Am I the only one who's going to say it? Fine.

I would tinker her bell.

In Robin Hood, why are there no hybrid animals? Foxes only marry foxes and turtles marry turtles but eventually you'd think there would be some cross-breeding in there at some point. Where are the crocoduck offspring?

Plus, species segregation much? Each species has it's own place and role in society: Royalty are lions, soldiers are rhinos and vultures while the common folk are all chickens, rabbits, turtles and bears.

Disney endorses slavery.

ManateeGag: Two things on this list are horrible points.

Allandin's people didn't exist, Genie just poofed them up for the parade and to make Alladin look rich. The sultan didn't run a back ground check. He didn't Google Ali Ababwa. He's a handon dude who showed up who looks like he had a ton of money and wanted to marry his daughter. Don't read so much into it.

The other is Chip from Beauty and the Beast. It is my belief that none of the servents who were turned into objects aged, since they are inanimate objects, they don't age. However, i wondered why Chip doesn't turn back into a human with a scar on his head.

And I didn't realize that the Beast had "aged". I thought he was always "The Beast"

When Belle saves him at the end, he turns back into the normal, young looking dude.

I never really analyzed the movie that deeply before.

Uggghhh.... I have to deliver a blog post in 20 minutes and I have literally nothing interesting to write about....

I guess I could pretend like I'm an obtuse moron and take exception to relatively easy to understand plots of classic children's movies and turn it into a top ten list...

yeaah... I'll do that.

I don't remember much about the movie, but in the original fairy tale, Sleeping Beauty's parents only invited twelve out of the kingdom's thirteen fairies because they only had twelve golden plates and didn't want to insult the odd one out (plus, they didn't like that fairy anyway). Of course, by leaving her out they just insulted her that much more, but obviously her parents weren't that good at thinking ahead anyway.

The Ray and Evangeline thing is just stupid. Either they're sentient, magical stars, in which case it's a sentimental happy ending, or they're both ordinary gas ball stars in which case neither one is aware of anything so who cares?

ManateeGag: The other is Chip from Beauty and the Beast. It is my belief that none of the servents who were turned into objects aged, since they are inanimate objects, they don't age. However, i wondered why Chip doesn't turn back into a human with a scar on his head.

I'd really like to grasp the moral thinking behind the enchantress.

OK, the prince is a mean dick. Maybe deserves a moral lesson, although turning him into a beast seems a bit extreme for someone who just wasn't very generous. You're an enchantress. Why don't you go and find all the rapists and murderers and turn them into cockroaches rather than using your time on a prince who just didn't like the look of you. On a moral scale, being a selfish dick falls somewhere down the scale from rapist. You know, half way through the film Gaston tries to force Belle to marry him by threatening to send her father to the funny farm. Do you turn up and use your magic then? Do you fark.

But why did the servants get caught up in all of this? What's their great crime that means they have to be turned into teapots and clocks? You're some chambermaid, making enough money to support yourself and maybe your parents. Without your job, you'll starve. You get no employment rights at that time, and probably have to dodge lecherous old guests trying to goose you. You've got enough shiat to deal with, when some enchantress decides that some form of collective punishment is called for. I mean, that's the sort of shiat that the SS did. Someone doesn't tell them where the airmen are hidden, so they kill a town. You're not exactly allied with the good guys, enchantress.

Answer to 1 to 10:
Magic.

Hoban Washburne: Mugato: Miramax was purchased by Disney and produced Pulp Fiction so what was in the farking beifcase? Don't give me that MacGuffin shiat I want to know!!!

Diamonds from Reservoir Dogs.

Marcellus Wallace's soul.

I'm drawing a blank on the other popular answers.

More Big Kahuana Burgers?

Yeah, those are the only answers that I can remember too. I personally like the Marcellus Wallace soul theory esp. with the combo on the case being 666 and the band-aid on the base of Marcellus' skull.

jlt: Hoban Washburne: Mugato: Miramax was purchased by Disney and produced Pulp Fiction so what was in the farking beifcase? Don't give me that MacGuffin shiat I want to know!!!

Diamonds from Reservoir Dogs.

Marcellus Wallace's soul.

I'm drawing a blank on the other popular answers.

More Big Kahuana Burgers?

Yeah, those are the only answers that I can remember too. I personally like the Marcellus Wallace soul theory esp. with the combo on the case being 666 and the band-aid on the base of Marcellus' skull.

The stuff that dreams are made of.

Arkanaut: jlt: Hoban Washburne: Mugato: Miramax was purchased by Disney and produced Pulp Fiction so what was in the farking beifcase? Don't give me that MacGuffin shiat I want to know!!!

Diamonds from Reservoir Dogs.

Marcellus Wallace's soul.

I'm drawing a blank on the other popular answers.

More Big Kahuana Burgers?

Yeah, those are the only answers that I can remember too. I personally like the Marcellus Wallace soul theory esp. with the combo on the case being 666 and the band-aid on the base of Marcellus' skull.

The stuff that dreams are made of.

Fairy Dust and Puppy Dog Tails?

ManateeGag: Two things on this list are horrible points.

Allandin's people didn't exist, Genie just poofed them up for the parade and to make Alladin look rich. The sultan didn't run a back ground check. He didn't Google Ali Ababwa. He's a handon dude who showed up who looks like he had a ton of money and wanted to marry his daughter. Don't read so much into it.

The other is Chip from Beauty and the Beast. It is my belief that none of the servents who were turned into objects aged, since they are inanimate objects, they don't age. However, i wondered why Chip doesn't turn back into a human with a scar on his head.

I don't remember all that clearly, but I think when he comes back as a human, he's missing a tooth...that's the chip.

Yes. Okay. Scar committed regicide. That's bad. He then 'let the hyenas into the Pride Lands.' I guess, according to the Lion Code, which apparently says that everything is part of the Great Circle of Life - except the hyenas, which can just stay all the way over there in that barren rocky section thank you very much - that that is also bad. But when Simba comes back to reclaim the throne, the whole savanna is a wasteland, with rivers dried up, dust covering the land, and animals bones strewn about. We're supposed to understand that the hyenas and the lions overfed on the animals, but I'm really not sure how Scar's reign somehow managed to dry up the rivers. It seems like if he had that kind of power he could have been king a long time ago. And if he didn't have that power, and Simba was the one who could control the rivers and bring the rain that comes at the end, there's no way anyone would consider someone else as king, whether Simba killed his father or not. It's just all so confusing.

Yeah, if only cartoons valued fidelity to reality over aesthetics and visual tension. Just imagine how awful that ending would be if Simba came home and found everything to be alright.

/I'll bet my right hand that he didn't notice that the forest in Snow White transforms from pastoral to terrifying depending on the emotional makeup of the scene.

11. Why did io9 make such a nitpicky, annoying list?

12. Why did io9 spell it "Genii"?

God, this Rembrandt painting is so crazy! The proportions don't make any sense...ha, ha, the dad's tiny compared to the prodigal son! And the perspective's all skewed! Obviously, this is one glaring error the artist didn't catch!

My wife actually answered some of those questions reasonably. Scary.

/Chip was born before they turned into dishes.

Fark Me To Tears: 3. a.) Why does Ariel need a bra?

Ariel wears sea shells -- because bea shells are too tight, and dea shells are too loose.

/this joke is (somehow) older than the film

DarthBrooks: The astonishing number of missing parents in Disney films.

Where's Ariel's mom?
Where's Belle's mom?
What happened to Jasmine's mom?
Where's Pocahontas's mom?
What happened to Andy's dad in "Toy Story?"
What happened to Giselle's parents in "Enchanted?" What about Prince Edward's bio mom?

eaten by a shark
died of the flu
eaten by the sultan
sacrificed by Powhatan
dead
fell off a cliff because they were too distracted by singing

why were none of the women in the kitchen?

droosan: Fark Me To Tears: 3. a.) Why does Ariel need a bra?
Ariel wears sea shells -- because bea shells are too tight, and dea shells are too loose.
/this joke is (somehow) older than the film

Don't forget the scandal that ensued when people found out the bra was only painted on her.

\another old joke.

texdent: DarthBrooks: The astonishing number of missing parents in Disney films.

Where's Ariel's mom?
Where's Belle's mom?
What happened to Jasmine's mom?
Where's Pocahontas's mom?
What happened to Andy's dad in "Toy Story?"
What happened to Giselle's parents in "Enchanted?" What about Prince Edward's bio mom?

They probably all died.

Actually in one of the awful direct to video sequel movies, Ariel's mother dies, crushed by a ship or some crap like that.

My daughter has all of the stupid movies. There were a couple of sequels I think...
Hans Christian Andersen's version is nowhere near as happy happy joy joy as Disney. I am convinced that HCA hated children - esp. girl children.

Fark Me To Tears: miss diminutive: Plus, species segregation much? Each species has it's own place and role in society: Royalty are lions, soldiers are rhinos and vultures while the common folk are all chickens, rabbits, turtles and bears.

Modern Homo Sapiens is the only species in nature that resents the idea of predetermined roles in society / life based on strengths and weaknesses of physical and mental characteristics.

That sentence was way longer than it needed to be.