cheese and rice! they do this crap befoe they leave the deveopment. you may make fun us here in floriduh, BUT, we're livin' in a jungle w/ these deranged mofo's and the old folks who come down this time of season.....fark it! i'm getting the john deere dozer out and having some justice.......
that cat craps in my yard one my time.......ohhhh, the po po will be looking for me..........

oh look, sparkles............

ds_4815: AbbeySomeone: Cup_O_Jo: That happens in GA all the time.

All those people have NASCAR fantasies. I once saw someone back up and travel down the shoulder to access an off ramp. I don't remember the interstate but it was whatever main one that runs through Atlanta.
People that text, apply makeup or such when they should be concentrating on their driving should be run off the road and summarily beaten, daily.

I-75. Being connected to Florida via asphalt umbilical cord may be responsible here.

Was it I-75 or I-4 that someone changed a road sign that said "NASCAR SUCKS, GO HOME"

Funny stuff right there, I remember the local radio station a guy called in fuming pissed, couldn't make out a word he said but damn funny.

Misconduc: Was it I-75 or I-4 that someone changed a road sign that said "NASCAR SUCKS, GO HOME"

I-4, in Daytona Beach, the week of the 500. No wonder they had at least one guy call in.

Degenerate Monkey: OT: Multi-tasking while driving is not hard. There is a time and place for it. As long as you aren't: A) Around lots of other people, OR B) moving at high speeds, OR C) completely retarded; it's really not that unsafe. Hell, many drivers are just plain unsafe because they are (C). Give them 12 hands and full concentration on the road, they'll still drive like a farking doofus.

The only time for multitasking with a motor vehicle is when the motor vehicle is absolutely stationary.
e.g. you can do a 30 second task only if the vehicle is stationary for 45 seconds.

The OT in this is anything cycle related.
Like most of your rant.

acronym: yeah, I've seen makeup, cereal, fried chicken... but the best was quite a while ago - driver on the north shore in MA eating corn on the cob

was the driver going across the cob (like a typewriter) or all the way around in the same spot, then moving over one mouth width?

Mentalenemasquad: God Is My Co-Pirate: Yeah, I've pulled up next to a woman eating cereal with milk from a china bowl.

You could tell the bowl was made in China? Wish I had eyesight that good...

What do they call their nice dishware in China?

/gtfo of the left lane unless you're passing someone, dipsh*t!

Klivian: Enigmamf: I am a cyclist and I hate most cyclists. They don't stop at signs, they ride the wrong way, they don't use lights at night. The less skilled ones ride single-speed bikes to be "cool" (or just don't know how to shift), or bikes that are too small, so they can't keep a straight line.

Is there an explanation for the wrong way thing? I've seen dozens of cyclists do it around here, and they only logical reason I can think for doing it is to commit suicide.

I think the thought process is that it is easier to see cars coming.

Misconduc: Was it I-75 or I-4 that someone changed a road sign that said "NASCAR SUCKS, GO HOME"

Funny stuff right there, I remember the local radio station a guy called in fuming pissed, couldn't make out a word he said but damn funny.

That's beautiful.

Weirdest thing I've ever seen while driving was between Flagstaff and Phoenix. The woman driving the car behind me spent the entire drive down the hill sucking her thumb when she thought no one was looking. Unfortunately for her, I check my mirrors a lot, and once I noticed her doing it, it was hard to stop looking due to the sheer "wtf?" factor.

Enigmamf: Is there an explanation for the wrong way thing? I've seen dozens of cyclists do it around here, and they only logical reason I can think for doing it is to commit suicide.

I think the thought process is that it is easier to see cars coming.

Yes, that is the usual explanation. But it is badly wrong.

Lets assume a 15 mph bike, and a 30 mph car.
Riding with traffic, it is a 15 mph closing speed
Riding against traffic, it is a 45 mph closing speed

Which one gives everyone involved a longer period of time to decide what to do?

neat video on you tube: two rednecks in a truck stalking and harassing a couple in convertible german car. The rednecks followed in their truck for miles with the guy in the passenger of the truck filming. The couple led the guys down a dead dirt street. The redneck driver got a ballbat out and started approaching the car when you hear the driver of the german car telling the redneck to drop his bat. The driver of the car brought a gun to the fight. He took the bat, the camera and the keys to the truck before leaving.

/really funny
//not sure how legal but funny

Allornone: I live in Florida (Miami, specifically). I was just about to go into a long rant about the maniac drivers here, telling stories that would make the writers of this article gasp in horror, but then I realized I gave my boyfriend head last night while he was driving (albeit down very dark, mostly empty roads), so maybe I shouldn't talk.

/I will say,though, the most dangerous thing I've done as an actual driver is put on lipstick during a red light. not while moving.
//yeah, still not good.

Is your last name Garp?

FrancoFile: Allornone: I live in Florida (Miami, specifically). I was just about to go into a long rant about the maniac drivers here, telling stories that would make the writers of this article gasp in horror, but then I realized I gave my boyfriend head last night while he was driving (albeit down very dark, mostly empty roads), so maybe I shouldn't talk.

/I will say,though, the most dangerous thing I've done as an actual driver is put on lipstick during a red light. not while moving.
//yeah, still not good.

Is your last name Garp?

heh

Bathia_Mapes: Teen Wolf Blitzer: precia: Bathia_Mapes: The mascara brush was impaled into her left eye, clear up to the handle.

I refuse to believe this. Not because I think you're lying, but because that's one of the most horrific things I've ever heard. No no no.

Typically when people are impaled "in the eye" it's not actually into the eyeball itself. The eyeball usually slides to the side, and the object instead goes into the socket. Still horrifying, but a bit less so.

In this case, the mascara brush wasn't in the socket, but the woman's eye. Damned near perfect bullseye too.

I was close enough to see where it was.

Gah! That is ghastly.

I think the most amusing (sort of) case I've seen was a guy playing trumpet with sheet music resting on the steering wheel. That was on the Baltimore Beltway on a weekend afternoon.

...morning rush hour in SE Washington DC while on my commuter bus was a guy next to us in his personal vehicle but in postal uniform snorting a white powdery substance.

...also on the commuter bus, a hot summer DC afternoon, a chick in convertible (top down) taking of her pantyhose while driving down Suitland Parkway.

Those are my three favorites but I've seen just about everything from blowjobs to plucking eyebrows. I'd just be happy if people drove so that I didn't have to wonder WTF they are doing besides driving.

YouPeopleAreCrazy: Enigmamf: Is there an explanation for the wrong way thing? I've seen dozens of cyclists do it around here, and they only logical reason I can think for doing it is to commit suicide.

I think the thought process is that it is easier to see cars coming.

Yes, that is the usual explanation. But it is badly wrong.

Lets assume a 15 mph bike, and a 30 mph car.
Riding with traffic, it is a 15 mph closing speed
Riding against traffic, it is a 45 mph closing speed

Which one gives everyone involved a longer period of time to decide what to do?

I understand that, I'm just saying that's what most people think.

(Although to be fair, most of the people who think that way are puttering along at like 5mph. 15mph is a pretty brisk pace, on the flats at least.)

Enigmamf: I understand that, I'm just saying that's what most people think.

And I was just expounding on that for the people in here who think like that.

al's hat: I think the most amusing (sort of) case I've seen was a guy playing trumpet with sheet music resting on the steering wheel. That was on the Baltimore Beltway on a weekend afternoon.

...morning rush hour in SE Washington DC while on my commuter bus was a guy next to us in his personal vehicle but in postal uniform snorting a white powdery substance.

...also on the commuter bus, a hot summer DC afternoon, a chick in convertible (top down) taking of her pantyhose while driving down Suitland Parkway.

Those are my three favorites but I've seen just about everything from blowjobs to plucking eyebrows. I'd just be happy if people drove so that I didn't have to wonder WTF they are doing besides driving.

Late 80s, in college, coming back from Florida...coming up I-95 into Washington. Bad timing, as we hit afternoon rush hour traffic. Stop and go traffic. People are coming up the shoulder. Guy in front of me decides to half block the shoulder to keep vehicles coming up the shoulder. Next car stops behind him (and directly across from me) - guy pulls out a hand gun and points it at the car that is blocking the shoulder.. Guy driving the blocking car pulls back into the lane.

Me...I slouched down in the seat as far as I could.

/no cell phones back then.
//at least not to the extent like today

I was driving northbound on 441 (SR 7 to us Floridians) along side an older lady...but she was in the southbound lane. Suddenly the "oh shait!" look on her face as oncoming traffic was barreling towards her was, well, amusing in a twisted way. The look was followed by screeching tires, white smoke, and horns as cars were swerving all over the place to avoid slamming in to her. Thankfully, no one was injured.

MBrady: al's hat: I think the most amusing (sort of) case I've seen was a guy playing trumpet with sheet music resting on the steering wheel. That was on the Baltimore Beltway on a weekend afternoon.

...morning rush hour in SE Washington DC while on my commuter bus was a guy next to us in his personal vehicle but in postal uniform snorting a white powdery substance.

...also on the commuter bus, a hot summer DC afternoon, a chick in convertible (top down) taking of her pantyhose while driving down Suitland Parkway.

Those are my three favorites but I've seen just about everything from blowjobs to plucking eyebrows. I'd just be happy if people drove so that I didn't have to wonder WTF they are doing besides driving.

Late 80s, in college, coming back from Florida...coming up I-95 into Washington. Bad timing, as we hit afternoon rush hour traffic. Stop and go traffic. People are coming up the shoulder. Guy in front of me decides to half block the shoulder to keep vehicles coming up the shoulder. Next car stops behind him (and directly across from me) - guy pulls out a hand gun and points it at the car that is blocking the shoulder.. Guy driving the blocking car pulls back into the lane.

Me...I slouched down in the seat as far as I could.

/no cell phones back then.
//at least not to the extent like today

I've seen guns twice, both in S Florida. I wasn't involved in either, just close enough to be a bystander.

Route 50 from Annapolis, morning rush hour, bumper to bumper, stop and go traffic. Dude flys by on the shoulder and a state trooper who had been four or five cars behind me pulled out and went after him. A half mile down the road we passed them both parked on the shoulder. The state trooper was not smiling when we went by. In fact, he looked to be very, very angry.

This summer I was in a left turn lane at an intersection. When the left turn arrow came on some Rasta guy in an old pickup truck came up the lane beside me (not a turning lane) and cut me off, trying to do a U turn just as I entered the intersection. I honked at him and he crashed into a bus bench trying to finish the U turn, honk back, and give me the finger all at the same time. After hitting the stone bench, destroying it, and doing some serious damage to his front end, he backed up on to the road and sped off. Too bad I didn't get his license plate. Reported him to the cops anyway, the operator and I had a good laugh together after I explained what was going on.

/not in Florida

Magook: [img856.imageshack.us image 512x384]

Ah yes. Mr Bean and his Mini Cooper

LadyBelgara: Misconduc: Was it I-75 or I-4 that someone changed a road sign that said "NASCAR SUCKS, GO HOME"

Funny stuff right there, I remember the local radio station a guy called in fuming pissed, couldn't make out a word he said but damn funny.

That's beautiful.

Weirdest thing I've ever seen while driving was between Flagstaff and Phoenix. The woman driving the car behind me spent the entire drive down the hill sucking her thumb when she thought no one was looking. Unfortunately for her, I check my mirrors a lot, and once I noticed her doing it, it was hard to stop looking due to the sheer "wtf?" factor.

I seen a woman do that, what we should of done was pull along side of her and stuck our thumb out the window at her.

Weirdest thing I heard - was while driving in a military convoy, we had an SUV pull along side of us - usually the convoys are pretty tightly packed, anyhow an asian woman that could barely see over the steering wheel, decided to switch lanes in front of our lead, He wasn't going to slow down, so he switched lanes and the entire convoy followed to speed past her.

I think the first vehicle or so give her a nice hand gester, and when it came my vehicle, she was cussing us out in Chinese or something - I laughed so hard when I seen her I didn't know what to do.

My Sgt at the time was Asian - and although he died laughing until we got next to her he was like "man this shiat ain't funny" - I will honestly say I was close to choking on my own laughter.

I saw a bicyclist pedaling merrily along the ramp from I-595 to the Turnpike. Totally obvious to the fact he was on a freeway.

/Cyclists are the reason why we can't have nice things.

My dad was an FHP. We once pulled over a guy who was vacuuming out his car while driving. He had one of those old dust buster vacuums that plugged into the lighter socket.

thomasvista: I saw a bicyclist pedaling merrily along the ramp from I-595 to the Turnpike. Totally obvious to the fact he was on a freeway.

/Cyclists are the reason why we can't have nice things.

At least your neighborhood's main road isn't a "bike path" - these idiots take up the entire road - and its never just one or two, its 20 which stretch out for miles.

I wish a few drunks would come plow down a few here, if they'd follow the same basic rules like I have to follow (stay in your farking lane dipchits) instead of taking up the ENTIRE road, I won't be all road rage.

Im sorry, but I've pissed in bottles in the car before so as to avoid unnecessary stops

thomasvista: I saw a bicyclist pedaling merrily along the ramp from I-595 to the Turnpike. Totally obvious to the fact he was on a freeway.

/Cyclists are the reason why we can't have nice things.

Don't know how it is in the rest of the country, but there are some areas in California where bicycles can ride in the shoulder on the freeway. One of them is the segment between Orange County and Oceanside (north San Diego county), which also happens to have the highest average speed outside of the Central Valley. Scary as all heck, but it's the only way to get between the counties since the Marines closed the bike path through the base (to keep out all the bicycle terrorists, I suppose). Not sure if they've opened it since, I don't go through the area on bike, but I found the hard way that it was closed, and that we'd have to ride on the freeway (on the last leg of a bike trip from San Luis Obispo to San Diego).

o5iiawah: Im sorry, but I've pissed in bottles in the car before so as to avoid unnecessary stops

Scary things is that a lot of truckers do this. Including my brother. He calls it recycling mountain dew.

A dude driving behind me moisturizing his face. Also one morning I was riding my bike in my neighborhood and some lady in a minivan was driving down the center of the street with the visor down doing makeup. We had enough distance between us so I rode down the middle of the road too. When she finally peeked under the visor she almost hit a mailbox swerving back into her lane.

bump: I have a terribly short fuse with people who proudly exclaim that they excel at multi-tasking. Bragging about being 'able' to do 4-5 things half-assed is perplexing at best. It's like people who claim to be 'perfectionists'... (aka: "I'm a controlling micromanager who cannot work well with others")

/rant

Lawl. I may not consider myself to be a perfectionist, but when I see one of my employees doing or saying something that makes the company look bad, I'm going to tell them to stop doing that. Some people *need* to be micromanaged until they can be gotten rid of or until they get their act together and start acting like a professional.

Delawheredad: As a cycling commuter I can not believe the crap I see drivers doing. Guts tooling along with the sports page draped over the wheel. Women putting on make up, Random animals like cats sitting on driver laps yet they treat ME like I'm the biggest hazard on the road.

Thiiiis.

Though I've seen some people TEXTING while riding bikes, too - "Look Ma, no hands! No Eyes! But a Phone!" I suppose the only consolation is the only people they're likely to kill in an accident is themselves.

I bike or take mass transit. Once on the bus I noticed the driver's apparent girlfriend (judging by the sweet talk) standing right up next to his seat, in front of the line that's supposed to be the limit for permitting standees. Ah well, whatever. But looking closer after a bit, turns out she was rubbing him on the junk. Thankfully that was my stop already.

Years ago I used to work with a guy that put the newspaper on the dashboard of his
car and folded a section down over his speedometer behind the steering wheel so
he could read while driving. He did it EVERY DAY.

Spanky McStupid:
//Florida: Not only for farking dumbasses

And yet the poster right after you is exactly that.

Link

Florida.

\Sorry but being a true Florida i have to say its the redneck woman driving around in her truck . simultaneously walking her dog from a leash out the window.

Enigmamf: I am a cyclist and I hate most cyclists. They don't stop at signs, they ride the wrong way, they don't use lights at night. The less skilled ones ride single-speed bikes to be "cool" (or just don't know how to shift), or bikes that are too small, so they can't keep a straight line.

Also this. I'll happily admit I'm a less than cool cyclist who tries to ride on slower roads when possible, but you better believe I'm using all my lights and signalling.

I've stopped for a light only to have some other biker rush past me from behind and laugh as he goes through the light.

Cheapo single speed bikes with normal hand brakes and wheels (usually ridden by old people who bought the bikes in 1965) are one thing, but the ones that don't let the riders coast are something else.

Riding the wrong way down the street is crazy dangerous not only because of the relative speeds, either - you've got all these lazy or distracted or even just normal car drivers, who expect to deal with cars, so they are only really looking where they expect other cars to possibly be, driving in the correct direction. If you're acting like a small car, they'll see you. Going the wrong way, not so much.

Bathia_Mapes: The "putting on makeup" while driving stories always make me shudder because of something I witnessed as a child. We drove by a car accident right after if happened and apparently the female driver had been attempting to apply mascara while driving. The mascara brush was impaled into her left eye, clear up to the handle.

*shudder*

@_@

Well, I'M never going to get that image out of my head.

dustman81: gregoropolis: \Sorry but being a true Florida i have to say its the redneck woman driving around in her truck . simultaneously walking her dog from a leash out the window.

It's not limited to just Florida. It also happens in Ohio (as evidenced by the license plate)

Holy lazy biatches, batman

My wife is checking out Deadly Premonition, the weird Xbox360 game. . . in the beginning of the game, the main character is driving while talking on a cell phone, smoking and using a laptop all at the same time during a rainstorm. . . and crashes.

The game doesn't say if he was in Florida, but it reminded me of this thread.