Well when your husband is the biggest consumer of whine in the word, it's no wonder...

\and in actuality, the wine bottles in their custom wine rack in the kitchen are gathering dust, as they are totally for decoration
\\never forget how my brother-in-law's father brought wine to the housewarming party and my brother wouldn't open it
\\\Stay Classy, bro

I'm an avid wine collector, so this pleases me greatly. The best thing about wine, of course, is that the drinking of it is such an experience. One does not simply *drink* wine, one must approach it, savor it, experience it completely. This is what distinguishes an educated wine consumer such as myself from a wine drinker, such as your sister in law.

For example, when you first pick up a glass of wine, what do you do? Do you just raise it to your lips and chug?

WRONG.

You've just shown that you're the equivalent of a hobo chugging Mad Dog in an outhouse. The first thing you want to do, of course, is raise the glass and hold it up against the nearest light source. What you want to do here is show that you appreciate the color. Color is one of the main components of a fine wine. If the wine is white, you should say, "Wow, look at the crystalline sparkle. That's a very nice structure." If it's red, you should say, "Very impressive color. This has a lot of tannins, I can tell."

The next step is to swirl the wine. You swirl the wine to see the wine's legs, which is what people "in the know" call the linear splashes that coat the side of the glass. There are a variety of things you can say to indicate your appreciation of the wine's legs; some examples include:

"Those are very nice legs, very impressive."
"I can see a lot of structure in those legs."
"Mmmm. Very nice legs."
"Look at those legs, they're so defined."

You do NOT want to say anything crass here, like HEY GET A LOAD OF THOSE LEGS, WOO-HOO. I mean, please.

There are also times when, no matter how hard you swirl the wine, you will not be able to see any legs. In these cases you should feel justified in refusing to drink it and explain as politely as you can that your palette requires something a little more refined.

Finally, remember that actually drinking the wine must be done in stages. First you must smell it to appreciate the Nose, which is just as important as the Color and the Legs.Then, you take a small sip. You want to purse your lips after you sip and suck air through your mouth in a slow stream that sounds something like, "Pbbtbbbtbbbtttbbbttt," This is to aerate the wine. Then you slosh it into your left cheek, then your right cheek, then let it trickle down to the middle of your tongue where you'll form a little concave depression, like a pothole, kind of, and you'll let the aerated wine collect there and sit so that it can soak into your taste beds. Then you'll push it to the front of your mouth again to aerate it some more, then slosh it to the *back* of your mouth, where you'll hold it at the top of your throat without swallowing. Then you swallow it, and after you swallow it you close your eyes and you nod. You might choose to comment on the wine's body here, but I'm out of time to go through the appropriate remarks to make so if you're not absolutely certain you should probably just move away after the nod and swirl your glass some more to show how much you appreciate those Legs. And when you're ready for another glass, remember to order it the French way: hold out your glass to the waiter and say, a votre sante! That's French for "I'd like another, please."

Thanks in large part to the efforts of your sister-in-law Local Man's Wife, the US is now the biggest consumer of wine in the world

FTFY

HEY GET A LOAD OF THOSE LEGS, WOO-HOO!

Always knew we were the best whine consumers in the world.

Liliac_Hill: Now, if NY legislators would just get their heads out of their a$$es, and let me buy my wine while I'm at Wegmans, I'd really be a happy sister-in-law!

You'll prolly get pot there before the "Hard stuff".

lilbjorn: Thanks in large part to the efforts of your sister-in-law a scientist who falsified the data, the US is now the biggest consumer of wine in the world

OH, it was "Peer Reviewed".
My mistake.

whar 'da money here?

I'm guessing this has more to do with bighairyguys.