This is going to be the most awesome amateur bobsled track EVER.

twobux: "Um, let me have one of those porno magazines... a large box of condoms... a bottle of Old Harper... a couple of those panty shields... andsomeillegalfireworks... and one of those disposable enemas. Ah, make it two."

One is the K Y lubricant for?

RedEmily: One is the K Y lubricant for?

dammit

Should be: What is the K Y lubricant for?

RedEmily: One is the K Y lubricant for?

The ass.

So how did she manage to fit two Republicans in her diaper bag?

"Using one bottle of K-Y lubricant, Johnson allegedly concealed 17 cans of baby formula, two douches, three toothbrushes, one bottle of K-Y lubricant, one bottle of shaving gel and one Lysol refill into a her black diaper bag"

Sure, because if you're stealing 17 cans of baby formula, you obviously need lube, too. And douche. And Lysol.

Guess somebody's planning a big weekend.

That's a big johnson.

/who cares, steal on, no one gives a sh*t.

I see the Dr Strangelove good time in vegas angle is covered. I guess I'll take the Austin Powers its not my bag baby angle.

What have the Romans ever done for us?!

She was on her way to the gang bang and had to shoplift some baby formula while she was there.

Now that's what I call a good time!

Sounds like your average Wednesday to me, minus the ball gag, rubber hose, and horse tranquilizers. If she wasn't stealing it, this would be a non-story.

UberDave: markie_farkie: BKITU: .. one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings.

Shoot, looks like your weekend in Vegas is pretty well planned out!

Either that or he's going nuclear bomb ridin'!

The original plan was Dallas, then Kennedy went and got shot.

I thought the "Walmart game" limits you to three items?

/cheater

I need this to have a good weekend in Vegas.

One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled. One black suit jacket, one pair black suit pants. One hat: black. One pair of sunglasses. 23 dollars and 7 cents. Sign here.

She still needed to stock up on lye, cause you can't dissolve the limbs without lye.

rebelyell2006: So how did she manage to fit two Republicans in her diaper bag?

Common Farkus Libtardus: A ubiquitous animal found mostly on the forums of FARK. Demonstrates the ability to turn any topic, no matter how inane or humorous, into an insult toward its opposition (see: common farkus pubtardus). Can usually be identified by its cry of whargarbl. Usually travels in packs as it has trouble with confrontation without large groups for support. Favorite forms of camoflauge include denial and redirection. Though many people find the CFL desirable for its perceived uniqueness, opponents have noted that the animal has no real attributes of distinctiveness. Most advocates of meaningful discussion will cite the CFL as harmful to effective communication.

BKITU: ... one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings.

... And a paaartrige in a pear tree!

Jake Havechek: RedEmily: One is the K Y lubricant for?

The ass.

If she did this earlier, she wouldn't have needed the damn formula and could have squirreled away some Wild Turkey instead.

"Lee Harvey, you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with you, cowboy. If the two of us together, forget it"

"...and then she said 'The egg beater is fine, but the ferret and the guy in the Mario costume have to go'."

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Sure, because if you're stealing 17 cans of baby formula, you obviously need lube, too. And douche. And Lysol.

Guess somebody's planning a big weekend.

She's just planning ahead. The lube, douche and lysol are for the preparation of what goes into the hole. The baby food is for what will come out.

buckler: What have the Romans ever done for us?!

they gave us garum

twobux: "Um, let me have one of those porno magazines... a large box of condoms... a bottle of Old Harper... a couple of those panty shields... andsomeillegalfireworks... and one of those disposable enemas. Ah, make it two."

I don't know what you have planned for tonight but count me out!

KY... for lubricating a certain area after childbirth has made it terribly sore?

Baby formula... for feeding to an infant

Douches... again for taking care of a female area... possibly after child birth.

Shaving gel... again for taking care of a female area and making sure that hair doesn't get stuck in any healing wounds, say like a healing episiotomy.

Toothbrushes... for personal hygiene.

Lysol... for cleaning and disinfecting. Say, for where you want your newborn infant to sleep.

I'm not saying this chick isn't a moron for stealing... but it sounds like she's trying to take care of a newborn infant to me. If the kid is very lucky, it'll get a caring foster home out of the deal. Unlikely, but good luck, kiddo.

Just thought I'd provide a visual reference for all this stuff. You know, to put things in perspective.

"there I was, tied up to her bed. Had my body smeared in baby oil. She walked in to the bedroom with a saddle and a set of jumper cables."

How did that add up to $300? Were they the gallon sized baby formulas?

Pardon me, sir, but I lost my I.D. in... in a flood and I'd like to get some Old Harper, hard stuff. Would you mind buying a bottle for me?