Try to remember when you were a teenager and your mom would pick out "that nice boy/girl" for you. They were always awful dates. God would probably be worse than that.

Blind fate may lead you to your spouse, but you'll still have to do that thing they like that the Bible says is wrong.

People dont pray that they will hook up online. They pray their spouses dont find out they hooked up online.

God told me to fark your wife and Mom.


/at the same time

If God really wanted these people to meet each other, wouldn't he just introduce them?

The proof of divine intervention is at the end when she yells "Oh god, oh god, oh god!"

If I didn't have you... (new window)

WHO-DEY! 2 hours to kickoff and I can't sit still. WHO-DEY!

WHO-DEY!

Interests include hot anal sex to preserve the sanctity of marriage.

Mugato:


And maybe God's ability to multitask is infinite but given the size of this universe, galaxy, planet, country, even the city I live in, I'd be very worried about a God who cares who little old me hooks up with.



Actually that fits the pattern pretty well


Shame you missed out on the mid 1600's part

Q: Tell me, are you a Christian?

A: Ma'am I am tonight.

WTF Indeed: Blind fate may lead you to your spouse, but you'll still have to do that thing they like that the Bible says is wrong.

Wear a false idol on a chain around your neck?

I've yada yadad sex before

Will you leave him alone. God is preparing for the Broncos game tomorrow. It's bad enough he has to work on his day of rest.

Ennuipoet: Why am I thinking that most of the women on these sites don't put out on the first date?

Actually, now that I think of it, some of the biggest whores I know go to church every week.

I've known a few women who don't believe in sex before marriage, but they also believe God will forgive them if they repent.

They were all seriously freaky in bed.

LeroyBourne: Interests include hot anal sex to preserve the sanctity of marriage.

Christian Dingle.com?

Yea, and he is a cockblocking motherfarker.


/Hallowed be thy name

TommyymmoT: Ennuipoet: Why am I thinking that most of the women on these sites don't put out on the first date?

Because most of those women believe it's possible to give birth without having sex.

Funny story. When I was single and horny, I'd go to a Baptist Women's Convention in Atlanta (they have about 3 a week down here) and hook up with some nice milf hawtness that was so excited about being away from hubby and kids that she'd do things she didn't think she could, like something other than the missionary position and praying forgiveness immediately afterwards. They may have prayed, but honestly I was out of there too fast to see it. Ah the old I'll go get some ice trick. Works every time.



Genius!

space_cowgirl: If God really wanted these people to meet each other, wouldn't he just introduce them?

S/He will...through Christian Mingle!

/Is there a Satanist Mingle? Zoroastrian Mingle? Atheist Mingle?

Lone Stranger: God told me to fark your wife and Mom.
/at the same time

Next time add "and if I added your sister it would be a threesome".

PsiChi: space_cowgirl: If God really wanted these people to meet each other, wouldn't he just introduce them?

S/He will...through Christian Mingle!

/Is there a Satanist Mingle? Zoroastrian Mingle? Atheist Mingle?

Yeah it's called Fark.

Ennuipoet: Why am I thinking that most of the women on these sites don't put out on the first date?

Actually, now that I think of it, some of the biggest whores I know go to church every week.

Wrong on the first part.

So, so right on the second part.

/Thanks God for giving so many women so many daddy issues.

//Come to papa, ladies; The Egg is here to make things all better for you.

///Amen!

That's the same stock image they used for the Christian sex book story. CNN is BORING.

/even more boring than Christian sex.

//I'm Christian, I can laugh at the stereotype. :p

Did God format that article so every sentence is a paragraph?

It always makes me groan when Christians start getting their own special separate group to do everything. For one thing, it's just someone profiting off of your pride ("Ooh, it's better cause it's a Christian gym!"), which in and of itself is a dangerous sin. For another thing, you as a Christian aren't supposed to be segregating yourself from the unwashed masses. You can't "save" the lost if you never hang out with them and act all superior when you do get around to gracing them with your random presence.

I don't know of any match service that doesn't include religious preference in their questionnaire. So if you're stupid enough to get duped by a service just because it has "Christian" in the title, you deserve what you get.

Also, please buy my Christian Cotton Socks. They're twice what you'd pay for regular socks, but your body is the Temple of God and your feet should be covered only in the Cotton of Christ.

Man, people believe in the stupidest sh*t.

Ennuipoet: Why am I thinking that most of the women on these sites don't put out on the first date?

Actually, now that I think of it, some of the biggest whores I know go to church every week.

I certainly hope you're not implying that "putting out" on a first date makes one a whore.

SDRR: Yea, and he is a cockblocking motherfarker.


/Hallowed be thy name

I came in here to say the same thing.

Had a atheist friend back in high school who would get real "christian" in a hurry if he thought it would help him get laid. Personally, I couldn't bring myself to go that low.

For a while I kept getting ads for Muslim dating sites. Is Allah trying to tell me something?

/has seen some very pretty girls wearing hijabs

Soul Mates, lol

I am sure there is one woman who is "perfect" for me out there...and now the downer for all the hopeless romantics...there are likely thousands of them. Love is also a product of time and circumstance. Love has to make sense if it is going to last. Yes, there probably is that swedish mathematician chick who plays metal guitar in her free time, or that quiet bookish cute philosophy chick you get busy in a library with while reading Voltaire, or that wild free-spirited hippie chick who you run through fields or wildflowers with, or that incredibly brilliant asian women in a biomedical research lab working to save lives, etc.

They all exist out there. The key thing is finding the right person at the right time in the right place and them feeling the same in a mutually reinforcing way. All the probabilities collapse into one reality. And even then we frequently get it wrong and have to throw our hats back into the ring again. Just keep dancing...

Are you Muslims feeling out? Here's a dating site for you. Link (new window)
/I join these types of site to troll

Lone Stranger: God told me to fark your wife and Mom. /at the same time

Careful

==================================================================
T H E T O P 5 L I S T
Jalapenos $1 extra
TopFive.com -- The Web's Best Original Humor
==================================================================


January 6, 2012

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Ah, threesomes... every man's dream
-- and that of many women as well.
But they don't always go perfectly, do they?


The Top 5 Signs You're Having Bad Threesome


5> Every time you and your buddy get kinda rough with the girl,
she needs to be patched and reinflated.

4> Edward's sparkliness makes Jacob's claws come out at the
least opportune times.

3> While it's *technically* a threesome, your wife and her boss
are in Vegas and you're participating via webcam.

2> The biggest breasts there are also the hairiest.


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Having Bad Threesome...


1> Your mom keeps telling you to "Sit up straight!"

Ennuipoet: Why am I thinking that most of the women on these sites don't put out on the first date?

Actually, now that I think of it, some of the biggest whores I know go to church every week.

The name of the game is Sin and Redemption. Can't have one without the other.