot friends who buy them can't go to me to get them fixed because of that.

/used to work in support and will forever be bitter about it
 
2012-01-20 03:23:50 PM

douchebag/hater: The snobbery that is rampant among computer nerds who have distain for those less knowledgeable than them is moronic.



If you want free help, you get to put up with a little snobbery. If you want no snobbery (is, "customer service"), then you don't get the help for free - you et to be a "customer" and friggin' pay for the help.


/have ended up as the "tech" guy in my day job, since I'm the only one who can do such amazing tricks as "adjust mouse sensitivity", "update IE6 to IE8", and "use Windows Hotkeys".
//Ack.
///but I can write "tech support" on my time sheets - no questions asked. Which is how I'm here Farking instead of filling out forms. A small price for my busniess to pay in exchange for having full-bore IT tickets filed when a lady drops her purse on her keyboard and flips her desktop 180 degrees.
 
2012-01-20 03:29:02 PM
Boooooring,

Someone wrote about something that tens of thousands of people do on a daily basis... fix computer illiterate peoples problems.

If he's a hero, then I've earned thousands of 'IT Purple Hearts'
 
2012-01-20 03:34:32 PM

Cooper420: Boooooring,

Someone wrote about something that tens of thousands of people do on a daily basis... fix computer illiterate peoples problems.

If he's a hero, then I've earned thousands of 'IT Purple Hearts'


2/10
 
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