This About That: The captain thought so highly of his crew that he risked his ship to show off for his headwaiter. He was so stolid and brave he set an example for all by ordering dinner for himself and his lady friend after running aground. The brave captain continued to coordinate the evacuation from a lifeboat into which he had accidentally fallen and could not escape. Clearly he continued in the face of great peril, knowing his bosses had no idea where their boat was and couldn't afford GPS. The bad publicity is baffling. The wisecracks that "it's a Carnival cruise, but the captain is a circus" are just cruel.

This deserves the [HERO] tag.

/And so do you, good sir.

He really didn't fark her either. The ship listed and he lost his footing and fell into her vag.

PhiloeBedoe: vpb: He didn't abandon ship, he tripped and fell into the lifeboat. And then had it lowered into the water. It could happen to anyone.

...And someone was heard to exclaim: "Captain, those aren't buoys!"

YEEEEEAAAAAH BUOY!!!


// sorry
// I'm bored at work
// not actually sorry

What else are you suppose to do in a Cruise besides eating?

seanwlambert: It's fascinating that this news story is getting so much coverage, especially since Titanic is coming out soon.

/Coincidence?
//I Think Not!

Carnival is in cahoots with James Cameron to help promote the re-release of Titanic? That actually seems plausible.

You know, take any "asshole of the year" contender from anywhere on earth, make him Italian, and you'll have "asshole^2 of the year contender".

It gets to the point where everyone is thinking "No one would possibly do that in real life" and someone says "He's Italian" and everybody goes "Ohhhhh."

They bought their tickets .. they knew what they were getting into.. I say let them crash.

I'm assuming that I'm the only one getting a Brittany Ferries ad at the top of Fark today?

The captain of the Costa Concordia ordered dinner for himself and a woman after the ship struck rocks off Italy's coast, a cook from the ship told a Filipino television station.

Well, don't leave me in suspense. Did he ever get the food he ordered? Did it seal the deal? Did he score?

Italy is going to have to go Mussolini on this guy to save face.

Italians might be vain, arrogant and essentially useless, but they freak out if somebody makes Italy look bad. I mean worse.

Well, was she hot or what?

He should really apply as the director of FEMA.

"We did not FACTUALLY learn of the boat hitting the reef and capsizing until 3 days after it started being reported on the news. Oh and it was the passengers fault; they were all dysfunctional."

Well, all vacations have to end eventually.

What we are seeing here is art come to life. This is exactly how the news would read about any 80s/90s teen sex-romp movie. Weekend at Bernie's, Losing It, Revenge of the Nerds, Porky's, the lot of them. Instead of seeing this from the movie viewer side, we are seeing it from the other side.

We are seeing the news report on this but we are not getting the whole picture. What's really happening is this:
The real captain is dead/hungover/roofied and stuck in his cabin. His nephew, an American by some strange coincidence, having just failed out of his third college, had been sent to work with the uncle to learn some skills. Of course he invites two buddies along, Party-guy and Nerd.Nephew, who also happens to be handsome and intelligent but also carrying a strong disdain for social norms and expectations, has planned a madcap adventure in an effort to get Nerd buddy laid for the first time. This involved drugging/drunking his uncle and stowing him in his cabin. Nephew then assumes the role of captain to expedite the sexing of his friend with the blonde crew member who Nerd-friend likes the most.

Nephew (appearing as captain) orders dinner for girl and nerd then makes his exit in some hysterical manner. Boat hits reef as nephew is on the phone to bridge ordering them to try to get the ship to do wheel stands to impress girl for nerd. Realizing the damage nephew goes and gets captain with Party-buddy (who had been drunk most of the time and MILF-hunting), they drag him and throw him into the life boat worried he might die. There are more hijinks as Party-friend tries to save his favorite milf, nerd-guy gets coitus-interupted by a fat female gym teacher in a Mae West, and nephew is finally able to perform the seduction of the head of cruise activities, the Ivy-League educated, but smoking hot, girl who first frowned on his shenanigans but now sees him for the great guy who is hiding behind the asshatty, wise-ass persona(this is right after he saves a child/grandmother/duckling).

This whole thing really is going to be hysterical when the movie is made and it's seen as less of a maritime tragedy and more the good old fashioned boys will be boys sex romp it actually is. Good times!

I wonder if there is an urban dictionary term for banging a broad while your ship is sinking. Muff Diving comes to mind.

And another twist

Costa Concordia captain was 'busy impressing' dancer prior to crash
(new window)

JackieRabbit: He really didn't fark her either. The ship listed and he lost his footing and fell into her vag.

Winner winner cruise ship dinner!

PhiloeBedoe: ...And someone was heard to exclaim: "Captain, those aren't buoys!"



Amirite?

vpb: He didn't abandon ship, he tripped and fell into the lifeboat. And then had it lowered into the water. It could happen to anyone.

With how fast he dived into a lifeboat, he thought it was an audition for the Italian soccer team.

This just adds credence to my theory that this was actually Silvio Berlusconi working a retirement gig under a nom de guerre.

"No worries, baby, let me text you a picture of my schlong, I'm not doing anything important..."

Ride, Captain, Ride,
Upon your big cruise ship,
On your way to hit a reef,
That others might have missed.

I_Am_Weasel: They continue to throw the captain under the boat, which is no easy task considering the incompetent fool ran it into the ground.



Lookin like a fool with your ship on the ground.

I'm guessing he looked around, realized his whole life was about to end, and said, "Fark it, I'm having a nice dinner with a young woman while I still can."

What if the collision hadn't been a boat sinking one? What were they supposed to do, skip dinner?

Lsherm: You know, take any "asshole of the year" contender from anywhere on earth, make him Italian, and you'll have "asshole^2 of the year contender".

It gets to the point where everyone is thinking "No one would possibly do that in real life" and someone says "He's Italian" and everybody goes "Ohhhhh."

As somebody who has Italian heritage, I must say how deeply confirmed in your opinion I am.

I guess it's worth it

And somewhere there's a barista named Cook.

texdent: Did he have the chicken or the fish?

Excellent!

He also won't believe me about the Kilrathi having stealth fighters.

She must be really great in bed.

/// Trust me.

Handsome B. Wonderful: He also won't believe me about the Kilrathi having stealth fighters.

Holy shiat that takes me back. Got some great memories playing that game.

JackieRabbit: texdent: Did he have the chicken or the fish?

Excellent!

Looks like he will be getting the sausage soon.

Italian culture is different. Not having a last meal before the boat sank would have insulted the cooks, like when you cut pasta with a knife.

rudemix: What we are seeing here is art come to life. This is exactly how the news would read about any 80s/90s teen sex-romp movie. Weekend at Bernie's, Losing It, Revenge of the Nerds, Porky's, the lot of them. Instead of seeing this from the movie viewer side, we are seeing it from the other side.
.....

[slowclap.gif]

RIP TCS Concordia

/Admiral Towlyn was always a prick.