Note to self: Next time I'm caught with an over sized silicone gel phallus just giggle and exclaim "those jokers" and blame the shipping department.

She adds, "I do like a penis joke... Doesn't everybody... We have a tradition in my family now. Whenever I visit my mother's house I always have to leave a banana and two apples, or whatever fruit she has, in a penis state in her fruit bowl... just so she thinks of me when I've gone."

If darling Kate loves penis jokes, she'd fall madly in love with me.

Watching the Golden Globes, I thought the whole erection joke was hilarious, and Kate Beckinsale was losing it.

"News" sites are always doing this shiate. She related this story on Conan O'Brian's show Monday night. No where in there does it credit his show as the source. Sites like that are always pulling this crap on Conan and Howard and all the other talk shows. I don't know why I'm all butthurt over this, I guess it's the formation of a new pet peeve.

Was it Kate's giant rubber penis? You know, the one she keeps around for those lonely nights.

/brb

What a naughty little minx...

no Kate pics yet? you guys fail. im dissapoint.

Mugato: "Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never YOUR dildo."

[i6.photobucket.com image 400x235]

Thread over, last one out please turn off the lights.

I'd give her a saucy gag.

"I do like a penis joke... "

Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me im going in!

Q. What does a guy and a car have in common?
A. They both have the ability to misfire.

I'll be here all week.

/try the veal
/try the veal

ozone: TFA "My daughter was actually in an arts and crafts store the other day with my husband and she did it with some pretend fruit and vegetables, which is really bad because she's only 13."

Giggity.

I wonder how rich and/or extremely good looking her husband is?

Because you know it's not a matter of IF

/externalities trump internalities
//always
///guess who has the latter in spades, but not the former?

...the actress' make-up artist, who gave her the penis as a gift...

I'd like to give her a penis as a gift.

/for her it would be a curse

Drew Carey tells a story about Craig Ferguson and the rest of the cast of The Drew Carey Show doing the same thing to Carey on a trip to Vegas.

Was this chick created in a lab or something? Super hot (after kids and at almost 40), funny, and seems very sex positive.
/yes, I know she had some plastic surgery (new window)
//but not THAT much

It wasn't functional.

Oh, I doubt that.

wildstarr: It wasn't functional.

Oh, I doubt that.

Like a broken escalator.

"Film spectators are quiet vampires." - Jim Morrison

Yo, how come there ain't a movie with tha girl from Underworld & tha girl from Resident Evil? How badass would this idea be? Aight, so, tha Underworld girl needs help to fight the likeuns so she wants to recruit Resident Evil girl cuz she heard she was good with a knife & could TCOHB (Take Care Of Her Business). But, when she confronts RE girl, RE girl is like, "FU biatch, I fight all the undead and tha monsters." And UG is like, "but hear dis, Fly Girl, I'm a good likeun and I want to stop the evil." And RE will be like, "Get farked. UR still a beast and I'm racist against all monsters, not just zombies, U picked the wrong ho to speak to."

THEN THEY FIGHT and their clothes get torn asunder & off. But then UG escapes. She's like, "fark this madness, biatch came to play."

So they go about they business, RE fight the zombs & UG fights wolves & vamps but then UG learns about this super zombie likeun/vamp hybrid. And she's like, "I bet that biatch will listen now!"

So she goes to find her & she's doing what she do. Fightin zombs, but she gets overwhelmed and right in the nick of time UG shows up and saves her. And then she's like, "Woman, they making a zombie likeunpire & he gonna fark everyone's shiat up if we don't get on the same page." So, RE girl is like, "You got a point, hussy."

Then they team up and have an epic battle with all the wolves, zombs, vamps, and it would be badass. Right?

Best In The World: "Film spectators are quiet vampires." - Jim Morrison

Yo, how come there ain't a movie with tha girl from Underworld & tha girl from Resident Evil? How badass would this idea be? Aight, so, tha Underworld girl needs help to fight the likeuns so she wants to recruit Resident Evil girl cuz she heard she was good with a knife & could TCOHB (Take Care Of Her Business). But, when she confronts RE girl, RE girl is like, "FU biatch, I fight all the undead and tha monsters." And UG is like, "but hear dis, Fly Girl, I'm a good likeun and I want to stop the evil." And RE will be like, "Get farked. UR still a beast and I'm racist against all monsters, not just zombies, U picked the wrong ho to speak to."

THEN THEY FIGHT and their clothes get torn asunder & off. But then UG escapes. She's like, "fark this madness, biatch came to play."

So they go about they business, RE fight the zombs & UG fights wolves & vamps but then UG learns about this super zombie likeun/vamp hybrid. And she's like, "I bet that biatch will listen now!"

So she goes to find her & she's doing what she do. Fightin zombs, but she gets overwhelmed and right in the nick of time UG shows up and saves her. And then she's like, "Woman, they making a zombie likeunpire & he gonna fark everyone's shiat up if we don't get on the same page." So, RE girl is like, "You got a point, hussy."

Then they team up and have an epic battle with all the wolves, zombs, vamps, and it would be badass. Right?

OMG this is the second time I've seen you post and both times I find understanding my 4 year old is easier than the stuff you type.

Vash's Apprentice: wildstarr: It wasn't functional.

Oh, I doubt that.

Like a broken escalator.



Sorry, but that's convenient.

If Kate Beckinsale loves penis jokes, I'm the perfect guy for her. She'd be laughing day and night.

Mattevil: Was this chick created in a lab or something? Super hot (after kids and at almost 40), funny, and seems very sex positive.
/yes, I know she had some plastic surgery (new window)
//but not THAT much

what did she have done?

She's an attractive woman.

Best In The World: "Film spectators are quiet vampires." - Jim Morrison

Yo, how come there ain't a movie with tha girl from Underworld & tha girl from Resident Evil? How badass would this idea be? Aight, so, tha Underworld girl needs help to fight the likeuns so she wants to recruit Resident Evil girl cuz she heard she was good with a knife & could TCOHB (Take Care Of Her Business). But, when she confronts RE girl, RE girl is like, "FU biatch, I fight all the undead and tha monsters." And UG is like, "but hear dis, Fly Girl, I'm a good likeun and I want to stop the evil." And RE will be like, "Get farked. UR still a beast and I'm racist against all monsters, not just zombies, U picked the wrong ho to speak to."

THEN THEY FIGHT and their clothes get torn asunder & off. But then UG escapes. She's like, "fark this madness, biatch came to play."

So they go about they business, RE fight the zombs & UG fights wolves & vamps but then UG learns about this super zombie likeun/vamp hybrid. And she's like, "I bet that biatch will listen now!"

So she goes to find her & she's doing what she do. Fightin zombs, but she gets overwhelmed and right in the nick of time UG shows up and saves her. And then she's like, "Woman, they making a zombie likeunpire & he gonna fark everyone's shiat up if we don't get on the same page." So, RE girl is like, "You got a point, hussy."

Then they team up and have an epic battle with all the wolves, zombs, vamps, and it would be badass. Right?

Affirmative.

Mattevil: Was this chick created in a lab or something? Super hot (after kids and at almost 40), funny, and seems very sex positive.
/yes, I know she had some plastic surgery (new window)
//but not THAT much

What did she have done? A little work on her nose maybe?

Best In The World: "Film spectators are quiet vampires." - Jim Morrison

Yo, how come there ain't a movie with tha girl from Underworld & tha girl from Resident Evil? How badass would this idea be? Aight, so, tha Underworld girl needs help to fight the likeuns so she wants to recruit Resident Evil girl cuz she heard she was good with a knife & could TCOHB (Take Care Of Her Business). But, when she confronts RE girl, RE girl is like, "FU biatch, I fight all the undead and tha monsters." And UG is like, "but hear dis, Fly Girl, I'm a good likeun and I want to stop the evil." And RE will be like, "Get farked. UR still a beast and I'm racist against all monsters, not just zombies, U picked the wrong ho to speak to."

THEN THEY FIGHT and their clothes get torn asunder & off. But then UG escapes. She's like, "fark this madness, biatch came to play."

So they go about they business, RE fight the zombs & UG fights wolves & vamps but then UG learns about this super zombie likeun/vamp hybrid. And she's like, "I bet that biatch will listen now!"

So she goes to find her & she's doing what she do. Fightin zombs, but she gets overwhelmed and right in the nick of time UG shows up and saves her. And then she's like, "Woman, they making a zombie likeunpire & he gonna fark everyone's shiat up if we don't get on the same page." So, RE girl is like, "You got a point, hussy."

Then they team up and have an epic battle with all the wolves, zombs, vamps, and it would be badass. Right?

I sincerely hope you're an alt.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, another Doc Johnson customer I see.

ozone: TFA "My daughter was actually in an arts and crafts store the other day with my husband and she did it with some pretend fruit and vegetables, which is really bad because she's only 13."

Giggity.


Why don't you have a seat over there.

mgary: ozone: TFA "My daughter was actually in an arts and crafts store the other day with my husband and she did it with some pretend fruit and vegetables, which is really bad because she's only 13."

Giggity.

[blogs.browardpalmbeach.com image 450x675]
Why don't you have a seat over there.

I've often wondered why none of the guys looking for the hook-up ever showed up posing as a pizza delivery guy.

Evil Mackerel: mgary: ozone: TFA "My daughter was actually in an arts and crafts store the other day with my husband and she did it with some pretend fruit and vegetables, which is really bad because she's only 13."

Giggity.

[blogs.browardpalmbeach.com image 450x675]
Why don't you have a seat over there.

I've often wondered why none of the guys looking for the hook-up ever showed up posing as a pizza delivery guy.

or take the Adam Carolla suggestion and send the pizza guy first and watch him get tackled.

Mattevil: Evil Mackerel: mgary: ozone: TFA "My daughter was actually in an arts and crafts store the other day with my husband and she did it with some pretend fruit and vegetables, which is really bad because she's only 13."

Giggity.

[blogs.browardpalmbeach.com image 450x675]
Why don't you have a seat over there.

I've often wondered why none of the guys looking for the hook-up ever showed up posing as a pizza delivery guy.

or take the Adam Carolla suggestion and send the pizza guy first and watch him get tackled.

I love the proper employ of bait, dummies, standins, and beards. the more unknowing the better.

EdVenture: "News" sites are always doing this shiate. She related this story on Conan O'Brian's show Monday night. No where in there does it credit his show as the source. Sites like that are always pulling this crap on Conan and Howard and all the other talk shows. I don't know why I'm all butthurt over this, I guess it's the formation of a new pet peeve.

I feel the same way. Those are direct quotes from Conan, btw

Mugato: "Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never YOUR dildo."

[i6.photobucket.com image 400x235]

You know what bugged me about that scene? Dildo's don't vibrate.

ozone: TFA "My daughter was actually in an arts and crafts store the other day with my husband and she did it with some pretend fruit and vegetables, which is really bad because she's only 13."

Giggity.

Heh, my 7 year old nephew made a dick joke at the dinner table, I thought his mom was going to beat him to death. Needless to say he was sent to his room for the rest of the night.

I do have to give him credit though it would have been funny if he had been about 13 and in a room full of his buddies. Dick jokes are funny when you are a teenage guy.

Wellon Dowd: Drew Carey tells a story about Craig Ferguson and the rest of the cast of The Drew Carey Show doing the same thing to Carey on a trip to Vegas.

It wasn't just a story - it was actually IN THE SHOW. It's a FREAKIN' EPISODE OF THE SHOW.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0566427/

Slaves2Darkness: Mugato: "Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never YOUR dildo."

[i6.photobucket.com image 400x235]

You know what bugged me about that scene? Dildo's don't vibrate.

They do in the right hands.

That coward David Lopan: Best In The World: "Film spectators are quiet vampires." - Jim Morrison

I sincerely hope you're an alt.

His primary is also illiterate.

Best In The World: "Film spectators are quiet vampires." - Jim Morrison

Yo, how come there ain't a movie with tha girl from Underworld & tha girl from Resident Evil? How badass would this idea be? Aight, so, tha Underworld girl needs help to fight the likeuns so she wants to recruit Resident Evil girl cuz she heard she was good with a knife & could TCOHB (Take Care Of Her Business). But, when she confronts RE girl, RE girl is like, "FU biatch, I fight all the undead and tha monsters." And UG is like, "but hear dis, Fly Girl, I'm a good likeun and I want to stop the evil." And RE will be like, "Get farked. UR still a beast and I'm racist against all monsters, not just zombies, U picked the wrong ho to speak to."

THEN THEY FIGHT and their clothes get torn asunder & off. But then UG escapes. She's like, "fark this madness, biatch came to play."

So they go about they business, RE fight the zombs & UG fights wolves & vamps but then UG learns about this super zombie likeun/vamp hybrid. And she's like, "I bet that biatch will listen now!"

So she goes to find her & she's doing what she do. Fightin zombs, but she gets overwhelmed and right in the nick of time UG shows up and saves her. And then she's like, "Woman, they making a zombie likeunpire & he gonna fark everyone's shiat up if we don't get on the same page." So, RE girl is like, "You got a point, hussy."

Then they team up and have an epic battle with all the wolves, zombs, vamps, and it would be badass. Right?

Whut?