3: don't be a fatty.

So "interested" now means "would acquiesce to putting his dick in you"?

I can see we're going to have a little semantics problem here.

He is interested if ...
He looks at you and his eyebrows go up - this indicates interest
His pupils dilate (recognize lighting).
His lips part slightly.
He looks you up and down slowly.

It's easy. Ask him.

Or! You could spend the evening squinting at him, trying to figure out if it's the dim lighting and booze making his pupils dilate, or his burning desire for you.

Is he fully erect?

Kasira: It's easy. Ask him.

Or! You could spend the evening squinting at him, trying to figure out if it's the dim lighting and booze making his pupils dilate, or his burning desire for you.

But if women are convinced to stop trying to project and receive subtle, non-verbal cues the entire basis of sitcom "humor" will collapse!

I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

was this written for home-schooled kids?

In the Navy we had a couple sayings:
18-80, blind crippled or crazy, and if they can't walk we'll drag em'.
And one of my all time favorites:
No chick is ugly when she's blowing you.

OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

chloroform...and they all will be

OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

I actually ordered the Rosetta Stone: "How to Speak and Understand Woman" edition but it just all sounded like cats screeching while being put through varying degrees of torture. I returned it for the French one.

Owangotang: OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

I actually ordered the Rosetta Stone: "How to Speak and Understand Woman" edition but it just all sounded like cats screeching while being put through varying degrees of torture. I returned it for the French one.

That's harsh. Tortured cats sound horrible, but at least it's not French.

OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

A woman's interest is directly proportionate to the size of your bank account.

qualification for male farkers:

1) human
2) female
3) alive

pick any two

Ambivalence: Not to be a downer, but not all men are into females.

Those guys have Craigs List.

FTA

playing with our hair... little signals that hit off on a man's paternal instincts.

Get back in your trailer Brenda Jean.

DeadGeek: OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

A woman's interest is directly proportionate to the size of your bank account.

Not true. You have to have a large bank account AND look like a greek god. Unfortunately, I don't have the looks (see profile for frightening picture).

OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

Easy. You are displaying wealth.

How can you tell if a man in interested in you? 1: You are female. 2: You have a pulse. Depending on the man, you might not even need both


Ugh, NO! there are already far too many women who think this. Yes, I am programmed to want sex all the time, BUT not with anybody who wants me. Almost every job I've had, I've had to fend off grotesque women. And of course no gentle is gentle enough, because they believe in this headline.

F.T.A. - "Expose your wrists".
Uhh, ok. She may have a cute face and nice rack, but once I see those exposed wrists, it's on.

cryinoutloud: acquiesce

ac·qui·esce/ˌakwēˈes/Verb: Accept something reluctantly but without protest.

That seems like a strange word to use there.

OgreMagi: Owangotang: OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

I actually ordered the Rosetta Stone: "How to Speak and Understand Woman" edition but it just all sounded like cats screeching while being put through varying degrees of torture. I returned it for the French one.

That's harsh. Tortured cats sound horrible, but at least it's not French.

Yea, they CD just keeps teaching me how to say "I surrender".

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a wide variety of taste:

Small
[img6.imageshack.us image 400x400]
[img641.imageshack.us image 640x512]
Med
[img832.imageshack.us image 640x480]
[img545.imageshack.us image 540x720]
Large
[img818.imageshack.us image 640x1054]
[img191.imageshack.us image 540x761]


those last two may be a little thick. But big girls need love too!

You think the last two are big?

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I have a wide variety of taste:

Small
[img6.imageshack.us image 400x400]
[img641.imageshack.us image 640x512]
Med
[img832.imageshack.us image 640x480]
[img545.imageshack.us image 540x720]
Large
[img818.imageshack.us image 640x1054]
[img191.imageshack.us image 540x761]

those last two may be a little thick. But big girls need love too!

Thick???

You take the anorexics, I'll take the "big girls."

Their knees are rounder.

This thread has some potential.

DeadGeek: OgreMagi: I wish someone would explain how to know if a woman is interested in me.

A woman's interest is directly proportionate to the size of your bank account.

THIS.

A Fark Handle: 31: don't be a fatty.

konigsforst: How can you tell if a man in interested in you? 1: You are female. 2: You have a pulse. Depending on the man, you might not even need both


Ugh, NO! there are already far too many women who think this. Yes, I am programmed to want sex all the time, BUT not with anybody who wants me. Almost every job I've had, I've had to fend off grotesque women. And of course no gentle is gentle enough, because they believe in this headline.

I had a similar problem. I signed up on an online dating site and the only women who expressed interest were HUGE, despite the fact that I was very specific about not being interested in large women.

When I went through the trouble of writing nice introductory messages to the ones who interested me, the typical response was no response. I've pretty much given up at this point.

A Fark Handle: 3: don't be a fatty.

4. Don't be batshiat insane.

The Stealth Hippopotamus: those last two may be a little thick. But big girls need love too!

ultraholland: Is he fully erect?

Hey hey--at my age, he might not be. It's not my fault! he told me he loved me!

RoyBatty: cryinoutloud: acquiesce
ac·qui·esce/ˌakwēˈes/Verb: Accept something reluctantly but without protest.
That seems like a strange word to use there.

Only very cynical guys are attracted to me.

OK, at the risk of coming across, as a jackass, here's how you ladies can tell if a man is interested or not.

1. Are you big everywhere BUT your bosom?

2. Do you have zero ability to be subtle when it comes to complicated situations because "IT'S JUST WRONG!"?

3. Do you belch/fart/queef freely and then giggle about it in an attempt to come off as one of the fellas?

4. Do you talk and listen at an approximate ratio of 90:1 respectively?

5. Have you ever "heeled it down the drain"?

These are just a tip of the iceberg but if the answer to any of these questions is yes then we are not interested. Thanks for playing.

FTA- He touches himself, anywhere, while looking at you (runs his hands through his hair, fixes his socks, brushes his suit jacket, etc.).

Fark that...if I'm interested in a chick, I stare at her, grab my crotch firmly with both hands & yell:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!

It's kinda my thing...

cryinoutloud: ultraholland: Is he fully erect?

Hey hey--at my age, he might not be. It's not my fault! he told me he loved me!

RoyBatty: cryinoutloud: acquiesce
ac·qui·esce/ˌakwēˈes/Verb: Accept something reluctantly but without protest.
That seems like a strange word to use there.

Only very cynical guys are attracted to me.

Well first, I bet that's not true, and second, I still think that's the wrong word (or one or both of us don't understand what life is like for the average male.)

lakrfool: FTA- He touches himself, anywhere, while looking at you (runs his hands through his hair, fixes his socks, brushes his suit jacket, etc.).

Fark that...if I'm interested in a chick, I stare at her, grab my crotch firmly with both hands & yell:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH! /Grabs crotch

It's kinda my thing...

From now on, all my troll submissions of "sexy old plumpers" to foobies will have that as their headline.

RoyBatty: RoyBatty: cryinoutloud: acquiesce
ac·qui·esce/ˌakwēˈes/Verb: Accept something reluctantly but without protest.
That seems like a strange word to use there.
Only very cynical guys are attracted to me.
Well first, I bet that's not true, and second, I still think that's the wrong word (or one or both of us don't understand what life is like for the average male.)

well, maybe it is wrong word, RoyBatty. Thanks for pointing that out, twice. No wonder you can't find a girlfriend.

A girl would never know with me because I am a realist and know no female would ever touch me so I know better to put off any vibes like that.

Not depressed about it; it really frees up time for more hobbies and lets me be a better friend to the girls who do talk to me. I'm okay with that because they seem happy so I'm happy for them.

cryinoutloud: RoyBatty: RoyBatty: cryinoutloud: acquiesce
ac·qui·esce/ˌakwēˈes/Verb: Accept something reluctantly but without protest.
That seems like a strange word to use there.
Only very cynical guys are attracted to me.
Well first, I bet that's not true, and second, I still think that's the wrong word (or one or both of us don't understand what life is like for the average male.)

well, maybe it is wrong word, RoyBatty. Thanks for pointing that out, twice. No wonder you can't find a girlfriend.

Now now, Bitter Bettys don't get Boyfriends! Right is right...

OgreMagi: I had a similar problem. I signed up on an online dating site and the only women who expressed interest were HUGE, despite the fact that I was very specific about not being interested in large women.

When I went through the trouble of writing nice introductory messages to the ones who interested me, the typical response was no response. I've pretty much given up at this point.

I'm going to fight every urge I have as a Farker to mock and kick someone when they're down, and offer some Genuine Advice™. And before you ask, I'm a guy.

- Saying things like "women are only interested in your bank account" makes you look misogynistic and bitter. It is certainly not going to get you laid by anyone save crazy hambeasts.

- Vis a vis the aforementioned "crazy hambeasts": You mention that you're getting interest online from "huge" women. Are they "HUGE", like "grudge against the Astronomers Union because they're no longer considered a planet", or "huge" like "doesn't look like Bo Derek circa 25 years ago"? I suspect a few may fall into the latter category.

I would suggest going on a date with a couple of your responses (I know you can squeeze 'average' out of the description of at least a couple, because any woman will be doing the same for you, as 90% of us guys are average-to-fugly in terms of looks). Get drunk and screw if possible. DON'T be dishonorable about it by spitting game and pretending that you're interested in some sort of "oh honey let's measure drapes together" bullshiat. Succeed, and it will take some of the desperation off you.

- Speaking of desperation, I can smell it off you from here. And I'm male. I can only imagine how overpowering it must be to a woman. See my previous bullet point again, because you're probably all like "ewwww he wants me to sex a fatty". If you can't get this part done, consider seeing someone about some totally legit, non-illegal practices that I will not recommend in this thread, no sir, because a lot of the bitterness and desperation comes from problems that are physical in nature. I.e. not getting any since Carter was president.

- Generally speaking, if you think you're a failure and that no one is ever going to tolerate you, others will tend to agree. Especially those that have vaginas. This point is so obvious that people tend to assume it's After School Special grade fake advice, but it's 100% true. If you have problems remembering this, remember that Fark is full of unpleasant, ugly nerds, and even we tend to be able to find people who are willing to let us penis them. So how bad can you possibly be?

cryinoutloud: RoyBatty: RoyBatty: cryinoutloud: acquiesce
ac·qui·esce/ˌakwēˈes/Verb: Accept something reluctantly but without protest.
That seems like a strange word to use there.
Only very cynical guys are attracted to me.
Well first, I bet that's not true, and second, I still think that's the wrong word (or one or both of us don't understand what life is like for the average male.)

well, maybe it is wrong word, RoyBatty. Thanks for pointing that out, twice. No wonder you can't find a girlfriend.

sigh, that's the least of the reasons why....

RexTalionis: miss diminutive: 4. Don't be batshiat insane.

Define batshiat insane. I need to know the boundaries related to acceptable levels of insanity and unacceptable levels of insanity.

Hmm, ok.

Acceptable Insane: She wants you to dress up as Capt'n Crunch and fark her on the roof of her apartment building while slapping her ass with a flyswatter and calling her "Princess Thimblebottom".

Unacceptable Insane: She kidnaps your dog and holds it ransom until you agree to never let the phone ring more than twice when she calls you because it might be important because she might need you to testify for her in her trumped up lawsuit against the salvation army.

Cagey B: - Speaking of desperation, I can smell it off you from here. And I'm male. I can only imagine how overpowering it must be to a woman.

- Generally speaking, if you think you're a failure and that no one is ever going to tolerate you, others will tend to agree. Especially those that have vaginas. This point is so obvious that people tend to assume it's After School Special grade fake advice, but it's 100% true. If you have problems remembering this, remember that Fark is full of unpleasant, ugly nerds, and even we tend to be able to find people who are willing to let us penis them. So how bad can you possibly be?

thisbearsrepeating.jpg