Bad news, pasty bastement dwellers. Your mom is at the top of the stairs.

Wheeze. Sigh. Wheeeeeeeeezewhistlewheeze.

TheOther: Bad news, pasty bastement dwellers. Your mom is at the top of the stairs.

Good, the internet tells me she's easy.

Jack Nicholson knows all about this. (1:55)

Well of course that bought-and-paid-for heart lobbying The American Heart Association would say that. How can anyone take any statement that biased organization releases seriously? Their pro-cardio agenda is blatantly obvious.

This is the advice given to me in a mass-produced pamphlet three years ago, right after my heart attack. Not new news.

Well, that's like saying you're healthy enough for jogging. Sure you do the easy stuff like jogging a block but forget about running a marathon.

But I can masturbate right here...

I can run two flights of stairs w/o wheezing but no sex for me
/ Could be that I'm married
// depressed now

MoronLessOff: Jack Nicholson knows all about this. (1:55)

Leaving satisfied. (Though, considering the topic, not *that* satisfied.)

My erect penis is how I know I'm healthy for sex.

Walk up or walk down?

EvilEgg: It doesn't matter if you have a million, no sex with two women for you.

It doesn't cost nearly that much. $600, tops.

Can I take the elevator and have sex twice instead?

Is that two flights of stairs for missionary? So two flights of stairs while wearing 60# of gear would qualify for more athletic/interesting sex?

I'm intrigued and confused.

You can still get a bj without doing the stairs because that's not sex.

Never mind. Need to RTFA first.

FTFA: "Who's most at risk for sudden death related to sex? Married men having affairs, often with younger women in unfamiliar settings. Those circumstances can add to stress that may increase the risks, evidence from a handful of studies suggests."

This situation would make them most at risk for suddent death, all right. .38 caliber sudden death.

honk: Walk up or walk down?

Is there a time limit? Is there a snack table along the way?

What if I just roll down the stairs?

Can we pull a fat Elvis and just lay there while the girl does all the work?

My boyfriend was a little under the weather, so I asked him, "Have you consulted with your doctor about whether you are healthy enough for sexual activity?"

He said, "Just go ahead and kill me if I'm not."

Attention Whore of Babylon: My boyfriend was a little under the weather, so I asked him, "Have you consulted with your doctor about whether you are healthy enough for sexual activity?"

He said, "Just go ahead and kill me if I'm not."

how would that phone call go? 'hey doc, i have the sniffles, can i still creampie my woman?'

"I don't know Doc, I think she choked!"

Really brief, underwhelming sex.

Well. I'm screwed. (Reads article) oh, I guess it's just the male heart patients, not the female lung ones.

My pulmonologist gave me the 'things you should consider avoiding' list, which included sex, and yet he's seriously considering putting me in a study prescribing Viagra because apparently it's the best drug for people who are having (non-mechanical) oxygen transport/saturation issues. (Basically right now my body thinks I'm climbing a mountain because I'm about 600ft above sea level.) The study is for men and women...mixed messaging much? This is going to give you a boner...DON'T USE IT!

I'm sure his list goes over fine with the 90+% of his patients who are senior citizens, but being told to reconsider going to the grocery store, having an orgasm, or going outside is making me very, very cranky...I'm also supposed to avoid babies and children...which is awesome.

I don't need to walk up two flights of stairs to exercise for sex. Sex is the exercise. (Man, some of those girls can run)

LabGrrl: Well. I'm screwed.

i think that's the point.

What about a flight and a half? Does that mean I get 3/4 of a sex? Huzza, just let me get my robe and my wizard hat.

/ whhheeezze
// I keed, I keed

BurnShrike: I don't need to walk up two flights of stairs to exercise for sex. Sex is the exercise. (Man, some of those girls can run)

Yeah, but they all run like girls, which is funny.

I am pretty sure the physical activity required was not the barrier.

katlass: I am pretty sure the physical activity required was not the barrier.

bullshiat. we all look like brad pitt. we choose to not have sex because we're really really picky.

shiat, I've got this one covered. By the way, what a sexy escalator; sexcalator.

doglover: EvilEgg: doglover: I can do three flights of stairs without blinking, but four kills me. What the hell?

It doesn't matter if you have a million, no sex with two women for you.

But I've done that, it was fine.

Unless it was observed and recorded by a neutral third party, it doesn't count.

Now finding someone to have sex with? SOL

Great, but tell her that she will have to come down here.

Whether you're attractive enough for sex, however, is another matter.

i ate too much food, and then fapped a few times. i need to go lie down now.

If that headline is true, subby isn't doing it right....

I'm healthy enough to win the lottery too. That doesn't mean it's going to happen.

I'll be having sex until they pry it from my cold, dead hand.

Odd Bird: I'll be having sex until they pry it from my cold, dead hand.

csb

I was talking to my father (age 61) and he was informing me of his decision to go off the medicine he was taking to treat his high cholesterol. "That shiat was messing with my libido. No freaking way. I have priorities!"

I was unable to finish my lunch after that but, looking back on it now, it's nice to know that i should still be leading a rather healthy sex life in another 30 years.

/csb