FARK.com: (6878212) How to roast your own coffee beans: First, buy a roaster. Then buy some coffee beans. Next roast the beans for ten minutes at 383-degrees if you want cinnamon roast, but 410-degrees if you want... awww, screw this, I'm going to Starbucks

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		How to roast your own coffee beans: First, buy a roaster. Then buy some coffee beans. Next roast the beans for ten minutes at 383-degrees if you want cinnamon roast, but 410-degrees if you want... awww, screw this, I'm going to Starbucks (mnn.com)		129
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GAT_00

2012-01-14 09:01:39 AM

1. (383 °F) Cinnamon Roast: This is about as light as it goes, and happens before the first crack.
2. (401 °F) New England Roast: Next in line, slightly darker and is in the first crack stage.
3. (410 °F) American Roast: This is a medium brown and occurs as the first crack completes.
4. (428 °F) City Roast: A common roast level that still allows the varietal nature to shine.
5. (437 °F) Full City Roast: Medium dark brown, bittersweet comes into play. Begins second crack.
6. (446 °F) Vienna Roast: Oils began to form on bean, middle of second crack.
7. (464 °F) French Roast: Burnt tones emerge, shiny with oil, popular with espresso blends.
8. (473 °F) Italian Roast: Burnt tones higher, thin body, acidity nearly gone.
9. (482 °F) Spanish Roast: Burnt charcoal and tar flavors dominant.

10. (5000 °F) Starbucks Roast: All coffee tastes like burned ass.

wildcardjack

2012-01-14 09:57:07 AM

Double fark it, I don't wanna put on pants.

Bob16

2012-01-14 09:58:41 AM

Buy a can of coffee and make it like everyone else does ya bunch of yuppie scum

Unoriginal_Username

2012-01-14 09:59:23 AM

wildcardjack: [winkyface.com image 347x300]

Double fark it, I don't wanna put on pants.

yeah, this..

Thisbymaster

2012-01-14 10:00:18 AM

I will never understand why people pay so much for dirty bean water.

adenosine

2012-01-14 10:03:27 AM

Coffee is way too hard. That goes double for espresso where you have to have and maintain a fancy machine to make it.

All you need for tea is hot water and a timer.

T. Dawg

2012-01-14 10:04:36 AM

We accidentally bought raw beans once. Found out you can get a good roast using a popcorn popper. There is stuff about it on Y'allTube.

fustanella

2012-01-14 10:04:51 AM

Please lose the-unnecessary-hyphen, subby. It's a 410-degree oven, or the oven is set to 410 degrees.

/is perfectly aware who else preferred correct grammar, thx

Shrugging Atlas

2012-01-14 10:05:25 AM

GAT_00: 10. (5000 °F) Starbucks Roast: All coffee tastes like burned ass.

While I'll be the first to admit I'll drink some of their lattes and stuff, you are completely right about their regular coffee. I'm mystified how anyone can drink it.

MarkEC

2012-01-14 10:05:30 AM

I like my coffee like I like my beer and women: Dark and strong.

DemoKnite

2012-01-14 10:05:41 AM

I stopped reading the article when he referred to cappuccinos as "caps".

tomWright

2012-01-14 10:06:26 AM

For the less obsessive who just want to try it, Go to Sweet Marias and check out the various home roasters and green coffee offerings.

I use an IRoast2 which I got a couple years ago, which still works, there are better ones. I am far from very good at roasting but even with my poor skills I get something better than what you can get at the supermarket. At close to supermarket prices.

Unless you have a local roaster that sells retail, it is the cheapest way to get good, fresh roasted coffee.

Or you can mail order from specialty roasters like George Howell at $24 lb. and up. (Not a dig, I have ordered from him and he does a very good job)

Home roasting is cheaper and better than supermarket and usually better than *$s, unless you burn the roast.

VTEX

2012-01-14 10:06:40 AM

I suddenly need coffee.

@wildcardjack - You read my mind.

castrejo

2012-01-14 10:07:12 AM

sorry to dampen your enthusiasm, but we roast the best coffee in the world

rnatalie

2012-01-14 10:10:55 AM

I have been roasting my own coffee for years. With a good roaster, it's a no brainer almost entirely akin to popping popcorn. Start the roaster up, when it gets to temperature dump in the beans, take them out when they're done (oddly enough coffee beans "pop" which we call "crack" I usually dump the beans when the first crack subsides).

I buy 100% kona from two plantations I've got a long relationship there. You can't buy coffee beans like this (freshly roasted 100% kona) in this end of the world.

Gunny Walker

2012-01-14 10:14:10 AM

The article states what temp to roast coffee at but never a time. So, I'm going to guess that coffee must be roasted 18.5 hours. Does time matter? Also can't coffee be roasted in the oven? Then I wouldn't need to buy a gadget.

Erebus1954

2012-01-14 10:14:53 AM

I guess the next step is to grow your own beans.

Espertron

2012-01-14 10:14:55 AM

wildcardjack: [winkyface.com image 347x300]

Double fark it, I don't wanna put on pants.

encrypted-tbn1.google.com

For the K-Cup International Trophy. This shiat is good!

/can get Starbucks in K-Cup now too.
//and Caribou.
///why bother going to either place now?
////of course I'll just drink Green Mtn. Coffee, Tully's, and Donut People.
//SLASHIES!!!!!111!!!1!eleventyone!!///

Day_Old_Dutchie

2012-01-14 10:16:45 AM

It's a regular cappuccino with dash of real Grade B maple syrup added to the bottom of the cup.

BLLLLEEEEAAAAHH!

/Drinks coffee the way it was intended to be drunk. Naked.

Espertron

2012-01-14 10:16:46 AM

MarkEC: I like my coffee like I like my beer and women: Dark and strong.

And keeping you up all night!
t1.gstatic.com

67stang

2012-01-14 10:19:32 AM

10. (5000 °F) Starbucks Roast: All coffee tastes like burned ass

This. I see long lines at Starbucks, but seldom meet anyone who admits to liking Starbucks. WTF??

Vangor

2012-01-14 10:20:18 AM

What temperature do I want to get my coffee covered in bees?

/it's how I like my women

Molavian

2012-01-14 10:24:49 AM

GAT_00: 1. (383 °F) Cinnamon Roast: This is about as light as it goes, and happens before the first crack.
2. (401 °F) New England Roast: Next in line, slightly darker and is in the first crack stage.
3. (410 °F) American Roast: This is a medium brown and occurs as the first crack completes.
4. (428 °F) City Roast: A common roast level that still allows the varietal nature to shine.
5. (437 °F) Full City Roast: Medium dark brown, bittersweet comes into play. Begins second crack.
6. (446 °F) Vienna Roast: Oils began to form on bean, middle of second crack.
7. (464 °F) French Roast: Burnt tones emerge, shiny with oil, popular with espresso blends.
8. (473 °F) Italian Roast: Burnt tones higher, thin body, acidity nearly gone.
9. (482 °F) Spanish Roast: Burnt charcoal and tar flavors dominant.

10. (5000 °F) Starbucks Roast: All coffee tastes like burned ass.

You are a god among men.

adenosine

2012-01-14 10:26:59 AM

67stang: This. I see long lines at Starbucks, but seldom meet anyone who admits to liking Starbucks. WTF??

I'm pretty sure people don't like it as much as they go there because they can get a known level of quality.

My cousin admits going there. She has to drive all over the place as part of her job, and if you're in some random town in BFE, you're not going to know the nearest local coffee shop.

LDM90

2012-01-14 10:28:43 AM

Coffee= dirty water. Same with tea.

I will admit coffee beans smell good though.

CMetzger42

2012-01-14 10:29:12 AM

flucto

2012-01-14 10:29:41 AM

myinternetname

2012-01-14 10:30:14 AM

Having common sense and not being a pretentious prick, how does it work?

flucto

2012-01-14 10:30:29 AM

LDM90: Coffee= dirty water.

Go be 12 years old somewhere else.

CrispFlows

2012-01-14 10:31:37 AM

Thisbymaster: I will never understand why people pay so much for dirty bean water.

To put your analogy to similar terms, let's use sausage:

I will never understand why people pay so much for stuffed intestines.

Lobster?

I will never understand why people pay so much for garbage scavengers of the sea.

Bacon?

I will never understand why people pay so much for something that looks like fried flesh.

/ One man's garbage is another man's gold.

Espertron

2012-01-14 10:33:07 AM

67stang: 10. (5000 °F) Starbucks Roast: All coffee tastes like burned ass

This. I see long lines at Starbucks, but seldom meet anyone who admits to liking Starbucks. WTF??

Because people seldom drink coffee at Starbucks. They drink Venti skinny decaf nofoam chococaramel frappacino or some absurd concoction of that variation.

True story. My wife loves Starbucks. Fine. We went in to get drink and I ordered a "large coffee, black". The person taking my order did not understand.

Fail Starbucks. Fail.

tomWright

2012-01-14 10:33:13 AM

Gunny Walker: The article states what temp to roast coffee at but never a time. So, I'm going to guess that coffee must be roasted 18.5 hours. Does time matter? Also can't coffee be roasted in the oven? Then I wouldn't need to buy a gadget.

I have not tried oven roasting, but stove top in a pan is possible. But then you are going by color not temperature. Get a couple pounds of cheap green coffee beans and try it.

Check out the sweet marias site and also search for their YouTube videos, all very informative.

The basic home roaster machines can rung about $100-$175, from marias or amazon and elsewhere, so they are not too expensive. You can spend thousands, but unless you have money to burn I am not sure they are worth it. I never looked for used, and I am not sure I would trust a used one.

Buddha Belly

2012-01-14 10:34:10 AM

Roasting my own for years. Can drink tea, but it's no substitute for God's own.

GAT_00

2012-01-14 10:34:36 AM

Espertron: wildcardjack: [winkyface.com image 347x300]

Double fark it, I don't wanna put on pants.

[encrypted-tbn1.google.com image 192x192]

For the K-Cup International Trophy. This shiat is good!

/can get Starbucks in K-Cup now too.
//and Caribou.
///why bother going to either place now?
////of course I'll just drink Green Mtn. Coffee, Tully's, and Donut People.
//SLASHIES!!!!!111!!!1!eleventyone!!///

Dunkin Donuts makes their own K-Cups now too, which trumps even Green Mountain. Yeah they're more expensive per cup than making coffee in a normal pot, but I don't drink anywhere near that much coffee a day. The little K-Cups are perfect. I usually try to get more use out of them too, since they can handle about 14 oz fine.

Molavian: You are a god among men.

CMetzger42: +1 (or +5000...).

Woo, I'm funny.

sirgrim

2012-01-14 10:35:12 AM

As someone with their own hyroponic kona plant in the next room, lazy subby can choke on that burnt shiat.

tomWright

2012-01-14 10:35:21 AM

adenosine: 67stang: This. I see long lines at Starbucks, but seldom meet anyone who admits to liking Starbucks. WTF??

I'm pretty sure people don't like it as much as they go there because they can get a known level of quality.

My cousin admits going there. She has to drive all over the place as part of her job, and if you're in some random town in BFE, you're not going to know the nearest local coffee shop.

Yeah, it's kind of like mcdonalds, burger king etc. You know it's not very good, but you know what to expect. When you are in a hurry, (and who isn't), trying out an unknown independent/local is not always something people want to do.

GAT_00

2012-01-14 10:36:25 AM

Espertron: Fail Starbucks. Fail.

That's because their actual coffee is nasty. You only go to Starbucks for your preferred espresso device.

tomWright

2012-01-14 10:36:31 AM

sirgrim: As someone with their own hyroponic kona plant in the next room, lazy subby can choke on that burnt shiat.

Are you talking about coffee or...never mind. Fifth Amendment and all that

Buddha Belly

2012-01-14 10:37:18 AM

My roasting advice:

Sure, you can use an oven, but you have to keep stirring; and the beans aren't really ready until they smoke, so think about ventilation.

quartercomma

2012-01-14 10:39:37 AM

Starbucks = burned ferret turds in a milkshake

Yeah, I roast my own.

Trance750

2012-01-14 10:39:49 AM

GAT_00: Espertron: Fail Starbucks. Fail.

That's because their actual coffee is nasty. You only go to Starbucks for your preferred espresso device.

Or to brag about how much you spent on a single cup.

Espertron

2012-01-14 10:39:58 AM

GAT_00:

Dunkin Donuts makes their own K-Cups now too, which trumps even Green Mountain. Yeah they're more expensive per cup than making coffee in a normal pot, but I don't drink anywhere near that much coffee a day. The little K-Cups are perfect. I usually try to get more use out of them too, since they can handle about 14 oz fine.

I agree. I drink a large travel mug on my way to work every day. K-Cups are perfect for that. You can buy a special filter k-cup to put your own homeground coffee if you're so inclined. I have one, but rarely use it. Link (new window)

mbillips

2012-01-14 10:41:53 AM

tomWright

2012-01-14 10:42:05 AM

Buddha Belly: My roasting advice:

Sure, you can use an oven, but you have to keep stirring; and the beans aren't really ready until they smoke, so think about ventilation.

Actually a very good point. Roasting is smoky business, and that smoke does NOT smell very good. Not to mention the chaff as the skin on the beans comes off. I run a 4 inch aluminum dryer vent from my roaster, (it has an attachment for that),out my kitchen window when I roast, if it is too cold to set up outside. else I just set up on the back deck and do it while quaffing something tasty.

Espertron

2012-01-14 10:42:20 AM

Trance750: GAT_00: Espertron: Fail Starbucks. Fail.

That's because their actual coffee is nasty. You only go to Starbucks for your preferred espresso device.

Or to brag about how much you spent on a single cup.

Or you can tell family you want K-Cups for Christmas. I have enough K-cups to last me (literally) all year. No joke.

CapnBlues

2012-01-14 10:42:30 AM

Espertron: GAT_00:

Dunkin Donuts makes their own K-Cups now too, which trumps even Green Mountain. Yeah they're more expensive per cup than making coffee in a normal pot, but I don't drink anywhere near that much coffee a day. The little K-Cups are perfect. I usually try to get more use out of them too, since they can handle about 14 oz fine.

I agree. I drink a large travel mug on my way to work every day. K-Cups are perfect for that. You can buy a special filter k-cup to put your own homeground coffee if you're so inclined. I have one, but rarely use it. Link (new window)

i agree, but i prefer this one: solofill (new window)

Jello Fever

2012-01-14 10:43:02 AM

You can roast coffee in a basic hot air popcorn popper ($15 at a garage sale). Here's a tutorial.

http://www.sweetmarias.com/airpop/airpopmethod.php

snitramc

2012-01-14 10:44:42 AM

Gunny Walker: The article states what temp to roast coffee at but never a time. So, I'm going to guess that coffee must be roasted 18.5 hours. Does time matter? Also can't coffee be roasted in the oven? Then I wouldn't need to buy a gadget.

------------------------------------------------------------
Time is not mentioned because, like all things that "grow", time varies depending on the thing being roasted/cooked. You don't cook steaks or potatoes to time, you cook them to degrees, or appearance, or feel. Roasting your beans depends on the beans, as well as the roaster and ambient temperature.

You can roast in the oven or on the stove top if you wish. Just make sure you have a really good stove hood that vents outside the house. Roasting makes a lot of smoke.

enry

2012-01-14 10:45:07 AM

Espertron: 67stang: 10. (5000 °F) Starbucks Roast: All coffee tastes like burned ass

This. I see long lines at Starbucks, but seldom meet anyone who admits to liking Starbucks. WTF??

Because people seldom drink coffee at Starbucks. They drink Venti skinny decaf nofoam chococaramel frappacino or some absurd concoction of that variation.

True story. My wife loves Starbucks. Fine. We went in to get drink and I ordered a "large coffee, black". The person taking my order did not understand.

Fail Starbucks. Fail.

I get large black coffee from t
Starbucks all the time. Tastes way better than DD which tastes like sock with a hint of pee.

/decaf only. YMMV for high test.

mbillips

2012-01-14 10:47:04 AM

Espertron: GAT_00:

Dunkin Donuts makes their own K-Cups now too, which trumps even Green Mountain. Yeah they're more expensive per cup than making coffee in a normal pot, but I don't drink anywhere near that much coffee a day. The little K-Cups are perfect. I usually try to get more use out of them too, since they can handle about 14 oz fine.

I agree. I drink a large travel mug on my way to work every day. K-Cups are perfect for that. You can buy a special filter k-cup to put your own homeground coffee if you're so inclined. I have one, but rarely use it. Link (new window)

I have a one-mug drip coffee maker. Uses No. 1 filters, which are expensive, but way cheaper than K-cups. I hate throwing away that much plastic just for a cup of coffee. Takes about as long to brew a cup as it takes for the toaster to make toast, so it's not like waiting on a 12-cup coffee maker.

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