FARK.com: (6877113) Man accused of choking swan at lake. This is not a euphemism

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		Man accused of choking swan at lake. This is not a euphemism (cfnews13.com)		49
		More: Florida, Lake Eola, wander, lakes

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2851 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jan 2012 at 3:54 PM | Favorite | share:

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vpb		2012-01-13 02:23:57 PM

Maybe he thought it was a chicken?

farkingismybusiness		2012-01-13 02:26:36 PM

Wanted for questioning.

UberDave		2012-01-13 02:29:42 PM

That's what rich people do when they look at porn.

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-01-13 02:34:25 PM

The horrifying result
media4.onsugar.com

Mark Ratner		2012-01-13 03:02:03 PM

Give the guy a break. I thought about it too when watching the ONLY good part of the movie.
wizbangpop.com

I_Am_Weasel		2012-01-13 03:14:39 PM

A simple misunderstanding.

John, on the way home, could you grab me some of those Ruffles hot wings...?

media.onsugar.com

Rapmaster2000		2012-01-13 03:16:26 PM

I_Am_Weasel: A simple misunderstanding.

John, on the way home, could you grab me some of those Ruffles hot wings...?

[media.onsugar.com image 240x320]

Mmm, love that shiat. It's like they dusted crack on a chip, but it's not crack. It's MSG.

Cagey B		2012-01-13 03:43:02 PM

ORLANDO --
A man is accused of choking one of the swans at Orlando's Lake Eola.

Police said John Wynne grabbed a swan by the neck and carried it.

Nearby police officers say Wynne dropped the swan after he saw them.

No word yet on why police think Wynne grabbed the swan named Ruffles.

An animal expert says Ruffles appears to be OK.

That's the entire article, by the way. Which is sad. Because with a couple of strategic misspellings, this could have been a story about John Wayne choking a swan by Lake Ebola.

gopher321		2012-01-13 03:50:20 PM

Was his name Peter Ian Staker?

/somewhat obscure
//"Swan!!!"

mr pity		2012-01-13 03:58:47 PM

Swans are Nature's perfect hating machine. Nasty, nasty animals.

Slaves2Darkness		2012-01-13 03:59:37 PM

Oh give the guy a break who has not chocked a Swan at least once in their life? Oh fine I guess it is just me and this guy, but I'm sure you all have punched or kicked a goose at least once right?

Headso		2012-01-13 04:01:08 PM

Swans usually are dicks, who can blame him.

atomic-age		2012-01-13 04:01:46 PM

Was he trying to steal the swan?

Weird?

altinos		2012-01-13 04:02:37 PM

He tried to give Ruffles ridges.

Tornado of Zoo Animals		2012-01-13 04:03:11 PM

Anyone else think it would be fun to grab a swan by the neck and swing it around like a flail?

Crewmannumber6		2012-01-13 04:03:35 PM

Did a quick search on Photobucket for a cover photo of a Jack Taylor novel. When I couldn't find one I wondered who besides me might've read them

imi		2012-01-13 04:09:10 PM

gopher321: Was his name Peter Ian Staker?

/somewhat obscure
//"Swan!!!"

You beat me to it! Argh!

Sarah Palin's Conscience		2012-01-13 04:09:17 PM

mr pity: Swans are Nature's perfect hating machine. Nasty, nasty animals.

Came here to say this.

fark swans.

Cerebral Knievel		2012-01-13 04:09:23 PM

Tornado of Zoo Animals: Anyone else think it would be fun to grab a swan by the neck and swing it around like a flail?

Wringing? the neck is the best, and fastest way to dispatch a fowl foul. Grab them by the neck and just twist the body through the air. or Maybe some hedge clippers or something.

mr pity: Swans are Nature's perfect hating machine. Nasty, nasty animals.

Headso: Swans usually are dicks, who can blame him.

came in here to mention this, Swans are assholes and are known killers, very territorial, and far more powerful then they appear.

And they're not even that tasty from what I hear.

Thorny		2012-01-13 04:10:14 PM

So, what law is he accused of breaking exactly?

vpb		2012-01-13 04:10:15 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Oh give the guy a break who has not chocked a Swan at least once in their life? Oh fine I guess it is just me and this guy, but I'm sure you all have punched or kicked a goose at least once right?

Everyone should chock their swan. If you don't chock them they roll downhill.

OtherLittleGuy		2012-01-13 04:12:25 PM

Shut up, Meg.

Slaves2Darkness		2012-01-13 04:12:55 PM

vpb: Slaves2Darkness: Oh give the guy a break who has not chocked a Swan at least once in their life? Oh fine I guess it is just me and this guy, but I'm sure you all have punched or kicked a goose at least once right?

Everyone should chock their swan. If you don't chock them they roll downhill.

Now I am all chocked up about my cock up.

Oznog		2012-01-13 04:14:45 PM

Sarah Palin's Conscience: mr pity: Swans are Nature's perfect hating machine. Nasty, nasty animals.

Came here to say this.

fark swans.

Swans are vicious, aggressive beasts.

I know someone who had to jump into a lake to fight off a swan who was trying to kill her dog. Dog was swimming around and the swan pounced on him and was trying to push him down and drown him.

kbronsito		2012-01-13 04:15:58 PM

Mark Ratner: Give the guy a break. I thought about it too when watching the ONLY good part of the movie.
[wizbangpop.com image 400x339]

It angers me that with all the remakes, Hollywood has yet to remake Black Swan! The original is awesome but it should be remade at least once a year. Next year, maybe with Anne Hathaway and Rachel Bilson.

drmda		2012-01-13 04:16:58 PM

Damn! I submitted the same story 2 days ago with the headline "Man arrested for choking swan. Since this is Florida you can be assured it's not a new euphemism" and all I got was plagiarized.

xxmedium		2012-01-13 04:17:04 PM

Guess it almost became a

Cygnus ex swan

upload.wikimedia.org

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Callous		2012-01-13 04:19:20 PM

Tornado of Zoo Animals: Anyone else think it would be fun to grab a swan by the neck and swing it around like a flail?

No, but I've though about taking a sand wedge and see if I could knock their head right off the top of their neck.

maqtastic		2012-01-13 04:20:03 PM

atomic-age: Was he trying to steal the swan?

Weird?

Maybe he just got mad when it continued to stare at him despite his repeated pleas to stop?

img20.imageshack.us

dabbletech		2012-01-13 04:23:33 PM

Man accused of choking swan at lake. This is not a euphemism

It is now, subby.

exatron		2012-01-13 04:33:07 PM

mr pity: Swans are Nature's perfect hating machine. Nasty, nasty animals.

THIS!

Swans are bastards.

JackieRabbit		2012-01-13 04:35:14 PM

Sarah Palin's Conscience: mr pity: Swans are Nature's perfect hating machine. Nasty, nasty animals.

Came here to say this.

fark swans.

I hear they don't think much of you, either. But really, they are just territorial in regard to their nesting area. They aren't any worse than Canada Geese. Give them a wide berth during their nesting season and they are no trouble.

Why would the man do this? I think it has something to do with the old joke:

Q: Why'd the pervert cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

laid back w/bud light		2012-01-13 04:35:18 PM

Being well-endowed I call it choking the ostrich.
/Sadly not true

fayfarker		2012-01-13 04:38:52 PM

it's just the one swan actually

bigmoneygrip		2012-01-13 04:40:00 PM

Not only are swans mean, but they are also stupid (or fearless). There's one at the lake where I walk my 100 lb shepherd mix that halfheartedly charges my dog, then thinks better of it and backs off. Satchel, on the other hand, is straining at the leash to go after the swan. I'd hate to think how big the fine would be if the leash broke. No shakin', no tenderizin' , down you go.

bim1154		2012-01-13 04:45:25 PM

We live on a small lake. About once a summer one of those nasty farkers shows up on the lake and everyone around the lake comes out of their houses and starts throwing rocks at it to chase it off.

/They clash with the hot babes floating around on air mattresses in the summer.
//note to self.... clean lens on telescope this winter.

PsyLord		2012-01-13 04:51:53 PM

Oznog: Sarah Palin's Conscience: mr pity: Swans are Nature's perfect hating machine. Nasty, nasty animals.

Came here to say this.

fark swans.

Swans are vicious, aggressive beasts.

I know someone who had to jump into a lake to fight off a swan who was trying to kill her dog. Dog was swimming around and the swan pounced on him and was trying to push him down and drown him.

I've always heard that. BTW, how hard is it to just grab the swan and snap its neck like a Slim Jim?

/Ohhhhh Yeeaaaahhh!

hobblekitty		2012-01-13 05:12:25 PM

An animal expert says Ruffles appears to be OK.

So, Ruffles is...

*sunglasses*

...Unruffled?

ConConHead		2012-01-13 05:12:59 PM

gopher321: Was his name Peter Ian Staker?

/somewhat obscure
//"Swan!!!"

Sandford's Most Wanted!

MBooda		2012-01-13 05:13:30 PM

Probably got sick of his constant drinking.
focusfeatures.com

tatum		2012-01-13 05:19:34 PM

jvl		2012-01-13 06:57:10 PM

Headso: Swans usually are dicks, who can blame him.

Native Swans are not dicks. It's only those eurotrash "Mute Swans" that are aggressive.

They're invasive species: choke them all.

Flragnararch		2012-01-13 08:10:27 PM

but had he wanted a double entendre would you have given him one?

/dnrtfa

Benjimin_Dover		2012-01-13 08:24:10 PM

You'd be a nasty mean ass too if you grew up being called an ugly fooker all your life.

Sczi		2012-01-13 09:37:55 PM

Dude shoulda yelled to the cop for help and played it off like a tiger by the tail situation. Hold this sumonabiatch down so I can run!

EnderX		2012-01-14 12:03:10 AM

I'm confused, what is slang for Lake?

arghyematey		2012-01-14 12:48:52 AM

A little while back someone was stealing swans from this lake. To sell them on Craigslist. Oh, Florida.

belhade		2012-01-14 01:32:03 AM

gopher321: Was his name Peter Ian Staker?

/somewhat obscure
//"Swan!!!"

No, his name was William Henry Devereaux, Jr.

/even more obscure
//actually I think it was a goose

Jon iz teh kewl		2012-01-14 09:23:25 AM

HE DID IT CAUSE A PRETTY WOMAN BROKE HIS HEART> AND HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GAY TO TREAT ALL SWANS THE SAME. AND STRANGLE A RANDOM ONE. BECAUSE THIS IS THE NATURAL EFFECTS OF WEED. PARANOIA.

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